Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Tuesday August 31st, ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS:

ON A HAIRDRYER: *Do not use while sleeping.

ON A BAG OF FRITOS: *You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: *Directions: Use like regular soap.

FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION: *Defrost.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX: *Fits one head.

ON TESCO’S TIRAMISU DESERT: *Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: *Product will be hot after heating.

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: *Do not iron clothes on body.

ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE: *Do not drive car or operate machinery.

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID): *Warning: May cause drowsiness.

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: *Warning: Keep out of children.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: *For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR: *Not to be used for the other use.

ON SAINSBURY’S PEANUTS: *Warning: contains nuts.

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS: *Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW: *Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
   
Hey I’m just saying! Have an incredible Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  

Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

 “Your hair may be brushed, but your mind’s untidy. You’ve
had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder
you feel that lost sensation. You’re sunk from a riot of
relaxation.” –Ogden Nash 
 
“A new study shows that large doses of Vitamin E do not
protect against heart attacks and cancer, and might
actually raise the risk of heart failure. The study was
published in this month’s Journal of Things that Scientists
Told You to Do Last Month That Turned Out to Be Harmful
This Month.” –Dennis Miller 
 
“There exists a widespread myth that humans should learn
about sex from their parents. My relationship with my father
nearly ended when he tried to teach me how to drive. I can’t
imagine our relationship having survived his instructing me
how to have sex.” –Bob Smith 
  
 G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

 Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously. “Can I talk to a real person?” a caller asked. “I am real,” I said. “Oh, I’m sorry,” the caller said. “That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?”  

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘Now, he said, Sic’em Boy. But what I heard was Chopper, sic balls.’  

Answer:  Stand By Me! The Writer said this during the junkyard scene, when the owner of the junkyard sicked his dog on the boys. For once the young boys prevailed over the older boys in this movie that brings Chris, Teddy and the writer closer together, where the boys come across a body.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “You’re the best Old Man. You should be free.”   

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “I tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it I don’t believe it makes me real”    

ANSWER: Chuck! That lyric is from the song “Pieces” from Sum 41’s fourth album, “Chuck” (2004). This album is named after the man who saved the band’s life when they were caught in a crossfire. 

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “You’re more than beautiful and I just wanna let you know that all I ever need is what I’ve got with you”?

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Monday’s Quizzler is..   

Given below are quotes by Indira Gandhi, former Prime Minister of India. Can you decipher them?

Zl tenaqsngure bapr gbyq zr gung gurer ner gjb xvaqf bs crbcyr: gubfr jub jbex naq gubfr jub gnxr gur perqvg. Ur gbyq zr gb gel gb or va gur svefg tebhc; gurer jnf yrff pbzcrgvgvba gurer.

Jr zhfg yrnea gb or fgvyy va gur zvqfg bs npgvivgl naq gb or ivoenagyl nyvir va ercbfr.

Lbh pnaabg funxr unaqf jvgu n pyrapurq svfg. 

  
ANSWER:  My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was less competition there.  We must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose.  You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. 
A N, B O, C P, D Q, E R, F S, G T, H U, I V, J W, K X, L Y, M Z, N A, O B, P C, Q D, R E, S F, T G, U H, V I, W J, X K, Y L, Z M

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…  

What common phrase does this complicated sentence represent?

4:37 PM is derived from the crucial element.   

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

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Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Monday August 30th,  Thoughts and stories from on the job……..

My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, “Is this what you get paid for ?” I told him, “Nope ! I do this for free.”

This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read “Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” I couldn’t resist and added a note: “And now you know why too”.

Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, “Yeah, how does this thing work ?” I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, “Any questions ?” She said, “Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from ?”

People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah ??? When’s the last time ya ever heard of anyone who “rested to death”.

Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never anybody around to appreciate it.

Our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have computers which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.

Did ya ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that they don’t have enuff time to do all their work.
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have a interesting Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  
Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

Marriage quotes…………

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx

We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. — H.L. Mencken

What’s new? Most of my wife.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. — Guitry

When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.

Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.

You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.
 
G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.  Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.  “Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.” 

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  ‘If I’m working late, you gotta work late! If you can’t work late, I can’t work late! If I can’t work late, I can’t work late.’ 

Answer: Scrooged! Frank Cross, played by Bill Murray, said this to his assistant at the beginning of the movie when she asked if she could go home early because it was Christmas Eve.
Another “Christmas Carol” type movie, but with Murray, it tends to be a comedy too.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  ‘Now, he said, Sic’em Boy. But what I heard was Chopper, sic balls.’ 

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “I don’t need to be anything other than a prison guard’s son”

ANSWER:  Gavin Degraw! The song “I Don’t Wanna Be” was the first single off of Gavin Degraw’s 2003 album “Chariot”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “I tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it I don’t believe it makes me real”  

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Friday’s Quizzler is..  

In each list, there are parts of words jumbled around that form the names of popular television shows. Your job is to construct eight (8) complete 8-letter words from list A and B.

List A: ARDY, SEIN, MACG, MOKE, IVOR, ROSE, BAYW, SIDE

List B: FELD, GUNS, IRON, JEOP, SURV, YVER, ATCH, ANNE 

ANSWER: BAYWATCH, GUNSMOKE, IRONSIDE, JEOPARDY, MACGYVER, ROSEANNE, SEINFELD, SURVIVOR

Monday’s Quizzler is…  

 Given below are quotes by Indira Gandhi, former Prime Minister of India. Can you decipher them?

Zl tenaqsngure bapr gbyq zr gung gurer ner gjb xvaqf bs crbcyr: gubfr jub jbex naq gubfr jub gnxr gur perqvg. Ur gbyq zr gb gel gb or va gur svefg tebhc; gurer jnf yrff pbzcrgvgvba gurer.

Jr zhfg yrnea gb or fgvyy va gur zvqfg bs npgvivgl naq gb or ivoenagyl nyvir va ercbfr.

Lbh pnaabg funxr unaqf jvgu n pyrapurq svfg.
 

 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND SWEETJAZZ5! GREAT JOB BANKS AND JAZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!         

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Friday August 28th, Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple……

* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.

* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. 
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  

 
Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

“Miss Mexico is the new Miss Universe, and today begins a
grueling year of waving.” -David Letterman
 
“Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in
the Union. The state bird of Mississippi? The fried chicken.”
-Jay Leno
 
“This week in New Zealand, a man who lost his wedding ring
in the ocean found it in the water over a year later. The
man says the most amazing thing about the story is that his
wife fell for it.” -Conan O’Brien
 

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter
asked, “When did you bag him?” The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”  “What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter. “My ex-wife.” replied the hunter.  

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  ‘Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.’

Answer: The Princess Bride! Westley said this to Princess Buttercup right before she found out that the man in black was really Westley. Princess Buttercup was in love with Westley for many years, but feared that her true love had died, in this cute movie. Westley came back for her and discovered that Buttercup still loved him after so many years. 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  ‘If I’m working late, you gotta work late! If you can’t work late, I can’t work late! If I can’t work late, I can’t work late.’

TODAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA DIVIA AWARD GOES TO MS. CARRIE PALOMBO! GREAT MOVIE TRIVIA-ING CARRIE!

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “This is when I start to bite my nails”

ANSWER: He Wasn’t! This is from Avril Lavigne’s second album, “Under my Skin” (2004).  

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “I don’t need to be anything other than a prison guard’s son” 

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..  

Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common phrase.

1. (Performances) (converse) (noisier) than (terms).

2. (More superior) (delayed) than (not at all).

3. (Sublime) (mental abilities) (contemplate) (similarly).

ANSWER: 1. Actions speak louder than words.
2. Better late than never.
3. Great minds think alike. 

Friday’s Quizzler is…  

In each list, there are parts of words jumbled around that form the names of popular television shows. Your job is to construct eight (8) complete 8-letter words from list A and B.

List A:

ARDY
SEIN
MACG
MOKE
IVOR
ROSE
BAYW
SIDE

List B:
FELD
GUNS
IRON
JEOP
SURV
YVER
ATCH
ANNE

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5, MS CARRIE PALOMBO, AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB LADIES!         

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 Welcome, ‏to Thursday August 26th, The Diary of a Snow Shoveler…….

December 8
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

 December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

 December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

 December 14
Snow lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way.

 December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.  The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

 December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for one hour, which I think was very cruel.

 December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.  Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

 December 20
Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice.  Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

 December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

 December 23
Only 2″ of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she’s lying.

 December 24
6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow I’ll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been!  Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25
Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now suing me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun don’t shine. The wife went home to her mother. 9″ predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Hey I’m just saying! Have a interesting Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  

 
Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

 Jay Leno Quotes: 

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. 

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution. 

McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it? 

A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What’s the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he’s got your gun too! 

According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take “a harder stance” on the death penalty. What’s a harder stance on the death penalty? We’re already killing the guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair. 

A New York company has made a video game that re-enacts John Kerry’s war career. Players pretend they’re Kerry, on a swift boat in Vietnam. Wasn’t there already some game based on John Kerry’s life? Oh, yeah, “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?”  

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘If you try to stop us or vamp’ out in any way, then I’ll stake you without thinking twice about it.’

Answer: Lost Boys!  Edgar Frog (Corey Feldman) said this to Michael after Michael said he would help them kill the vampires. This movie teams up Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Kiefer Sutherland and Corey Feldman in a vampire movie, with a twist. These boys tend to just have fun, doing nothing but partying and never aging. 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  ‘Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.’

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Take my photo off the wall if it just won’t sing for you.”

ANSWER: Jet! The song is called “Look What You’ve Done”, by the Australian band, Jet. This song is off their album, “Get Born” (2003). 

 Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “This is when I start to bite my nails” 

TODAY’S CRAZY SONG DEFINITIONS DIVIA AWARD GOES TO MS. CARRIE PALOMBO! GREAT JOB CARRIE!

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..  

Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common holiday. (The first holiday is only one word long. The second and third are two words long.)

1. (Right of north ) (she)

2. (Hotel) D (ink stick) (boogie) (24 hours)

3. (Work) (24 hours)

 ANSWER: 1. Easter (east + her), 2. Independence Day (inn + d + pen + dance + day), 3. Labor Day  

Thursday’s Quizzler is…   

Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common phrase.

1. (Performances) (converse) (noisier) than (terms).

2. (More superior) (delayed) than (not at all).

3. (Sublime) (mental abilities) (contemplate) (similarly).  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5, MS CARRIE PALOMBO, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS, MS. RENNA WILD, AND MS. KIM HILLYARD ! GREAT JOB LADIES!         

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Answers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Wednesday August 25th, Blonde Year in Review……

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels, duh, bottles won’t fit in typewriter!

March – Got excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…box said “2-4 years!”

April – Trapped on escalator for hours…power went out!

May – Tried to make Kool-Aid but 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!

June – Tried to go water skiing – couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast-stroke swimming competition. I learned later that other swimmers cheated, they used their arms.

August – Got locked out of car in rainstorm…car swamped because top was down.

September – Lost a TV quiz show. The capital of California is “C” isn’t it?

October – Hate M & M’s – they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December – Couldn’t call 911, duh, there’s no “eleven” button on the phone!
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have a refreshing Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  
 
Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y   

“Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.”
– Groucho Marx

“It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is,
it’s always room temperature.”
– Steven Wright

“When I was born the doctor took one look at my face,
turned me over and said, Look… twins!”
– Rodney Dangerfield  
 

W h a t’ s  O n  t h e  W e b? 

Great Comics That Never Happened Annual #1

“For the past seven months, writer Chris Sims and artist
Rusty Shackles have been putting their imaginations to
good use in order to bring you the best comic book stories
that never were. Now, with 13 issues under their belts,
it’s time for the very first Great Comics That Never
Happened Annual!” Enjoy!

Visit: http://bit.ly/cY1JSo
 
Max Damage 2 – The Game

Who doesn’t like smashing stuff? See if you remember any-
thing from your high school physics class and if you have
a knack for demolition. If you do you’re in for a treat.

Visit: http://bit.ly/dsscfx   

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?’ 
 
Answer:  Ferris Bueller’s Day Off! Ferris just wants to spend the day having fun and not going to school. He decides to play ‘sick’. He has quite an adventure throughout the day. He says this line in the beginning when he decided to fake sick to go out with his friends on a school day. 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘If you try to stop us or vamp’ out in any way, then I’ll stake you without thinking twice about it.’

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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “I’m not a part of a redneck agenda, now everybody do the propaganda, and sing along in the age of paranoia.”  

ANSWER: American Idiot! This is the first single off of Green Day’s album, “American Idiot”.  

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Take my photo off the wall if it just won’t sing for you.”

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..  

This sentence describes a famous quote from a Shakespeare play. It is also an anagram of it. What is the quote?  In one of the Bard’s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.    

ANSWER: To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…   

Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common holiday. (The first holiday is only one word long. The second and third are two words long.)

1. (Right of north ) (she)

2. (Hotel) D (ink stick) (boogie) (24 hours)

3. (Work) (24 hours) 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! GREAT JOB JAZZZZZZ!         

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Answers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Tuesday August 24th, Rules of Life………..

1. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

2. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship : “I apologize” and “You are right.”

3. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

4. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.

5. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, “Go! You might meet somebody!”

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her. . . believe them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, ‘Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?’

8. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

11. Work is good, but it’s not that important.

12. And finally… Be really nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.  
Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  
 
Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y   

In the game of life, it’s a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season. Bill Vaughan 

Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? Bob Monkhouse 

Life is wasted on the living.  Douglas Adams   

Life… is like a grapefruit. It’s orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast. Douglas Adams   

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen   

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon. Woody Allen   

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. Woody Allen   

Life is a zoo in a jungle. Peter De Vries  
 
G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

Science has a language of its own which sometimes puzzles laymen. The word “obvious” is a case in point. A professor of physics, deriving some profound point of theory for the class, scribbled an equation on the board and said, “From this, it is obvious that we can proceed to write the following relationship…” and he scribbled a second and equally long equation on the board. Then he paused. He stared hard at the two equations and said, “Wait a minute, I may be wrong…” He sat down and began to write at his desk furiously, crossing out and rewriting for five minutes while the class sat in absolute silence waiting for the verdict. Finally, the professor rose with an air of satisfaction and said, “Yes, I was right in the first place. It *IS* obvious that the second equation follows from the first.” 
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  ‘You got to read at Sodom and Gomorrah I had to do all the work.’ 
 
Answer: Dogma! Loki said this to Bartleby when talking about the work he had done as the Right Hand of God, before he was kicked out of heaven. This movie teams up Ben Afflect, as Bartleby with Matt Damon, Loki in an adventure about heaven and Christianity, in a unique way.  
 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?’

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Drop…and let me see you bring it back up top, she hot like a boilin’ pot, on the stove like whoa!” 

ANSWER: Houston’s debut album, “It’s Already Written”, mixes both hip hop and R & B.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “I’m not a part of a redneck agenda, now everybody do the propaganda, and sing along in the age of paranoia.”

_________________________________________________________________________
 
Monday’s Quizzler is..  

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters does not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. specialist _ _ _ E _ _ / _ _ _ O _ _ ship

2. hull _ _ L _ _ / _ _ N _ _ indulgence

3. scorch S _ _ _ _ / T _ _ _ _ slight colouration

4. soft spread _ U _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ grievous

 ANSWER:  1. expert / export, 2. bilge / binge, 3. singe / tinge, 4. butter / bitter    

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…   

This sentence describes a famous quote from a Shakespeare play. It is also an anagram of it. What is the quote?

In one of the Bard’s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! GREAT JOB JAZZZZZZ!         

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Monday August 23rd.  Think About It!

* Money doesn’t bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.

* Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.

* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

* Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.

* Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.

* The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

* When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you’re in a public restroom.

* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

* The real reason you can’t take it with you is that it goes before you do.

* Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

* A closed mouth gathers no feet.

* A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

* A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday with a television on the blink.

* The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.

* Money isn’t everything….there’s credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks. 

Hey I’m just saying! Have an interesting Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  

Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

“If women have excessive belly fat and a muffin-top, it can be fatal. Especially if you mention it to her.” -Jay Leno
 
“It’s hot in August. August got its name from the Roman emperor, August. Augustus must have been a good emperor
because he got a whole month named after him. All Julius Caesar got was a salad.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government. Well, that’s because the three
stooges are more likely to get something done.” -David Letterman 
   
G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

 My father was extremely nervous about his first funeral service as a Navy chaplain, but the undertaker assured him that he would prompt him. All went well until, at
the close, the undertaker whispered to him to instruct the family to come up and view the body. “Will the family now come forward and pass around the bier,” said my
father. He cringed inwardly when he heard his own words. Later, as my father was leaving, he overheard two of the cemetery workers talking. “I didn’t get any beer,” one said. “Did
you?” “You heard the chaplain,” the other replied. “It was just for the family.”   
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  ‘Well Hermione, you’re a girl.’ 

 Answer: Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire! Ron said this to Hermione as a last resort for a date to the Yule Ball, to which she replied that someone had already asked her and she said yes.
Throughout the “Harry Potter” magical series, we find the relationship between Hermione and Ron getting closer, but yet at times they pull away.  

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘You got to read at Sodom and Gomorrah I had to do all the work.’

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly, I’ll do what it takes till I touch the sky, and I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change…” 

ANSWER: Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson! Avril Lavigne actually wrote the song “Breakaway” but gave it to Kelly Clarkson to sing because she thought that it suited Kelly’s style/image.  

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.””Drop…and let me see you bring it back up top, she hot like a boilin’ pot, on the stove like whoa!”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..  

Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.
Group A
1. Optic
2. Civet
3. Toner
4. Rosin
5. Lease

Group B
1. Painter’s stand
2. Singing voice
3. Golf clubs
4. Subject
5. Throw out

 ANSWER:  1. Easel (5), 2. Tenor (3), 3. Irons (4), 4. Topic (1), 5. Evict (2) 

Monday’s Quizzler is…  

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters does not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. specialist _ _ _ E _ _ / _ _ _ O _ _ ship

2. hull _ _ L _ _ / _ _ N _ _ indulgence

3. scorch S _ _ _ _ / T _ _ _ _ slight colouration

4. soft spread _ U _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ grievous 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! PURE GENIUS ANDREA!         

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.