Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday, October 31, 2011.  Transylvania vacation
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car.  Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.  Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, “Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We’ve been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone??” “I’m sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we don’t have a phone. My master is a Doctor; come in and I will get him!” Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. “I’m afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory.” With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor’s master looks worried. “Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion.” Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house.  Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty’s hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob’s arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up!  Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:  “Master, Master! … The Hills are alive with the sound of music!

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a Cardinal/Rams Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Rita Rudner
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, “Never take candy from strangers.” And then they dressed me up and said, “Go beg for it.” I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, “Trick or treat.” “No thank you.”

Fernando Pessoa
Look, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.

Jean Baudrillard
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.

Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

Richard Harris Barham
Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to.

Lloyd Douglas
If a man harbors any sort of fear, it makes him landlord to a ghost.

Miguel de Cervantes
Fear has many eyes and can see things underground.

Anonymous
I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….
There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn’t get them within two feet of each other. Frustrated, he called up the local zoologist, and explained the situation. She hurried over, picked up the snakes and looked at them. “You know what I would do?” she said. “See that tree over there? Chop it down, chop off a good sized log, split the log in two, and make two tables out of them. Put the tables and the snakes into a cage, and let them go at it.”

Well, the breeder thought that this was insane, but having no other options, he tried it. Sure enough, a few days later he had a whole slew of baby snakes. He called up the zoologist, and asked her how that was possible. She replied, “Well, you see, those snakes were adders. And everybody knows that to get adders to multiply you need log tables.”
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “You’re never gonna solve it. It’s not a riddle because Who IS on first. That’s a joke, Ray, it’s comedy, but when you do it you’re not funny. You’re like the comedy of Abbott and Abbott.”Answer: Rainman. Charlie (Tom Cruise) is clearly irritated with his autistic brother Raymond (Dustin Hoffman) for repeating the “Who’s on First” routine over and over with absolutely no timing or emotion (because of his autism, which Charlie doesn’t really understand). This movie won the Best Picture Oscar in 1988.

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “No, no, it was an accident. I didn’t mean to kill anybody.”

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Pick me up, been bleeding too long” Answer: Alone I Break. This song is off of KoRn’s 2002 album “Untouchables”. The band is made up of Jonathan Davis on vocals, James Shaffer on the guitar, Reginald Arvizu on bass, and David Silveria on drums. Did you know that KoRn is responsible for popularizing the “nu-metal” genre?

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “No I’m not a failure, I’ve got something to prove”

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Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Unscramble the words below and follow the directions in parentheses. Unscramble the new letters to get the name of a former U.S. President.
ehoseasr (take the 4th and 5th letters)
nkoyem (take the 3rd and 5th letters)
figreaf (take the 2nd and 7th letters)
murle (take the 2nd and 5th letters)
larsuw (take the 1st and 6th letters)
ANSWER: The unscrambled words are: oven, microwave, fridge, sink or skin, table
o, v, o, e, r, e, s, t, l  Unscramble the letters to get: Roosevelt
Theodore Roosevelt, Jr. (October 27, 1858 – January 6, 1919), also known as T.R. and to the public as Teddy, was the 26th President of the United States (1901-1909). He was the 25th Vice President before becoming President upon the assassination of President William McKinley. At age 42, he was the youngest President to date. Within the Republican Party he was a Progressive reformer who sought to bring his party’s conservative ideals into the 20th century. He broke with his friend and appointed successor William Howard Taft and ran as a third-party candidate in 1912 on the Progressive Party ticket.
(Franklin Delano Roosevelt is also an acceptable answer)

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
If you like pretty gems that sparkle and shine,
I invite you to dig in my virtual mine.
My first is purple, fit for a king,
My second is green where Dorothy did her thing.
My third is red, July’s birthstone as well,
My fourth is seen in strings and is found inside a shell.
My fifth is hard, pure Carbon and expensive to buy,
My sixth is Crocidolite, striped like the big cat’s eye.
Seventh is two words, a man-made fake of April’s stone,
Eighth is very dark and found at Lightning Ridge alone.
Now take from each gem, one letter in its turn,
And you will find the stuff for which even the gods yearn.
TODAYS QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS.  SUPER SOLVING JOB ANDREA!
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Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/ http://www.comf5.com/eucman
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Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday, October 28, 2011.   Pondering…….

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Just “before” someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Laughing stock – cattle with a sense of humor.

You can’t have everything, where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a Cardinal Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker. From the movie Naked

Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. Colin Sautar

Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years. Author Unknown

You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people. Conan O’Brien, 2003

A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge. Robert Brault.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Author Unknown

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. Mae West

If you cannot answer a man’s argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. Elbert Hubbard

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
“What did you do that for?” Asked a passing giraffe.
“Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago.”
“Wow, what a memory” commented the giraffe.
“Yes,” said the elephant, “turtle recall”.

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Oh, I forgot. You were sick the day they taught law in law school.”Answer: A Few Good Men

This is a great legal drama centering on the court martial of two marines charged with the murder of another cadet. He died as a result of a hazing incident which the defendants claim they were ordered to do which their superior officers deny. Lt. Kaffee (Tom Cruise) says this line to Lt. Galloway (Demi Moore) after their defense of the two defendants has taken an awful turn. This is a very entertaining drama from 1992. Even though it is a drama, there are quite a few funny lines throughout the movie.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “You’re never gonna solve it. It’s not a riddle because Who IS on first. That’s a joke, Ray, it’s comedy, but when you do it you’re not funny. You’re like the comedy of Abbott and Abbott.”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Paint you my soul, scarred and alone” Answer: Vampire Heart

This song is on HIM’s 2005 album “Dark Light”. The band HIM consists of Ville Valo as vocalist, Mikko Lindström as guitarist, and Mikko Paananen as bassist. Did you know that the heartagram, which is the sign for HIM and skateboarder Bam Margera, was created by Ville on the day after his 20th birthday?

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Pick me up, been bleeding too long”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Inside each set of the following words, there is a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”
1. Firecracker/Misconstruing
2. Blockbuster/Doohickey
3. Shunting/Bespeckled
4. Proliferation/Climbable
5. Heartstrings/Consciences
ANSWER: 1. Rack & Ruin, 2. Lock & Key, 3. Hunt & Peck
4. Life & Limb, 5. Arts & Sciences
Friday’s Quizzler is…….

 

Unscramble the words below and follow the directions in parentheses. Unscramble the new letters to get the name of a former U.S. President.
ehoseasr (take the 4th and 5th letters)
nkoyem (take the 3rd and 5th letters)
figreaf (take the 2nd and 7th letters)
murle (take the 2nd and 5th letters)
larsuw (take the 1st and 6th letters)

 

TODAYS QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS.  SUPER SOLVING JOB LADIES!
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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/ http://www.comf5.com/eucman

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday, October 27, 2011.  Useless Inventions…..

  1. Non stick Cellotape
  2. Solar Powered Flash Light
  3. A black highlighter pen
  4. Glow in the dark sunglasses
  5. Inflatable Anchor
  6. Smooth Sandpaper
  7. Waterproof sponge
  8. Waterproof Teabags
  9. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
  10. Fireproof Matches
  11. Fireproof Cigarettes
  12. Battery powered Battery Charger
  13. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
  14. Hand powered Chainsaw
  15. Inflatable Dartboard
  16. Silent Alarm Clock
  17. A Pedal powered wheelchair
  18. Braille Drivers Manual
  19. Double sided playing cards
  20. Ejector seats for Helicopters

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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 q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Author Unknown

A great name for a new country song: If I’d Shot You Sooner, I’d Be Out of Jail by Now. Author Unknown

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. Rita Mae Brown

As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, “You ask a lot of questions for someone who has so much explaining to do.” Robert Brault

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. Sir Winston Churchill

Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off. Author Unknown

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. Jack Handey

How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on? Tom Waits, “Mr Siegal,” Heartattack and Vine

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn’t stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs’ togetherness, which included one part sodium. It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Okay, this hanky is very nearly clean. I’m going to dab you. You may blow.”Answer: Two Weeks Notice!  Lucy Kelson (played by Sandra Bullock) is attorney to the very wealthy, very powerful businessman George Wade (Hugh Grant). He treats her more like a nanny than an attorney, which is more then Lucy can handle, and she gives her two weeks notice. This quote is said by George during the divorce hearing with his wife. His wife gets angry and throws water in Lucy’s face.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “Oh, I forgot. You were sick the day they taught law in law school.” 

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “She make it hard to copy, Always tight, never sloppy, And got an entourage, And her own paparazzi” Answer: These lyrics are from the song “Cyclone” by Baby Bash (ft. T-Pain). This song was number ten on the iTunes Top Songs list.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Paint you my soul, scarred and alone”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

This is considered by some to be the ultimate tool. With its waterproof properties, it was quickly adopted for a specific military application when originally introduced. The US Government also has recommended that all homes have it available. Along with its waterproof properties, it is known for its superior bonding, is heat resistant, and is extremely strong. It is easy to use with no training required, and is widely available in various sizes and colors. NASA thinks so highly of this, it is included on every flight that leaves the launch pad. No home, military unit, or spacecraft should be without it. ANSWER:Duct Tape.Remember the Dept of Homeland Security warning to purchase duct tape and plastic to help against biological or chemical attacks. And yes, NASA does send up duct tape with every flight. It was useful in the famous troubled Apollo 13 mission, and was credited in part with saving the lives of those astronauts.

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Inside each set of the following words, there is a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”
1. Firecracker/Misconstruing
2. Blockbuster/Doohickey
3. Shunting/Bespeckled
4. Proliferation/Climbable
5. Heartstrings/Consciences
TODAYS QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. RENNA WILD & MS. MARY SCHICK! SUPER SOLVING JOB LADIES!
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Answers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/ http://www.comf5.com/eucman

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday, October 26, 2011. The Top 10 Least Popular Halloween Handouts. 

1. Spinach flavored Rice Cakes.

2. Teeth removing Taffy

3. Metamucil in a straw

4. Ex-Lax Brownies

5. Caramel Covered Zucchini

6. Colored Crisco on a Stick

7. Hot steaming bowl of pumpkin guts

8. Chocolate Covered Prunes

9. A Handful of Red Man

10. Anything that ticks!

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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 q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Ford is installing a new feature in their cars which reads text messages out loud to the driver. Isn’t that cool? Yeah, this amazing new feature is called a ‘passenger.'” -Conan O’Brien

“One town in Alaska is called Deadhorse. Another one is called � and I’m not making this up � Manley hot springs. Which is also the name of a club here in West Hollywood.” -Craig Ferguson

“Because of a printing error, a billion new $100 bills have to be destroyed. They’re going to burn $100 billion dollars � just like they did with the last stimulus.” -Jay Leno

She might have fooled me, but she didn’t fool my mother.”- Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates in “Psycho”

“Death has come to your little town, Sheriff. Now you can either ignore it, or you can help me to stop it.”
– Donald Pleasence as Dr. Sam Loomis in “Halloween”

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This to incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day. Small medium at large.

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Fish…Pony…Hip…Hiphop…Hiphopanonymous!?!”Answer: Big Daddy!  “Big Daddy” stars Adam Sandler as a lazy slacker who becomes the unlikely foster father of his friend’s son. This quote is said in the scene where Sonny is trying to teach Julian how to read. He is also teaching Nazo, the delivery guy, but his words are harder.

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “Okay, this hanky is very nearly clean. I’m going to dab you. You may blow.” _____________________________________________________________________________

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “sad and it’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I, love you beyond the reason why, and it just ain’t right”. Answer:These lyrics are from the song “Hate That I Love You” by Rihanna. This song was number nine on the iTunes Top Songs list.

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “She make it hard to copy, Always tight, never sloppy, And got an entourage, And her own paparazzi”
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
This word has 10 letters namely
1234567890
1234 – carries heredity
456 – is a period of time
567 – is a pest
and 890 – is a charged particle
What is the word?
ANSWER: GENERATION
1234 carries heredity – gene
456 – is a period of time – era
567- is a pest – rat
890 is a charged particle – ion
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

This is considered by some to be the ultimate tool. With its waterproof properties, it was quickly adopted for a specific military application when originally introduced. The US Government also has recommended that all homes have it available. Along with its waterproof properties, it is known for its superior bonding, is heat resistant, and is extremely strong. It is easy to use with no training required, and is widely available in various sizes and colors. NASA thinks so highly of this, it is included on every flight that leaves the launch pad. No home, military unit, or spacecraft should be without it.

What type of tool is this?

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Answers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/ http://www.comf5.com/eucman

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday, October 25, 2011. Recalled Christmas Toys. 

  1. Broken Bag-O-Glass
  2. Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit
  3. Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake oven and cookbook
  4. Timothy McVays home Chemistry set
  5. Switchblade Barney
  6. Pork-n-Beany Babies
  7. Make your own moonshine kit
  8. Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Earlier this week, a protester at Occupy Wall Street proposed to his girlfriend. His exact words were, ‘Will you occupy my parents’ basement with me until I get a job?'” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study ranked the people in Minneapolis as the smartest people in the U.S. New York didn’t even rank in the top 10. That is so ‘non-good.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“It’s Spirit Day, a day against bullying of all types. There are all kinds of bullies: Evil dictators, schoolyard bullies, Internet bullies, wooly bullies.” -Craig Ferguson

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. “Do you have a second mortgage on your home?”
“No,” I replied.
“Would you like to consolidate all your debts?”
“I really don’t have any,” I said.
“How about freeing up cash for home improvements?” he tried.
“I don’t need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash,” I parried.
There was a brief silence, and then he asked, “Are you looking for a husband?”

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Oh-oh. Your shorts are on the highway.” Answer: Rain Man.  “Rain Man” stars Tom Cruise as an arrogant yuppie who discovers that he has an autistic brother (Dustin Hoffman) who receives all of the family inheritance. They head out on a cross-country journey while getting to know each other. This quote is said by Raymond (Hoffman) after he insists that he has to go to Cincinatti to get his underwear at K-Mart. Charlie (Cruise) gets so annoyed he throws the boxers out of the car.

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “Fish…Pony…Hip…Hiphop…Hiphopanonymous!?!”

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I’m waking up at the start of the end of the world, but its feeling just like every other morning before, now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it’s gone”. Answer: These lyrics are from the song “How Far We’ve Come” by Matchbox Twenty. This song was number seven on the iTunes Top Songs list.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “sad and it’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I, love you beyond the reason why, and it just ain’t right”.

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Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Add together each of the defined words to get a whole new word.
Example: to shout + what you say when you feel pain = a color = yellow.
1) A light brown color + to leave = a dance.
2) A store’s announcement + a type of women’s clothing = a building’s location.
3) A vehicle + an animal pal = a floor covering.
4) The ocean + a father’s boy = part of the year.
5) Another name for dad + a yellow veggie = a white fluffy snack.

ANSWER: 1) tan + go = tango. 2) ad + dress = address. 3) car + pet = carpet.
4) sea + son = season.  5) pop + corn = popcorn.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
This word has 10 letters namely
1234567890
1234 – carries heredity
456 – is a period of time
567 – is a pest
and 890 – is a charged particle
What is the word?
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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/ http://www.comf5.com/eucman

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday, October 24, 2011.    “Top Ten Signs You Are ‘Burned Out’ Because of Work”

  1. You’re so tired you now answer the phone, “Hell.”
  2. Your friends call to ask how you’ve been, and you immediately scream, “Get off my back, jerk!”
  3. Your garbage can IS your “in” box.
  4. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don’t care.
  5. You have so much on your mind, you’ve forget often how to think.
  6. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through …er…. Monday.
  7. You sleep more at work than at home.
  8. You leave for a party and instinctively take your ID badge.
  9. Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.
  10. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

  If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they’ll stop making it tomorrow; if it’s all three, they stopped making it yesterday. Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure. Murphy’s Law

If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else. Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. Erma Bombeck

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?” The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything.”  “Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient.  To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!” 

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Sam, are you out of your mind? He’s dead.” “That ought to make him easier to catch.” Answer: The Fugitive.  “The Fugitive” stars Harrison Ford as a doctor accused of the murder of his wife. He escapes from a prison bus accident and goes on the run to find the real killer. Tommy Lee Jones stars as the agent trying to find him. This quote is said between Agent Biggs and Sam Gerard (Jones) after Dr. Kimble jumps off of a dam to avoid capture and Gerard insists that they still go find him.

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “Oh-oh. Your shorts are on the highway.” _____________________________________________________________________________

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Even when they’re up against the wall, You got me in a crazy position, If you’re on a mission, You got my permission”  Answer: These lyrics are from the song “Gimme More” by Britney Spears. This song was number six on the iTunes Top Songs list.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I’m waking up at the start of the end of the world, but its feeling just like every other morning before, now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it’s gone”.

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Friday’s Quizzler is…….

7 dogs were boarding at the local Pet Lodge. Each dog was in a separate run, all in a single row. One of the employees left the cages unlocked and the dogs have all gotten out of their runs. She needs to put each of them back in the right cage, but this is all she remembers. Help her get them in the right cages, and QUICK!  Dogs: Beau, Duke, Fluffy, Lady, Princess, Rover, and Spike

1. Spike doesn’t like other dogs much, so he was on one of the ends.
2. Princess was somewhere to the left of Beau.
3. Rover was in the third run from the right.
4. The only dog between Fluffy and Lady was Princess.
5. Duke was directly to the left of Lady.

ANSWER: Duke-Lady-Princess-Fluffy-Rover-Beau-Spike
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Add together each of the defined words to get a whole new word.
Example: to shout + what you say when you feel pain = a color = yellow.
1) A light brown color + to leave = a dance.
2) A store’s announcement + a type of women’s clothing = a building’s location.
3) A vehicle + an animal pal = a floor covering.
4) The ocean + a father’s boy = part of the year.
5) Another name for dad + a yellow veggie = a white fluffy snack.
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Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/ http://www.comf5.com/eucman

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday, October 21, 2011.  Deep Thoughts…..

When you’re going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up high behind you to keep people from following too close.
Too bad Lassie didn’t know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said “Lassie, go skate for help,” she could do it.
If you’re ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don’t know how to speak the natives’ language, just say “Poppy-oomy.” I bet it means something.
I wonder if angels believe in ghosts.
I wish scientists would come up with an ear of corn that was big and round, because then when you were eating it, it’d be fun to make chew marks in the shape of continents.
I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you’ll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that’s my point.
I don’t understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“My fiancee and I are having a little disagreement. What I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no-expense-spared reception; and what he wants is to break off our engagement.” -Sally Poplin

“The only difference between the women I’ve dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.” –Richard Jeni

“The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the Bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.  Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.  She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).  To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.  He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.  Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Have I ever not showed? I mean in 19 years, have I ever not showed?” “Well, that’s true of everyone till the first time they don’t show.”Answer: For Love of the Game.  “For Love of the Game” stars Kevin Costner as Billy Chapel. He is a 40 year old pitcher at the end of his career, whose girlfriend leaves him on the most important day of his professional life, the day he pitches the perfect game. This quote is said between Billy and his coach after he is an hour late to practice. The coach is worried about who he’ll have to put in if Billy doesn’t show.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “Sam, are you out of your mind? He’s dead.” “That ought to make him easier to catch.”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Everything’s going to be all right, People keep talking they can say what they like, but all I know is everything’s going to be all right”Answer: These lyrics are from the song “No One” by Alicia Keys. This song was number five on the iTunes Top Songs list.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Even when they’re up against the wall, You got me in a crazy position, If you’re on a mission, You got my permission”
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Thursday’s Quizzler is…

Unscramble the words below, then take the letters from each word as instructed to form another word that is the answer to this teaser:
YLAP Take letters 1 & 2
DRAAW Take letters 1 & 4
ELT Take letter 2
Unscramble the letters you collected… What do you get?
ANSWER: YLAP Take letters 1 & 2 – PLAY, take P,L
DRAAW Take letters 1 & 4 – AWARD, take A,R
ELT Take letters 2 – LET, take E
Unscramble the above to get ‘Pearl’
Pearls are an organic gem, created by Nature. A pearl is created when oysters cover any object with beautiful layers of nacre. Long ago, pearls were considered to be very sound and important financial assets, equivalent to owning a house of your own, as thousands of oysters had to be searched for only one pearl. They were rare because they were created only by chance.  Today, pearls are cultured by man. Oysters are stimulated to cover beads with nacre and create the pearls. Pearls are available in white and beautiful hues of off white and pink. They are also available in black.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….

7 dogs were boarding at the local Pet Lodge. Each dog was in a separate run, all in a single row. One of the employees left the cages unlocked and the dogs have all gotten out of their runs. She needs to put each of them back in the right cage, but this is all she remembers. Help her get them in the right cages, and QUICK!  Dogs: Beau, Duke, Fluffy, Lady, Princess, Rover, and Spike

1. Spike doesn’t like other dogs much, so he was on one of the ends.

2. Princess was somewhere to the left of Beau.

3. Rover was in the third run from the right.

4. The only dog between Fluffy and Lady was Princess.

5. Duke was directly to the left of Lady.

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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/ http://www.comf5.com/eucman