Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Monday, January 31, 2010. Today’s Joke…..

One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale’s Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,

“Well, sonny, I can’t remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger.”

The owner replies, “Well, let’s see… Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?”

The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, “I want this color sonny.”

To which Nathan replies, “Ma’am I’m sorry, but we don’t have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?” “No son, I want this color.” “But ma’am, they didn’t make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?” says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.

By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.

The secretary replies, “Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman’s corn!” Hey

I’m just saying! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP!

Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a ySTEVEN WRIGHT….

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said “Help Wanted.” There was another sign below it that said “Self Service.” So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2″ taller.

I’m kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.

I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game *he* was watching was better.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it.

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.
She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, “Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?” Her grandson said, “Grandma, it says on TV-‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'”
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘He’s out. And you’re out too. And I don’t think I’m in either. No gang!’

Answer: Bottle Rocket

Written by Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson who also wrote ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘It’s the truth that you should never trust anybody who wears a bow tie. Cravats are supposed to point down to accentuate the genitals. Why’d you wanna trust somebody whose tie points out to accentuate his ears?’
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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. ” “Within my heart a memory, a perfect love that you gave to me. Oh, I remember.”

Answer: Creed

From “My Sacrifice”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist. “I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me, I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break, I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough, I try as hard as I can.”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..

Below are incomplete words. Place three letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.

i (_ _ _) lar
lat (_ _ _) ror
phan (_ _ _) atoe
indica (_ _ _) toise
sc (_ _ _) na
thr (_ _ _) egal

ANSWER: idol – dollar, latter – terror, phantom – tomatoe
indicator – tortoise, scare – arena, thrill – illegal

Monday’s Quizzler is…

Below are incomplete words. Replace the letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.

Ke ( _ _ ) ergy
Ena ( _ _ _ ) ak
Bl ( _ _ _ ) ied
Ka ( _ _ _ _ ) d
Ke ( _ _ ) icure
Por ( _ _ _ _ _ ) or
Ma ( _ _ _ ) dan
Cli ( _ _ _ ) ity 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! WAY2GOJAZZZZZZ!
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Answers in TUESDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

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Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Friday, January 28, 2010. Ponderings for today…..

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?

Hey I’m just saying! Have an incredible weekend and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Tonight is Burns Night in Scotland. They drink whiskey and celebrate the poet Robert Burns. I know what you’re thinking: Scottish people drink whiskey? They do. Tonight’s
the night they drink whiskey and recite poetry…which makes
it classy.” -Craig Ferguson

“President Obama wants to freeze government spending for the
next five years and then in year six have a huge party and blow all of it.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Three Supreme Court justices — Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia,
and Clarence Thomas — did not attend the State of the Union
address. Taking their place was Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez,
and Randy Jackson.” -Conan O’Brien

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day’s competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn’t take any more and kicked them out.

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests….instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, “I’m sorry, but if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘I’ve applied for early admission to Oxford and the Sorbonne. Harvard is my safety.’

Answer: Rushmore
Written by Wes Anderson.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘He’s out. And you’re out too. And I don’t think I’m in either. No gang!’
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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. ” “You’ve been the first in my life who has ever made me feel this way, and I will not deny I’m gonna need you right here by my side.”

Answer: Soluna
From “For All Time”. This group of three girls made it up into the top 10 with this song.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist. “Within my heart a memory, a perfect love that you gave to me. Oh, I remember.”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

Below you will find uncommon titles to five award winning, or popular children’s books. How many can you decipher?

1. Where the Crimson Foliage Propagates.
2. Obscure Oasis
3. The Sunny Season of the Cygnus.
4. Feline in the Bonnet.
5. A Crumple in Chronology.

ANSWER: 1. Where the Red Fern Grows., 2. Secret Garden., 3. The Summer of the Swans
4. Cat in the Hat., 5. A Wrinkle in Time

Friday’s Quizzler is…

Below are incomplete words. Place three letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.

i (_ _ _) lar
lat (_ _ _) ror
phan (_ _ _) atoe
indica (_ _ _) toise
sc (_ _ _) na
thr (_ _ _) egal 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5 AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! ANOTHER GREAT JOB LADIES!
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Answers in MONDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Thursday, January 27, 2010. Amazing Anagrams…..

Dormitory == Dirty Room

Desperation == A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code == Here Come Dots

Slot Machines == Cash Lost in ’em

Animosity == Is No Amity

Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z’s

Alec Guinness == Genuine Class

Semolina == Is No Meal

The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal Point == I’m a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one

Contradiction == Accord not in it

This one’s amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]

To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Becomes:

In one of the Bard’s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

And the grand finale:

“That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” — Neil A. Armstrong

becomes:

A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Thursday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. – Milton Berle

A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. – Abba Eban

A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.

A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.

A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.

A crisis is when you cannot say “let’s just forget the whole thing.”

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  m a k e  y o u  l a u g h
A research group was engaged in a study of longevity in mammals and had recently focused their attention on a particular species of porpoise, which they studied from their floating laboratory off the coast of Baja Mexico. They came to believe that, if fed just the right combination of nutrients, this particular porpoise could, in theory, live forever.

To put this to the test, they studied the world’s flora and fauna to see if any naturally occurring organism would fit the bill. They finally narrowed the selection down to an unusual species of mynah bird, and they sent a team of researchers off to gather a specimen.

It turns out that the mynah bird in question was quite rare, living only in a single tree in Kenya. The research team finally arrived at the tree to capture a bird, only to find that the tree was surrounded by a pride of very hungry lions, precluding any reasonable attempt to approach and climb the tree.

A suggestion was made that the lions might be manageable if they could be fed, and a couple of fat cape buffalo were captured and offered to the lions. The hungry lions devoured the hapless beasts and lay down upon the grass to digest their meal.

One of the researchers then gingerly tiptoed past the lions, climbed the tree, and had little difficulty capturing one of the mynah birds. He climbed back down the tree and walked past the lions to rejoin the group when a game warden appeared and arrested him for (what else)…

“Transporting mynahs across sated lions for immortal porpoises.”
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘If you died right now, I would throw myself under one of my dad’s cement trucks so I could be poured into your tomb.’

Answer: Election
Spoken by the character Tammy Metzler. All of director Alexander Payne’s movies are set in Omaha.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘I’ve applied for early admission to Oxford and the Sorbonne. Harvard is my safety.’
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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. ” “I met this chick, and she just moved right up the block from me.”

Answer: Nelly
From “Dilemma”, with Kelly Rowland. This song also made it up to number 1.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist “You’ve been the first in my life who has ever made me feel this way, and I will not deny I’m gonna need you right here by my side.”.

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..

Can you determine the nursery rhyme being stated below?

Once upon a time there was this ovum consisting of an envelope of albumen, jelly and membranes which decided to moor its entirety on a parapet. Then rather suddenly, and without notice, the ovular succumbed to the Brobdingnagian gravitational pull. The result was that the entire embodiment of the paramount’s yeomanry and herbivores were unequal to the task of assemblage.

ANSWER: HUMPTY DUMPTY, Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the king’s horses and all the King’s men, Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.

Thursday’s Quizzler is… 

Below you will find uncommon titles to five award winning, or popular children’s books. How many can you decipher?

1. Where the Crimson Foliage Propagates.

2. Obscure Oasis

3. The Sunny Season of the Cygnus.

4. Feline in the Bonnet.

5. A Crumple in Chronology.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5 AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB LADIES!
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Answers in FRIDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Wednesday, January 26, 2010. Ponderings for the Day…..

It’s a dog eat dog world out there. And they’re short on napkins.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

It must be true that men are from Mars. Look at how the place has deteriorated.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Married people don’t live longer than single people. It just seems longer.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Wednesday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go
insane.”- Philip K. Dick

“I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.” – Will Rogers

“Convinced myself, I seek not to convince.” – Edgar Allan Poe

“A week has no basis in nature, as do days, months and years. So birds don’t understand weeks or weekdays. They do know enough to come back to the sidewalk cafe every day for crumbs. But suppose the cafe is in the business district and closed on weekends? What do the birds think of that? I’ll bet they’re really glad when Monday rolls around. Unlike the rest of us.” –George Carlin

“Why is New Jersey called the Garden State? Cause it’s too
hard to fit ‘Oil and Petro-Refinery State’ on a license plate.” –Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality

“Someone has said that there are only two kinds of people in
the world—- There are those who wake up in the morning and
say, “Good Morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up
in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning.” –Unknown

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her belt. A few days later, I walked into my mother’s home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn’t strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them. “Don’t look at me that way,” she yelled. “The phone started ringing and I couldn’t figure out how to undo this stupid clip!”
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I’m forever changed because of who you are and what you’ve meant to me, which – while I do appreciate it – I’d never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.’

Answer: Chasing Amy
Spoken by Holden McNeil played by Ben Affleck. My personal favorite Kevin Smith film.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘If you died right now, I would throw myself under one of my dad’s cement trucks so I could be poured into your tomb.’
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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. ” “One thing, I don’t know why, it doesn’t even matter how hard you try.”

The correct answer was Linkin Park

From “In the End”, a song that was the number 1 song in the nation for a while.

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist.“I met this chick, and she just moved right up the block from me.”

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..

What expression is represented here?

I hear: “It, It, It, It, …”
You hear: “I_, I_, I_, I_, …”

ANSWER: You will never hear the end of it.
 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is… 

Can you determine the nursery rhyme being stated below?

Once upon a time there was this ovum consisting of an envelope of albumen, jelly and membranes which decided to moor its entirety on a parapet. Then rather suddenly, and without notice, the ovular succumbed to the Brobdingnagian gravitational pull. The result was that the entire embodiment of the paramount’s yeomanry and herbivores were unequal to the task of assemblage.

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Answers in THURSDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

WELCOME to Tuesday, January 25, 2010. Missouri Crazy Laws….. 

Missouri Crazy Law

It is not illegal to speed. (Repealed)

Buckner

In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.

Excelsior Springs

Worrying squirrels is not tolerated.

Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.

Kansas City

Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.

Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.

Marceline

Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.

Marquette

It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).

Mole

Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.

Natchez

It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.

Purdy

Dancing is strictly prohibited.

St. Louis

It’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets.

A milk man may not run while on duty.

University City

Four women may not rent an apartment together.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a wonderful Tuesday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin.
Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom.”
-Conan O’Brien

“A town in Britain is making government employees submit
written requests to have an office romance. That’s going to
be weird if the other person’s not into it.” -Jimmy Fallon

“The White House held a state dinner for Chinese President
Hu Jintao. There were 200 people, a six-course dinner, and
champagne. It was so expensive that we had to borrow money
from China to pay for the dinner.” -David Letterman

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are twins-if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?‘I loved a writer and gave up the prize for a sonnet.’
Answer: Shakespeare in Love
Julia Roberts was originally set to play the part of Viola. Good thing for Gwyneth Paltrow she changed her mind!
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I’m forever changed because of who you are and what you’ve meant to me, which – while I do appreciate it – I’d never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.’
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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist. ” ‘I loved a writer and gave up the prize for a sonnet.’

Answer: Pink

From “Just Like a Pill”, her third hit off of her sophomore CD.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist “One thing, I don’t know why, it doesn’t even matter how hard you try.”.
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Friday’s Quizzler is..

Low Grade + 5th non-prime number (starting at 2) + To look down upon = A form of punishment.

ANSWER: Detention.
Low Grade=D, 5th non-prime number=10 (Other 4- 4, 6, 8, and 9), and to look down upon=Shun.
 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

What expression is represented here?

I hear: “It, It, It, It, …”
You hear: “I_, I_, I_, I_, …”
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Answers in WEDNEDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

WELCOME to Friday, January 21, 2010. Where do you stand?…..

This is a quick explanation of IQ, put up due to popular demand. There are many books on psychology or intelligence that would provide a more rigorous explanation of IQ.

What is intelligence? The definition I like is that intelligence is “the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations … also: the skilled use of reason” (7)*. I have heard some people misuse the word smart to mean knowledgeable. That is like confusing velocity with distance. That one can lead to the other does not mean that they are the same thing. I.Q. = Intelligence Quotient

Originally, “IQ” tests were created to be able to identify children who might need special education due to their retarded mental development (1). Binet’s test included varied questions and tasks. The tasks even included unwrapping a piece of candy and comparing the weights of different objects (4)!

To relate the mental development of a child to the child’s chronological age the IQ was invented. IQ = (MA/CA) * 100. The intelligence quotient was equal to 100 times the Mental Age divided by the Chronological Age. For example, if a certain child started reading, etc., at the age of 3 (CA) and average children start reading, etc., at the age of 6 (MA), the child would get an IQ score of 200. (Such a score is very, very rare). Since people wanted to also use IQs for adults, that formula was not very useful since raw scores start to level off around the age of 16 (2).

Thus the deviation IQ replaced the ratio IQ. It compares people of the same age or age category and assumes that IQ is normally distributed, that the average (mean) is 100 and that the standard deviation is something like 15 (IQ tests sometimes differ in their standard deviations). Today with all of the groups of varying degrees of intelligence, the question is where do you stand on the list?

IQ Range Classification
140 and over Genius or near genius
120-140 Very superior intelligence
110-120 Superior intelligence
90-110 Normal or average intelligence
80-90 Dullness
70-80 Borderline deficiency
Below 70 Definite feeble-mindedness

 

IQ Range Classification
70-80 Borderline deficiency
50-69 Moron
20-49 Imbecile
below 20 Idiot

Hey I’m just saying! Have a wonderful weekend and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“There’s a new website that allows you to use Facebook,
Twitter, e-mail, surf the web, and read all the news in
one place. That one place is called ‘work.” -Conan O’Brien

“Budweiser announced they are coming out with a beer that
has caffeine in it. “I am so tired in the morning. I really don’t get moving until I have my first cup of beer.” –Jay Leno

“The FDA says it will limit the amount of pain reliever found in Vicodin. Which explains my new substitute for Vicodin: two Vicodin.” -Jimmy Fallon

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This to incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day. Small medium at large.
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?(At a wake) ‘Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can’t come.’
Answer:The Big Chill

Spoken by Michael, played by Jeff Goldblum. Kevin Costner also had a part in the movie, but the director cut out all the scenes he was in. His character commits suicide and the only scenes left with him in them are shots of his sleeves and hair line.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘I loved a writer and gave up the prize for a sonnet.’
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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “If I get too tired to make it, be my breath so I can walk.”

Answer: Matchbox 20

From their song “Bent.”

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist.“I’m lying here on the floor where you left me. I think I took too much. I’m crying here…what have you done? I thought it would be fun.”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

What is this?

Sticker Bum
Sticker Sticker Bum Bum
Sticker Sticker Sticker Bum Bum Bum

ANSWER: A Bumper Sticker
lit. A bum per sticker.


Friday’s Quizzler is…

Low Grade + 5th non-prime number (starting at 2) + To look down upon = A form of punishment.

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Answers in MONDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 WELCOME to Thursday, January 20, 2010. True Marketing Errors…..

Below are fine examples of what happens when marketing translations fail to reach a foreign country in an understandable way.

Coors put its slogan, “Turn it loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea.”

Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into German only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the “manure stick”.

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, “Salem-Feeling Free”, was translated into the Japanese market as “When smoking Salem, you will feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty.”

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside, since most people can’t read English.

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read “I saw the potato” (la papa).

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into “Schweppes Toilet Water.”

Pepsi’s “Come alive with the Pepsi Generation” translated into “Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave,” in Chinese.

When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word “embarazar” meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that “It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.”

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means “bite the wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with wax” depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, “ko-kou-ko-le,” which can be loosely translated as “happiness in the mouth.”

Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan “finger-lickin’ good” came out as “eat your fingers off.”

When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that “no va” means “it won’t go.” After the company figured out why it wasn’t selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Thursday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Steven Wright….

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

I installed a skylight in my apartment…. The people who live above me are furious!

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store… With a pricing gun… She said, “Give me all of the money in the vault, or I’m marking down everything in the store.”

While I was gone, somebody rearranged all the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in *exactly* the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: “Do I know you?”

In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, “Cut it out.”

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I’d be the only one who knew. People come over and I’m gonna say, “Go ahead, touch it… It feels real.”

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above… So I never have to go upstairs.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

G u a r a n t e e d t o R o l l Y o u r E y e s

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn’t get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: “I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone”
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?‘I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde I could be dead three hours earlier.’
Answer: Everybody Says I Love You
Woody Allen directs and stars in this musical that also stars Goldie Hawn, Alan Alda, Drew Barrymore, and Ed Norton.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? (At a wake) ‘Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can’t come.’
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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.”“Give me just a second and I’ll be all right.”

Answer: Daniel Bedingfield

From “Gotta Get Thru This”. This song was created from Daniel’s bedroom, on his computer.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist.“If I get too tired to make it, be my breath so I can walk.”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..

Your task here is to change one letter in each of the following words, in order to find eight (8) words with a common theme.

Drone
Bait
Builder
Cede
Done
Pest
Vial
Tuna

ANSWER: The common theme is: units of currency
Krone (Denmark), Baht (Thailand), Guilder (Netherlands), Cedi (Ghana)
Dong (Vietnam), Peso (Colombia), Rial (Iran), Kuna (Croatia)

Thursday’s Quizzler is…

What is this?

Sticker Bum
Sticker Sticker Bum Bum
Sticker Sticker Sticker Bum Bum Bum

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS. BRILLIANT SOLVING BANKS!

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Answers in FRIDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/