Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

 WELCOME to Friday, June 24, 2011. Wacky 911 calls

* A call came into 911 Emergency because two couples were going to share a hotel room and there weren’t enough towels.
* A man called 911 and said: “Please connect me to Seitzerland.”
* A lady called 911 because of a fight going on in a parking lot. When asked to describe the combatants, she said: “I’ll try. There’s one man, and he’s
dressed like Elvis. He’s kicking another man who’s laying on the ground and screaming ‘You ain’t nothing but a hound dog.'”
* Another person called to report he had the hiccups.
* A thirteen-year-old boy called to report he had “stuff” coming from his navel. Paramedics examined the boy and all they found was belly-button
lint.
* A male complainant called and requested police call gas stations on all exits of I-95 to find out which ones were open.
* A woman called emergency to report she had seen a wild mouse in her house.
* Someone called 911 to report the parrot got out of his cage and was in a tree outside.
* A man broke up with his girlfriend and wanted police to go by her house and report to him the owners of any cars, other than hers, in her driveway.
* A man called to report he had a roach stuck in his ear.
* A guy called to ask if they delivered dope. When the person answering told him it was the Sheriff’s Department, he hung up.
* Another winner called to ask when the Cinco de Mayo celebration was. (Cinco de Mayo means the 5th of May)
* A female complainant called to request a police officer come to her residence to change the battery in her smoke detector. She couldn’t reach it.
* A drunk called 911 to order a pizza.
* A woman called to report that someone had trespassed on her property. When asked how she knew this, she reported that the person had trimmed her rose bushes, and she knew it was her next-door neighbor.
* A person called to find out the number to the police station..

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a
great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true.” – Sir Winston Churchill

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain

“Recommend to your children virtue; that alone can make them happy, not gold.” – Ludwig van Beethoven

“Tuesday was the summer solstice. It’s the longest day of the year, if you don’t count Thanksgiving with your family.” -David Letterman

“I don’t know if you heard, but astronaut Buzz Aldrin is getting divorced. Apparently, he just needed some space.”
-Jimmy Fallon

“You all know Bristol Palin has a book. She reveals that she lost her virginity on a camping trip. Bristol said she named her son ‘Tripp’ because ‘camping’ seemed like a dumb name.” -Conan O’Brien

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

An influential Londoner wound up a business trip to the Orient with a visit to Taipei. At a luncheon he was asked to say a few words.
Since he spoke not a word of Chinese, his address was to be translated by an interpreter sentence by sentence. “I want you to know,” he began, “I’m tickled to death to be asked here today.” A look of panicked confusion appeared on the interpreter’s face. “This poor man,” he said in Chinese, “Scratches himself until he dies, only to be with you today.”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘We regret to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid.’ Answer: Top Gun. This quote is said by Goose when they are at Top Gun.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??’…how’s your wife and my kids?’ __________________________________________________________________________________

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen who you think this record is dissin’, put yourself in my position, just try to envision witnessin’ your mama popping prescription pills in the kitchen.” Answer: Eminem. Off Eminem’s third and least contoversial album so far, “The Eminem Show”, this lyric is from the song “Cleaning Out My Closet”.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay, so you bargain with the devil that you’re okay for today.”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

Who can’t live without Spell Check in their email or word software? It’s a great tool… Unless you are poor Paula Abdul who transforms into “Pail Abut” when the Spell Checker has at her. The following TV and Movie Celebrities have been Spell Checked and are ready for you to uncover their true identities.

1. Court Coax
2. Action Cutter
3. Kite Wingless
4. Summon Cowbell
5. Mercy Stripe
6. Deli Moose
7. Camera Dies
8. Renew Sewage

Answer: 1. Courtney Cox, 2. Ashton Kutcher, 3. Kate Winslet, 4. Simon Cowell, 5. Meryl Streep, 6. Demi Moore, 7. Cameron Diaz, 8. Renee Zellweger,

Friday’s Quizzler is…

Each of the clues below describe the name of a candy. Can you name them? Example: Galaxy would be a Milky Way.
1. Sign of affection
2. Favorite day for working people
3. Can’t hold on to anything
4. Famous swashbuckling trio
5. Sun explosions

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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday, June 14, 2011. Miscellaneous terms……

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH: A female moth.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a
great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t he d a y

Without tenderness, a man is uninteresting.” – Marlene Dietrich

“Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it
till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.” – Will Rogers

“There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other.”
– J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone)

 

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?” “Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques-visulization, association-it made a huge difference for me.” That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?” Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn’t remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?” “You mean a rose?” “Yes, that’s it!” He turned to his wife.  . .”Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘What are you
doing?’ ‘Losing.’ Answer: A Knight’s Tale. The quote is said by Roland and Will. He is trying to prove his love to Jocelyn.

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘Shall we say at the stroke of midnight, pun not intended.’

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “Can’t keep on loving you one foot outside the door.” Answer: Brandy: From Brandy’s late 90’s hit album “Never Say Never”, this lyric is from the song “Almost Doesn’t Count”.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, when I was dead broke, man, I couldn’t picture this.”

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Monday’s Quizzler is..

In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words.
BUT WAIT! There’s a catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not
belong. Can you find them both?

EXAMPLE: Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose
Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower. Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s
name.  You’re on your own for the rest!

1. Dodge – Ford – Lincoln – Hoover
2. King – Earl – Knight – Bishop
3. Yellow – Green – Dead – Black

Answer: 1. Hoover does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a car manufacturer. Dodge does not
belong as it’s the only one which is not the last name of a President of USA.

2. Bishop does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a class of
nobility. Earl does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a Chess piece.

3. Dead does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a color. Green does
not belong as it’s the only one which is not the name of a sea.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

For each group below, fill in the blanks with two words that differ only by their first letter.
1. Stop thinking over here. Go _ _ _ _ _ _ over _ _ _ _ _ _.
2. An untrained person could be killed in these woods, but there is little _ _
_ _ _ _ for a _ _ _ _ _ _.

3. Writing an “A” on your dish rag would make it a _ _ _ _ _ with a __ _ _ _.

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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@  ttp://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Ponderings for Today………

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Do fish get cramps after eating? That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o te s o f t h e d a y

“Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.” Anonymous.

“Half of the people in the world are below average.” Anonymous.

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!” Yogi Berra.

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,” Calvin.

“Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?” Hobbes. Calvin and Hobbes. 

“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Rodney Dangerfield

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.” Albert Einstein

“Marriage is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.” Lisa Hoffman.

“Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.” Anonymous.

“A rich man’s joke is always funny.” Proverb.
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, “Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?” The patient calls back, “One moment!” and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter’s level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, “It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is.” The man can’t help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, “That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?” The patient holds up his wrist and says, “I suppose I’d just look at my watch.”

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘I don’t need therapy.’ Answer: Good Will Hunting. Excellent
screenplay written by 2 college kids for an assignment. (Matt Damon and Ben Affleck) The quote is said by Will after being being ‘hypnotized’ by the one
therapist.

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘What are you doing?’ ‘Losing.’

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “I realized quickly, when I knew I
should, that the world was made up of this brotherhood of man, or whatever that means.” Answer: Brandy. From Brandy’s late 90’s hit album
“Never Say Never”, this lyric is from the song “Almost Doesn’t Count”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “Can’t keep on loving you one foot
outside the door.”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..

If you’re good at solving puzzles, these will be easy. Every answer is a two-word phrase in which the first word begins with “BE” and the second with
“ST”.  Ex: A fairy tale is a popular one.
BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _
BEDTIME STORY
1.)Nickname for Utah.
BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

2.)One jewel of horse racing’s Triple Crown.
BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _ _

3.)Cause of red bump on the skin.
BE_ ST_ _ _

4.)What separates Alaska from Russia.
BE _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _ _

5.)Star of “Zoolander” and “Meet the Fockers”.
BE_ ST_ _ _ _ _

6.)Once a giant among the United States’ metal manufacturers.
BE_ _ _ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

Answer: 1.)Beehive State, 2.)Belmont Stakes, 3.)Bee Sting, 4.)Bering Strait, 5.)Ben Stiller, 6.)Bethlehem Steel

Monday’s Quizzler is…

In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There’s a
catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?

EXAMPLE:  Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose
Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower. Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s name.
You’re on your own for the rest!

1. Dodge – Ford – Lincoln – Hoover
2. King – Earl – Knight – Bishop
3. Yellow – Green – Dead – Black

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS THREE TIMES IN ROW! GREAT JOB BANKS!

________________________________________________________________________

Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to
receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S
DAILY BLOG ONLINE@
https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

WELCOME to Friday, June 10, 2011. Visit to the Car dealer!

One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale’s Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it
just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,  “Well, sonny, I can’t remember the name exactly, but it has something to
do with hate or anger.” The owner replies, “Well, let’s see… Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?”

The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, “I want this color sonny.” To which Nathan replies, “Ma’am I’m sorry, but we don’t have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?” “No son, I want this color.” “But ma’am, they didn’t make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?” says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.

By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about. The secretary replies, “Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman’s
corn!” That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.” -Isaac Asimov

“…when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however
improbable, must be the truth.” -Sherlock Holmes (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)

“Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.” -Benjamin Franklin

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before
her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: “There is no easy way to say this so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will
die a violent death this year.”

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths
to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the Tarot reader’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked, “Will I get away with it?”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???’How does it feel to be stuffed like a turkey?’ Answer: Side Out. This movie has some the the best pro volleyball players in the country in it. Sinjin Smith, Randy Stoklos, Steve Timmons, and Ricci Luyties all have played pro beach
volleyball and have all played for their country on Team USA. Sinjin Smith is the true King of the Beach. The quote was said by Wiley Hunter at the beginning
of the King of the Beach Tourney.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘I don’t need therapy.’ __________________________________________________________________________________

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “You can trust me not to think, and
not to sleep around, and if you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.” Answer: Gin Blossoms. This lyric is from the Gin Blossoms’ 1992 hit “Hey Jealousy”, off the album “New Miserable Experience.”

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “I realized quickly, when I knew I
should, that the world was made up of this brotherhood of man, or whatever that means.”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

Find five geographical terms by adding one of the given letters to each word and rearranging the letters. Each letter will be used only once. F I O P Y

1. Steep + ? =
2. Raven + ? =
3. Store + ? =
4. Along + ? =
5. Serge + ? =

Answer: 1. Steppe, 2. Ravine, 3. Forest, 4. Lagoon, 5. Geyser

Friday’s Quizzler is…

If you’re good at solving puzzles, these will be easy. Every answer is a two-word phrase in which the first word begins with “BE” and the second with “ST”.
Ex: A fairy tale is a popular one.
BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _  BEDTIME STORY

1.)Nickname for Utah.
BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

2.)One jewel of horse racing’s Triple Crown.
BE_ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _ _

3.)Cause of red bump on the skin.
BE_ ST_ _ _

4.)What separates Alaska from Russia.
BE _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _ _

5.)Star of “Zoolander” and “Meet the Fockers”.
BE_ ST_ _ _ _ _

6.)Once a giant among the United States’ metal manufacturers.
BE_ _ _ _ _ _ _ ST_ _ _

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS TWICE! GREAT JOB BANKS!

________________________________________________________________________

Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to
receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Workplace insanity…How to maintain it!

Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a
different gender than you.

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to
have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.”

Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.

Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.  Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”

Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none,
lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”

Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce,
I keep the house.” Zsa Zsa Gabor

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my
finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” Rodney Dangerfield

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t
realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,”
Calvin.

“Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?” Hobbes.
Calvin and Hobbes.

“Cheese… milk’s leap toward immortality.” Clifton Fadiman.

“Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.”John Peers.

“You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax,
tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.” Pearl Williams.

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through
my fish burger and I realize, Oh man….I could be eating a slow learner.”
Lyndon B. Johnson.

“He’s so optimistic he’d buy a burial suit with two pairs of
pants.” Chuck Tanner.
G u a r a n t e e d to R o l l Y o u r E y e s

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.  While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the
farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward
her demanding ways.   At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake
his head no, and mumble a reply.  Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.  The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would then ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.'”

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘What are you gonna do, bleed on me?’ Answer: Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This is an excellent, but odd movie. You either LOVE it or HATE it, there is no in between. The quote was said to the Black Knight as they are trying to pass across the bridge.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘How does it feel to be stuffed like a turkey?’

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “They say you can’t turn a bad girl
good, but once a good girl’s gone bad, she’s gone forever.” Answer: Jay-Z. This lyric is from “Song Cry”.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “You can trust me not to think, and
not to sleep around, and if you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..

Can you find the eleven hidden colours in the following paragraph:  Many injured animals are invited to live at the ‘Toronto Range’. Stop in kangaroo
corner and marvel at the lovely creatures within. Dig over the potato patch to find small furry caterpillars, but don’t yell! Owls can be found swooping for
edible rodents, earwigs or perhaps bluebottles in the undergrowth. The brown bear, Rob, lacks grace and may look like an ogre, enter at your own risk!
Peacocks can be found showing their colourful wares, which look fantastic when viewed with our ultraviolet torch.

Answer: Many inju(red) animals are invited t(o live) at the ‘Toront(o Range)’. Sto(p in k)angaroo corner and marvel at the lovely creatures with(in. Dig o)ver the potato patch to find small furry caterpillars, but don’t (yell! Ow)ls can be found swooping fo(r ed)ible rodents, earwigs or perhaps (blue)bottles in the undergrowth. The (brown) bear,
Ro(b, lack)s grace and may look like an o(gre, en)ter at your own risk! Peacocks can be found showing their colourful wares, which look fantastic when
viewed with our ultra(violet) torch.

Thursday’s Quizzler is…

Find five geographical terms by adding one of the given letters to each word and rearranging the letters. Each letter will be used only once.
F I O P Y
1. Steep + ? =
2. Raven + ? =
3. Store + ? =
4. Along + ? =
5. Serge + ? =

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WAY2GO BANKS!

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Answers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to
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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

WELCOME to Wednesday, June 8, 2011. Fathers….

In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons’ ears and shout, “WHENYOU HAVE A MINUTE..”

In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.
Today, a father spends $800 at Toys ‘R’ Us, and the kid screams: “I wanted Sega!”

In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes. Today, it’s Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.

In 1900, a Father’s Day gift would be a hand tool. Today, he’ll get a digital organizer.

In 1900, fathers said, “A man’s home is his castle.” Today, they say, “Welcome to the money pit.”

In 1900, “a good day at the market” meant Father brought home feed for the horses.  Today, “a good day at the market” means Dad got in early on an IPO.

In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.  Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald’s.

In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then. Today, a father’s involved only if he coaches Little League and organizes Boy
Scouts and car pools.

In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention. Today, kids glance up and grunt, “Dad, you’re invading my space.”

In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suiters with shotguns if the girl came home late. Today, fathers break the ice by saying, “So…how long have you had that
earring?”

In 1900, fathers pined for the old school, which meant a one-room, red-brick building.Today, fathers pine for the old school, which means Dr J and Mickey Mantle.

In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated. In 2001, fathers are never truly appreciated. That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a wonderful
Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” – Henry Winkler

“In the end, everything is a gag.” – Charlie Chaplin

“…when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however
improbable, must be the truth.” – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

“British scientists are now seeking permission to fuse human cells with rabbit eggs.
Their goal is to create a human with a lucky foot.” –Jay Leno

“General Motors is producing a driver-less car. Here’s my fear: I’ll buy
one of those driver-less cars, and I’ll be home on a Saturday night, and the
car will out driving without me!” -David Letterman

“This week in Texas, a fire broke out in a warehouse destroying 2,000
pounds of marijuana. Officials say more than 60 firefighters and 2,000 college
students responded to the blaze.” -Conan O’Brien

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning we were drifting about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on the phone.  Suddenly his rod bent double, and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. Scott was master of the situation. “Pardon me,” he told his
customer calmly. “I have a call on another line.”

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘Spandex…It’s a privelege not a right!’ Answer:Hackers. You just gotta love a movie where the character names are ones like: Zero Cool, Acid Burn, Crash Override, Cereal Killer, Phantom Freak, Lord Nikon, and The Plague. The quote was said at Burn’s party.

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??’What are you
gonna do, bleed on me?’

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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “All of the other pills, they were
different.”

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “They say you can’t turn a bad girl
good, but once a good girl’s gone bad, she’s gone forever.”

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..

The following humorous quotes are from various people. Try and decipher them. E=W and O=U

PFO DLH FHAP TK PFOHS FHDK. TOQ PFO DLH LAELPG TK WNNLQOBK.

W QFAX NP RGPDUWLQBWGQ QULQ KIKBPFHK ULQKG NK. UK GLWX W ELG TKWHS BWXWDOAFOG –
KIKBPFHK ULGH’Q NKQ NK PKQ.

QBLSKXP WG EUKH W DOQ NP MWHSKB. DFNKXP WG EUKH PFO ELAY WHQF LH FRKH GKEKB LHX
XWK.

Answer: YOU CAN ONLY BE YOUNG ONCE. BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS BE IMMATURE. Dave Barry

I TOLD MY PSYCHIATRIST THAT EVERYONE HATES ME. HE SAID I WAS BEING RIDICULOUS –
EVERYONE HASN’T MET ME YET. Rodney Dangerfield

TRAGEDY IS WHEN I CUT MY FINGER. COMEDY IS WHEN YOU WALK INTO AN OPEN SEWER AND
DIE. Mel Brooks

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…

Can you find the eleven hidden colours in the following paragraph:
Many injured animals are invited to live at the ‘Toronto Range’. Stop in kangaroo corner and marvel at the lovely creatures within. Dig over the potato patch to find small furry caterpillars, but don’t yell! Owls can be found swooping for edible rodents, earwigs or perhaps bluebottles in the undergrowth. The brown bear, Rob, lacks grace and may look like an ogre, enter at your own risk! Peacocks can be found showing their colourful wares, which look fantastic when viewed with our ultraviolet torch.

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Answers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to
receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

WELCOME to Tuesday, June 7, 2011.

Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting! fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too  Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have an incredible Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am
outta here, Eucman!

q u o te s o f t h e d a y

“I just went shark-diving in the Bahamas. If you’ve never been to the Bahamas, imagine
Fantasy Island but without the midget.” -Craig Ferguson

“They say it now costs $250,000 to raise a child to age 18, and that
doesn’t count college, which is like $50,000 a year. So kids, if you want to
give dad a great Father’s Day gift, run away.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new report found that 20 percent of people over 45 had to dip into
their retirement savings last year. And the other 80 percent said, ‘retirement
savings?'” -Jimmy Fallon

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

A Mexican restaurant I pulled up to looked great. Only one problem: It wasn’t open. So I jotted down the name for another day. Just then, a man came out of the restaurant and took a peek at what I’d written. “That’s not the name of the restaurant,” he said, pointing to the sign over the door. “That’s Spanish for ‘Closed on Mondays.'”

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???’Don’t the
slackers prefer that grassy knoll over there?’ Answer: Clueless Tai, rejecting Travis.

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘Spandex…It’s a privelege not a right!’

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “I turn the radio on, I turn the radio
up, and this woman was singing my song.” Answer: Lisa Loeb This lyric is from Lisa Loeb’s early 90’s hit “Stay”.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “All of the other pills, they were
different.”

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Monday’s Quizzler is..

I am seen through many eyes.
Even the blind see me.
Through me, nothing is impossible.
Many stories come from within me.
Time can hold still, or move at the speed of light.
The unthinkable comes to life in me.
I am a wondrous world full of life, or even death.
Love can rule, and hate fades out of the picture.
Peace can be found throughout and no wars.
It is within me where only I can control; no one else can.
I am a place that no one can take from you.
What am I?

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

The following humorous quotes are from various people. Try and decipher them. E=W and O=U
PFO DLH FHAP TK PFOHS FHDK. TOQ PFO DLH LAELPG TK WNNLQOBK.
W QFAX NP RGPDUWLQBWGQ QULQ KIKBPFHK ULQKG NK. UK GLWX W ELG TKWHS BWXWDOAFOG –
KIKBPFHK ULGH’Q NKQ NK PKQ.
QBLSKXP WG EUKH W DOQ NP MWHSKB. DFNKXP WG EUKH PFO ELAY WHQF LH FRKH GKEKB LHX XWK.
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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive
this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/