One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale’s Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,
“Well, sonny, I can’t remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger.”
The owner replies, “Well, let’s see… Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?”
The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, “I want this color sonny.”
To which Nathan replies, “Ma’am I’m sorry, but we don’t have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?” “No son, I want this color.” “But ma’am, they didn’t make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?” says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.
By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.
The secretary replies, “Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman’s corn!” Hey
I’m just saying! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a ySTEVEN WRIGHT….
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said “Help Wanted.” There was another sign below it that said “Self Service.” So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2″ taller.
I’m kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game *he* was watching was better.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it.
G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h
A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.
She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, “Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?” Her grandson said, “Grandma, it says on TV-‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘He’s out. And you’re out too. And I don’t think I’m in either. No gang!’
Answer: Bottle Rocket
Written by Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson who also wrote ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘It’s the truth that you should never trust anybody who wears a bow tie. Cravats are supposed to point down to accentuate the genitals. Why’d you wanna trust somebody whose tie points out to accentuate his ears?’
Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. ” “Within my heart a memory, a perfect love that you gave to me. Oh, I remember.”
From “My Sacrifice”.
Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist. “I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me, I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break, I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough, I try as hard as I can.”
Friday’s Quizzler is..
Below are incomplete words. Place three letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.
i (_ _ _) lar
lat (_ _ _) ror
phan (_ _ _) atoe
indica (_ _ _) toise
sc (_ _ _) na
thr (_ _ _) egal
ANSWER: idol – dollar, latter – terror, phantom – tomatoe
indicator – tortoise, scare – arena, thrill – illegal
Monday’s Quizzler is…
Below are incomplete words. Replace the letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.
Ke ( _ _ ) ergy
Ena ( _ _ _ ) ak
Bl ( _ _ _ ) ied
Ka ( _ _ _ _ ) d
Ke ( _ _ ) icure
Por ( _ _ _ _ _ ) or
Ma ( _ _ _ ) dan
Cli ( _ _ _ ) ity
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! WAY2GOJAZZZZZZ!
Answers in TUESDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ firstname.lastname@example.org. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/