* A call came into 911 Emergency because two couples were going to share a hotel room and there weren’t enough towels.
* A man called 911 and said: “Please connect me to Seitzerland.”
* A lady called 911 because of a fight going on in a parking lot. When asked to describe the combatants, she said: “I’ll try. There’s one man, and he’s
dressed like Elvis. He’s kicking another man who’s laying on the ground and screaming ‘You ain’t nothing but a hound dog.'”
* Another person called to report he had the hiccups.
* A thirteen-year-old boy called to report he had “stuff” coming from his navel. Paramedics examined the boy and all they found was belly-button
* A male complainant called and requested police call gas stations on all exits of I-95 to find out which ones were open.
* A woman called emergency to report she had seen a wild mouse in her house.
* Someone called 911 to report the parrot got out of his cage and was in a tree outside.
* A man broke up with his girlfriend and wanted police to go by her house and report to him the owners of any cars, other than hers, in her driveway.
* A man called to report he had a roach stuck in his ear.
* A guy called to ask if they delivered dope. When the person answering told him it was the Sheriff’s Department, he hung up.
* Another winner called to ask when the Cinco de Mayo celebration was. (Cinco de Mayo means the 5th of May)
* A female complainant called to request a police officer come to her residence to change the battery in her smoke detector. She couldn’t reach it.
* A drunk called 911 to order a pizza.
* A woman called to report that someone had trespassed on her property. When asked how she knew this, she reported that the person had trimmed her rose bushes, and she knew it was her next-door neighbor.
* A person called to find out the number to the police station..
That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a
great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true.” – Sir Winston Churchill
“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain
“Recommend to your children virtue; that alone can make them happy, not gold.” – Ludwig van Beethoven
“Tuesday was the summer solstice. It’s the longest day of the year, if you don’t count Thanksgiving with your family.” -David Letterman
“I don’t know if you heard, but astronaut Buzz Aldrin is getting divorced. Apparently, he just needed some space.”
“You all know Bristol Palin has a book. She reveals that she lost her virginity on a camping trip. Bristol said she named her son ‘Tripp’ because ‘camping’ seemed like a dumb name.” -Conan O’Brien
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s
An influential Londoner wound up a business trip to the Orient with a visit to Taipei. At a luncheon he was asked to say a few words.
Since he spoke not a word of Chinese, his address was to be translated by an interpreter sentence by sentence. “I want you to know,” he began, “I’m tickled to death to be asked here today.” A look of panicked confusion appeared on the interpreter’s face. “This poor man,” he said in Chinese, “Scratches himself until he dies, only to be with you today.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘We regret to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid.’ Answer: Top Gun. This quote is said by Goose when they are at Top Gun.
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??’…how’s your wife and my kids?’ __________________________________________________________________________________
Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen who you think this record is dissin’, put yourself in my position, just try to envision witnessin’ your mama popping prescription pills in the kitchen.” Answer: Eminem. Off Eminem’s third and least contoversial album so far, “The Eminem Show”, this lyric is from the song “Cleaning Out My Closet”.
Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 90s -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay, so you bargain with the devil that you’re okay for today.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is..
Who can’t live without Spell Check in their email or word software? It’s a great tool… Unless you are poor Paula Abdul who transforms into “Pail Abut” when the Spell Checker has at her. The following TV and Movie Celebrities have been Spell Checked and are ready for you to uncover their true identities.
1. Court Coax
2. Action Cutter
3. Kite Wingless
4. Summon Cowbell
5. Mercy Stripe
6. Deli Moose
7. Camera Dies
8. Renew Sewage
Answer: 1. Courtney Cox, 2. Ashton Kutcher, 3. Kate Winslet, 4. Simon Cowell, 5. Meryl Streep, 6. Demi Moore, 7. Cameron Diaz, 8. Renee Zellweger,
Friday’s Quizzler is…
Each of the clues below describe the name of a candy. Can you name them? Example: Galaxy would be a Milky Way.
1. Sign of affection
2. Favorite day for working people
3. Can’t hold on to anything
4. Famous swashbuckling trio
5. Sun explosions
Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ email@example.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/