Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Friday June 29, 2012. Men’s Rules…Again…….
Women should learn these……..

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it’s like camping.

Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 
QUOTES OF THE DAY

Laugh loudly and carry a big stick of butter. — Paula Deen

Who’s on first are belong to us. — Bud Abbott & Lou Costello

That’s not a quote! This is a quote! — Crocodile Dundee

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. — Thomas Edison

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you. — Albert Einstein

I’ve got a bad feeling about this. — Albert Camus

One misquote is one too many already! — Caesar Augustus

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
“I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “If you build it, he will come.”
Answer: Field of Dreams! Ray Kinsella hears a voice that tell him, “If you build it, he will come.” He begins to think that he should build a baseball field in the middle of his farm. While his wife is skeptical, she lets him go on with his dream, in spite of the risks of going bankrupt. Did you know? The character of Terence Mann was based on author J.D. Salinger. Also, the field still exists. People still travel to Dyersville, Iowa to play ball.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Now, you’ve got a corpse in a car, minus a head, in a garage. Take me to it.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

What am I?

You may praise your good fortune and curse all you hate,

Yet I rule all your chaos and gamble your fate.

By some I’m avoided by others I’m game,

Called by fat or slim, my meaning’s the same.

ANSWER: Chance .. the luck of the draw in life! We praise it when it goes our way and curse it when it doesn’t .. some avoid risk and others gamble at every chance .. There is no difference between a fat chance and a slim chance .. Good luck in life!

Friday’s Quizzlers is……….
Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.

Group A

A. Shale

B. Pique

C. Nixed

D. Greet

E. Lodge

Group B

1. White heron

2. Provide gear

3. Eyed suggestively

4. Dog’s lead

5. Alphabetical reference

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! INCREDIBLE SOLVING BANKS!

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com.,

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http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

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WELCOME to Thursday June 28, 2012. Wit and Wisdom……

It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches.

Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.

Is it just me, or does anybody else find pressing F5 refreshing?

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from. Then it dawned on me.

In high school, I was in the French club. All we would do is occasionally surrender to the German club.

The worst bar I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle. It really was a vile inn.

I just want to thank the girl who ran with me for the last few thousand feet in the marathon
yesterday, not wearing a sports bra. Your lack of support got me through.

I used to be quite good at wordplay. Once a pun a time.

Everything is easier said than done. Except for talking, that’s about the same.

Don’t worry about infringing on corporate trademarks, Just Do It.

I told my buddy that, in order to get laid, I’d promised my girlfriend that I’d marry her
in the summer. He said, “July?” I said, “Of course I did.”

Failure is at the end of the path of least persistence.

Shouldn’t the Air and Space Museum be empty?

Somebody called me ‘pretentious’ the other day. I nearly choked on my latte.

I spent some time at my wife’s grave earlier. She’s not dead – she thinks I’m digging a pond.

What do houseflies and Mac users have in common? Neither of them understand how Windows work.

92% of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.

Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot.
Like anyone goes, ‘Oh, he’s good. I like his work.'” –David Spade

“Correspondence schools are full of it. I saw an ad where they claimed
they could teach you veterinarian medicine thought the mail. Hate to
be a dog in that house. “Mail’s here!” “Yip, yip, yip!” Talk about being a
regular in the pet store, “Hey, didn’t I already sell you a puppy?” –Drew Carey

“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a “learning experience.”
Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a “learning
experience.” It makes me feel less stupid.” –P. J. O’Rourke

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself
with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a
quick solution. “I’ll put down newspapers.” “It’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
Answer: Monty Python and the Holy Grail! John Cleese’s character stands in a castle, tossing out random insults to the British, including the classic, “I fart in your general direction!” He also convinces the English that they already possess the Holy Grail. Did you know? The cast was originally going to ride real horses, but they couldn’t fit it in the budget, forcing them to have people follow them, banging coconuts together. (Better that way, anyway, right?)

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “If you build it, he will come.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

In a sylasearch I give you a syllable-starter, which is the first syllable in the words you are to find. I will also give you a listing of the other syllables which you must use to figure out the 9 words.

Syllable List – cu, di, er ets, ist, lar, ni, ni, o, pen, phy, ra, ri , rou, sels, ter, tog, toon, val, vas, vore Syllable-starter: car How many syllables, each word has:

1. (2),

2. (3), 3. (3)
4. (3),

5. (3), 6. (3)
7. (3),

8. (4), 9. (6)

ANSWER: 1. Carets (car ets), 2. Carnival (car ni val), 3. Carnivore (car ni vore), 4. Carpenter (car pen ter)
5. Carrier (car ri er), 6. Carousels (car rou sels), 7. Cartoonist (car toon ist),8. Cartography (car tog ra phy)
9. Cardiovascular (car di o vas cu lar)
Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….

What am I?

You may praise your good fortune and curse all you hate,

Yet I rule all your chaos and gamble your fate.

By some I’m avoided by others I’m game,

Called by fat or slim, my meaning’s the same.

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com.,

http://www.Beaumont77.com., http://www.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/

http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Wednesday June 27, 2012.

The Top 10 Signs That It’s Time To Do The Laundry

1. You’re wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.

2. You’ve worn your sheets to school because you can’t get them off of you.

3. Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk.

4. Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie
“Outbreak” to avoid catching the Ebola virus.

5. The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.

6. The DEA’s drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench
makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.

7. Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.

8. The phrase “Wash Me” is visibly written in your jeans.

9. Your red T-shirt is now green.

10. The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company’s casual days does not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins.

Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Wednesday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“No man ever listened himself out of a job.”
– Calvin Coolidge

“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.”
– John F. Kennedy

“You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.”
– Al Capone

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

There was a fire at a Basque restaurant, but there was only one way out of the restaurant. Many people were injured in the stampede. The moral of this story: Don’t put all your Basques in one exit.

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya punk?”

Answer: Dirty Harry! After firing six shots, Harry walks over to a wounded bank robber who’s reaching for his gun when he says this. The bank robber gives himself up, but tells Callahan he has to know. Harry fires the empty gun at him and takes him in. Did you know? Paul Newman, John Wayne, and Steve McQueen all turned down the role of “Dirty” Harry Callahan.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Once there was a night watchman who had been caught several times sleeping on the job. The boss issued the final warning. On the next night he was caught with his head on his hand and his elbows on the desk.

“Aha, I’ve caught you again,” exclaimed the boss. The watchman’s eyes popped open immediately and he knew what had happened. Being a quick thinking man, he said one word before looking up at the boss. The boss apologized profusely and went home. What was the one word?
ANSWER: The one word was “AMEN”, thus making the Boss believe he was praying rather than sleeping.

Wednesday’s Quizzlers is……….

In a sylasearch I give you a syllable-starter, which is the first syllable in the words you are to find. I will also give you a listing of the other syllables which you must use to figure out the 9 words.

Syllable List – cu, di, er ets, ist, lar, ni, ni, o, pen, phy, ra, ri , rou, sels, ter, tog, toon, val, vas, vore

Syllable-starter: car

How many syllables, each word has:

1. (2)

2. (3)

3. (3)

4. (3)

5. (3)

6. (3)

7. (3)

8. (4)

9. (6)

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com.,

http://www.Beaumont77.com., http://www.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/

http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Tuesday June 26, 2012. Confucius Say…

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.

One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him.

Man who streaks is unsuited for his work.

Girl who does everything under the sun gets everything sunburned.

Man who places head in sand will get kicked in the end.

Man who gets too big for his britches may get exposed in the end.

Man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. (thanks to Ben Hiscock)

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratches rear should not bite fingernails.

Man who sinks into woman’s arms soon will find arms in woman’s sink.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Hourglasses are waste of time. (thanks to John Serventy)

Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ. (thanks to Juleen Dickins)

All men eat, but Fu Man Chu.

War doesn’t determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Girl who go camping must beware of evil intent.

If you want pretty nurse, you must be patient.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Modern house without toilet uncanny.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion.

Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“I hate driving, and I hate when people honk at me. Unless I’m
making a left turn. Then I like it because that’s how
I know it’s time to turn.” –Rita Rudner

“I had surgery this year. Nothing serious, thank God. But just
before I went under I heard the one thing you don’t want to hear,
‘Where’s my lucky scalpel?'” –Jonathan Katz

“Some things just aren’t funny. Beatings aren’t funny. Mimes aren’t funny.
But beating a mime – why is that so hilarious?” –Dave Attell

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A rather youthful Billy Joel was fascinated when he entered the Green Room at the Tonight Show and saw a group of matronly nuns hastily applying hair color to the noggin of the show’s next guest, Neil Young, whose agent offered an explanation from the corner of the room: “Only the good dye Young.”

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Boy, I got vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals.”

Answer: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid! Butch says this to Sundance after explaining that they should go to Bolivia, believing that it has better gold, silver and tin mines. Sundance has heard many of his somewhat ridiculous ideas before.
Did you know? Originally, Warren Beatty was supposed to play Butch, while Steve McQueen was slated to play the Sundance Kid.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya punk?”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Enter words into the following word chain such that each pair of words in the chain forms a compound word. No word can appear in the chain more than one time. Each “?” represents a missing word. Example: girl ? ? shape = girl friend ship shape = girlfriend friendship shipshape.

waist ? tail ? ? side ? ? fall ? ? down ? ? spring ? ? ? hole

ANSWER: waist coat tail gate way side arm pit fall out put down cast off spring time line man hole
Tuesday’s Quizzlers is……….

Once there was a night watchman who had been caught several times sleeping on the job. The boss issued the final warning. On the next night he was caught with his head on his hand and his elbows on the desk.  “Aha, I’ve caught you again,” exclaimed the boss. The watchman’s eyes popped open immediately and he knew what had happened. Being a quick thinking man, he said one word before looking up at the boss. The boss apologized profusely and went home. What was the one word?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com.,

http://www.Beaumont77.com., http://www.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/

http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Monday June 25, 2012. Merge-Matic Books….

Merge-Matic Books: Combine the works of two authors, and to provide a suitable description of the merged book.

“Machiavelli’s The Little Prince” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s classic children’s tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed.

“Green Eggs and Hamlet” – Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery.

“Where’s Walden?” – Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is always in the woods.

“Catch-22 in the Rye” – Holden learns that if you’re insane, you’ll probably flunk out of prep school, but if you’re flunking out of prep school, you’re probably not insane.

“2001: A Space Iliad” – The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.

“Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi” – Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove Rudyard Kipling’s theory that the mongoose first came to India on a raft from Polynesia.

“The Maltese Faulkner” – Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam’s struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil?

“Jane Eyre Jordan” – Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship.

“Looking for Mr. Godot” – A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter her life. She has a long wait.

“The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter” – An 18th-century English nobleman leads a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of post-Revolution France.

“Lorna Dune” – An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a giant worm jockey in order to impress her.

“The Remains of the Day of the Jackal” – A formal English butler puts his loyalty to his employer above all else, until he is persuaded to join a plot to assassinate Charles deGaulle.

“The Invisible Man of La Mancha” – Don Quixote discovers a mysterious elixir which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage of corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and all the while singing “To Fight the Invisible Man!” until he is finally stopped by a windmill.

“Of Three Blind Mice and Men” – Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked off by a psychopathic farmer’s wife. Did you ever see such a sight in your life?

“Planet of the Grapes of Wrath” – Astronaut lands on mysterious planet, only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who miraculously developed rudimentary technology and regained the ability to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation.

“Paradise Lost in Space” – Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil scientist, and two annoying children.

“The Exorstentialist” – Camus’ psychological thriller about a priest who casts out a demon by convincing it that there’s really no purpose to what it’s doing.

“Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities” – An ’80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice.

“Singing in the Black Rain” – A gang of vicious Japanese druglords beat the sh*t out of Gene Kelly.

“Fiddlemarch” – Emotionally dessicated medievalist Dr. Casaubon is transformed when everyone in the town reveals that they are Jewish and start to dance and sing a lot.

“A Time To Kill A Mockingbird” – The Alabama KKK, outraged at Atticus Finch for defending a black man in an Alabama rape trial, get revenge by abducting and molesting Scout. Jake Brigance and his lovely law student assistant Ellen Roark arrive from Mississippi to take over defending the case for the distraught Finch, and later defend sharpshooter Finch for taking revenge on the KKK members.

“Nicholas and Alexandra Nickleby” – Having narrowly escaped a Bolshevik firing squad, the former czar and czarina join a troupe of actors only to find that playing the Palace isn’t as grand as living in it.

“Tarzan of the Grapes” – The beleaguered Okies of the dust bowl are savedby a strong and brave savage who swings from grapevine to grapevine.

“Curious Georgefather” – The monkey finally sticks his nose where it don’t belong.

“The Hunchback Also Rises” – Hideously deformed fellow is cloistered in bell tower by despicable clergymen. And that’s the good news.

“The Silence of the Hams” – In this endearing update of the Seuss classic, young Sam-I-Am presses unconventional foodstuffs on his friend, Hannibal, who turns the tables.

“Portnoy’s Choice” – A man is forced to choose between his right and left hand.

Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Apparently the recession ended last June. So for those of you that are still
broke and without a job, it’s all in your head.” -Jay Leno

“A man wearing an Obama mask robbed a bank. Either that or Obama has
an exciting new plan to reduce the deficit.” -Conan O’Brien

“Instead of sending in a written resume, a man in California recently got a job
because of a YouTube video he made. As opposed to most people, who lose their
job because of a YouTube video they made.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all league records
were unfortunately lost, so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I’m your number one fan.”

Answer: Misery! Paul Sheldon wakes up hearing former nurse Annie Wilkes continuously saying this after he realizes that she has saved him from dying of hypothermia after crashing during a snowstorm. At first, Annie seems like an angel, but it doesn’t take long for Paul to realize that dying in the accident wouldn’t have been the worst thing… Did you know? Kathy Bates won an Oscar for her portrayal of Annie Wilkes in “Misery,” based on Stephen King’s best-seller.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Boy, I got vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Every single human, plant and animal has had one at some point on Earth Many things can cause you to lose it, but many things can be done to preserve it, it can be very painful and hard, but very enjoyable at the same time, sometimes other people take them, and sometimes people take their own, but many people try to improve theirs. What am I?

ANSWER: A Life!
Monday’s Quizzlers is……….

Enter words into the following word chain such that each pair of words in the chain forms a compound word. No word can appear in the chain more than one time. Each “?” represents a missing word. Example: girl ? ? shape = girl friend ship shape = girlfriend friendship shipshape.

waist ? tail ? ? side ? ? fall ? ? down ? ? spring ? ? ? hole

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS,MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPERJOB BANKS!

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com.,

http://www.Beaumont77.com., http://www.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/

http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Friday June 22, 2012.

Future Novelists… These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

“Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a really duck that was actually lame.
Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

Well that’s their story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Weekend people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY
The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you never know
if they are genuine. — Abraham Lincoln

When in doubt, attribute quotes to Mark Twain. — Mark Twain

The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something
and totally make up the source. — George Washington

People who use unattributable and obviously made-up quotes to
make some clever point on the internet are the absolute worst. — Anonymous

The fabrication of Oscar Wilde quotes is among the noblest of endeavors. — Oscar Wilde

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but the living room in your fortified compound. — Kurt Vonnegut

Wear sunscreen. — Count Dracula

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

There was a scare in the Middle East when famous political figure, Ali Ali was hospitalized because of a dangerously high amount of toxins in his bloodstream. After 5 hours of surgery and blood transfusions, everything is all right now because he is Ali Ali, toxin free.

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I love you. I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you. I guess maybe I’ve even loved you before I saw you.”

Answer: A Place in the Sun! George finally confesses his love for socialite Angela at a dance. Angela pulls him out to a balcony for privacy and admits that she feels the same way about him, and they pledge themselves to each other, promising to see each other all summer. Did you know? “A Place in the Sun” was based on the book, “An American Tragedy.” The film also provided Elizabeth Taylor with her first adult role.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I’m your number one fan.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

A brain chain, is a list of words, that are connected in one of four ways.

1. They rhyme. 2. They are synonyms. 3. They are anagrams 4. They differ by one letter. This example is a word chain: file, life, lice, slice, piece. Note: The first and last word of the chain are not connected. Make the following words into a brain chain. And just to make it harder, I added an extra word. Good Luck!

rough..vehicle..puff…fan

saint..buff..paint

van…rouge…angel

ANSWER: The chain is: vehicle, van, fan, buff, rough, rouge, paint, saint, angel Or backwards, of course.
The word that is extra, was “puff”
Friday’s Quizzlers is……….

Every single human, plant and animal has had one at some point on Earth

Many things can cause you to lose it,

but many things can be done to preserve it,

it can be very painful and hard,

but very enjoyable at the same time,

sometimes other people take them,

and sometimes people take their own,

but many people try to improve theirs. What am I?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com.,

http://www.Beaumont77.com., http://www.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/

http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

WELCOME to Thursday June 21, 2012. Did You Know?
The Chinese invented toilet paper in the fourteenth century, and the Bureau of Imperial Supplies began to produce paper
for use by the Chinese emperors However, it wasn’t until 1857 that the first factory-produced toilet paper was made,
by American Joseph Cayetty, who named his product “Therapeutic Paper” and sold it in packs of 500 sheets Cayetty’s
name was printed on each sheet. Before the invention of toilet paper, different areas of the world used many different things Public toilets in ancient Rome provided a moist sponge on the end of a stick, while the wealthy used wool and rosewater In Viking-occupied
England, discarded wool was used, while in the Middle Ages this had been replaced by hay balls.

In Hawaii, meanwhile, coconut husks were used, while the early Eskimos used snow and tundra moss Wealthy people around the world often used hemp and wool, with lace being used by the French royalty British lords used pages from books Poorer people used their hands, grass, stones, moss, seashells or wood shavings, while the use of water was also common around the world In India, the left hand was used to wash with, while in Africa it was the right hand The otherhand in each place was used to greet people, and it was considered rude to offer the incorrect hand In the U S , newspapers and telephone directories were commonly used, as were other books The Old Farmer’s Almanac was actually printed with a hole punched through the corner of each page so that it could be hung in outhouses, and the Sears catalogue was widely used until it was produced with glossy pages, after which its use as a hygiene product became unpopular Corncobs were also used in the United States.

Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, watch out for that handshake, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Grandparents complain that their families don’t call them. But in
their defense, a lot of the time that people call,
grandparents answer the blender.” -Craig Ferguson

“Cab drivers are now illegally overcharging you for made-up
charges. I was in a cab today and I was charged $11
for shipping and handling.” -David Letterman

“The University of Chicago is hosting an academic conference
called ‘Jersey Shore Studies.’ Meanwhile in Korea,
students are learning something called ‘math.'” -Jimmy Kimmel

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A woman’s three sons all leave home to seek their fortunes. Many years later they write to their old mom telling her that they have a successful cattle ranch and want her to come live with them. When she arrives, they proudly show her the ranch and ask her to name it for them, as they owe all their success to her. She thinks about it and tells them to call it Prism Ranch. Curious, they ask her why. “Because,” she replies, “that’s where the sons raise meat.”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “The story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.”

Answer: Some Like It Hot! Marilyn Monroe’s character, Sugar Kane, utters these words after explaining how she’s always getting left behind singing with male bands. She has decided to stick with female bands to get away from the heartache caused by falling in love and having everything taken away from her. Did you know? The movie was originally supposed to be called, “Not Tonight, Josephine!”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I love you. I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you. I guess maybe I’ve even loved you before I saw you.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Place the same pair of letters onto both sets of blanks to complete a common word. Each answer will have a different pair of letters.

1. F __ __ G __ __ N T

2. P A __ __ T __ __ G

3. __ __ C K L I __ __

4. B __ __ D S T __ __ D

5. __ __ A F __ __ T

ANSWER: 1. RA = FRAGRANT 2. IN = PAINTING 3. NE = NECKLINE 4. AN = BANDSTAND 5. LE = LEAFLET
Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….

A brain chain, is a list of words, that are connected in one of four ways.

1. They rhyme.

2. They are synonyms.

3. They are anagrams

4. They differ by one letter.

This example is a word chain: file, life, lice, slice, piece

Note: The first and last word of the chain are not connected.

Make the following words into a brain chain. And just to make it harder, I added an extra word. Good Luck!

van…rouge…angel

rough..vehicle..puff…fan

saint..buff..paint
TODAY’S QUIZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WAY2GOBANKS!

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com.,

http://www.Beaumont77.com., http://www.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/

http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.