Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Thursday September 30, 2010.   NEW! University courses for men and women. Whatsamatta University’s Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue.

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better.

Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.

1. Combatting Stupidity

2. You Too Can Do Housework

3. Resistance to Beer

4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray

5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)

6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4:00am

7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called “Don’t Wash My Silks”)

9. Get A Life – Learn To Cook

10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong

11. Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right

12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

13. You, The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons To Give Flowers

15. Garbage – Getting It To The Curb

16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please

17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat

18. Give Me A Break – Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies

19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost

20. The Remote Control – Overcoming Your Dependency

21. Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes

22. Mother-in-Laws Are People Too

23. The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous

24. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children

25. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver

26. Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home

27. Attainable Goal – Omitting Foul Expletives From Vocabulary

28. You Don’t Really Need That Porsche  

Hey I’m just saying! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     

q u o t e s  o f   t h e   d a y 

 “There’s a heat wave in Southern California. It was so hot,
the thermometer at the National Weather Service broke.
That’s ridiculous. I have three meat thermometers at home
that go up to 200 degrees.” -Jimmy Kimmel
 
“After a lot of speculation, the Chinese government has
decided not to change its one-child policy next year. In
a related story, China just renewed its most popular show,
‘Jon & Kate Plus One and That’s It.'” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“According to the ‘Wall Street Journal’, researchers at
Harvard have found an enzyme in the brain that regulates
obesity. They said if it wasn’t for our brains, we would
all be thin. That’s why supermodels are so skinny.”
–Jay Leno

 G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

 Noah was told that of all the animals on the ark, only the adders refused to obey God’s command and go forth and multiply. “Well,” said Noah. “I’ll have to ask the Lord what to do about that.” And so he prayed to God and said, “These snakes won’t go forth and multiply” And God said, “Don’t worry. Find some the trees and saw them into logs and create a platform sitting upon four legs. Then put the snakes on the platform.” “But how will that help the snakes?” asked Noah. “Easy,” replied God, “Everyone knows even adders can multiply using a log table!”    

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “Where did you come from, Planet Loser?” “As opposed to Planet Look At Me, Look At Me?”

Answer: 10 Things I Hate About You! “10 Things I Hate About You” is about two sisters, Kat and Bianca, whose father makes a rule that they are not allowed to date whilst they are still at school. As Kat shows no interest in dating, her father changes the rule to say that Bianca can date if Kat does. This starts a plot at school, by Cameron and Michael, to find someone who will date Kat, who does not appear easy to please, so that Cameron can date Bianca! Bianca says “Where did you come from, Planet Loser?” to her sister, Kat, who chooses not to show any interest in dating anyone, and Bianca cannot understand why. Kat then replies “As opposed to Planet Look At Me, Look At Me?” because Bianca likes to be popular at school. These quotes are said just before Kat and Bianca’s father changes the rule that the girls cannot date, to the rule that Bianca can date if Kat does.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “Put them (your hands) on the Oodles of Noodles.” “Chicken or beef?””Chicken!”

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Clickity clank, the money goes into my piggybank”. 

ANSWER: That lyric comes from “Piggybank” by 50 Cent. 

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “She named her daughter Alexus”?

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..  

Which phrase from group B belongs with the words in group A?

Group A
Lonely
Patent
Canines
Freighter
Artwork

Group B
Local Election
News Event
Tax Return
Brainy Teaser
Play Date

ANSWER: News Event”: it also contains number: lONEly, paTENt, caNINEs, frEIGHTer, arTWOrk, newSEVENt
… not to mention laSIX in the title 😎
    

Thursday’s Quizzler is… 

There are 4 clues below. Each clue is related to a type of candy. You have to try to figure out what each candy is. Good luck!

1. The average worker loves this day.

2. When actors or actresses get a little break.

3. Think of the 4th planet from the sun.

4. Also referred to as ‘geeks’.

 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5!  INCREDIBLE SOLVING JAZZZZ! 

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Answers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Wednesday September 29, 2010.    Piano Jokes…….
 
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.

Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller?
A: A flat major.

Q: What do you say to an army officer as you’re about to run him or her over with a steam roller?
A: Be flat, major.

Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?
A: See flat major.

Q: What key is “Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight” written in?
A: C sharp or B flat.

Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?
A: A sharp major.

Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?
A: A natural major.

Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won’t blow away?
A: Root position cords.
 
A note left for a pianist from his wife…….Gone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet.
     
Hey I’m just saying! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     

q u o t e s  o f   t h e   d a y 

“I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my foot-
prints. They’re upstairs in my socks.”
– Groucho Marx

“The truth that makes men free is for the most part the
truth which men prefer not to hear.”
– Herbert Agar

“The future is here. It’s just not widely distributed yet.”
– William Gibson 

W h a t ‘ s  O n  t h e  W e b ? 

BAD BOOK COVERS

While you may not be able to judge a book by its cover,
you can certainly judge its cover. Scroll through this
funny selection of particularly awful book covers.

Visit: http://bit.ly/9FRkEX
 
Star Wars: Republic Ace Game

“Help Anakin Skywalker blast his way through the Separatist
fleet in Republic Ace.” This fun and exciting “Star Wars”
adventure puts you in control as you battle enemies through-
out the galaxy. May the Force Be With You!

Visit: http://bit.ly/cJyBkj     
  

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “That’s no moon, it’s a space station.” and “Will somebody please get this big, walking carpet out of my way.”

Answer: 10 Things I Hate About You! “10 Things I Hate About You” is about two sisters, Kat and Bianca, whose father makes a rule that they are not allowed to date whilst they are still at school. As Kat shows no interest in dating, her father changes the rule to say that Bianca can date if Kat does. This starts a plot at school, by Cameron and Michael, to find someone who will date Kat, who does not appear easy to please, so that Cameron can date Bianca! Bianca says “Where did you come from, Planet Loser?” to her sister, Kat, who chooses not to show any interest in dating anyone, and Bianca cannot understand why. Kat then replies “As opposed to Planet Look At Me, Look At Me?” because Bianca likes to be popular at school. These quotes are said just before Kat and Bianca’s father changes the rule that the girls cannot date, to the rule that Bianca can date if Kat does.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “Where did you come from, Planet Loser?” “As opposed to Planet Look At Me, Look At Me?”

_________________________________________________________________________ 
 
Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Hope that ‘cha fine, wanna know what you got in mind. 

ANSWER: MIND! Usher, Lil Jon and Ludacris have sung another song together before titled “Lovers and Friends”.

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.”  Clickity clank, the money goes into my piggybank”.

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..  

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters. Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.

Example:  Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify   Answer: E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. Confuse R _ _ _ _ _ / C _ _ _ _ _ Bovines

2. Invent _ _ _ _ T _ / _ _ _ _ S _ Furrow

3. Endured _ A _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ Tilted

4. Joking _ _ N _ _ _ / _ _ R _ _ _ Bargain 

ANSWER: 1. Rattle Cattle, 2. Create Crease, 3. Lasted Listed, 4. Banter Barter
     

Wednesday’s Quizzler is… 

Which phrase from group B belongs with the words in group A?

Group A
Lonely
Patent
Canines
Freighter
Artwork

Group B
Local Election
News Event
Tax Return
Brainy Teaser
Play Date

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!  GREAT JOB BANKS! 

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Answers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Tuesday September 28, 2010.   Future Novelists… These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays……

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.   

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a really duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.  
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have an easy Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     

q u o t e s  o f   t h e   d a y 

“The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your
pilot. Like anyone goes, ‘Oh, he’s good. I like his work.'”
–David Spade 
 
“Correspondence schools are full of it. I saw an ad where
they claimed they could teach you veterinarian medicine
thought the mail. Hate to be a dog in that house. “Mail’s
here!” “Yip, yip, yip!” Talk about being a regular in the
pet store, “Hey, didn’t I already sell you a puppy?”
–Drew Carey 
 
“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a “learning
experience.” Then again, I like to think of anything stupid
I’ve done as a “learning experience.” It makes me feel less
stupid.” –P. J. O’Rourke 
 
“Cab drivers are now illegally overcharging you for made-up
charges. I was in a cab today and I was charged $11 for
shipping and handling.” -David Letterman
 
“Apparently the recession ended last June. So for those of
you that are still broke and without a job, it’s all in
your head.” -Jay Leno
 
“‘Sesame Street’ announced that it’s pulling a music video
featuring Elmo and Katy Perry because her outfit was too
revealing, even though those Muppets are running around
naked all the time.” -Jimmy Kimmel 
     

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular.  “When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I’d get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o’ bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans… all for a dollar!!” Then Grandpa said sadly, “You can’t DO that anymore…..
they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look.”    

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “We’re going to give you a fair trial, followed by a first-class hangin'”

Answer: Silverado! This 80’s gem resurrected the classic Western in Hollywood. Four men team up to save the town of Silverado from the corrupt Sheriff and his deputies.
The corrupt Sherriff Cobb (Brian Dennehy) explains to Mal (Danny Glover) that he’s going to be killed as Mal is being beaten in town by the deputies. Cobb tries to coerce Mal by saying he’ll let him go…all he has to do is give up Emmitt’s (Scott Glenn) hide out. “Silverado” has a great ensemble cast, and also stars Kevin Kline, Kevin Costner, Linda Hunt, John Cleese, and Rosanna Arquette.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “That’s no moon, it’s a space station.” and “Will somebody please get this big, walking carpet out of my way.”

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Always be talking that country slang we like”?  

ANSWER: “Soldier”-Destiny’s Child! Destiny’s Child came out with a CD in 2004. It is called “Destiny Fulfilled”. 

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Hope that ‘cha fine, wanna know what you got in mind.

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Monday’s Quizzler is..  

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters. Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.

Example: Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify   Answer: E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. Pliant _ _ _ _ _ E / _ _ _ _ _ Y Stash

2. Inundate _ _ _ _ G _ / _ _ _ _ X _ Elegant

3. Expenditure P _ _ _ _ _ / L _ _ _ _ _ Spread

4. Chevron _ _ _ _ P _ / _ _ _ _ K _ Hit

 ANSWER:  1. Supple Supply, 2. Deluge Deluxe, 3. Payout Layout, 4. Stripe Strike
   

 Tuesday’s Quizzler is… 

 In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters. Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. Confuse R _ _ _ _ _ / C _ _ _ _ _ Bovines

2. Invent _ _ _ _ T _ / _ _ _ _ S _ Furrow

3. Endured _ A _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ Tilted

4. Joking _ _ N _ _ _ / _ _ R _ _ _ Bargain

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 Welcome, ‏to Monday September 27, 2010.  The top ten signs that your co-worker is a computer hacker10.
 
You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.

9. He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.

5. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeez” 95 times during the movie “The Net”

4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.

3. Video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons

2. When his computer starts up, you hear, “Good Morning, Mr. President.”

1. You hear him murmur, “Let’s see you use that Visa card now, jerk.”  
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have an eye opening Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     

q u o t e s  o f   t h e   d a y 

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did.  Bette Davis 

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean. Mark Twain 

California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.  Fred Allen 

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.  P. J. O’Rourke 

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.  Steven Wright 

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.  Steven Wright 

Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day. Jay Leno 

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns 

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. Robert Benchley 

Electricity is really just organized lightning.  George Carlin

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. Josh Billings

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.”
“Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses. “How in hell does that fit in here?” So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, “How did this place get a name like ‘Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?'” The old man answers, “Is name of owner.” The tourist asks, “Well, who and where is the owner?” “Me…is right here,” replies the old man. “You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?” “Is simple,” says the old man. “Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, ‘What your name?’ He say,’Hans Olaffsen.’ Then she look at me and go, ‘What your name?'” “I say Sem Ting.”  

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I know the Presidents’ Chief Advisor, we were at MIT together. And, at this point in time, you really don’t want to take advice from a man who got a ‘C minus’ in astrophysics.”  

Answer: Armageddon! A “global-killer” asteroid the size of Texas is on a collision course with Earth. Their only hope is a bunch of oddballs that happen to be the best deep-core drillers in the world. I HATE it when that happens! Jason Isaacs as Dr. Ronald Quincy, explaining to Keith David’s Lt. General Kimsey that the only way to blow up the asteroid is to drill into it and get the explosives inside. General Kimsey quotes the President’s Chief Advisor, who claims that a nuclear explosion on the surface of the asteroid will solve the problem. Dr. Quincy puts him in his place.
It’s hard to believe that is Lucius Malfoy from the Harry Potter movies sitting at that table, isn’t it? 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “We’re going to give you a fair trial, followed by a first-class hangin'”

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Do You Want To”

ANSWER: Franz Ferdinand! It’s their first single in the UK from their debut album’s follow-up, “You Could Have It So Much Better”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Always be talking that country slang we like”?

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Friday’s Quizzler is..  

What’s wrong with these people?

Bob stands outside when it rains, touching a tree and getting soaked from above.

Jim stands out when it snows, rubbing a rock and getting frozen from above.

Jill stands out in hailstorms, stroking a stone and getting pelted from above.

Sally stands out in gales, fondling a flower and getting blown and battered from above.  

 ANSWER: They’re all “feeling under the weather”.     

 Monday’s Quizzler is… 

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters. Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. Pliant _ _ _ _ _ E / _ _ _ _ _ Y Stash

2. Inundate _ _ _ _ G _ / _ _ _ _ X _ Elegant

3. Expenditure P _ _ _ _ _ / L _ _ _ _ _ Spread

4. Chevron _ _ _ _ P _ / _ _ _ _ K _ Hit
 

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, to Friday September 24, 2010. Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.   
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have a GREAT weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     

q u o t e s  o f   t h e   d a y 

“They used to say a recession is when your neighbor lost his
job, and a depression is when you lost yours, but now they
say a recession is when Wall Street gets bailed out, and a
depression is what you get thinking about it.” -Jay Leno
 
“There was a 75-mile long traffic jam in China. It was so
bad, kids could barely get to work.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“Grandparents complain that their families don’t call them.
But in their defense, a lot of the time that people call,
grandparents answer the blender.” -Craig Ferguson
   

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

We were four frugal young teachers. But a couple times a year we treated ourselves to the best Manhattan had to offer. As we approached the famous restaurant Lutece, we questioned whether we were dressed perfectly. Could we pass as urban sophisticates? The maitre d’ met us at the door, all smiles and bows. When he took my raincoat, I began to look over the cozy little bar and anticipate the charming basket of pastry that was our appetizer. Then the maitre d’ returned to our group, gingerly holding a fabric softener sheet that had fallen from my coat sleeve. “Madam,” he said, “Your Bounce.” 

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “It is in your nature to do one thing correctly: Tremble.”

Answer: Manhunter! The vastly under-rated and over-shadowed “Manhunter” showcases the first appearance of Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecktor. He is tapped by Wil Graham (William Peterson of “CSI” fame), an FBI profiler, to assist in finding the “Tooth Fairy” killer, Francis Dollarhyde. The evil and twisted Dollarhyde speaks to “Tattler” reporter Freddy Lounds, whom he has kidnapped and will murder because of articles Lounds has published. This film is based on the book, “The Red Dragon” by Thomas Harris.  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “I know the Presidents’ Chief Advisor, we were at MIT together. And, at this point in time, you really don’t want to take advice from a man who got a ‘C minus’ in astrophysics.”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “There’s a thing that they can’t touch ’cause ya know”? 

ANSWER: t.A.T.u. – “All About Us” t.A.T.u., the Russian girls, have come again with new and fresh music for us to listen to. “All About Us” is their first single from “Dangerous and Moving”. 

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Do You Want To”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..  

In this teaser your task is twofold. You must first complete two (2) 4-letter words, side by side, reading left to right. Secondly, these two words within the brackets must form a 6-letter word when read from right to left.  Example: T[A _ _ _ _ A]T
Answer: T[ARO GNA]T 6-letter word: ANGORA

1. S[L _ _ _ _ P]E
2. S[N_ _ _ _ S]K
3. O[R_ _ _ _ D]E

ANSWER:  1. S[LAT ROP]E = PORTAL, 2. S[NAP MAS]K = SAMPAN, 3. O[RAL LOD]E = DOLLAR     

Friday’s Quizzler is… 

What’s wrong with these people?

Bob stands outside when it rains, touching a tree and getting soaked from above.

Jim stands out when it snows, rubbing a rock and getting frozen from above.

Jill stands out in hailstorms, stroking a stone and getting pelted from above.

Sally stands out in gales, fondling a flower and getting blown and battered from above.  

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Thursday September 23, 2010.  Doesn’t It Annoy You When…

…there’s a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?

…you buy an answering machine so you won’t miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?

…there’s a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?

…you’re reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?

…you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it’ll magically open for them and not you.

…someone says, “well, to make a long story short” and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.

…a friend or family member says “Yuck! This is awful!!” and then tells you to try some.

…you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you’re just looking around.

…you rub on hand cream and can’t turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

…a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.

…your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.

…there’s a dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.

…the power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.

…someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check or uses a credit card.

…the elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.

…you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don’t, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything. 

Hey I’m just saying! Have an incredible Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     

q u o t e s  o f   t h e   d a y 

Woody Allen Quotes

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.

What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream? Or what’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

I am an only child. I have one sister.

I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.   

When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.  

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers. “As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Peterson, are you an ‘honest’ lawyer?” “Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I’m so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.” “Impressive. And what sort of case was that?” He squirmed in his seat and admitted, “My dad sued me for the money.” 

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “This place has a sign hangin’ over the urinal that says, ‘Don’t eat the big white mint’.”

Answer: Road House! The owner of a bar in a small town hires James Dalton, the best “cooler” in the business, to clean his place up. When the job proves to be a little more than Dalton expected he calls on his friend and mentor Wade Garrett to give him a hand. This was the line that Wade Garret (Sam Elliot) gives Dalton (Patrick Swayze) over the phone when Dalton asks him for help.
Wade: “You having some trouble?” Dalton: “Nothing I’m not used to, but it’s amazing what you can get used to”
Wade: “Tell me about it. This place has a sign hangin’ over the urinal that says, ‘Don’t eat the big white mint’.”  

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “It is in your nature to do one thing correctly: Tremble.”

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Ring ring ring goes the telephone. The lights are on but there’s no one home.”

ANSWER:  Madonna! “Hung Up” is Madonna’s first single released from her album, “Confessions On A Dancefloor”. It mixes a part of the chorus of Abba’s song “Gimme Gimme Gimme”.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “There’s a thing that they can’t touch ’cause ya know”?

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..  

Find a rhyme for each word below so you end up with a familiar three-word phrase in the form “__, __, and __”. Number 7 is in the form “___, ___, or ___”.

Example:
Clue = “Cook, Wine, Drinker”
Answer = “Hook, Line, and Sinker”

1. Palm, Pool, Protected
2. Deer, Chose, Goat
3. Life, Stork, Prune
4. Bomb, Click, Scary
5. Pup, Cup, Convey
6. Smell, Took, Sandal
7. Spin, Clues, Law

ANSWER:  1. Calm, Cool, and Collected
2. Ear, Nose, and Throat
3. Knife, Fork, and Spoon
4. Tom, Dick, and Harry
5. Up, Up, and Away
6. Bell, Book, and Candle
7. Win, Lose, or Draw
    

Thursday’s Quizzler is… 

In this teaser your task is twofold. You must first complete two (2) 4-letter words, side by side, reading left to right. Secondly, these two words within the brackets must form a 6-letter word when read from right to left.

Example:

T[A _ _ _ _ A]T

Answer:

T[ARO GNA]T 6-letter word: ANGORA

1. S[L _ _ _ _ P]E
2. S[N_ _ _ _ S]K
3. O[R_ _ _ _ D]E

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5 AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB LADIES!     

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Answers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Wednesday September 22, 2010.  25 Phrases Of Wisdom………..  

1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 

Hey I’m just saying! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     

q u o t e s  o f   t h e   d a y 

“Writers should be read, but neither seen nor heard.”
– Daphne du Maurier

“Adventure is just bad planning.”
– Roald Amundsen

“Truth has beauty, power and necessity.”
– Sylvia Ashton-Warner 

“When the Pope met the Queen of England, they both said the
same thing to each other: ‘Nice hat.'” -Jay Leno
 
“A new report found that Asian-American students have the
best SAT scores. In second place — anyone sitting behind
the Asian-American students during the test.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“Well-known, veteran politicians were upended by candidates
from the tea party. I’ve been to a lot of tea parties with
my daughter and most of the people there are stuffed animals.”
-Jimmy Kimmel

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized,
they made up. However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. “Honey,” my Dad finally said one day, “why do you
keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was ‘forgive and forget.'” “It is,” she said. “I just don’t want you to forget that
I’ve forgiven and forgotten.”  

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “Like I told my last wife, I said, ‘Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides… it’s all in the reflexes.'”  

Answer:  Big Trouble in Little China! Legend has it that this script was a heavily re-worked version of the sequel “Buckaroo Banzai: Against the World Crime League”. This kung-fu magic act is a good vs. evil story of Jack Burton, Wang Chi, and Egg Shen taking on the immortal David Lo Pan and his servants, the mystical Three Storms. Jack (Kurt Russell) loves to talk, and this is a part of his litany into the CB radio in his truck (“The Porkchop Express”) at the beginning of the film. “It’s all in the reflexes…” becomes a running gag line throughout the film. 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “This place has a sign hangin’ over the urinal that says, ‘Don’t eat the big white mint’.”

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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “I’m paranoid of all the people I meet
Why are they talking to me?”?  

ANSWER: Good Charlotte — “I Just Wanna Live” This is Good Charlotte’s second single from their second album, “The Chronicles of Life And Death” in the US. You can either find in music stores the “Life” and the “Death” versions. They are both great. 

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Ring ring ring goes the telephone. The lights are on but there’s no one home.”

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..  

What advice is shown below?

BEETROOT
YEETROOT
YOETROOT
YOUTROOT
YOURROOT
YOURSOOT
YOURSEOT
YOURSELT
YOURSELF   

 ANSWER:  Be true to yourself.

BEETROOT to YOURSELF (sound it out)
   

 Wednesday’s Quizzler is… 

 Find a rhyme for each word below so you end up with a familiar three-word phrase in the form “__, __, and __”. Number 7 is in the form “___, ___, or ___”.

Example:
Clue = “Cook, Wine, Drinker”
Answer = “Hook, Line, and Sinker”

1. Palm, Pool, Protected
2. Deer, Chose, Goat
3. Life, Stork, Prune
4. Bomb, Click, Scary
5. Pup, Cup, Convey
6. Smell, Took, Sandal
7. Spin, Clues, Law
  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! WAY2GOJAZZZZZZZZZ!      

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Answers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.