Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday, September 30, 2011.  Ponderings…..

If cats and dogs didn’t have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it “chili” if it’s hot?
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they’ll stop making it tomorrow; if it’s all three, they stopped making it yesterday. Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure. Murphy’s Law

If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else. Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. Erma Bombeck

I tell you this, and I tell you plain: What you have done, you will do again;You will bite your tongue, careful or not,
Upon the already-bitten spot. Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s
Harvey’s grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, “Vat sims to be ze problem?” Harvey says, “I’m not sure, but it doesn’t go ‘tick-tocktick -tock’ anymore. Now it just goes ‘tick…tick…tick.'”  The old man says, “Mmm-Hm!” and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice, “Ve haf vays of making you tock!”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘Why don’t you put her in charge?’Answer:Aliens. Hudson (Bill Paxton) when complaining about Ripley using Newt as an example.  

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘It doesn’t matter, I don’t like my job…and I don’t think I’m gonna go anymore.’

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Let’s get it on till the early morn….Shake that thing…” Answer: Sean Paul
“Get Busy” is by Sean Paul.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got…”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is……
What expression is represented here?
Run, Hit, Jump = Volume Level 9
Dictionary = Volume Level 2
ANSWER: Actions speak louder than words.
Explanation:Run, Hit, Jump are all actions and the volume level for them is higher that than of Dictionary which simply contains a whole lot of words. Hence you get Actions speak louder than words.
Friday’s Quizzler is…
Below is a (very) short story with 10 capitalized words or phrases which are anagrams of words that all fit in a certain category. Can you find the anagrams and determine the category? NOTE: One of the answers contains two words.
A recently PAROLED man named Ari was going to ROB A PEARL boat of all of its FIG FARE. The boat was just off of the SHORE. He put on his BALM and donned his TOGA to SNEAK aboard. ARI GOT ALL of the NEAT HELP he needed from a safety pin that kept his toga IN PLACE.
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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday, September 29,  2011.  Amazing  Anagrams…….. 

Dormitory == Dirty Room

Desperation == A Rope Ends It

The  Morse Code == Here Come Dots

Slot Machines == Cash Lost in ’em

Animosity == Is No Amity

Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z’s

Alec Guinness == Genuine Class

Semolina == Is No Meal

The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal  Point == I’m a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one

Contradiction == Accord not  in it

This one’s amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]

To be or  not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the  slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Becomes:  In one of the Bard’s  best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts
about how life turns rotten.  And the grand finale: “That’s one small  step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” — Neil A. Armstrong

becomes: A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on  moon! On to Mars!

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have an interesting Thursday people and  whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!


q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, ‘Oh, he’s good. I like his work.'”
–David Spade

“Correspondence schools are full of it. I saw an ad where they claimed
they could teach you veterinarian medicine thought the mail. Hate to be a dog in
that house. “Mail’s here!” “Yip, yip, yip!” Talk about being a regular in the
pet store, “Hey, didn’t I already sell you a puppy?” –Drew Carey

“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a “learning
experience.” Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a
“learning experience.” It makes me feel less stupid.” –P. J. O’Rourke

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

Our 25-year-old  son moved back home with an eye toward socking away money to buy a condo. We  never bothered asking how long he’d planned to stay, but I got a pretty good
idea when I walked into his room recently. In the corner was a milk jug with a  few coins in it and a label that read “Condo down payment.”

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the  day! 

‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote  from??? ‘Have you paid your dues Jack?…Yes
sir the check is in the mail.’
Answer
: Big Trouble In Little China. Kurt Russell squawking into his CB on a dark and stormy night
while eating a sandwich.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!
‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??
‘Why don’t you put her in  charge?’

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features  popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which
artist. “It’s been so  long and I’m lost without you”  Answer: Aaliyah. This song is “Miss You.” Aaliyah tragically passed away in an
airplane accident in 2002. This was a song she had already  recorded.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features  popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which
artist. “Let’s  get it on till the early morn….Shake that  thing…”

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Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……
What do the  following words have in common?
Assess, Banana, Dresser, Grammar, Potato,  Revive, Uneven,  Voodoo
ANSWER: If you take the first letter and move it to the rear of the
word, you get the same word when read backwards.
Thursday’s Quizzler is…
What expression is
represented here?
Run, Hit, Jump = Volume Level 9
Dictionary = Volume Level 2
TODAY’S  QUIZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS ANDREA L. BANKS!
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Answers in FRIDAYS  Jokes,  Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily?  Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email
and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an  email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY  FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.netwww.wcscatering.com.,  www.Beaumont77.com.,
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http://www.comf5.com/eucman

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday, September 28, 2011. Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer    
* During the trial, you catch him playing Angry Birds.
* Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniel’s to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.
* He places a large “No Refunds” sign on the defense table.
* Just before trial starts he whispers, “The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?”
* Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
* The sign in front of his law office reads “Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM.”
* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”
* He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”
* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.
* Constantly raising objections to the “vibes” he’s getting from the jury.
* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, “Yahtzee!”
* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.
* You met him in prison.
* He tells you that his last good case was Scotch.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
* He asks a hostile witness to “pull my finger.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I once said cynically of a politician, ‘He’ll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.'”
– Oscar Levant

“There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income.”
– Edmund Wilson

“When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.”
– Sir Winston Churchill

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.

One guy asked, “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?”

Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, “The rest of your life.”

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge…” Answer: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.  Johnny Deep cranked out this line toward one of the ends of one of his many massive speeches in this Terry Gilliam masterpiece.

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘Have you paid your dues Jack?…Yes sir the check is in the mail.’

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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?Answer:

“Complicated” is by Avril Lavigne. 

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “It’s been so long and I’m lost without you”

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is……

In each sentence the name of a tree is hidden. The willow is hiding in the first sentence. Can you find the others?

1. I will owe you a favor if you drive me to the airport.
2. I am afraid of going up in elevators.
3. Drinking cocoa keeps me warm on long winter nights.
4. I hope the map leads us to buried treasure.
5. “Eat another bonbon,” said our charming hostess.
6. Nepal may be the most interesting place I have ever visited.
7. Remember to fold the map, please.
8. I feel many lumps in this mattress.
9. Word processing is not as useful as pens and paper for creative brainstorming.

ANSWER: 1. Willow, 2. Pine, 3. Oak, 4. Maple, 5. Bonsai, 6. Palm
7. Apple, 8. Elm, 9. Aspen

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…
What do the following words have in common?
Assess
Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Voodoo
TODAY’S QUIZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS ANDREA L. BANKS!
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Answers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday, September 27, 2011.  Ponderings……  

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I hate driving, and I hate when people honk at me. Unless I’m making a left turn. Then I like it because that’s how I know it’s time to turn.” –Rita Rudner

“I had surgery this year. Nothing serious, thank God. But just before I went under I heard the one thing you don’t want to hear, ‘Where’s my lucky scalpel?'” –Jonathan Katz

“Some things just aren’t funny. Beatings aren’t funny. Mimes aren’t funny. But beating a mime – why is that so hilarious?” –Dave Attell

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

Noah was told that of all the animals on the ark, only the adders refused to obey God’s command and go forth and multiply. “Well,” said Noah. “I’ll have to ask the Lord what to do about that.” And so he prayed to God and said, “These snakes won’t go forth and multiply” And God said, “Don’t worry. Find some the trees and saw them into logs and create a platform sitting upon four legs. Then put the snakes on the platform.” “But how will that help the snakes?” asked Noah. “Easy,” replied God, “Everyone knows even adders can multiply using a log table!”

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “You know…for kids!” Answer: Hudsucker Proxy. This qutoe, from one of the first films by the Coen brothers, was delieverd by Tim Robbins a mulitude of times. He was trying to explain why his design for the hula-hoop would be huge. Of course his design was a circle on a piece of paper kept in his shoe. He sure did cause a lot of hoop-la! Fight on for Muncie!

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge…”
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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.“Yesterday my life was duller, now everything’s technicolor”Answer:Hilary Duff.   This song is off the “Lizzie McQuire” soundtrack. The song is “This is what Dreams are Made Of.”   

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.  “Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?

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Monday’s Quizzler is……
If E times ILE equals BANISH, and TE times T equals BOOK, what does TO times IN equal?
A. BREATH
B. TEASER
C. RUTABAGA
D. POISON
E. COPPER
ANSWER: POISON, Replace every instance of the word “times” with an ‘X’.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

In each sentence the name of a tree is hidden. The willow is hiding in the first sentence. Can you find the others?

1. I will owe you a favor if you drive me to the airport.
2. I am afraid of going up in elevators.
3. Drinking cocoa keeps me warm on long winter nights.
4. I hope the map leads us to buried treasure.
5. “Eat another bonbon,” said our charming hostess.
6. Nepal may be the most interesting place I have ever visited.
7. Remember to fold the map, please.
8. I feel many lumps in this mattress.
9. Word processing is not as useful as pens and paper for creative brainstorming.

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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/ http://www.comf5.com/eucman

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday, September 26, 2011.   Books to read after age 52…… 

Bowels: A Window to Overall Health
To 3-year-olds, bowel movements are an exciting feat. To grown-ups, they’re a picture of how our bodies are working. Find out what irregular bowel movements mean, and what certain changes in color, texture and frequency say about our health.
10 Soothing recipes to Help You Sleep
Can’t fall asleep? It could be your diet! To quit tossing and turning, try one of these delicious recipes before bedtime. They contain tryptophan, magnesium and other important natural nutrients to make you sleepy…
What Your Urine Says About Your Health
One morning, your urine looks as cloudy as a British beach, another, as yellow as lemonade. And that smell? Whew! Is it from something you ate or is your liquid output warning you of serious health problems? Here’s what your urine is telling you. Plus, do you know how to make your bladder behave?

REALLY?

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Apparently the recession ended last June. So for those of you that are still broke and without a job, it’s all in your head.” -Jay Leno
“A man wearing an Obama mask robbed a bank. Either that or Obama has an exciting new plan to reduce the deficit.” -Conan O’Brien

“Instead of sending in a written resume, a man in California recently got a job because of a YouTube video he made. As opposed to most people, who lose their job because of a YouTube video they made.” -Jimmy Fallon

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says the beaming boy to his father.

“Nope,” comes dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.”

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???“Hollywood doesn’t want screenwriters so much as secretaries with a flair for dialogue.”  Answer: How to Kill Your Neighbor’s Dog. If you’ve never seen this movie, see it. It’s one of the funniest and most original films of the year. Kenneth Branagh plays a sarcastic and cranky playwright whose unlikely friendship with a nieghbor’s disabled daughter helps him escape his fear of fatherhood. This quote is one of his many highly saracstic comebacks during the film.

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “You know…for kids!”

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.“All the ladies and their fellas, they can do what they can do and they can do it even better with broken heels. Answer: Broken Heels.  Alexandra Burke’s “Broken Heels” came off the CD “Overcome”, and reached number eight on the US Billboard charts.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.  “Yesterday my life was duller, now everything’s technicolor”

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Friday’s Quizzler is…… 

Each of the clues make up a type of flower, for example “small container + to allow” would be “vial + let”, or “violet.”

Can you figure out these five?

1. an implement + flesh around mouth
2. foppish + a large carnivorous wildcat
3. to wed + a soft yellow element
4. a false statement + be deficient in
5. indicates an alternative + child

ANSWER: 1. Tulip (tool + lip),  2. Dandelion (dandy + lion),  3. Marigold (marry + gold),  4. Lilac (lie + lack),  5. Orchid (or + kid)

Monday’s Quizzler is…
If E times ILE equals BANISH, and TE times T equals BOOK, what does TO times IN equal?

A. BREATH
B. TEASER
C. RUTABAGA
D. POISON
E. COPPER

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!
BRILLIANT SOLVING JOB BANKS!
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Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/ http://www.comf5.com/eucman

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday, September 23, 2011. Kids Say the Darndest Things…..

  A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic! 

1.
Don’t change horses
until they stop running.
2.
Strike while the
bug is close.
3.
It’s always darkest before
Daylight Saving Time.
4.
Never underestimate the power of
termites.
5.
You can lead a horse to water but
how?
6.
Don’t bite the hand that
looks dirty.
7.
No news is
impossible.
8.
A miss is as good as a
Mr.
9.
You can’t teach an old dog new
math.
10.
If you lie down with dogs, you’ll
stink in the morning.
11.
Love all, trust
me.
12.
The pen is mightier than the
pigs.
13.
An idle mind is
the best way to relax.
14.
Where there’s smoke there’s
pollution.
15.
Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.
16.
A penny saved is
not much.
17.
Two’s company, three’s
the Musketeers.
18.
Don’t put off till tomorrow what
you put on to go to bed.
19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
you have to blow your nose.
20.
There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder.
21.
Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded.
22.
If at first you don’t succeed
get new batteries.
23.
You get out of something only what you
see in the picture on the box.
24.
When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.
25.
A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26.
Better late than
pregnant.


That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“He’s so optimistic he’d buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants.”
by, Chuck Tanner.

“Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time.”
by, Anonymous.

“In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.”
by, Anonymous.

“We have found that it’s much easier to restrain our wrath when the other fellow is bigger than we are.”
by, Anonymous.

“A gas station is a place where you sometimes fill the car, but more often drain the kids.”
by, Anonymous.

“The only thing stronger than a mother’s love is a garlic breath”.

 

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes.  In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ”No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ”Here,” she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ”I found them in the hallway.” ”Now,” she said, ”if only I could find my parakeet.”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???“I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a star.” Answer: Boogie Nights. Mark Wahlberg standing in front of a mirror. 

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??“Hollywood doesn’t want screenwriters so much as secretaries with a flair for dialogue.”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Yeah I’m sorry, I can’t afford a Ferrari. But that don’t mean I can’t get you there.” Answer: Forget You. Cee Lo’s main hits include “It’s OK” and “Forget You”. His album for 2010 is called “The Lady Killer”. He was originally in the band “Gnarls Barkley”.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.  “All the ladies and their fellas, they can do what they can do and they can do it even better with broken heels.

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Thursday’s Quizzler is……
1-2-3-4-5-6
I am a 6 letter word.
Letters 6-5-2 spell out a drink.
Letters 4-5-2-3 spell out a fruit.
Letters 1-2-6 spell out a pet.
Letters 3-2-6 spell out a pest, which often gets eaten by 1-2-6.
What am I?
ANSWER: CARPET. 6-5-2: tea, 4-5-2-3: pear, 1-2-6: cat, 3-2-6: rat  
Friday’s Quizzler is…

Each of the clues make up a type of flower, for example “small container + to allow” would be “vial + let”, or “violet.”

Can you figure out these five?

1. an implement + flesh around mouth
2. foppish + a large carnivorous wildcat
3. to wed + a soft yellow element
4. a false statement + be deficient in
5. indicates an alternative + child

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE WEEK AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!
INCREDIBLE SUPER SOLVING BANKS!
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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday, September 22, 2011.  Future Novelists…….

Future Novelists… These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

“Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a really duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

 “Grandparents complain that their families don’t call them. But in their defense, a lot of the time that people call, grandparents answer the blender.” -Craig Ferguson

“Cab drivers are now illegally overcharging you for made-up charges. I was in a cab today and I was charged $11 for shipping and handling.” -David Letterman

“The University of Chicago is hosting an academic conference called ‘Jersey Shore Studies.’ Meanwhile in Korea, students are learning something called ‘math.'” -Jimmy Kimmel

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular.  “When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I’d get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o’ bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans… all for a dollar!!”  Then Grandpa said sadly, “You can’t DO that anymore….they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look.”

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Looks like you Irish cops are perking up… That’s two solid thories in one day, neither of which have to do with an overly sized man… Makes me feel like Riverdancin’!”Answer: The Boondock Saints.

Willem Dafoe in possibly his most twisted and off the wall roll plays a FBI man searching down to Irish vigilantes in Boston who take it upon themselves to rid the world of those that walk against the will of God. This quote is when Dafoe is in a crime scence and one of the local officers offers up the second straight good theory concerning the possible identity of the Saints.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a star.”

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I’ll be good to you, you’ll be good to me. We can be together, be together.” Answer: Just Be Good To Green. Professor Green, born Stephen Paul Manderson, reached number five in the US with this song.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.  “Yeah I’m sorry, I can’t afford a Ferrari. But that don’t mean I can’t get you there.” ___________________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……

In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There’s a catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?

EXAMPLE: Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose
Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower.
Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s name.

You’re on your own for the rest!
1. Aqua – Hazel – Willow – Cherry
2. Cat – Sword – Hamster – Dog
3. Prince – Double – Queen – King

ANSWER:  1. Aqua does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a tree. Willow does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a colour.

2. Sword does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a family pet. Hamster does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a type of fish.

3. Double does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a person of royalty. Prince does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a bed size.

Thursday’s Quizzler is…

1-2-3-4-5-6

I am a 6 letter word.
Letters 6-5-2 spell out a drink.
Letters 4-5-2-3 spell out a fruit.
Letters 1-2-6 spell out a pet.
Letters 3-2-6 spell out a pest, which often gets eaten by 1-2-6.
What am I?

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!
INCREDIBLE SOLVING BANKS!
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Answers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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