Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Tuesday, March 29, 2011. ……..
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

It’s true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!

There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“An Ethiopian man won the marathon and broke all the records. He had never run in a race and he had a bad stomach going into it. In fact, he didn’t even know he was in a marathon.”
-Jimmy Kimmel

“According to the latest reports, medical marijuana sales in this country are now approaching $2 billion a year. I had no idea that so many people had glaucoma. Apparently this is an
epidemic.” -Jay Leno

“A new study found that many woodwind and brass instruments
used by high school bands are contaminated with bacteria.
Kids must remember to always practice safe sax.”
-Jimmy Fallon
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

Dad is from the old school, where you keep your money under the mattress—-only he kept his in the underwear drawer. One
day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe—-a can of spray paint with a false bottom—so he could keep his money in the
workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it. “Oh, yes,” she replied, “he put his money in it the same day.”
“No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!” I gloated. “They won’t have to,” my mom replied. “He keeps the paint can
in his underwear drawer.”
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???Man: “I cain’t read!” Woman: “Now stop saying that, you’re gonna make me mad! I was a teacher and I taught some of the stupidest kids God put on this earth. Now, what letter sounds like rrrr?” Man: “Uh, arra?
Answer: Driving Miss Daisy

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “I tried cybersex once, I kept getting a busy signal.”
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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “Nothing’s going to stop me but divine intervention”

“I’m Yours” spent 76 weeks on the Hot 100 breaking the previous record for most weeks spent in the chart. The record was previously held by LeAnn Rimes’ “How Do I Live”.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“When you’re waking a friend In the dead of the night, just to hear him say it’s gonna be alright. When you’re finding things to do not to fall asleep ’cause you know she’ll be there in your dreams…”
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Friday’s Quizzler is..

The following word pairs are anagrams which can be combined to form the name of an animal or insect.Try to figure it out.

1. Zeal, Gel, 2. Neat, Help, 3. Boa, Luff, 4. Bow, Mat, 5. Evil, Owner

Answer: 1. Gazelle.
2. Elephant.
3. Buffalo.
4. Wombat.
5. Wolverine

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

Three words are bonded in a mutual tie
And a pattern within them hides from the eye

One word is a being in entertainment’s sake
That brings to people many words, fact and fake

Another word is conformed to a word meaning “chilly”
But it’s also a style, yes! Really really!

The last word resides in the pit of our fears
And it waits for us at the end of our years

With these words in order, try to find the design
Where the outsides change, and the middle stays lined

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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

WELCOME to Monday, March 28, 2011. Marriage……..

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of “rings”:
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 
 

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y 

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. Carl Sandburg 

Life is just a phase you’re going through…you’ll get over it. 

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. Oscar Wilde 

Everything has been figured out, except how to live. Jean-Paul Sartre 

An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived. Herbert Samuel 

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you’re still a rat. Lilly Tomlin 

For most men life is a search for the proper manilla envelope in which to get themselves filed. Clifton Fadiman 

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. Brendan Gill 

Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first. Benjamin Franklin 

No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.  Sholom Aleichem 

The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly — because if they don’t speak fast nobody will listen to them. Michael Caine 

Life is like a game of poker: If you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to take out. Moms Mabley 

It’s possible, you can never know, that the universe exists only for me. If so, it’s sure going well for me, I must admit. Bill Gates
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s you’re name?” “Sam,” the cowboy moaned. “Where ya from, Sam?”
With pain in his voice Sam replied…. “The balcony.”
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???“I have a brain for business and a body for sin.” 

Working Girl

Melanie Griffith, great movie!

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??Man: “I cain’t read!” Woman: “Now stop saying that, you’re gonna make me mad! I was a teacher and I taught some of the stupidest kids God put on this earth. Now, what letter sounds like rrrr?” Man: “Uh, arra?”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “Meet me halfway, right at the borderline

borderline

‘Meet Me Halfway’ went to number one in the UK in November 2009. It was also the band’s third consecutive top ten hit from their album ‘The E.N.D’. 

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “Nothing’s going to stop me but divine intervention”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

My father gave me a brain teaser with two groups of words missing. The four words in each group are anagrams of each other. I’ve solved the first group, but I’m stuck on the second group. Can you help?

Time to decorate the Christmas tree! Putting up the lights was my job, but after that it was time to ENLIST some help. While the kids were busy adding TINSEL, I put on some music to LISTEN to; my favourite song is “SILENT Night”.

After we finished decorating the Christmas tree, I hung the stockings on the __1__. Feeling a chill, I looked down and had to __2__ my __3__ lapse; the fire was out. I threw on my __4__ and stepped out into the cold night to gather some firewood. Upon my return, we were soon roasting chestnuts and sipping eggnog to complete a wonderful evening.

Answer: 1. mantel, 2. lament, 3. mental, 4. mantle

Monday’s Quizzler is…

The following word pairs are anagrams which can be combined to form the name of an animal or insect.Try to figure it out.

1. Zeal, Gel

2. Neat, Help

3. Boa, Luff

4. Bow, Mat

5. Evil, Owner 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING JOB BANKS!

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Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Friday, March 18, 2011. English is very Strange…..

Did you know that “verb” is a noun?

How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can’t spell them?

If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?

If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren’t two houses hice?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

If you’ve read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn’t this also mean that you would have to “member” somebody in order to remember them?

In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?

Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?

Is there another word for a synonym?

Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?

What is another word for “thesaurus”?

Where do swear words come from?

Why can’t you make another word using all the letters in “anagram”?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why do people use the word “irregardless”?

Why do some people type “cool” as “kewl?”

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why do we say something’s out of order when its broken but we never say in of order when it works?

Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?

Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

Why does the Chinese ideogram for trouble symbolize two women living under one roof?

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Most people think Caeser’s last words were ‘Et tu, Brute?’ But his real last words, after being stabbed 50 times, were ‘Ouch!'” -Craig Ferguson

“A company in Massachusetts is building a robotic cheetah. If I wanted a cat with the personality of a robot, I’d just get a cat.” -Jimmy Fallon

“The day after daylight-saving time is supposed to be the worst day of the year for car accidents, because the lower sun in the sky makes it hard for people to read their tweets while driving.” -Jay Leno 

“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”  Zsa Zsa Gabor

“I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” Rodney Dangerfield

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,” Calvin.

“Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?” Hobbes.  Calvin and Hobbes.

“Cheese… milk’s leap toward immortality.” Clifton Fadiman.

“Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.” John Peers.

“You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.” Pearl Williams.

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man….I could be eating a slow learner.”
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Spot, my dog, while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he’ll jump through.” The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through–over the balcony railing. Just then John’s date walked out. “Isn’t Spot the cutest, happiest dog you’ve ever seen?” “To tell the the truth, ” he replied, “Spot seemed a little depressed to me!”
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???“That’s ok Baby, I went slumming too.”
Answer: Dirty Dancing

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? Man: “Seems there’s a couple of numbers missing on your social security number.”
Man 2: “Uh, uhhhh, 12.”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“One, your like a dream come true. Two, just wanna be with you. Three, girl it’s plain to see, that you’re the only one for me.”
Answer: Brian McKnight, The lyric is from ‘Back at One’ by Brian McKnight. The song is a classic wedding song and was released in 1999. Since then it has been covered by Mark Willis and Shayne Ward.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist. “I’m caught up in the middle, jumping through the riddle
I’m falling just a little tonight, uh uh”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

There are two groups of four-letter words used in the sentences below. The first missing words of each sentence are anagrams of each other, and the second missing words are also anagrams of each other. Can you find them?

1. The hunters set a ____ for the hare. How else were they to enjoy its succulent _____ ?

2. They all listened in ____ attention as their leader spoke and motivated them to work as a ____.

3. There will always be a small ____ of wildness in a cat, though it is considered to be a ____ animal today.

Answer: 1. The hunters set a TRAP for the hare. How else were they to enjoy its succulent MEAT ?
2. They all listened in RAPT attention as their leader spoke and motivated them to work as a TEAM.
3. There will always be a small PART of wildness in a cat, though it is considered to be a TAME animal today.
Group I – TRAP, RAPT, PART
Group II – MEAT, TEAM, TAME

Friday’s Quizzler is…

The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words.

1. Mark’s math __________ was a mild-mannered man. But one thing he would not tolerate was a __________. He would immediately fail anyone caught doing so.

2. The patient __________ his pain through physical therapy. He had seen enough __________ surgeries to know that too many people elected surgery when they shouldn’t have.

3. After a long and successful career of serving his country, the nation was in shock as the highly regarded __________ was arrested and tried for __________.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT SOLVING JOB BANKS!

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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Thursday, March 17, 2011. Q&A……

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.

Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller ?
He wanted to grow mash potatoes!

What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.

Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow to pasture.

Q: Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.

Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.

Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a wonderful Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 
 

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Your life is what your thoughts make it. Marcus Aurelius 

Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other. Euripides

The beginning is the most important part of the work. Plato 

To sit in the shade on a fine day and look upon verdure is the most perfect refreshment. Jane Austen 

Never put a sock in a toaster. Eddie Izzard 

Wisdom begins in wonder. Socrates 

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity. George Bernard Shaw 

I decided that if I could paint that flower in a huge scale, you could not ignore its beauty. Georgia O’Keeffe 

Men stumble over pebbles, never over mountains. Marilyn French 

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend. Emo Philips
G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgement Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology
whenever he could. “Oh, my friends,” he intoned, “imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!” At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, “But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?” The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, “My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured… teeth will be provided!”
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???“Yeah, and baby fish-mouth is sweeping the nation!”

Answer: When Harry Met Sally
Harry says this while playing Pictionary at a friend’s house.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “That’s ok Baby, I went slumming too.”
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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “When your chips are down, when your highs are low, joyride. Move across the night , like a separate wind.”

Answer: This lyric is from ‘Joyride’ by The Killers. Brandon Flowers, Dave Keuning, Mark Stoermer and Ronnie Vannucci Jr. make up the band. ‘Joyride’ comes from the band’s third album ‘Day & Age’.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist. “One, your like a dream come true. Two, just wanna be with you. Three, girl it’s plain to see, that you’re the only one for me.”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..

Handel has been killed and Beethoven is on the case. He has interviewed the four suspects and their statements are shown below. Each suspect has said two sentences. One sentence of each suspect is a lie and one sentence is the truth. Help Beethoven figure out who the killer is.

Joplin: I did not kill Handel. Either Grieg is the killer or none of us is.
Grieg: I did not kill Handel. Gershwin is the killer.
Strauss: I did not kill Handel. Grieg is lying when he says Gershwin is the killer.
Gershwin: I did not kill Handel. If Joplin did not kill him, then Grieg did.

Answer: Strauss is the one who killed Handel.
You need to take turns assuming someone is the killer; that means everyone’s second sentence is a lie. If Joplin was the killer, Grieg’s lie mixed with Strauss’ counteracts the other. If Grieg was the killer, Gershwin would need to be a killer too. If Gershwin was the killer, Grieg and Strauss counter each other again, but with Strauss, everything would fit.

Thursday’s Quizzler is…

There are two groups of four-letter words used in the sentences below. The first missing words of each sentence are anagrams of each other, and the second missing words are also anagrams of each other. Can you find them?

1. The hunters set a ____ for the hare. How else were they to enjoy its succulent _____ ?

2. They all listened in ____ attention as their leader spoke and motivated them to work as a ____.

3. There will always be a small ____ of wildness in a cat, though it is considered to be a ____ animal today.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! GREAT SOLVING JOB JAZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

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Answers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Wednesday, March 16, 2011. Ways to Tell If You Have PMS

– Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

– You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

– The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

– Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

– You’re dialing up every bumper sticker that says, “How’s my driving- call 1-800-###-####.

– Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

– Inanimate objects get on your nerves.

– You’re counting down the days until menopause.

– You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

– The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

– You dump the pretzels out of the bag, and eat the salt. While simultaneously eating a gallon of ice cream.

– You cry at commercials one minute, and contemplate assault the next.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be
looking for it.” – Henry David Thoreau

“Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What’s
a sun-dial in the shade?”
– Benjamin Franklin

“Normal is not something to aspire to, it’s something to
get away from.”
– Jodie Foster

God help me, I’ve entered the Age of Skirted Swimwear. This
is the age right after Accessorizing with Reading Glasses
and a few years before Can’t Name Anyone on the Radio.

Applicants for jobs at the company where my friend Diana
works are asked to fill out a questionnaire. Among the
things candidates list is their high school and when they
attended. One prospective employee dutifully wrote the name
of his high school, followed by the dates attended: Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

According to a new medical study, it’s healthy for a wife to
get angry at her husband than to keep it all inside which can
lead to disease. So guys when the wife runs you over with the
SUV, she’s just trying to live a healthier lifestyle.”

What’s On the Web?

18 Old-Timey Photos You Won’t Believe Aren’t Photoshopped

Take a look at some jaw-dropping photos that prove that
truth is stranger than fiction. Prepare to be baffled!

Visit: http://bit.ly/h9PyUB

The President’s Speech with Mike Tyson

Hilarious satire of ‘The King’s Speech’ but with Mike
Tyson giving elocution lessons to George W. Bush.

Click to View: http://bit.ly/f1ruUM

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???“Do we call you Nick, or Mr. Dick?”
Answer: Bachelor Party
One of the best lines of the movie!

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???“Yeah, and baby fish-mouth is sweeping the nation!”
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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “Me and my heart, We got issues! Don’t know if I should hate you or miss you”.

Answer: We Got Issues
The lyrics come from ‘Issues’ by The Saturdays. The Saturdays consist of five members, Una, Frankie, Mollie, Rochelle and Vanessa. ‘Issues’ was their third single that peaked the UK charts at number six.

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist. “When your chips are down, when your highs are low, joyride.
Move across the night , like a separate wind.”

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..

Below are incomplete words. Replace the letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.

Ri ( _ _ _ ) satile
Al ( _ _ _ ) oury
Mo ( _ _ _ ) ergo
Unaw ( _ _ _ ) na
A ( _ _ _ _ ) ounce
Fel ( _ _ _ ) ly

Answer: River – versatile
Alarm – armoury
Mound – undergo
Unaware – arena
Apron – pronounce
Fellow – lowly

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…

Handel has been killed and Beethoven is on the case. He has interviewed the four suspects and their statements are shown below. Each suspect has said two sentences. One sentence of each suspect is a lie and one sentence is the truth. Help Beethoven figure out who the killer is.

Joplin: I did not kill Handel. Either Grieg is the killer or none of us is.
Grieg: I did not kill Handel. Gershwin is the killer.
Strauss: I did not kill Handel. Grieg is lying when he says Gershwin is the killer.
Gershwin: I did not kill Handel. If Joplin did not kill him, then Grieg did.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND SWEETJAZZ5! GREAT SOLVING JOB LADIES!

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Answers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

WELCOME to Tuesday, March 15, 2011. …Real Court Excerpts….

Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Q: Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That’s me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I’ll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

So, you were gone until you returned?

You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary’s Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

God help me, I’ve entered the Age of Skirted Swimwear. This
is the age right after Accessorizing with Reading Glasses
and a few years before Can’t Name Anyone on the Radio.

Applicants for jobs at the company where my friend Diana
works are asked to fill out a questionnaire. Among the
things candidates list is their high school and when they
attended. One prospective employee dutifully wrote the name
of his high school, followed by the dates attended: Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

According to a new medical study, it’s healthy for a wife to
get angry at her husband than to keep it all inside which can
lead to disease. So guys when the wife runs you over with the
SUV, she’s just trying to live a healthier lifestyle.” 

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgement Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could. “Oh, my friends,” he intoned, “imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!” At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, “But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?” The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, “My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured… teeth will be provided!”
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???“Is your mom married to Mr. Rogers?” 

Answer: The Breakfast Club

John Bender asks Brian this while eating lunch.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Do we call you Nick, or Mr. Dick?”

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“You’re not sure that you love me, but you’re not sure enough to let me go”. 

Answer:The Wreckers

The Wreckers showed everyone they’re going to be a huge hit with their first release “Leave The Pieces”. It’s from their first album “Stand Still, Look Pretty”.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist. “Me and my heart, We got issues! Don’t know if I should hate you or miss you”.

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Monday’s Quizzler is..

How is failure represented in the rebus below?

Options:

A) Success
B) Victory
C) Triumph
D) Accomplishment

Answer: Failure is not an option

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

Below are incomplete words. Replace the letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.

Ri ( _ _ _ ) satile
Al ( _ _ _ ) oury
Mo ( _ _ _ ) ergo
Unaw ( _ _ _ ) na
A ( _ _ _ _ ) ounce
Fel ( _ _ _ ) ly 

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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

WELCOME to Monday, March 14, 2011. Tips to improve your writing….

1. Do not put statements in the negative form.

2. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

3. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

4. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

5. A writer must not shift your point of view.

6. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

7. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!

8. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.

9. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

10. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

11. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

12. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

13. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

14. Always pick on the correct idiom.

15. The adverb always follows the verb.

16. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They’re old hat; seek viable alternatives.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y 

“I believe in dragons, fairies, good men and other mythical creatures!” – Anon 

“You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.” – Mark Twain. 

“As God once said, and I think rightly…” – Margaret Thatcher. 

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.” – Woody Allen. 

“Whoever said ‘nothings impossible’ never tried to nail jell-o to a tree” – Lisa Bryant 

“If your left leg was Easter, and your right leg was Christmas, would i be able to meet you in between the holidays?” – Josh Longden 

“If they can send one man to the moon why can’t they send them all?” – Amy 

Today is your day, your mountain is waiting, so get on your way.
– Dr Seuss 

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own, and you know what you know.
And you are the one who’ll decide where you’ll go.
Oh the places you’ll go.
– Dr Seuss

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, “Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other.” “Your honor,” replied the lawyer, “That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?”
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???”All I gotta do now is find a one legged nun walkin’ a goat, and I win!’  

Answer: My Chauffeur

From the scene in the park where Cat Fight and his ‘girls’ attack the ‘blue woman with the blue dog’.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Is your mom married to Mr. Rogers?”

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“Right now, he’s probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can’t shoot whiskey”.  

Answer: Carrie Underwood

In 2006, American Idol winner Carrie Underwood had a hit with “Before He Cheats” with an excellent video to match. This song is from her first album “Some Hearts”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist. “You’re not sure that you love me, but you’re not sure enough to let me go”.

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Friday’s Quizzler is..

Below are incomplete words. Place two letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.

Perfu (–) rge
Barb (–) itor
Again (–) ain
Sta (–) sture
Giraf (–) deral
Featu (–) medy

Answer: Perfume – merge, Barbed – editor, Against – stain, Stage – gesture
Giraffe – federal, Feature – remedy

Monday’s Quizzler is…

How is failure represented in the rebus below?

Options:

A) Success
B) Victory
C) Triumph
D) Accomplishment

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5 AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!

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Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/