Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it’s like camping.
Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
Laugh loudly and carry a big stick of butter. — Paula Deen
Who’s on first are belong to us. — Bud Abbott & Lou Costello
That’s not a quote! This is a quote! — Crocodile Dundee
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. — Thomas Edison
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you. — Albert Einstein
I’ve got a bad feeling about this. — Albert Camus
One misquote is one too many already! — Caesar Augustus
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
“I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “If you build it, he will come.”
Answer: Field of Dreams! Ray Kinsella hears a voice that tell him, “If you build it, he will come.” He begins to think that he should build a baseball field in the middle of his farm. While his wife is skeptical, she lets him go on with his dream, in spite of the risks of going bankrupt. Did you know? The character of Terence Mann was based on author J.D. Salinger. Also, the field still exists. People still travel to Dyersville, Iowa to play ball.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Now, you’ve got a corpse in a car, minus a head, in a garage. Take me to it.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What am I?
You may praise your good fortune and curse all you hate,
Yet I rule all your chaos and gamble your fate.
By some I’m avoided by others I’m game,
Called by fat or slim, my meaning’s the same.
ANSWER: Chance .. the luck of the draw in life! We praise it when it goes our way and curse it when it doesn’t .. some avoid risk and others gamble at every chance .. There is no difference between a fat chance and a slim chance .. Good luck in life!
Friday’s Quizzlers is……….
Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.
1. White heron
2. Provide gear
3. Eyed suggestively
4. Dog’s lead
5. Alphabetical reference
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! INCREDIBLE SOLVING BANKS!
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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