Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday January 20,  2012.  Humor about the old…
OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved
OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground
OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out
OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just reach equilibrium
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just smell that way
OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket
OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose
OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory
OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust
OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged
OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

That’s story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY                                                                        

“Jon Huntsman has dropped out of the race for president to return to his former job

as the guy in the picture that comes with the frame.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“There are now more obese people in the United States than there are

overweight people. I think it’s safe to say that after all these years, Diet Coke is a complete failure.” -Jay Leno

“A recent study found that the U.S. has a higher obesity rate than Canada. Then again, maybe we just

look fatter because our flag has horizontal stripes.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….   

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving  the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are twins-if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.                                                                 _____________________________________________________________________________________

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘So he’s sort of tall with hair and he wears t-shirts sometimes?’ Answer: Can’t Hardly Wait. Said by Amanda (Jennifer Love Hewitt) when looking for Preston (Ethan Embry).

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘They sending me to Vietnam. It’s this whole other country.’

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. Salivate,litigate,liberate

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 1990/1994, try and identify which song or which artist. “Groove Is in the Heart”?

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  Thursday’s Quizzler is……….                                   

1. How will you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?                                    

2. How will you put a zebra in a fridge in 4 steps?                                    

3. The King of the Jungle, the lion, is having a wedding ceremony. All of the animals come to attend the ceremony except one. Which one is it and why doesn’t it come?                                    

4. A man has to desperately cross the river to get from one place to the other in a jungle. The river is known for having deadly alligators in it. There is no boat. How is he going to make it to the other place?                                    

Answer: 1. Step one: Open the fridge  Step two: Put the elephant inside  Step three: Close the fridge
2. Step one: Open the fridge  Step two: Take the elephant out  Step three: Put the zebra inside Step four: Close the fridge
3. Zebra, because he is inside the fridge.  4. He will simply swim through the river, as all the alligators have gone to attend the lion’s wedding ceremony.

Friday’s Quizzlers is………. The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words
1. The coach did not mind being the __________.  His last place team knew how to handle the constant pressure of the fans and media.  Team members had class, character and were well __________ in who they were and what was important.
2. The entire coalition of the country’s __________ rallied together and chanted their demands in __________ so the nation would sympathize with their deplorable working conditions.
3. Molly had fished for trout in the mountains for years.  She had one particular __________ she liked best.  She had truly become a fly-fishing __________.    

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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on  the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday January 19,  2012.   Animal footbal…. 

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. “I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T.V.”  He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin. The lion’s team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back  deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six. 

Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 – 0. Late in the first half the lion’s team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lion’s team led at halftime 7 – 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a peptalk. “Look you guys. We can win this game. We’ve got the lead and they only have one real threat. We’ve got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he’s a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino.” The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino’s team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It    looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede. “Did you do this?” he asked the centipede.”Yeah, I did.” the centipede replied. The lion retorted, “Where were you during the first half?””I was putting on my shoes! That’s my story and I’m sticking too it!  Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

Steven Wright on dogs………

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he’s gone.
I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
I bought a dog the other day… I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him… “Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He’s an East German Shepherd. 

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….              

Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms. After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground. Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, “I don’t think much of this budgie jumping.”  The other moron replies, “Yeah, I’m not too keen on this paragliding either.”                            _____________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’ve been known to circumsize a gnat.’ Answer: Uncle Buck. Buck (John Candy) says this to Tia’s boyfriend, Bug.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??  ‘So he’s sort of tall with hair and he wears t-shirts sometimes?’ _____________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “You don’t have to be frightened with my love, cuz I’ll never give up on you.” Answer: “Let’s Wait Awhile”. This is a beautiful song by Janet Jackson. Janet Jackson is a very talented singer and has been in involved in music her whole life.                                    

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. Salivate,litigate,liberate _____________________________________________________________________                                     Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. Here are 30 letter pairs, listed alphabetically, that make up 10 six-letter words. Using the clues provided find all 10 words, using each letter pair only once. When you are done the first letter in each word will form a word revealing the theme of the puzzle.  AC AD AD BR EA ED ED ER ES EX FA HS IC KE LA LE MO ND NT ON PE RE RN TH TI TR TS TTUG UL   

1. Cloth  2. Shows amusement  3. Made money  4. Lots of movement   5. Parent  6. Grownups  7. Leased  8. Vessel for boiling water   9. Pay out money   10. Swaps

Answer:  1. FABRIC, 2. LAUGHS, 3. EARNED, 4. ACTION, 5. MOTHER, 6. ADULTS   7. RENTED, 8. KETTLE, 9. EXPEND, 10. TRADES, The theme is Flea Market. 

Thursday’s Quizzlers is………. 1. How will you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
2. How will you put a zebra in a fridge in 4 steps?
3. The King of the Jungle, the lion, is having a wedding ceremony. All of the animals come to attend the ceremony except one. Which one is it and why doesn’t it come?
4. A man has to desperately cross the river to get from one place to the other in a jungle. The river is known for having deadly alligators in it. There is no boat. How is he going to make it to the other place?

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!

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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on  the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the  Eucman @eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday January 18, 2012.   Bumper Stickers…….

All generalizations are false, including this one.
“Criminal Lawyer” is a redundancy.
I.R.S.: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got!
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
What is a “free” gift ? Aren’t all gifts free?
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.” – Quentin Crisp

“Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what’s going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?” – Will Rogers

“Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
At the beginning of my junior year of high school in Arkansas, our homeroom teacher had us fill out a form stating our future goals. Out of curiosity, I leaned over to see what my friend put down for her aspirations. Where it read “Vocational Plans” she had written, “Florida.”
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘What am I supposed to do; think of everything? I brought the comb.’ Answer: Stand By Me. This is said by Vern (Jerry O’Connell) when the boys realize they brought no food on their trip.

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘I’ve been known to circumsize a gnat.’ _________________________________________________________________________

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.“I feel pain, please come back to me.” Answer: “I Will Never Lie Again” This song is by iMX, formally known as Immature. This group of young men has been out since the early 1990’s. The members include Batman, Romeo, and LDB.

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.  “You don’t have to be frightened with my love, cuz I’ll never give up on you.” ____________________________________________________________________ Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. The following are colloquialisms/idioms written in their literal form. Try to find all four. Example: A Panthera Pardus is incapable of altering its texture. (A leopard can’t change its spots) 1. Revert to the first quadrilateral of equal sides and angles. 2. One suffering from Macular Degeneration guiding one with less than 1/10 of normal vision. 3. Restrain your multiple Equus caballus. 4. The writing utensil containing small amounts of ink is more puissant than the iron hand-held weapon. Answer:1. Back to Square One–A term meaning to go back to the beginning, or the original idea. 2. Blind leading the blind–Term which means the person in charge knows no more than the person or people he is leading. 3. Hold your Horses–Meaning be patient and to wait. 4. The pen is mightier than the sword–A phrase that means you can get more accomplished by solving your problems in a calm way, than resorting to violence. 

Wednesday’s Quizzlers is………. Here are 30 letter pairs, listed alphabetically, that make up 10 six-letter words. Using the clues provided find all 10 words, using each letter pair only once. When you are done the first letter in each word will form a word revealing the theme of the puzzle.
AC AD AD BR EA ED ED ER ES EX FA HS IC KE LA LE MO ND NT ON PE RE RN TH TI TR TS TT UG UL
1. Cloth 2. Shows amusement 3. Made money 4. Lots of movement 5. Parent 6. Grownups 7. Leased 8. Vessel for boiling water 9. Pay out money 10. Swaps

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!

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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday January 17,  2012.  Ponderings for Tuesday.

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver’s side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.

After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?

This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulence or a firetruck.

I went out today and bought everything I’ve been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.

The best advice for teenagers is, leave home now while you still know everything.

I really feel sorry for Madonna’s baby, having to grow without a last name.

Is it a law of nature that women have to sneeze as soon as they apply their mascara?

The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end.                       

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it!  Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY…. 

“Listen to this. The New York Times is now reporting it’s possible to catch the flu from money. They say the virus can live on a $20 bill for more than 10 days. So, not only is the virus contagious, it’s also very frugal.” –Jay Leno

“A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don’t drink at all. At least, that’s what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A seventh grade teacher in California was arrested for teaching while drunk. Which is why an entire Earth Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed when rum collides with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink souvenir cup from Senor Frog’s.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….
My 10-year-old daughter has decided she is an environmentalist. So she talked me into participating in an aggressive recycling effort with her. Last week she and I took what proved to be 134 pounds of cardboard boxes to the recycling center and earned $1.34. Counting gas and ice cream, we turned a profit of -$7.85. We’re going to use generally accepted accounting principles and see if we can apply this amount to our taxable income.
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘You’re a handsome devil. What’s your name?’Answer: Grosse Pointe Blank. John Cusack is a great actor. This is one of his best performances as a hitman who gets bored with his occupation.

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘What am I supposed to do; think of everything? I brought the comb.’ ____________________________________________________________________

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “There was a time when he tried to be the one who would give you all you deserve, but now he’s not trying.” Answer: “I Should Be Your Boyfriend” This song is by Dru Hill. They have taken a break fron the music scene and returned with a number one hit and a new member.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.  “I feel pain, please come back to me.” __________________________________________________________________ 

Friday’s Quizzler is………. A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words.  The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart).  There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats).  Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms? 1) spoiled Neanderthal child & courageous cougar 2) child of a sorceress & liquid in a trench 3) milk and cheese & fops who are imaginary beings with magical powers 4) fondle feathers & Amsterdam
Answer:  1) cave brat & brave cat, 2) witch daughter & ditch water, 3) dairy foods & fairy dudes, 4) touch down & Dutch town 

Tuesday’s Quizzlers is………. The following are colloquialisms/idioms written in their literal form. Try to find all four. Example: A Panthera Pardus is incapable of altering its texture. (A leopard can’t change its spots) 1. Revert to the first quadrilateral of equal sides and angles. 2. One suffering from Macular Degeneration guiding one with less than 1/10 of normal vision. 3. Restrain your multiple Equus caballus. 4. The writing utensil containing small amounts of ink is more puissant than the iron hand-held weapon.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!

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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday January 13,  2012.  Differences between men and women….
1. NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale.
4. BATHROOMS A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that… is the beginning of a new argument.
6.CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.
7. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
8. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
9. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
10. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.    That’s my story and I’m sticking too it!  Have a    great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

 QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“A federal watchdog agency says that overlapping and duplicate programs waste billions of dollars each year. Congress is taking this study so seriously that they’re ordering a second study to look into it.” -Jay Leno

“Everyone is talking about the voice-control TV. It’s TV that you control with your voice instead of the back-breaking work of pressing buttons on the remote.” -Craig Ferguson

“A new study found that kids who work more than 20 hours a week at a job are more likely to get bad grades. On the other hand, China.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….
There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn’t get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.  He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: “I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone”                                  _______________________________________________________________________

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “A bigger dressing room than the puppets? That’s refreshing.”Answer: This Is Spinal Tap. Rob Reiner’s hilarious tale of English Heavy Metal legends ‘Spinal Tap’ on tour in America. Reiner’s portrayal of film-maker Marty Di Bergi was allegedly based on Martin, who directed and appeared in ‘The Last Waltz’, a documentary about the farewell performance of ‘The Band’.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??‘You’re a handsome devil. What’s your name?’

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I’m so sick of the tension, sick of the hunger, sick of you acting like I owe you this.” Answer: “A Place For My Head” This song is by Linkin Park, a very talented group of young rockers. They have continued to produce hit after hit. “Crawling” and “In The End” are just two of their many hits. Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “There was a time when he tried to be the one who would give you all you deserve, but now he’s not trying.”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is………. Inspector Ixolite of the Yard was investigating a murder at Nottonmye Manor. It was a difficult case, and Ixolite was completely stumped until he noticed a message sent to him by the killer cunningly hidden in a newspaper advertisement selling Car Licence Plates. Inspector Ixolite thought about it for a while, and when he had solved the puzzle, immediately arrested the guilty man. Q1) How did Ixolite know the advert was a clue for him? Q2) Solve the code and tell me who Ixolite arrested. This is the newspaper advert (Car licence plates for sale) that Inspector Ixolite saw.  Plates For Sale;  [W 05 NWO]  [H 13 HSR ]  [O 05 EBM]  [D 08 UNE]  [U 10 HTY]  [N 04 BRE]  [N 16 TTE] [I 26 LHC ]  [T 10 AEE]  [I 26 CNA]  [X 22 VDA] Answer: 1)The first bit is easy, as the first letter of each plate spells WHODUNNIT IX (A challenge to our Inspector.)  2)The second bit is a little trickier, but I gave you the solution. If you read the last three letters in each plate from the bottom up and right to left you get ADVANCE EACH LETTER BY THE NUMBER SHOWN, so advance W by 5 to get B, H by 13 to get U and so on until you spell BUTLER DID IT.

Friday’s Quizzlers is………. A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words.  The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart).  There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats).  Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) spoiled Neanderthal child & courageous cougar 2) child of a sorceress & liquid in a trench 3) milk and cheese & fops who are imaginary beings with magical powers 4) fondle feathers & Amsterdam

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 Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday January 12,  2012.  Ponderings….. 

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
Do fish get cramps after eating?  That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

Life is an adventure in forgiveness. Norman Cousins

Love and desire are the spirit’s wings to great deeds. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 Art is parasitic on life, just as criticism is parasitic on art. Harry S. Truman

Colors are the smiles of nature. Leigh Hunt

On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women. James Russell Lowell

 I never learned from a man who agreed with me. Robert A. Heinlein

 Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer. Jean de La Fontaine

 Through a painting we can see the whole world. Hans Hofmann

 The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. J. D. Salinger

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” He got the following reply. “Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.  My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy’s brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy’s wife. So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother’s mother. Don’t forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife’s grandson.  But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I’m married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife’s grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?”  After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: “Move over!”                                     ______________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.” Answer: This Is Spinal Tap. Rob Reiner’s hilarious tale of English Heavy Metal legends ‘Spinal Tap’ on tour in America. Reiner’s portrayal of film-maker Marty Di Bergi was allegedly based on Martin, who directed and appeared in ‘The Last Waltz’, a documentary about the farewell performance of ‘The Band’.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “A bigger dressing room than the puppets? That’s refreshing.” ____________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “The thought of her loving only me, that’s the thing that keeps me strong.” Answer: “All Her Love” This is a song by Donnell Jones. Donnell Jones has had many hits, including “You Know What’s Up”, featuring the late Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, and “Where I Wanna Be.”

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I’m so sick of the tension, sick of the hunger, sick of you acting like I owe you this.”

__________________________________________________________________________ Wednesday’s Quizzlers is………. Here are 30 letter pairs, listed alphabetically, that make up 10 six-letter words. Using the clues provided find all 10 words, using each letter pair only once. When you are done the first letter in each word will form a word revealing the theme of the puzzle. AC AD AR BE BI CA CE CO DS EA EF ER ER FI FO ID LE LE LS NA NA NS OF ON RD RT TI TI TT VE 1. Agreement 2. Facial growths 3. Serious try 4. Written communication 5. High standards 6. Country 7. Log homes 8. Elected position of authority 9. Ruler 10. Local resident

Answer:  1. ACCORD 2. BEARDS 3. EFFORT 4. LETTER 5. IDEALS 6. NATION 7. CABINS 8. OFFICE 9. LEADER 10. NATIVE The theme is Abe Lincoln.
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. Inspector Ixolite of the Yard was investigating a murder at Nottonmye Manor. It was a difficult case, and Ixolite was completely stumped until he noticed a message sent to him by the killer cunningly hidden in a newspaper advertisement selling Car Licence Plates. Inspector Ixolite thought about it for a while, and when he had solved the puzzle, immediately arrested the guilty man.
Q1) How did Ixolite know the advert was a clue for him? Q2) Solve the code and tell me who Ixolite arrested. This is the newspaper advert (Car licence plates for sale) that Inspector Ixolite saw.  Plates For Sale;  [W 05 NWO]  [H 13 HSR ]  [O 05 EBM]  [D 08 UNE]  [U 10 HTY]  [N 04 BRE]  [N 16 TTE] [I 26 LHC ]  [T 10 AEE]  [I 26 CNA]  [X 22 VDA]
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB ANDREA!
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday January 11,  2012  Senior Personal Ads……                                                                              

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5’4″ (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.                                                                       

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it!  Have a  great Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world’s oldest divorced couple. It’s got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.” -Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new study, people with liberal arts degrees are experiencing much higher rates of joblessness. So for all of you Greeks classics majors out there, the sweet ride is finally over.” -Conan O’Brien

“Dunkin’ Donuts is doubling the amount of locates in the United States. Remember when this country used to                             make steel and automobiles and now it’s crullers, jelly doughnuts, and munchkins?” -David Letterman

“It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.” – Mark Twain

“There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true.” – Sir Winston Churchill

“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.” – Henry David Thoreau

 G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

I was the nurse caring for a couple’s newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy. While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby’s ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like”Dumbo.” The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy, the ears could be easily corrected during childhood.  The father still worried about his wife’s reaction to those large protruding ears. “She doesn’t take things as easily as I do,” he worried. By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother’s arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time. She took one look at her baby’s face and looked to her husband and gasped, “Oh, Honey! Look! He has your ears!”                                                                                                     __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Leave nothing left for him to marry, nothing but the skin over my bones.”Answer:Moonstruck. Cher is about to marry Danny Aiello when she meets his manic brother, a one-handed Nicolas Cage…that’s amore! This 1987 Norman Jewison movie (originally titled ‘The Bride And The Wolf’) was nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards, but lost out to Bernardo Bertolucci’s ‘The Last Emperor’.

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??“Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.” _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “When love hurts, it won’t work.”Answer: “Breathe” This song is by Blu Cantrell and Sean Paul. Blu Cantrell is a rising singer, and Sean Paul has put out hits such as “Gimme the Light” and “Get Busy.”

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.“The thought of her loving only me, that’s the thing that keeps me strong.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Tuesday’s Quizzlers is……….

What U.S. state does the following mean? HLIBNMT  Answer: ALABAMA.
Hint: becomes a = Take the letters in HINT, and change it into the letter A.
(H)L(I)B(N)M(T) = ALABAMA
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………..
Here are 30 letter pairs, listed alphabetically, that make up 10 six-letter words. Using the clues provided find all 10 words, using each letter pair only once. When you are done the first letter in each word will form a word revealing the theme of the puzzle.
AC AD AR BE BI CA CE CO DS EA EF ER ER FI FO ID LE LE LS NA NA NS OF ON RD RT TI TI TT VE
1. Agreement 2. Facial growths 3. Serious try 4. Written communication 5. High standards 6. Country 7. Log homes 8. Elected position of authority 9. Ruler 10. Local resident
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 Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter?   Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this  distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @eucstraman@hotmail.comhttps://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/