Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Friday August 31, 2012. We all fail sometimes…….

We all fail sometimes. But there’s something about failing with style.
Here are some of the best test paper blunders from the most
clueless – and inventive – of students.

* Classical Studies * Question: Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin

* Biology * Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie

* Classical Studies * Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar’s death?
Answer: Suspicious ones

* Biology * Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease
Answer: Early death

* Biology * Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television

* Religious Studies * Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony

* Physics * Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels.
Answer: Fire

* Geography * Question: What does the term “lava” mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar

* Geography * Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria

* Geography * Question: Name one famous Greek landmark
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse

* History * Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Memorial weekend people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A federal watchdog agency says that overlapping and duplicate programs
waste billions of dollars each year. Congress is taking this study so seriously
that they’re ordering a second study to look into it.” -Jay Leno

“Everyone is talking about the voice-control TV. It’s TV that you control with
your voice instead of the back-breaking work of pressing buttons on the remote.” -Craig Ferguson

“A new study found that kids who work more than 20 hours a week at a
job are more likely to get bad grades. On the other hand, China.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My father and I belong to the religion of Sikhism. We both wear the traditional turban and often
encounter strange comments and questions. Once, in a restaurant, a child stared with amazement
at my father. She finally got the courage to ask, “Are you a genie?” Her mother, caught off guard,
turned red in the face and apologized for the remark. But my dad took no offense and decided to
humor the child. He replied, “Why, yes I am. I can grant you three wishes.”
The child’s mother blurted out, “Really?”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?”
“Well, that would be hard to say, sir. They’re each outstanding in their own way.”

Answer: Animal House! In this scene Faber College Dean Vernon Wormer (John Vernon) is discussing with Omega fraternity house president Greg Marmalard (James Daughton) various bad influences on the Faber College campus, and asks Greg line one. Greg beats around the bush by answering with line two. But Dean Wormer already knows the answer to his question: It’s Delta house, notorious for drunken parties, pranks and abysmally-low school grades. The dean summarizes their contributions to Faber College life as, “Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.” There are so many good quotes in this movie, it’s hard to choose! Here are a few more: “My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.” “Better listen to him, Flounder, he’s in pre-med.” “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” Director John Landis confirmed he threw beer bottles near the actors during filming in some interior Delta house scenes to add some “flavor” to the scene!

“Animal House” won a 1979 People’s Choice award but no Oscars. The screenplay for this movie was co-written by Doug Kenny, Harold Ramis and Chris Miller. Co-writer Chris Miller’s own fraternity experiences were the basis of several published stories starting in 1974, and these were turned into the movie. Co-writer Kenny played Stork in the movie (he has the memorable line, “What should we do, you moron?” and leads the marching band down an alley at the homecoming parade at the end of the movie). John Blutarsky, who has the dubious distinction of having a grade average of 0.0, is memorably played by John Belushi.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Anybody know this joint?” “Yeah, sure, I do. It’s perfect for us. A small family place, good food. Everyone minds his business. It’s perfect. Pete, they got an old-fashion’ toilet — you know, the box, and – and – and – ah the chain thing. We might be able to tape the gun behind it.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Change the position of just one of the words below so that all the words are in an alphabetical sequence:
llama, phoenix, hyena, alligator, beaver, elephant, tortoise, antelope

ANSWER: Antelope. Move it from the end to the beginning; the initial letters will then spell ALPHABET

Friday’s Quizzlers is……….
Can you identify the following songs and their artists?

1) Refrain from halting, the first person, immediately.
by Female monarch.

2) Multiple timepieces.
by Low temperature, stage production.

3) Unbleached, natural sweetener.
by Perpetual motion of small rock.

4) Sugary infant, belonging to me.
by Firearms & thorny plants.

5) Refrain from remaining, on your feet, near myself.
by Poisoned insect injection.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in NEXT TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com., http://www.Beaumont77.com., ww.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Thursday August 30, 2012. Creative communicate with People…..
HE/SHE is/was………

1. A few crumbs short of a crouton.

2. A few clowns short of a circus.

3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

4. A few beers short of a six-pack.

5. A few peas short of a casserole.

6. The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.

7. All foam, no beer.

8. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

9. Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.

10. Her sewing machine’s out of thread.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Without tenderness, a man is uninteresting.”
– Marlene Dietrich

“A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.”
– Sir Francis Bacon

“Never chase a lie. Let it alone, and it will run itself to death.”
– Lyman Beecher

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Freelance newspaper writers don’t get nearly as much attention as writers with regular bylines.
So I was delighted when I finally got some notice. It was at the bank, and I was depositing a stack of checks.
“Wow,” said the teller, reading off the names of publishers from the tops of the checks. “You must deliver a lot of papers.”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You’re not going to use the story, Mr. Scott?”
“No, sir. This is the west, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.”

Answer: The Man who Shot Liberty Valance! In this scene newspaper reporter Maxwell Scott (Carleton Young) has finished listening to a story (told with flashbacks) by U.S. Senator Ransom Stoddard (James Stewart) as to who actually killed the town bully in the small western town of Shinbone named Liberty Valence (Lee Marvin). Legend has it that Senator Stoddard (then a young attorney) had killed him in a gunfight, but the story Stoddard has just told is that his friend Tom Doniphon (John Wayne) fired at the same time and that it was he who actually killed him. After the story is finished, the reporter crumples up his notes and throws the paper in a nearby stove. A surprised Senator Stoddard then asks line one and the reporter replies with line two. “The Man who Shot Liberty Valance” tells the story of an aging U.S. Senator who comes back to the town of Shinbone (where he had started out as a young lawyer) to attend the funeral of his old friend, Tom Doniphon. A local reporter smells a story and presses Stoddard for an interview. Stoddard then tells him the story of how Liberty Valence was really shot.

In the 1963 Academy Awards “The Man who Shot Liberty Valance” was nominated for one Oscar but did not win. It did win several minor awards. This movie was directed by John Ford, who had previously won or been nominated for Academy Awards in “The Quiet Man” (1952), “How Green Was My Valley” (1941), “The Grapes of Wrath” (1940), “The Long Voyage Home” (1940), “Stagecoach” (1939) and “The Informer” (1935), but he did not win one for this one (although I thought it was pretty good). This is the only movie in which John Wayne uses the word “pilgrim” to refer to a tenderfoot, although that word is frequently associated with Wayne.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?”
“Well, that would be hard to say, sir. They’re each outstanding in their own way.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Each group of words below is a commonly known phrase. Try to guess what that phrase is.
1.The total entity of substances which exhibit a reflection of light particles in awesome profusion are not necessarily composed of a soft, yellow metallic substance.
2. A couple offers possibility of camaraderie, while trebly aggregates often have the appearances of a multitude.
3. A member of the class of Aves that energizes rapidly from a state of nocturnal hibernation is able to seize by force or stratagem the lumbrious terristris.
4. Homosapiens who inhabit abodes composed of pellucid substances containing silicon materials should be prudent of casting hard cobbles.

ANSWER: 1. All that glitters is not gold.
2. Two’s company, three’s a crowd.
3. The early bird gets the worm.
4. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….
Change the position of just one of the words below so that all the words are in an alphabetical sequence:
llama, phoenix, hyena, alligator, beaver, elephant, tortoise, antelope
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING WEDNESDAYS QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! WAY2GO LADIES!

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com., http://www.Beaumont77.com., ww.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Wednesday August 29, 2012. Pondering……Again!

Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know what time it is,
but they don’t point to their pants when they need to ask where the restroom is?

Why are there no pictures of “no flash photography” signs?

Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?

Why is is it called a roach clip? It should be called a pot holder.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Why do doctors leave the room when you get undressed? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

Why does a pizza get to the house faster than an ambulance?

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”, but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s the extra penny?

Why is the original text in a document called “copy”?

Why do drug stores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescription,
but smokers can get their cigarettes up front?

Why is the small size of a candy bar the “fun size”? It’s more fun to eat a big candy bar.

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why are there handicap parking places in front of the skating rink?

Why doesn’t whoop-ass doesn’t come in bottles?

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and then a diet coke?

Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making
them the world’s oldest divorced couple. It’s got to be weird when a divorce
lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.” -Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new study, people with liberal arts degrees are experiencing much
higher rates of joblessness. So for all of you Greeks classics majors out there, the
sweet ride is finally over.” -Conan O’Brien

“Dunkin’ Donuts is doubling the amount of locates in the United States. Remember
when this country used to make steel and automobiles and now it’s crullers, jelly
doughnuts, and munchkins?” -David Letterman

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique
treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.
At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain
things to the clerk. “Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.” As I was leaving, the next customer
plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Mama. What’s vacation?” “Vacation’s when you go somewhere… and you never come back.”

Answer: Forrest Gump! In this scene young Forrest Gump (Michael Conner Humphreys) is asking his mother why his father is absent from his life with line one, and Mrs. Gump (Sally Field) explains his father went on “vacation,” and then explains what that means with line two. The movie follows the life of low-I.Q. Forrest as he interacts with some of the most important people and events in America from the late 1950s through the 1970s and his encounters with the love of his life, Jenny (played as a young girl by Hanna Hall and as an adult by Robin Wright). The scene where the adult Forrest and Jenny embrace in the water during a Vietnam War protest rally is one of the best “feel-good” movie moments I can recall seeing.

In the 1995 Academy Awards “Forrest Gump” won six Oscars, including Best Picture and Tom Hanks for Best Actor in a Leading Role for his portrayal of Forrest Gump as an adult. Gary Sinise was nominated for Best Actor in a Supporting Role for his portrayal of Lt. Dan, but did not win. The movie also won or was nominated for more than 60 other awards! In a “Biography Channel” bio of Tom Hank’s career there was this great scene: Hanks, who had won a Best Actor Oscar for the movie “Philadelphia” the previous year, said (in his best Forrest Gump voice), “And then they invited me back to the Academy Awards, again, and they gave me the Best Actor award, again.”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You’re not going to use the story, Mr. Scott?”
“No, sir. This is the west, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you break this code?
Shift three. Caps lock one. Shift six. Tab six. Tab nine. Tab seven. Tab four. Tab three. Caps lock one. Caps lock three.
Tab five. Caps lock six. Tab eight. Caps lock two. Shift 10.

ANSWER: It spells out “Can you read this?” Use your keyboard like a grid. Tab, caps lock and shift are the vertical side of the grid and one through nine are the horizontal side of the grid. For example shift five would be B.

Wednesday’s Quizzlers is……….
Each group of words below is a commonly known phrase. Try to guess what that phrase is.

1.The total entity of substances which exhibit a reflection of light particles in awesome profusion are not necessarily composed of a soft, yellow metallic substance.

2. A couple offers possibility of camaraderie, while trebly aggregates often have the appearances of a multitude.

3. A member of the class of Aves that energizes rapidly from a state of nocturnal hibernation is able to seize by force or stratagem the lumbrious terristris.

4. Homosapiens who inhabit abodes composed of pellucid substances containing silicon materials should be prudent of casting hard cobbles.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com., http://www.Beaumont77.com., ww.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Tuesday August 28, 2012. More Daffynitions…
Octopus: An eight-sided cat.
Onosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Out of Bounds: An exhausted kangaroo.
Oyster: A person who sprinkles his conversations with Yiddishisms.
Parachute: A double barreled shotgun.
Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pedestrian: A motorist with two or more children of driving age.
Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking an electronic device to get it to work again.
Perfect Pitch: When you throw a banjo in a dumpster and it didn’t hit the sides.
Petranoid: Someone who is both petrified and paranoid. Usually a mother.
Pharmacist:: A helper on the farm.
Phonecrastinate: To put off answering the phone until caller ID identifies the caller.
Pokemon: A Rastafarian proctologist.
Polarize: What penguins see with.
Porcupine: A craving for bacon.
Posse: A Wild West cat.
Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Raisin: Grape with a sunburn.
Rectitude: The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Relief: What trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.
Safecracker: A cracker without caviar on it.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size six.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.
Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Stalemate: An old spouse.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
Subdued: Like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed: Bringing litigation against a government official.
Swipeout: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Syndrome: Committing wrongdoing in the Vatican.
Syntax: Money in the collection plate.
Testicle: A funny question on an examination.
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.
Ukraine: A female sheep lifting device.
Vocabularian: A person who makes up new words.
Will: A dead giveaway.
Willy-nilly: Impotent.
Wrinkles: Something other people have. You have character lines.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.
Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Divers off the coast of Italy have discovered a 2,000-year-old shipwreck that is
so well-preserved, even the food is intact. The food was carefully extracted from
the wreck and served at the nearest Olive Garden.” -Conan O’Brien

“New research found that people who wake up early are more productive than
people who sleep in. Or as Congress put it, ‘Whoa is it noon already?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A survey found that 61 percent of people are more afraid of outliving their money
than dying. The other 39 percent have already outlived their money and have faked
their own death to avoid creditors.” -Jay Leno

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My sister is a know-it-all who bristles at anyone’s well-intentioned advice. But when
our older sister gave her several clever tips, she was impressed. “I have to hand it to Pat,”
she told me. “She really is smart. Not Jeopardy! smart; more Wheel of Fortune smart.

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Ha! I could just see Little and Large prancing around Sheffield with their widges hanging out. Now that WOULD be worth 10 quid.” “Don’t be so bloody daft. We were just saying…” “Widges on parade! Bring your own microscope!”

Answer: The Full Monty! In this scene unemployed former steelworkers Gerald (Tom Wilkinson), Gaz (Robert Carlyle) and several of their former workmates are in a Job Centre in Sheffield, England, where they are supposed to be trying to find new jobs. However, Gerald is the only one making an effort. The conversation (by everyone except Gerald) turns to how the male stripper group The Chippendales was selling about a thousand tickets at 10 quid each for a local show (quid is British slang for an English pound). When one of Gaz’s friends says that he thought they could do that, Gerald explodes in laughter and says line one. Gaz tries to explain with line two and Gerald continues with line three. “The Full Monty” tells the story of how six unemployed former steel workers form a male striptease act in order to make some money, even though their dancing skills are minimal and their physiques are less than impressive. In order to help sell tickets, they claim they will go “the full monty” (British slang for the whole thing, i.e., total nudity).

In the 1998 Academy Awards, “The Full Monty” was nominated in four categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “Titanic”). It did win one Oscar (for Best Music, Original Musical or Comedy Score). Executives at the movie studio handling US distribution for “The Full Monty” initially found the title mystifying since nobody in the film is named Monty.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Mama. What’s vacation?” “Vacation’s when you go somewhere… and you never come back.”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
On a hot summer day by a lake you are determined to build a boat made of ice, using a refrigeration unit and a large mold in which you can pour water. Nearby you notice an Egyptian mummy resting on a pile of wood pulp. What is the best strategy for building an ice boat that will not melt before you sail it across the lake?

ANSWER: Forget about the mummy. Add the wood pulp to the water and freeze the mixture. The resulting solid, called pykrete, will have incredibly useful properties. For example, several decades ago Geoffrey Nathaniel Pyke (1894-1948) showed that the frozen mixture was extremely hard to break and very slow to melt. If a ship were made of pykrete, it would be unsinkable; torpedoes could hit it and do little damage. Pykrete has a crush resistance of greater that 3,000 pounds per square inch. A 1-inch column of pykrete can support an automobile. The wood pulp also makes the pykrete extremely stable at high temperatures. If a .303 caliber bullet is fired at the pykrete, it will penetrate only 6.5 inches. The United States and Canada were so impressed with the idea of assembling pykrete warships that a 60-foot-long, 1,000-ton pykrete ship was built in one month on a Canadian lake and never melted through the hot summer.

 

Tuesday’s Quizzlers is……….
Can you break this code?

Shift three. Caps lock one. Shift six.

Tab six. Tab nine. Tab seven.

Tab four. Tab three. Caps lock one. Caps lock three.

Tab five. Caps lock six. Tab eight. Caps lock two. Shift 10.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com., http://www.Beaumont77.com., ww.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Monday August 27, 2012. Whats in a Name?
I find it truly amazing how many different ways people can pronounce my name! My comedian friend calls me Uncle Liquid and heaven help me should I manage to appear at one of his comedy shows! My niece Zoe who is two or three years old can only pronounce my name as uncle Leuclid, at least she got the back part of it right! My nephew who is almost 7 or 8 used to just call me uncle until one day last year when he pulled up next to me as I was sitting on the couch and mentioned to me that after all this time he still didn’t know my name! I guess that’s why he just called me uncle. People have found a million ways to pronounce my name, you can’t imagine who they ask for when the free marketing or service people call my house, perhaps one day I’ll publish a list of the many different ways to pronounce the name Euclid! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn’t sell much — just an occasional sun visor.
Groucho Marx

TV is now so desperately hungry for material that they’re scraping the top of the barrel.
Gore Vidal

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henry Youngman

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting one in a fruit salad.
Unknown

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” The dog replied, “but that would make no sense at all!”

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “This could be the worst disaster NASA’s ever faced.”
“With all due respect, sir, I believe this is gonna be our finest hour.”

Answer: Apollo 13
This scene starts with an ominous transmission from the Apollo 13 spacecraft: “Houston, we have a problem.” The Houston command center realizes trouble on board the spacecraft may prevent its safe return to earth and the NASA Director (Joe Spano) says this first line. Optimistic co-worker Gene Kranz (Ed Harris) replies with the second line. This movie is based on the true story of the ill-fated 13th Apollo mission bound for the moon. America has already achieved their lunar landing goal (by Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin in 1969), so there’s little interest in this “routine” flight. That is, until things go very wrong, and prospects of a safe return fade. “Apollo 13” was nominated for Best Picture in the 1996 Academy Awards but lost out to “Braveheart.”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Ha! I could just see Little and Large prancing around Sheffield with their widges hanging out. Now that WOULD be worth 10 quid.” “Don’t be so bloody daft. We were just saying…” “Widges on parade! Bring your own microscope!”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Each of the clues below describe the name of a candy. Can you name them? Example: Galaxy would be a Milky Way.
1. Sign of affection, 2. Favorite day for working people, 3. Can’t hold on to anything, 4. Famous swashbuckling trio
5. Sun explosions
ANSWER: 1. Kisses, 2. Payday, 3. Butterfingers, 4. 3 Musketeers, 5. Starbursts

 

Monday’s Quizzlers is……….
On a hot summer day by a lake you are determined to build a boat made of ice, using a refrigeration unit and a large mold in which you can pour water. Nearby you notice an Egyptian mummy resting on a pile of wood pulp. What is the best strategy for building an ice boat that will not melt before you sail it across the lake?

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD AND ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! GREAT SOLVING LADIES!

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com., http://www.Beaumont77.com., ww.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Friday August 24, 2012. The Subject of WOMEN’S Mustaches
There I’ve gone and talked about the forbidden subject women’s mustachessss. Yes it’s true all women have some type of hair growth on that top lip just like men. Some women even have beards, they just don’t want to talk about them. I’ve seen all types, why some women even wear them trimmed which amazes me and totally draws my eye to the lined mustache. It’s such an item that I walk away focused only on the trimmed mustache, and forgetting whom I was even talking too! Now don’t get me wrong, there are quite a few women who do a get job keeping that hair off of the top lip, but rest assured ladies the peach fuzz is still there and guess what? We know it’s there, we just don’t choose to talk about it! It is a man’s unwritten law NOT TO NOTICE a women’s mustache. Almost like the scene in Austin Powers movie where the guy has a mole, Austin Power’s attention is drawn to it and he shouts mole, mole, mole, there are some times when men look at a women’s mustache and want to shout to the world, mustache, mustache, mustache, but we don’t! As men we are dedicated to protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against mustache Americans by promoting the growth, care and culture of the mustache. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Weekend people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you. And she never did.
James Fineous McBride

Reduce Check-in Line Ups. Fly Naked!

Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.
Daniel J. Boorstin

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they’re going to catch you in next.
Franklin P. Jones

The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his border collie to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them and runs back to the farmer. The farmer says, “How many?” The dog says, “40.” The farmer is surprised and says, “How can there be 40 – I only bought 38!” The dog says, “I rounded them up.”

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I seen a wolf in everybody I ever met and I see a wolf in you.”
“Like a wolf, huh? You never seen a wolf in your life”

Answer: Moonstruck! In this scene Loretta Castorini (Cher) goes into the Sweetheart Liquor Store to buy a bottle of champagne and the middle-age couple behind the counter are in middle of a discussion. She says the first line and her husband replies with the second line. Then he adds, “You know what I see in you, Lotte? The girl I married.” She is caught off guard and blushes. Loretta smiles on her way out. “Moonstruck” was nominated for Best Picture in the 1988 Academy Awards but lost out to “The Last Emperor.” Cher won an Oscar for Best Actress in a Leading Role for her portrayal of Loretta Castorini and Olympia Dukakis won one for Best Actress in a Supporting Role for her portrayal of Loretta’s mother Rose. Vincent Gardenia was nominated for Best Actor in a Supporting Role for his role as Loretta’s father Cosmo, but lost to Sean Connery in “The Untouchables.” “Moonstruck” is another one of my all-time favorites.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “This could be the worst disaster NASA’s ever faced.”
“With all due respect, sir, I believe this is gonna be our finest hour.”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Which of the following does not belong in the group?
Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, Papeye, Poopeye
ANSWER: PAPEYE, All the others are the names of Popeye’s four nephews.

 

Friday’s Quizzlers is……….
Each of the clues below describe the name of a candy. Can you name them? Example: Galaxy would be a Milky Way.

1. Sign of affection
2. Favorite day for working people
3. Can’t hold on to anything
4. Famous swashbuckling trio
5. Sun explosions
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com., http://www.Beaumont77.com., ww.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Thursday August 23, 2012. Why Men are Happier #2

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need – but it’s on sale.

WEDDINGS
Wedding dress $5000.
Tux rental $100.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
People who use unattributable and obviously made-up quotes to make some
clever point on the internet are the absolute worst. — Anonymous

The fabrication of Oscar Wilde quotes is among the noblest of endeavors. — Oscar Wilde

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but the living room in your fortified compound. — Kurt Vonnegut

Wear sunscreen. — Count Dracula

The use of CGI for Green Lantern’s costume is, frankly, a bit distracting.
I wish they hadn’t done that. — David Ben-Gurion

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence.

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You are such a boor.” [he misunderstands her comment, i.e., the following spelling change is correct] “A boar? I am no boar!”

Answer: Tom Jones! In this scene London resident Miss Western (Edith Evans) encounters her country farmer brother (Hugh Griffith) sprawled on a haystack and says the first line. He misunderstands her comment and replies with the second. She considers him an uncouth country bumpkin. He considers her a citified busybody. This hilarious movie tells the story of Tom Jones (played as a young adult by a young Albert Finney), a child of unknown parentage who is raised as a gentleman in 18th century England. In the 1964 Academy Awards “Tom Jones” won four Oscars, including Best Picture. “Tom Jones” is one of my all-time favorites (the version with Albert Finney, Susannah York, and Hugh Griffith).

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I seen a wolf in everybody I ever met and I see a wolf in you.”
“Like a wolf, huh? You never seen a wolf in your life”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
How quickly can you find out what is so unusual about this paragraph? It looks so ordinary that you would think that nothing is wrong with it at all, and, in fact, nothing is. But it is unusual. Why? If you study it and think about it, you may find out, but I am not going to assist you in any way. You must do it without coaching. No doubt, if you work at it for long, it will dawn on you. Who knows? Go to work and try your skill. Par is about half an hour.
ANSWER: The letter `e` , which is the most used letter in the alphabet, is missing from this paragraph.

 

Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….
Which of the following does not belong in the group?

Pipeye
Peepeye
Pupeye
Papeye
Poopeye
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com., http://www.Beaumont77.com., ww.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.