Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Friday, February 25, 2010. …..

A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

As you shall make your bed so shall you……….mess it up.
Better be safe than………………….punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the …………………………bug is close.
It’s always darkest before…………daylight savings time.
You can lead a horse to water but…………………..how?
Don’t bite the hand that……………………looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a……………………………..Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new…………………….math.
If you lie down with the dogs, you’ll..stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the………………………pigs.
An idle mind is…………………..the best way to relax.
Where there’s smoke, there’s………………….pollution.
Happy the bride who……………….gets all the presents.
A penny saved is……………………………..not much.
Two’s company, three’s…………………..the musketeers.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you,
cry and……………………..you have to blow your nose.
Children should be seen and not………spanked or grounded.
When the blind leadeth the blind………get out of the way.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I spent Presidents Day acting like a president. I took someone else’s money and spent it on something I don’t need.” -Jay Leno

“Queen Elizabeth posted an ad online for an assistant in the Buckingham Palace washroom. Apparently, that’s where the queen started before she worked her way up.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study found that kids who work more than 20 hours a week at a job are more likely to get bad grades. On the other hand, China.” -Jimmy Fallon

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” –Groucho Marx

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h
When the icemaker in our new refrigerator broke, my husband dropped by the store to arrange for repairs. Because the sun was bright, my husband’s eyes hadn’t adjusted to the dim light inside in time to see a woman sitting on the floor examining carpet samples. He stepped on her leg and she screamed, causing him to jump into a display of fireplace tools that went crashing in every direction. Unnerved, my husband stumbled over to the service desk, and as he went to rest his hands on the counter, he flipped over a bowl full of little mints, scattering them everywhere. After taking a deep breath to calm himself, he announced to the wide-eyed woman working there, “My refrigerator doesn’t work.” “I don’t doubt it,” she replied.
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”

Answer: Animal House. Bluto after the Delts are expelled.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???‘Son, you got a panty on your head.’

TODAY’S MOVIE BUFF OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! GREAT JOB KIM!

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “You took my hand, you showed me how, you promised me you’d be around”.
Answer: Pink came out with this song in 2006 from her album “I’m Not Dead”. It wasn’t really a hit but a good song.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist.“Everybody look at me, me, I walk in the door, you start screaming”.

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

Each sentence below contains a word that can be anagrammed to answer or describe the sentence.

Example: Craft that might tip in the ocean. Answer: Canoe (Anagram of ocean)

1. You cover a mattress with one of these
2. Dangerous thing for an alcoholic to begin
3. Feature on which a tire might be rated
4. Feeling about a poisonous adder
5. Weapon that a cavalryman bears
6. It doesn’t necessarily bring rain, but it could
Answer: 1. Sheet, 2. Binge, 3. Tread, 4. Dread, 5. Sabre or Saber, 6. Cloud

Friday’s Quizzler is…

You are an expert on paranormal activity and have been hired to locate a spirit haunting an old resort hotel. Strong signs indicate that the spirit lies behind one of four doors. The inscriptions on each door read as follows:

Door A: It’s behind B or C
Door B: It’s behind A or D
Door C: It’s in here
Door D: It’s not in here

Your psychic powers have told you three of the inscriptions are false, and one is true. Behind which door will you find the spirit? 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING BANKS!

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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

WELCOME to Thursday, February 24, 2010. Phone Songs…..

All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes.

Mary Had A Little Lamb

3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321 or
3212333, 222, 133, 3212333322321

Jingle Bells

333, 333, 39123, 666-663333322329, 333, 333, 39123, 666-6633, 399621

Frere Jacques

1231, 1231, 369, 369, 9*9631, 9*9631, 111, 111

Olympic Fanfare

3-9-91231, 2222-32112312, 3-9-91231, 2222-32112321

The Butterfly Song

963, 23621, 3693236236932362, 963, 23621

Happy Birthday

112, 163, 112, 196, 110, 8521, 008, 121

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Down, down to corruption and to the corrupt.” — Protestors in Libya demand an end to Muammar Gaddafi’s rule.

“They had to know.” — Bernie Madoff, imprisoned Ponzi schemer, claiming banks and hedge funds were “complicit” in his elaborate fraud.

“I’m not a big fan of young kids having Facebook. It’s not something they need.” — Michelle Obama, on why she doesn’t allow her daughters to join.

“If the Queen asks you to a party, you say yes. If the Italian prime minister asks you to a party, it’s probably safe to say no.” — British prime minister David Cameron.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. Mark Twain

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.  At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.  Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, “This is the place!”. The other replied, “No, it’s not!”. The first man said, “Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.  To which the other man replied, “Silly, you can’t tell a brook by it’s clover.”
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?I’m not wearing pants. Film at Eleven.
Answer: Kentucky Fried Movie

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”
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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“You don’t have to love me, you don’t even have to like me, but you will respect me”.

Answer: Kelis
Kelis’ “Bossy” came out in 2006.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist.“You took my hand, you showed me how, you promised me you’d be around”.

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..

Oxymorons are words with opposite or incongruous meanings that when linked together, form a descriptive phrase. Cryptography teasers are teasers in which a phrase or expression has been encoded in some way. Cryptoxymorography teasers are teasers in which oxymorons are concealed in a cryptic mass of letters.

Can you decipher the oxymorons? They all use the same code.

1. dsiox bipefcxs, 2. dcpcvk jsij, 3. rcvef afcoco, 4. rejsfv tcoxefq, 5. vgrz bssdcvk
6. vextcvk rgat, 7. evdq atecas, 8. edj vsyo, 9. nfsxxq gkdq, 10. nsias befas

ANSWER:
1. least favorite, 2. living dead, 3. minor crisis, 4. modern history, 5. numb feeling
6. nothing much, 7. only choice, 8. old news, 9. pretty ugly, 10. peace force

The code was:
A:I, B:Z, C:A, D:J, E:S, F:B, G:K, H:T, I:C, L:D, M:R, N:V, O:E
P:N, R:F, S:O, T:X, U:G, V:P, W:Y, Y:Q

Thursday’s Quizzler is…

Each sentence below contains a word that can be anagrammed to answer or describe the sentence.

Example: Craft that might tip in the ocean. Answer: Canoe (Anagram of ocean)

1. You cover a mattress with one of these
2. Dangerous thing for an alcoholic to begin
3. Feature on which a tire might be rated
4. Feeling about a poisonous adder
5. Weapon that a cavalryman bears
6. It doesn’t necessarily bring rain, but it could 

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Answers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Wednesday, February 23, 2010.Strange Laws …..

(from the book “Loony Laws” by Robert Pelton)

In Ottumwa, Iowa, “It is unlawful for any male person,
within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at
any female person with whom he is unaquainted.”

In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same
tub at the same time.

In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted
cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept
as pets.

In Carmel, N.Y., a man can’t go outside while wearing a
jacket and pants that do not match.

In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for
a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and
chickens.

In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a
movie house or other theater and from riding a public
streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.

In Miami, it’s illegal for men to be seen publicly in any
kind of strapless gown.

In St. Louis, it’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city
street and drink beer from a bucket.

In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an auto-
mobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is
parked on the couple’s own property.

In Hartford, Conn., you aren’t allowed to cross a street
while walking on your hands.

In Baltimore, it’s illegal to take a lion to the movies .

In Oxford, Ohio, it’s illegal for a woman to strip off her
clothing while standing in front of a man’s picture.

In California, animals are banned from mating publicly
within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of
worship.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem
your own reputation, for ’tis better to be alone than in
bad company.” – George Washington

“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; and let those
few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”
– George Washington

“Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.”
– George Washington

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

There’s this Wizard who worked in a factory. Everything was satisfactory except that miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following sign: “This parking space belongs to the Wizard. … Violators will be toad.”
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? Your mother’s in here Karras.”
Answer:The Exorcist

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???I’m not wearing pants. Film at Eleven.

TODAY MOVIE TRIVIA MASTERS AWARD GOES TO MR. STEVE SCHICK! GREAT JOB STEVE!

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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“Let the beat wind you up, and don’t stop till your time is up”.

Answer: Gwen Stefani Gwen Stefani sang this song on her album “The Sweet Escape”, it’s called “Wind It Up”. It came out in 2006.

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist.“You don’t have to love me, you don’t even have to like me, but you will respect me”. 

TODAY’S CRAZY SONG DEFINITIONS AWARD GOES TO MR. STEVE SCHICK! WAY2GO STEVE!

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..

Take the list of words below and arrange them into 3 sentences that all have something in common. Each word is only used once for each time it appears in the list. Punctuation is not an issue in this teaser in the initial placement of words. Only names are capitalized to start with.

DAD, LET, LETS, LEW, MARGE, MISSES, NO, NORAH, ORDERED, ROSES, SEE, SHARON’S, SIMON, TELEGRAM, TELL, WE’LL,

What are the sentences and what do they have in common?

ANSWER: 1: MARGE LETS NORAH SEE SHARON’S TELEGRAM.
2: WE’LL LET DAD TELL LEW.
3: NO MISSES ORDERED ROSES, SIMON.

All three sentences, when correctly placed, are palindromes. They read the same backward and forward.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…

Oxymorons are words with opposite or incongruous meanings that when linked together, form a descriptive phrase. Cryptography teasers are teasers in which a phrase or expression has been encoded in some way. Cryptoxymorography teasers are teasers in which oxymorons are concealed in a cryptic mass of letters.

Can you decipher the oxymorons? They all use the same code.

1. dsiox bipefcxs

2. dcpcvk jsij

3. rcvef afcoco

4. rejsfv tcoxefq

5. vgrz bssdcvk

6. vextcvk rgat

7. evdq atecas

8. edj vsyo

9. nfsxxq gkdq

10. nsias befas 

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Answers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

WELCOME to Tuesday, February 22, 2010. Casual Fridays…..

Casual Fridays:

Week 1 – Memo No. 1

Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3 – Memo No. 2

Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Week 6 – Memo No. 3

Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday’s wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Week 8 – Memo No. 4

A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9 – Memo No. 5

As an outgrowth of Friday’s seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14 – Memo No. 6

The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled “Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards.” A copy has been distributed to every employee. Please review the chapter “You Are What You Wear” and consult the “home casual” versus “business casual” checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.

Week 18 – Memo No. 7

Our Employee Assistant Plan (EAP) has now been expanded to provide support for psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20 – Memo No. 8

Due to budget cuts in the HR Department we are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day will be discontinued, effective immediately.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A high school student in Illinois was arrested for bringing
pot brownies to school. And here’s the worst part: he didn’t
even bring enough for everyone.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Facebook is looking into buying Twitter for around $10
billion. If all goes as planned, the company hopes to combine
the two companies, creating the biggest waste of time the
world has ever seen.” -Jay Leno

“There’s a bigger difference between the weather in Los
Angeles and the weather in Minnesota, than between Minnesota
and Mars. So thank you, Scientology.” -Jimmy Kimme

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

An acquaintance of mine was hired as a research assistant by the physics department of a West Coast university to investigate the thermodynamic properties of wood. Two weeks after starting work he was approached by an encyclopedia salesman who explained that purchase of the encyclopedia entitled the buyer to have any three special questions answered completely. To save himself a great deal of work, the researcher bought the encyclopedia, stipulating for his first free question a full dissertation on the thermodynamic properties of wood. Three weeks later the head of the physics department called the research assistant into his office and said, “We have a request from an encyclopedia company. One of their customers has asked for a report on the thermodynamic properties of wood. Please prepare the report for them.”
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?“Nervous?” “Yes.” “First time?” “No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.”

Answer: Airplane
Striker to the old lady on the plane.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????“Your mother’s in here Karras.”
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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. “She pushed me in the pool at our last school reunion.”

Answer: The Click 5
The song “Just the Girl” is from The Click 5 and was a very popular song in 2005. You can’t help but sing along with it everytime you hear it!

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist.“Let the beat wind you up, and don’t stop till your time is up”.

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Monday’s Quizzler is..

Decapitate me and all becomes equal. Then truncate me and I become second. Cut me front and back and I become two less than I started.

What am I?

ANSWER: The word Seven.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

Take the list of words below and arrange them into 3 sentences that all have something in common. Each word is only used once for each time it appears in the list. Punctuation is not an issue in this teaser in the initial placement of words. Only names are capitalized to start with.

DAD, LET, LETS, LEW, MARGE, MISSES, NO, NORAH, ORDERED, ROSES, SEE, SHARON’S, SIMON, TELEGRAM, TELL, WE’LL,

What are the sentences and what do they have in common? 

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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

WELCOME to Monday, February 21, 2010. It all began with the Iphone…..

I celebrated my birthday in June, and Jennifer made me very happy when she bought me an iPad. My daughter’s birthday was also in June, so I got her an iPod Touch. Jennifer celebrated her birthday in December so I got her an iRon. It was around then that the fight started…

What Jennifer failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. But what I failed to realize is this inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

However the doctors say that I should be able to walk in a couple of months and that I will be out of the hospital next week!!

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” – Jimmy Durante.

“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” – Douglas Adams.”

The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows your watch, tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege.”
– Times newspaper

“The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you.” – Charles Dickens.

“A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.” – Patrick Murray.

“Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.” – Will Rogers.

“The Scottish verdict ‘not proven’ means ‘guilty, but don’t do it again’.” – Winifred Duke.

“Gentlemen prefer bonds.” – Andrew Mellon.

“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” – Franklin Jones.

“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” – Spike Milligan.

“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates.

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb.

“If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?” – Steven Wright.

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h
Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This to incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day. Small medium at large.
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?“I’m not a Roman … I’m a Red Sea pedestrian.”
Answer: Monty Python’s Life of Brian Monty Python
Denying his Roman ancestry.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????“Nervous?” “Yes.” “First time?” “No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.”
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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“Said you act like you’re ready but you don’t really know, and everything in the past, you wanna let it go.”

Answer: Usher

From “U Got It Bad”. This song was number one for a really long time.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist.“She pushed me in the pool at our last school reunion.”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..

Each sentence below contains a word that can be anagrammed to answer or describe the sentence.
Example: Craft that might tip in the ocean. Answer: Canoe (Anagram of ocean)
1. Bit of brush
2. Opposite of unite
3. Writings of a steno
4. They affix without paste
5. Having less reason for fears
6. Animal that may need a shoer
Excerpted from an old Reader’s Digest
ANSWER: 1. Shrub, 2. Untie, 3. Notes, 4. Tapes, 5. Safer, 6. Horse

Monday’s Quizzler is…  

Decapitate me and all becomes equal. Then truncate me and I become second. Cut me front and back and I become two less than I started. What am I? 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND SWEETJAZZ5! SUPER SOLVING JOB LADIES!

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Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Friday, February 18, 2010. Efficiency…..

From: Efficiency & Ticket, Ltd., Management Consultants
To: Chairman, The London Symphony Orchestra
Re: Schubert’s Symphony No. 8 in B minor.

After attending a rehearsal of this work we make the following observations and recommendations:

1. We note that the twelve first violins were playing identical notes, as were the second violins. Three violins in each section, suitably amplified, would seem to us to be adequate.

2. Much unnecessary labour is involved in the number of demisemiquavers in this work; we suggest that many of these could be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver thus saving practice time for the individual player and rehearsal time for the entire ensemble. The simplification would also permit more use of trainee and less-skilled players with only marginal loss of precision.

3. We could find no productivity value in string passages being repeated by the horns; all tutti repeats could also be eliminated without any reduction of efficiency.

4. In so labour-intensive an undertaking as a symphony, we regard the long oboe tacet passages to be extremely wasteful. What notes this instrument is called upon to play could, subject to a satisfactory demarcation conference with the Musician’s Union, be shared out equitably amongst the other instruments.

Conclusion: if the above recommendations are implemented the piece under condsideration could be played through in less than half an hour with concomitant savings in overtime, lighting and heating, wear and tear on the instruments and hall rental fees. Also, had the composer been aware of modern cost-effective procedures he might well have finished this work.

Hey I’m just saying!  Have a great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y 

It is now well known, however, that men enter local politics solely as a result of being unhappily married.  

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.  

There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, ‘Why a third?’ he replied ‘One’s absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!’    

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.  

Neither of us entered marriage thinking it wouldn’t be a strain. Life has strains in it, and he’s the person I want to strain with.  

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.  

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.  

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.  

I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto! (on the marriage of Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe)  

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him.  

You have no idea of the women I didn’t marry.  

They weren’t really weddings, just long costume parties. (on three of her weddings)  

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.  

I never mind my wife having the last word. In fact, I’m delighted when she gets to it.     

Everyone knows that a man can always marry even if he reaches 102, is penniless, and has all his faculties gone. There is always some woman willing to take a chance on him.  

If love means never having to say you’re sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h
He was an inventor of note. He created a big shoe with a phone in the heel. Now, he thought, he could use a phone whenever he wanted. He made several more so that he could have several shoes with phones in the house. One day, an emergency came up and he needed a phone bad. Would you believe it, he couldn’t find a single phone boot.
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?“The vessel with the pestle, has the potion with the lotion.” 

Answer: Court Jester

Danny Kaye as Hawkins. I’ve only seen this movie once, but I love this routine. The flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I’m not a Roman … I’m a Red Sea pedestrian.”
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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“I’m lost in a crowd, trying to find my way but the rain keeps falling down…doesn’t matter anyway.”   

Answer: BBMak

From “Out Of My Heart”, their first single from their new CD “Into Your Head.” 

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist.“Said you act like you’re ready but you don’t really know, and everything in the past, you wanna let it go.”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..
A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:

1. Matthew [ ] Mason
2. Bruce [ ] Majors
3. Larry [ ] [ ] Fonda
4. Ashley [ ] [ ] Mandela
5. Rick [ ] [ ] [ ] Luther

ANSWER:1. Matthew Perry Mason
2. Bruce Lee Majors
3. Larry King Henry Fonda
4. Ashley Judd Nelson Mandela
5. Rick James Dean Martin Luther

Friday’s Quizzler is…  

Each sentence below contains a word that can be anagrammed to answer or describe the sentence.

Example: Craft that might tip in the ocean. Answer: Canoe (Anagram of ocean)

1. Bit of brush
2. Opposite of unite
3. Writings of a steno
4. They affix without paste
5. Having less reason for fears
6. Animal that may need a shoer

Excerpted from an old Reader’s Digest 

 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB FOR THE WEEK! ANDREA!

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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Thursday, February 17, 2010. School Homework…..

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.

15 minutes looking for assignment.

11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.

23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.

8 minutes in the bathroom.

10 minutes getting a snack.

7 minutes checking the TV Guide.

6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.

10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.

Hey I’m just saying!  Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Bill Cosby….

A word to the wise ain’t necessary. It’s the stupid ones who need the advice.

I am not the boss of my house. I don’t know when I lost it. I don’t know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss’s job and I do not want it.

People will frighten you about a graduation….They use words you don’t hear often… “And we wish you Godspeed.” It is a warning, Godpeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by “survival of the fittest.”

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

Gray hair is God’s graffiti.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

When you become senile, you won’t know it.

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h
Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.  Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said, “Don’t worry. Someday your prints will come”. 
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?‘Oh, I see. With all the poor people in this city, who wanted only to live and were viciously murdered, you have the nerve to sit here, wanting to die and not go through with it? You make me sick!’  

Answer: ‘Bringing Out The Dead’
Martin Scorcese directed Nicolas Cage in this film, also starring then wife Patricia Arquette, about a guilt-ridden, burnt out paramedic unraveling over a 72 hr. period. Based on the novel of the same title by Joe Connelly, a former paramedic.
   
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “The vessel with the pestle, has the potion with the lotion.”
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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t. Depends on how the wind blows, I might even paint my toes. It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul.”  

Answer: India.Arie
From “Video”. This song was nominated for a Grammy, but didn’t win.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist.“I’m lost in a crowd, trying to find my way but the rain keeps falling down…doesn’t matter anyway.”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..
This teaser is in honor of man’s quest to quench his thirst with non-alcoholic beverages. Can you figure out what drinks are depicted below?

1. Joint between thigh and lower leg + having great elevation + yielding readily to pressure + swallowing liquid contents.

2. A practitioner of medicine + spicy hot pod like fruit that grows on plants.

3. Dried and powdered rhizome used as spice + another name for beer.

4. Underground portion of a plant + another name for ale.

5. A natural elevation of the earth’s surface having considerable mass and a height greater than that of a hill + water droplets condensed from the air.

6. A powder made from cacao seeds + tropical African evergreen plant having reddish fragrant nutlike seeds.

ANSWER: 1. Nehi Soft Drink. (Knee + high + soft + drink.)
2. Dr Pepper. (Doctor + pepper.), 3. Ginger Ale. (Ginger + ale.)
4. Root Beer. (Root + beer.), 5. Mountain Dew. (Mountain + Dew.)
6. Coca-Cola. (Cocoa + Kola.)

Thursday’s Quizzler is…  

A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:

1. Matthew [ ] Mason
2. Bruce [ ] Majors
3. Larry [ ] [ ] Fonda
4. Ashley [ ] [ ] Mandela
5. Rick [ ] [ ] [ ] Luther 

 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB ANDREA!

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Answers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/