Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday March 30, 2012. ….. 

What I find amazing today are clothes. Sure I know that styles go back and forth, but I don’t think I’ve seen
this much crack in my life from both young and old. I don’t see the logic of wearing hip hugging pants
that are too tight and too short! Every time you bend down you have to pull your pants up and these
are women not men. I also have seen a plthara of thongs, more then I need to see on every size! Last but
not least please understand that all sizes do not fit in legging, tights whatever you want to call them.
There is absolutly nothing left to the imagination any more. That’s my story and I’m sticking too it!
Have a great weekend people, and whatever you  do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“A helping word to one in trouble is like a switch in a railroad track…an inch between wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity.” -Henry Ward Beecher

“All animals, except man, know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.” -Samuel Butler

“All mankind is divided into three classes: those who are immovable, those who are movable; and those who move.” -Benjamin Franklin

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

After many years of trying, the Russian family was finally able to bring grandpa to America to
live with them. The old gentleman could only speak Russian. Each day when the family members
were at work grandpa would spend his time in the park, walking, watching the children play and
feed the ducks a few crumbs he brought along. So that he would be able to get a little something to
eat they taught him to say, “apple pie, coffee.” Each day he would go into the nearby deli,
on a stool and say to the counterman, “Apple pie, coffee.” This worked well for him until one day
he decided that he just couldn’t take another piece of apple pie. So the family taught him to say,
“Ham sandwich, coke.” He went to the park the next day looking forward to being able to order a
ham sandwich in stead of apple pie. Smiling to himself he climbed onto the stool at the counter>
nd waited his turn. When the counterman asked for his order he proudly said, “Ham sandwich,
coke.” To which the counterman asked, “White or rye?” The old man replied, “Um, apple pie, coffee.”
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from
All the work, the training, the wise words, for what? To smile in the face of my brother’s killer, while you
make your own plans?!’ Answer:The Mask of Zorro. Classic line! I absolutely loved it! For those of you who may not have liked the earlier Zorro movie, don’t worry, this one is nothing like it! This one is a lot better. It’s not boring! Starring Antonio Banderas (hot!), Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Anthony Hopkins.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘Goodnight you Princes of Maine, you Kings of New England.’

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Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Yes he’s back, back again. Oxy’s back, back again! Here are five more for you to figure out. Task (same as always…): Can you figure out which well known oxymorons these words are? Ex) Initial facsimile = original copy 1) Latest ritual 2) Average huge 3) Juvenile grown-up 4) Factual deceptions 5) Unwell fitness

Answer: 1) New tradition, 2) Medium large, 3) Young adult, 4) True lies, 5) Ill health

Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….>
Words pertaining to a theme are shown with all of their vowels already in place. Fill in the consonants that will complete the words. What is the theme?
BB CC DD H LLLL PP Q RR SS TTT V
1. __ a __ __ e __ __ o __ __ 2. __ e __ __ __ __ e a __ 3. __ __ i __ __ o __ e __ 4. __ u i __ __

TODAY SUPER QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS, BRILLIANT JOB BANKS!Winking smile
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also
if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday March 29, 2012. Redefining Words….. 

Abdicate – v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma – n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade – v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Negligent – adj., describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer  the door in your nightie.

Lymph – v. To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle – n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard – n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee – n., a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence – n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are  runover by a steamroller.

Balderdash – n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Semantics – n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood,  including such things as gluing the pages of the priest’s prayer book together  just before vespers.

Marionettes – n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been jerked around by  the mayor.

Oyster – n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish  expressions.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you  do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY 

Humor  is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one’s  bottom.  ~Taki

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective:   an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two  kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.  ~Christopher  Morley

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants  torn.  ~Irvin S. Cobb
Imagination was given to man to compensate him  for what he is not; a
sense of humor to console him for what he is.  ~Francis  Bacon

Humor results when society says you can’t scratch certain  things in public, but they itch in public.  ~Tom Walsh

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some  friends. They came to a
muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After  a few minutes of trying to get the car out by
themselves, they saw a young  farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer  stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the  mud for $50.  The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer  turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out  of the mud today.”  The husband looks around at the fields
incredulously  and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At  night?” “No,” the
young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put  the water in the hole.”
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???

‘Bear wants to spend the summer at the White Horse?’ Answer: Armageddon. I have an affinity for Ben Affleck

movies! I  just love them! I would have to say though, that Bear was my favourite character  because he was just so

funny! Starring Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler,  Billy Bob Thorton, Michael Clarke Duncan (Bear!), and

Steve  Buscemi.

 Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???

‘All the work, the training, the wise words, for what? To smile in the face  of my brother’s killer, while

you make your own plans?!’

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. One snowy night, Sherlock Holmes was in his house sitting by a fire. All of a sudden a snowball came crashing through his window, breaking it. Holmes got up and looked out the window just in time to see three neighborhood kids who were brothers

run around a corner. Their names were John Crimson, Mark Crimson and Paul Crimson. The next day Holmes got a note on
his door that read “? Crimson. He broke your window.” Which of the three Crimson brothers should
Sherlock Holmes question about the incident?
Answer: Mark Crimson “?” = question MARK, so the note on the door reads “Question Mark Crimson.  He broke your window.”

Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….

Yes he’s back, back again. Oxy’s back, back again! Here are five more for you to figure out. Task (same as always…): Can you figure out which well known oxymorons these words are? Ex) Initial facsimile = original copy
1) Latest ritual 2) Average huge 3) Juvenile grown-up 4) Factual deceptions 5) Unwell fitness
TODAY SUPER QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS, BRILLIANT JOB BANKS!Winking smile
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also
if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday March 28, 2012. THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 60 Years Old. 

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.  2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?” 4. No one expects you to run into a burning building. 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won’t wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m. 9. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it. 12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room. 14. You sing along with the elevator music. 15. Your eyes won’t get much worse. 16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. 18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either. 19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Wednesday people, and whatever you  do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.” – Woody Allen

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.” – Evan Esar

“Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.” – Bob Newhart

“For sale,” read the ad in our hospital’s weekly newsletter, “sleeveless wedding gown, white, size 8, veil included. Worn once, by mistake.”
When hiring new staff at the public library, I always ask applicants what sort of supervision they’d be most comfortable with. One genius answered, “I’ve always thought Superman’s X-ray vision would be cool.”

My niece was thrilled to hear that a new car wash was opening up right in her neighborhood. “How convenient,” she said. “I can walk to it!”

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the menus. Agent: Certainly, sir. There are keyboard shortcuts for many of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger the Select All command… Caller: Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it? Agent: Well, you just press Control-A. Caller (after a pause): Well, that’s not working for me. Agent: Do you have a text document open in front of you? Caller: Yes, I sure do. Agent: OK, now press Control-A. Caller: I am, but nothing happens. Agent: The text isn’t highlighted? Caller: No, there’s no change at all. Agent: That’s odd. If you press Control-A the whole document should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell me exactly what’s happening. Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): Listen. I’m pressing Control, eh? And nothing’s happening, eh?
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘I suddenly forgot how to climb a fence.’ Answer: Runaway Bride. Awwww! Another great Julia movie! In this scene  you can really see the attraction between Maggie and Ike. Also Starring Richard  Gere, Joan Cusack, and Rita Wilson.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???

‘Bear wants to spend the summer at the White Horse?’

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. Below are five movie titles.  However, they have been rephrased, and it is your job to figure them out. Note: The capitalization in the following phrases is the same as it would be in the actual title.  Good Luck! 1. Realm of the Land of angels and saints 2. The Ruler over the Hoops and circlets 3. Dignity and Bias 4. Vacation in Italy’s capital 5. Artist and scientist Leonardo’s Cipher

Answer: 1. Kingdom of Heaven  2. The Lord of the Rings  3. Pride and Prejudice 4. Roman Holiday 5. The Da Vinci Code

Wednesday’s Quizzlers is……….

One snowy night, Sherlock Holmes was in his house sitting by a fire. All of a sudden a snowball came crashing through his
window, breaking it. Holmes got up and looked out the window just in time to see three neighborhood kids who were brothers
run around a corner. Their names were John Crimson, Mark Crimson and Paul Crimson. The next day Holmes got a note on
his door that read “? Crimson. He broke your window.” Which of the three Crimson brothers should
Sherlock Holmes question about the incident?
TODAY SUPER QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS, BRILLIANT JOB BANKS!Winking smile
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also
if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday March 27, 2012.  Mad Ramblings… 

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, “No animals allowed  except for Seeing Eye Dogs?” Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the  blind person?

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important  occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants?  “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”

Can’t we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every  time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why  don’t they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?

Why do they call it a “building”? It looks like they’re finished. Why isn’t  it a “built”?

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and  when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the  bathroom in a handicapped stall?

How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn’t that the basic  idea behind the wheel? Don’t they rotate on their own?

All the king’s HORSES and all the king’s men? Are you kidding me? No wonder  they couldn’t put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the  horses to do, anyway?

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the  person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up  too?

Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? “Whew, I  thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for  coffee and a danish!”

Isn’t it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How  did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, “Oh, man, I can’t wait till them  calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.”

Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but  they still can’t get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our  clothes clean? These guys can’t even get the DETERGENT white!

Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddy  seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a  suit, do they say, “And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily  accessible when you need it!” I think not.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you  do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“It’s the first day of spring. That means this weekend I’ll take down my Christmas lights.” -David Letterman

“Pope Benedict will visit Mexico this weekend. Historians say he will be the first Pope ever to attend spring break.” -Jay Leno

“A man in Oregon said his snow globes started a fire after he left them in the sun for too long. Fortunately, his wife wasn’t injured because she left him when he started collecting snow globes.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer  home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to  visit him. One summer he invited a lawyer from Czechoslovakia to visit him. The friend,  eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a  wonderful vacation, and  spent a great deal of time exploring the woods and  enjoying the natural setting.  One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were walking  through the woods, they were approached by two huge bears — a male and a  female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however,  was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. Seeing this, the lawyer ran to his Mercedes and sped for the nearest town to  get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed a high-powered rifle and they raced  back to the berry patch. Luckily, the bears were still there. “He’s in THAT one!” cried the lawyer, pointing at the bear that had consumed  his friend. “Quick — shoot it. Maybe we can still save my friend!” The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot  the female. His aim was true, and the female bear collapsed to the ground. The  startled male fled into the woods. “Why did you do that?” demanded the lawyer, “I said he was in the other  bear!” “Exactly,” replied the sheriff. “Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that  the Czech was in the male?”

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???  ‘That’s what they all say. But with all due respect Ma’am, I’m not the one  hanging off the back of a boat.’ Answer: Titanic. Again, tragic love story with a huge historical  event and action in the background. What more could you ask for in a movie?  Starring Leonardo Dicaprio, Kate Winslet, Billy Zane, and Kathy  Bates.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘I suddenly forgot how to climb a fence.’

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Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Randy liked to give his children challenging games instead of television and video games.  He incorporated the use of rebus puzzles into everyday life for his kids. One day he made a rebus for them to try and decode.  It was set up like this: Some items were lying all over a church.  The church was burning down, and this is the fate of the items. Item one:  Found near the front row pews.  It was in the fire, and was lost. Item two:  Found near the front door.  It was also in the fire, and was lost. Item three:  Found by the bell in the bell tower.  Was away from the fire, and was saved. Item four:  Found in the bathroom.  Was surrounded by fire, and was lost. It took a while, but his children finally decoded the rebus.  What is the answer?

Answer: Saved by the bell.  The third item was saved, and it was by the bell. 

Tuesday’s Quizzlers is……….

Below are five movie titles.  However, they have been rephrased, and it is your job to figure them out.
Note: The capitalization in the following phrases is the same as it would be in the actual title.  Good Luck!
1. Realm of the Land of angels and saints
2. The Ruler over the Hoops and circlets
3. Dignity and Bias
4. Vacation in Italy’s capital
5. Artist and scientist Leonardo’s Cipher
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also
if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday March 26, 2012. Stupid Thoughts…
1. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and
showing it principally in one place. ~Josh Billings

Carry laughter with you wherever you go. ~Hugh Sidey

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. ~Arnold Glasow

Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense
and nonsense. ~Author Unknown

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or
take a dentist. ~Joseph Heller

Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone
suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing “wedding.”
The wedding vows went like this: “You have the right to remain silent, anything
you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present.
You may kiss the bride.”
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘You
never had control, that’s the illusion! Even I was overwhelmed by the power of this place! But I didn’t have enough
respect for that power and now it’s out there!’ Answer: Jurassic Park. This was the best one out of the whole trilogy
because of its excellent story line and the fact that nothing like that had been done before (though I must admit,
‘JP3′ is definetly the scariest). Starring Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough
(did I get that right?), Wayne Knight, and Samuel Jackson.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???’That’s
what they all say. But with all due respect Ma’am, I’m not the one hanging off the back of a boat.’ __________________________________________________________________________________________
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Decipher the following rebus:
GOT, GOT, GOT, GOT, HEROES, HEROES, HEROES, HEROES, HEROES
HEROES, HEROES, HEROES, HEROES, HEROES
Answer: Forgotten Heroes! Four “got” ten “heroes”

Monday’s Quizzlers is……….
Randy liked to give his children challenging games instead of television and video games. He incorporated the use of rebus puzzles into everyday life for his kids.
One day he made a rebus for them to try and decode. It was set up like this:
Some items were lying all over a church. The church was burning down, and this is the fate of the items.
Item one: Found near the front row pews. It was in the fire, and was lost.
Item two: Found near the front door. It was also in the fire, and was lost.
Item three: Found by the bell in the bell tower. Was away from the fire, and was saved.
Item four: Found in the bathroom. Was surrounded by fire, and was lost.
It took a while, but his children finally decoded the rebus. What is the answer?

TODAY’S QUIZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MRS ANDREA L. BANKS!
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday March 23, 2012. Male or Female…
From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and
readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason.
The best submissions:
SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it… and, of course, there’s the hot air part.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
MAGIC 8 BALL: Male, because it gives monosyllabic answers that usually
indicate it did not pay attention to your question.
WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER: Male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.
REMOTE CONTROL: Female…Ha!…you thought I’d say male. But consider, it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost
without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
CRITIC: Female, What, this needs to be explained?
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the very next morning you will have a flat tire. ~Author Unknown

If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this
thing is to be remembered. ~Edgar Allan Poe

People who snore always fall asleep first. ~Author Unknown

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to
buy a replacement. ~Author Unknown

The trouble with, “A place for everything and everything in its place”
is that there’s always more everything than places. ~Robert Brault,

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt
and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan
sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are twins-if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘Look at my
face. I’m not very mad.’ Answer: The Sixth Sense. Wow, that movie was freaky! Haley Joel Osment delivered a superb
perfomance and deserved the Oscar instead of Michael Caine (‘The Cider House Rules’). Also starring Bruce Willis and Toni Collette.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???’You
never had control, that’s the illusion! Even I was overwhelmed by the power of this place! But I didn’t have enough
respect for that power and now it’s out there!’
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Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
These word pairs are not in relation to each other, but if you find their synonyms, the two words will rhyme.
Example : Over-sized Feline = Fat Cat
Kiss Dog, Funny Cat, Movie Monster, Unusual Rabbit, Copper Teapot
Wedding Limo, Untamed Minor

Answer: Smooch Pooch, Witty Kitty, Feature Creature, Rare Hare, Metal Kettle
Marriage Carriage, Wild Child

Friday’s Quizzlers is……….
Decipher the following rebus:

GOT
GOT
GOT
GOT
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES
HEROES

TODAY’S QUIZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MRS ANDREA L. BANKS!
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also

if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com.,www.Beaumont77.com”>www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com.,www.Beaumont77.com.,ww.schoons.com.,www.awjlaw.com.,
http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,www.cleancomedyguy.com., http://www.schoons.com.,
http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday March 21, 2012.  Truths about growing old…….  

1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there. (My favorite…)

4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Wednesday people, and whatever you  do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions,
that I wish it always to be kept alive.” – Thomas Jefferson

“A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along
with people, of getting things done.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower
“A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what’s going on.” – William S. Burroughs

“Spring break is the week where college students get a much-needed

break from binge drinking in Nebraska and go to
binge drink in Florida.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Police across the country say there’s been a spike in criminals
stealing Tide laundry detergent. So I guess all those commercials
that say it cleans blood stains are really paying off.” -Jay Leno

“A new report found that 20 percent of people over 45 had to dip
into their retirement savings last year. And the other 80 percent
said, ‘retirement savings?'” -Jimmy Fallon 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room,
gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad
news: “There is no easy way to say this so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to
be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year.” Visibly shaken, the
woman stared at the psychic’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then
down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had
to know. She met the Tarot reader’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked,
“Will I get away with it?”
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Tueday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from ‘I think you have a lot of special gifts!  Answer: Pretty Woman. Another great love story! Starring my favorite  actress Julia Roberts, Richard Gere (they make a cute couple), and Jason  Alexander.

 Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? Look at my face. I’m not very mad.’

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. My local bus company has recently expanded and no longer has enough room for all of its buses. Twelve of their buses have to be stored outside. If they decide to increase their garage space by 40%, this will give them enough room for all of their current buses, plus enough room to store another twelve in the future. How many buses does the company currently own?

Answer: 72 buses. They have enough room for 60 of these, expanding the 60 capacity by 40% will give them enough room

for 84 – which we know is 12 more than their current count.

Wednesday’s Quizzlers is……….
These word pairs are not in relation to each other, but if you find their synonyms, the two words will rhyme.
Example : Over-sized Feline = Fat Cat
Kiss Dog Funny Cat Movie Monster Unusual Rabbit Copper Teapot Wedding Limo Untamed Minor
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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