Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday, December 16, 2011.  Really Stupid People……

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head.
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film’s depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.
When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
A Los Angeles man who later said he was “tired of walking,” stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“A guy went loose in a mall in New Hampshire smashing things with a hammer and he’s charged with feeling like we all do in a mall around Christmas time.” -Conan O’Brien
“The Library of Congress has partnered with Twitter to store every tweet ever posted. The Library of Congress is home to some of the most important documents in history including the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and now it will so include tweets from Gretchen44, who likes strawberry balsamic vinegar on her salad.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“They have discovered a planet just like Earth, 600 light-years away and they are calling it ‘Superearth.’ They have affordable housing and better schools but other than that, it’s just like Earth.” -Dave Letterman
I returned home from my ninth business trip of the year with a severe bout of jet lag induced foot-in-mouth disease. As we prepared to go to sleep that night, I wrapped my arms around my better half, gave her a kiss, and announced, “It’s good to be in my own bed, with my own wife!”

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

A stock analyst and a Wall Street broker went to the racetrack. The broker suggested betting $12,000 on a certain horse. The analyst was skeptical; he had never been to the races before and wanted to understand the rules and look over all the horses before placing a wager.
“You’re too cautious and detail-oriented,” the broker criticized as he placed his large bet. His horse won and he raked in a bundle of money.
“What’s your secret?” the analyst asked.
“It’s simple,” the broker explained. “I have two kids… ages two and six…so I add their ages together and bet on number nine.”
“But two and six is eight, not nine!” protested the analyst.
“See!” the broker replied, “I told you you’re too cautious and detail-oriented.”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? Person 1: “We have come to the most critical area of masculine behavior…dancing.” [Person 2 starts dancing] Person 1: “Truly manly men do not dance.” Person 2: “Oh, come on!”Answer: In and Out.  This 1997 movie stars Kevin Kline (for the third time in a row) as Howard Brackett, an English teacher from the quiet little town of Greenleaf, Indiana who discovers he is gay (after much denial) after a former student of his (now a world-famous actor) outs him during an Oscar acceptance speech.  This exchange is between Howard (Person 2) and a self-help cassette tape (Person 1) (titled “Be a Man: Exploring Your Masculinity”), when Howard is trying to become more masculine in order to prove to the people in the town that he is not gay.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? Person 1: “Do you have a Band-Aid and antibiotic cream?” Person 2: “No, no, and sadly, I think I’ve lent out my iron lung.”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. If you only knew what I talked about when I’m with my friends just hanging out then you’d have the inside scoop on what to say what to do…”?  Answer: Fly On the Wall

“Paparazzi” is actually by Lady GaGa (my favorite artist EVER). “Piece Of Me” is by Britney Spears. “Outta my Head (Ay Ya Ya)” is by Ashlee Simpson, and “Fly On The Wall” is by Miley Cyrus.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I Kissed a Girl”?________________________________________________________________________________

Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….

 

If you like solving puzzles, periodically, Then this may suit your particular body chemistry. One is partly controversial but makes hard teeth with just a trace, Two is notoriously poisonous and sometimes seen with old lace. Three made the Hindenburg rise and fall disastrously from the sky, Four is most essential, without Thyroxin you would surely die. Five is up in the air and to life it is very dear. Six is like your favourite pub, a lot to do with atmosphere. Put us all together and we wield economic power, A magazine? ; a dress ? ; a trend? ; I change by the hour. What am I?

 

Friday’s Quizzler is………..

By using each set of letters below, create a compound word out of two separate words. Each of the separate words has a letter in common and that letter is given in the correct position for each word. Use the letters provided only once. The compound word may begin with either of the two separate words.
Example: MIOMST _ _ _ E _ _ _ E
Answer: SOMETIME
1. DROAND L _ _ _ L _ _ _
2. WYODNH _ E _ _ _ _ E _
3. TAROEO _ _ _ M M _ _ _
4. LALOSOF _ E _ _ _ _ _ _ E
5. FPRACLI _ _ _ _ E _ _ _ E
6. HELRAFE _ _ _ T _ _ _ _ T
7. OWOCSDS _ R _ _ _ _ _ R _
8. EDAHEO _ _ M _ M _ _ _
9. ORIPNOF _ _ _ _ T _ _ _ T

 

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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/http://www.simplycake.biz/
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Thurday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday, December 15, 2011.  The incredibly dumb…….

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school’s drug policy last week – for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him “jump higher.”
A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school’s “zero-tolerance” policy…not to be confused with the “zero-intelligence” policy.
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month – a short in the homeowner’s newly installed fire prevention alarm system. “This is even worse than last year,” said the distraught homeowner, “when someone broke in and stole my new security system…”

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,” Calvin.

“Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?” Hobbes.

“Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.”

“You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.”

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.  Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.  The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.  A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? Person 1: “Did you ever imagine it would end like this?” Person 2: “The horse was a surprise.”Answer: The Road to El Dorado! This forgotten 2000 DreamWorks film stars Kevin Kline and Kenneth Branagh as Tulio and Miguel, respectively, two Spaniards who stow away on one of Hernan Cortes’ ships bound for the New World. When they arrive, they find El Dorado, where they are mistaken as gods. In this quote, Miguel (Person 1) and Tulio (Person 2) are floating in a lifeboat, having been lost at sea for days after jumping off Cortes’ ship. Altivo, Cortes’ horse, is with them, eliciting Tulio’s response to Miguel’s question of their impending death.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? Person 1: “We have come to the most critical area of masculine behavior…dancing.” [Person 2 starts dancing] Person 1: “Truly manly men do not dance.” Person 2: “Oh, come on!”

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Make it Shine”?Answer: Victorious Cast. Very inspiring song, listen to it. “Victorious” is a tv show on Nickelodeon!

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “If you only knew what I talked about when I’m with my friends just hanging out then you’d have the inside scoop on what to say what to do…”?_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Quizzlers is……….
The following clues below refer to words. These words are all anagrams, and the anagrams of the words all rhyme with each other. Can you figure out all the words that rhyme with each other?
Clues:  1. The longest river in the world.  2. Beverages usually made from grapes.  3. Machines used for moving heavy objects. 4. Evergreen trees with needle-like leaves
ANSWER:   The words that rhyme with each other: 1. Line 2. Swine 3. Sign 4. Spine The answers to the clues: 1. Nile  2. Wines  3. Gins  4. Pines
Thursday’s Quizzler is………..
If you like solving puzzles, periodically, Then this may suit your particular body chemistry. One is partly controversial but makes hard teeth with just a trace, Two is notoriously poisonous and sometimes seen with old lace. Three made the Hindenburg rise and fall disastrously from the sky, Four is most essential, without Thyroxin you would surely die. Five is up in the air and to life it is very dear. Six is like your favourite pub, a lot to do with atmosphere. Put us all together and we wield economic power, A magazine? ; a dress ? ; a trend? ; I change by the hour. What am I? 
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Answers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/http://www.simplycake.biz/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday, December 14, 2011. Really? 

To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.  “C’mon, Honey. Really, Honey. Honey!” A real man will just sit there and wait for you to step aside. If you don’t, eventually he’ll say, “What? All right, what? I’m sitting here, okay? I’m listening!” Another way to get his attention is to fool around with his stereo equipment. Or mess around with the car. Adjusting the timing chain is a good one. If he has a tool pegboard, remove a tool and hide it somewhere special. Within a day he’ll notice that it’s gone and come right to you. Be prepared though, He will be cranky.  More attention getters: scratch the paint on his car, throw out his favorite sweatshirt, or punch him in the stomach when he’s not looking. His expression alone will be priceless.  That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then–we elected them.” – Lily Tomlin
“Never be a cynic, even a gentle one. Never help out a sneer, even at the devil.” – Vachel Lindsay
“Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.” – Mark Twain
“Everybody has been in a very festive mood. I even saw two strangers splitting a cab. One guy took the tires, one guy took the radio.” -David Letterman “Schools here in Los Angeles aren’t allowing Santa Claus to come into the schools anymore. Not because of religious reasons, but they claim he’s wearing gang colors.” -Jay Leno
“A Swedish firm has designed an efficient city featuring buildings on wheels that can be moved in or out of town as desired. This ingenious city of the future is known as a trailer park.” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

While I was working in the men’s section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.  When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. “I don’t know his size,” she said, “but my hands fit perfectly around his neck.”

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “This is the kind of conversation two people have when one of them is female.” Answer: Fierce Creatures.  This 1997 movie stars John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Kevin Kline. John Cleese is Rollo Lee, the new manager of England’s Marwood Zoo who tries to introduce a “fierce creatures only” policy in order to attract customers. Jamie Lee Curtis is Willa Weston, who takes over later as manager, and Kevin Kline plays Rod McCain, who Willa works for, and Vince McCain, his idiot son. Hilarity ensues. This quote is said by Vince when Willa is trying to talk to him about his general dislike of animals, which he shows by mocking a gorilla’s lack of activity while he and Willa are standing in front of the gorilla exhibit.

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? Person 1: “Did you ever imagine it would end like this?” Person 2: “The horse was a surprise.”

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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “You walk and talk like you’re some new sensation, You move in circles you don’t need an invitation”Answer: Falling Down. “Falling Down” is by Selena Gomez from her album “Kiss & Tell” released September 29, 2009.

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Make it Shine”?

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Tuesday’s Quizzlers is……….
If you like solving puzzles, periodically, Then this may suit your particular body chemistry. One is partly controversial but makes hard teeth with just a trace, Two is notoriously poisonous and sometimes seen with old lace. Three made the Hindenburg rise and fall disastrously from the sky, Four is most essential, without Thyroxin you would surely die. Five is up in the air and to life it is very dear. Six is like your favourite pub, a lot to do with atmosphere. Put us all together and we wield economic power, A magazine? ; a dress ? ; a trend? ; I change by the hour. What am I?
ANSWER:  One : Fluorine in Fluoride prevents tooth decay.(F) Two: Arsenic is poisonous (1944 Cary Grant movie “Arsenic and Old Lace” (As) Three: Airship Hindenburg was filled with Hydrogen (H). Four: Iodine is required by the thyroid gland for production of thyroxin. (I) Five: oxygen required by most living organisms (O). Six: Nitrogen makes up 80% of our atmosphere. (N) F As H I O N Fashion dictates spending patterns. A Fashion Magazine. A Fashion(able) dress. Fashion is a trend. I am “FASHION”.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………..
The following clues below refer to words. These words are all anagrams, and the anagrams of the words all rhyme with each other. Can you figure out all the words that rhyme with each other?
Clues:
1. The longest river in the world. 2. Beverages usually made from grapes. 3. Machines used for moving heavy objects. 4. Evergreen trees with needle-like leaves
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Answers in THURDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/http://www.simplycake.biz/

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday, December 12, 2011. Thoughts from Steven Wright……..

Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” And I said, “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so… he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”
I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called Information. She said, “Hello, Information.” I said, “I can’t find my socks.” She said, “They’re behind the couch.” And they were!
Last week I bought a new phone. I took it out of the box, hooked it up to the wall… Pressed redial. The phone had a nervous breakdown.
I got an answering machine for my phone. Now when I’m not home and somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal. I like to leave messages before the beep.
I don’t like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can’t hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this [[[]]][[]][[[[. I go down to the pet store — “Gimme another ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday.”
I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, “Hey, these records are all blank.”
I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling.” —Stephen Fry

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

“The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” —Unknown

“A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend’s houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.” —Unknown 

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

 A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be.  Stallone says “I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart”  So the Director says, “Very well, you can be Mozart” Then he turns to Arnie and says “Arnie, who would you like to play ?” And Arnie says “Ah’ll be Bach!”

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “You went in there to get a date and came out with a dog? Oh, that’s bad even for you.”Answer: Garfield: The Movie. Based on the popular comic strip of the same name, this 2004 film received mostly bad reviews, even from fans of the strip. Despite this, a sequel was released in 2006 anyway. The movie stars Bill Murray as Garfield, Breckin Meyer as his owner, Jon, and Jennifer Love Hewitt as Garfield’s veterinarian and the object of Jon’s affection, Dr. Liz Wilson. This quote is said by Garfield in reference to Jon’s attempt to ask Liz out on a date, though he somehow managed to get saddled with a new pet dog, Odie, in the process because he was so smitten with Liz.

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “This is the kind of conversation two people have when one of them is female.”
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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Right now he’s probably slow dancing with a beach blonde tramp and she’s probably getting frisky, Right now he’s probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can’t take a whiskey…”?Answer: Before he Cheats. “Before He Cheats” is a country song by Carrie Underwood, who herself has beach blonde hair in my opinion!

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “You walk and talk like you’re some new sensation, You move in circles you don’t need an invitation”

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Friday’s Quizzlers is……….

The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words 1. My __________ are so talented that we are putting on a show. My extended family is so __________ that we have singers, dancers, a magician as well as a band. 2. As the crime scene was in the grove of __________, the __________ team was having a hard time collecting evidence. 3. My wife bought eight __________ at the fruit stand. As there is only seven in my family, she had a __________ one.
ANSWER:  1. RELATIVES, VERSATILE 2. CONIFERS, FORENSIC 3. PEARS, SPARE

Monday’s Quizzler is………..
If you like solving puzzles, periodically, Then this may suit your particular body chemistry. One is partly controversial but makes hard teeth with just a trace, Two is notoriously poisonous and sometimes seen with old lace. Three made the Hindenburg rise and fall disastrously from the sky, Four is most essential, without Thyroxin you would surely die. Five is up in the air and to life it is very dear. Six is like your favourite pub, a lot to do with atmosphere. Put us all together and we wield economic power, A magazine? ; a dress ? ; a trend? ; I change by the hour. What am I?_________________________________________________________________________________________
Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/http://www.simplycake.biz/http://www.comf5.com

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday, December 9, 2011. How to look busy at work………       

Generally, this will not be a concern until you are promoted to an executive position. But once you’ve created the illusion that you serve even the slightest purpose at your place of “business,” there’s no telling how far you’ll go. In the real working world, productivity is all a matter of appearances.
Appearance: You are furiously taking notes while conducting an important telephone marketing survey. Reality: You are pretending to take notes while talking to your friend who has called collect from Bulgaria.
Appearance: You are on the phone with a client in New York and you have said, “Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now’s a great time to buy, I tell ya!” Reality: You are on the phone with a friend in Guam and you have said, “Yeah, this job is terrible, and my boss is such a pushy whining… Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now’s a great time to buy, I tell ya!”
Appearance: You are at your computer writing a serious business memorandum to your department supervisior. Reality: You are at your computer telling dead-baby jokes to your e-mail correspondent in Namibia.
Appearance: You are urgently plugging numbers into a complicated spreadsheet. Reality: You are playing Angry Birds.
Appearance: You are tapping away on calculator keys, helping out the accounting department. Reality: You are paying your electric bill.
Appearance: You are reading the Software manual. Reality: You are reading the TV guide you placed in the Software manual.
Appearance: You are staring at an empty computer screen, absorbed in deep thought. Reality: You have pressed “Escape” just in time, erasing a MacDraw portrait entitled “Supervisor with Pitchfork Wound Clinging to a Cliff”
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience. ~Robert Fulghum
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~M. Kathleen Casey

If you’re going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, “Why did this happen to me?” unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way. ~Author Unknown

A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn. ~Author Unknown

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello 

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.  Manager: “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the American the job”  Murphy: “And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!” Manager: “We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.” Murphy: “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?” Manager: “Simple, the American put down on question #5, “I don’t know.”, You put down “Neither do I.”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? Person 1: “Prison.” Person 2: “Albuquerque. See, I can do it, too. Snorkel.”  Answer: National Treasure. This 2004 film is probably one of the more well-known movies in this quiz. It stars Nicolas Cage as Ben Gates, who is trying to find the greatest treasure known to man, along with the help of his assistant, Riley Poole (Justin Bartha). Abigail Chase (Diane Kruger), a National Archives archivist, joins in when Ian Howe (Sean Bean) attempts to steal the Declaration of Independence (of course, so does Ben).  This quote is said by Shaw (David Dayan Fisher) (Person 1), one of Ian’s henchmen, as a seemingly random possible answer to the riddle posed on a meerschaum pipe found on a ship in the Arctic during the hunt for the treasure. Riley (Person 2) joins in with his own disconnected series of words, just to prove that he “can do it, too.”

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “You went in there to get a date and came out with a dog? Oh, that’s bad even for you.”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Nothing made sense till the time I saw your face…”Answer: Taylor Swift. The song from which the lyrics came from is “Today Was A Fairytale” which is what I am listening to right now.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Right now he’s probably slow dancing with a beach blonde tramp and she’s probably getting frisky, Right now he’s probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can’t take a whiskey…”?

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 Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….
Sam the journalist has landed a job somewhere. The problem is, he doesn’t know where. All he knows is that it is in one of 6 cities lined up in a row in northern Canada: Eh Land, Hockeyville, Curling Town, Snowburg, New France, and Canada City. However his employer has left clues.
1. Curling Town is 2 cities away from the job’s location. 2. Hockeyville is 3 cities away from Snowburg. 3. Snowburg is on the right end. 4. New France is not the location. 5. Eh Land is 3 cities from Curling Town. 6. Canada City is 4 cities away from Snowburg. 7. Eh Land is next to the location and another place that isn’t the location. Sam is lazy, so he is paying you to find out where he is working.
ANSWER: Order: Curling Town, Canada City, Hockeyville, Eh Land, New France, Snowburg. Location: Hockeyville

Friday’s Quizzler is………..

The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words
1. My __________ are so talented that we are putting on a show. My extended family is so __________ that we have singers, dancers, a magician as well as a band.
2. As the crime scene was in the grove of __________, the __________ team was having a hard time collecting evidence.
3. My wife bought eight __________ at the fruit stand. As there is only seven in my family, she had a __________ one.
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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday, December 8, 2011. Caffeine Addict’s Quiz……….      

Do you want to know if you suffer from “Alertness Deficit Disorder” (ADD)? Then just take this simple quiz. These questions will help us to determine whether or not you suffer from this terrible affliction; the only known cure for which is caffeine. ADD takes the lives of millions of Americans, hundreds of Canadians, and a handful of Ugandans every year. If that doesn’t scare you, let’s just say that you are more susceptible than anyone else. YES, YOU! If you suffer from this disease, missing just one trip to Starbucks could be FATAL. The following series of Yes/No questions will allow us to determine your Addiction Factor(TM). Keep track of the number of Yes and No answers you get and chart yourself at the end. Remember: Prevention is the best medicine. Or was it laughter? Either way, read on.
1. Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?
2. Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it’s easier?
3. Have you ever woken up in a puddle of your own coffee?
4. Do you find that it’s easier to drink more coffee than go to sleep?
5.
a) Have you ever drunk cold coffee?
b) Right out of the pot?
6. Do you spend more than 20% of your income on coffee and/or coffee related products?
7. Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein?
8. Has anyone ever told you that you “have a problem”?
9. Do you need coffee:
a) …to get up in the morning?
b) …to get out of bed?
c) …to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?
10. Do you own a “Coffee Helmet”? (For the culturally ignorant, a coffee- helmet is a hat with coffee-cups attached to it and a straw coming out of each cup leading to the mouth, used for hands-free drinking.)
11. Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples call you “Ona mac towanda” (Smells-like- coffee)?
12. Does your doctor measure your heartbeat on the Richter scale as well as by its frequency?
13. Have you ever sold personal or other people’s possessions just to get your fix for the day?
14. Does the phrase “swiss water decaffienated” strike terror into your heart?
15.
a) Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?
b) …in more than five?
c) …in your bathroom?
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY….
“Due to the bad economy, the Queen of England’s salary will be frozen for the next four years. In fact, to make ends meet the queen is thinking of having a yard sale. Getting rid of a lot of stuff they don’t use anymore, like Canada.” -Jay Leno 

“There is a new website that allows parents to rent toys instead of buying them for Christmas. The website is perfect for parents who aren’t sure that they love their child.” -Conan O’Brien

“It’s the anniversary of the day prohibition was repealed in 1933. Prohibition was a dark time. Alcohol was illegal and peppermint latte was not invented yet. How did people make it through the day?” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

When Mr.. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening one day after he’d lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.” “Well…tell me!” he demanded. The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?” Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkins said, “Give me the bad news first.” So the policeman said, “I’m sorry to tell you sir, but we found your wife’s body this morning in San Francisco Bay.” “OH MY GOD!,” said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, “What’s the good news?” “Well,” said the policeman, “When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her.” “Huh?” he said, not understanding. “So, what’s the great news?” The policeman smiled, licked his chops, and said, “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning.”

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? Person 1: “There must be something that you’ve always wanted to do with your life.” Person 2: “Yes. I wanna see Brazil and Czechoslovakia and India–” Person 3: “Actually, there is no Czechoslovakia.” Person 2: “What?” Person 3: “It’s–it’s either the Czech Republic now or Slovakia.” Person 2: “Since when?” Person 3: “1992.” Person 2: “India’s still there, right?” Person 3: “Yes. Yes. Absolutely.”   Answer:  Mad Money. This 2008 film stars Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes as three workers at the Kansas City Federal Reserve Bank who decide to smuggle money that is due to be destroyed out of the bank. In this quote, Bridget (Keaton) (Person 1) asks Jackie (Holmes) (Person 2) about what she would use the money for. Don (Bridget’s husband, played by Ted Danson) (Person 3) interjects, correcting Jackie on her geography.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? Person 1: “Prison.” Person 2: “Albuquerque. See, I can do it, too. Snorkel.”

TODAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA MASTER AWARD GOES TO MR. STEVE SCHICK! GREAT TRIVIAING STEVE!

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be now, Gonna let the light shine on me, Now I’ve found who I am.Answer: This Is Me” by Demi Lovato & Joe Jonas. This song “This is Me” is actually from the movie “Camp Rock” which premiered on June 20, 2008.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.“Nothing made sense till the time I saw your face…”

TODAY’S DEFINTIONS MASTER AWARD GOES TO MR. STEVE SCHICK! GREAT DEFINTIONS STEVE!

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is……  The Pope has it but he does not use it.Your father has it but your mother uses it.Nuns do not need it. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one,Michael J. Fox’s is quite small.What is it?
ANSWER: A last Name!
Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….

 

Sam the journalist has landed a job somewhere. The problem is, he doesn’t know where. All he knows is that it is in one of 6 cities lined up in a row in northern Canada: Eh Land, Hockeyville, Curling Town, Snowburg, New France, and Canada City. However his employer has left clues.
1. Curling Town is 2 cities away from the job’s location.
2. Hockeyville is 3 cities away from Snowburg.
3. Snowburg is on the right end.
4. New France is not the location.
5. Eh Land is 3 cities from Curling Town.
6. Canada City is 4 cities away from Snowburg.
7. Eh Land is next to the location and another place that isn’t the location.
Sam is lazy, so he is paying you to find out where he is working.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDDREA L. BANKS AND MR. STEVE SCHICK!  STEVE ANSWERED ALL OF TODAY’S QUESTION, STEVE YOU ARE THE MAN!
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Answers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday, December 7, 2011.  Requirements for 11th Degree Black Belt!    

Master of Judo: Well before testing for this rank any experienced Judo teacher should have already learned these basic techniques:
Escape from Dojo: The quick exit to avoid clean up and helping with the mats.
Sleeper Stance: Standing at the corner of the dojo pretending to be observing the students as they sweat with exhaustion.
Sigh of Wisdom: Sudden, forceful exhalation when a beginning student unexpectedly survives a dangerous body slam without injury.
Crossing Fingers: A hopeful posture used when uke has been choked unconscious.
Gift of Instruction: The act of taking credit whenever a student wins a tournament or performs a technique correctly.
Seeing Without Seeing: The dazed look of amazement given to the student who asks a stupid question.
Kuchi Waza (mouth technique): Using an hour of class time to answer the stupid question while students sit on their knees in seiza.
Mugger’s Defense: Offering to lighten the student’s wallet to reduce the risk of confrontation.
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

“Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.” – George S. Patton

“Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.” – Samuel Butler “The good news is, the unemployment rate has dropped to 8.6 percent. The bad news is, most of those new jobs require a sack, a red suit, and a beard.” -Jay Leno

 “A man in Illinois was arrested for calling the cops five times because his iPhone wasn’t working. Yup, someone was arrested for calling someone five times in one day. Do you hear that, Mom?” -Jimmy Fallon

“A new photo from one of Saturn’s moons shows it may have all the elements necessary for life. Isn’t that cool? “Yeah, the three elements found there were nitrogen, methane and Red Bull.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our situation. After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, “I don’t know what you expect me to do for you; I’m a psychologist.” “A psychologist?” I replied. “Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can’t you help us?” “Well,” he finally responded in a measured tone. “How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?”

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Life’s not fair is it? You see, I…well I shall never be king. And you… shall never see the light of another day. Adieu!”  Answer: The Lion King. Scar, voiced by Jeremy Irons, speaks this line as he is about to eat the mouse which he caught at the beginning of the movie. Fortunately for the mouse, Zazu shows up and distracts Scar, causing him to drop the mouse. This movie, which came out in 1994, is one of the few animated films that has it all: a great dramatic story line, very funny and likeable characters and great songs throughout.

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? Person 1: “There must be something that you’ve always wanted to do with your life.” Person 2: “Yes. I wanna see Brazil and Czechoslovakia and India–” Person 3: “Actually, there is no Czechoslovakia.” Person 2: “What?” Person 3: “It’s–it’s either the Czech Republic now or Slovakia.” Person 2: “Since when?” Person 3: “1992.” Person 2: “India’s still there, right?” Person 3: “Yes. Yes. Absolutely.”

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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “He’s all that”? Answer: Cascada.

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.“I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be now, Gonna let the light shine on me, Now I’ve found who I am.

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is……

The following are colloquialisms/idioms written in their literal form. This time though, there are only three that you need to find. Example: A Panthera Pardus is incapable of altering its texture. (A leopard can’t change its spots)
1. In the general area, but failing to acquire the roll of tobacco.
2. Please pardon my accidental use of a romance language derived from Latin.
3. Direct your attention to the melodic tones currently occurrin.
ANSWER: 1. Close but no Cigar–This means to come close to succeeding, but not quite reaching your goal. 2. Excuse my French–This is a term used when someone curses at an inappropriate time. 3. Face the Music–This means to accept what will happen, instead of running from it or denying it.
Wednesday’s Quizzlers is……….
The Pope has it but he does not use it. Your father has it but your mother uses it. Nuns do not need it. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox’s is quite small. What is it?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS AWARD GOES TO RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!
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Answers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/http://www.simplycake.biz/http://www.comf5.com