Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 Welcome, ‏to Friday July 30th.  Elderly People Humor? 

OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal 

OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick 

OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away 

OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way 

OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do 

OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away 

OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in 

OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper 

OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded 

OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks 

OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke 

OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off 

OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL 

OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding 

OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up. Hey I’m just saying! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here! 
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y  

Steven Wright 101:  

You know how it is when you’re reading a book and falling asleep, you’re reading, reading . . . And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I’m like that all the time. 

Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her, “Do you live around here often?” She said, “You’re wearing two different colored socks.” I said, “Yes, but to me they’re the same because I go by thickness.” Then she asked, “How do you feel?” and I said, “Well, you know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.” 

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. 

Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow. 

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . . It wasn’t doing what I was doing. 

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me–and I didn’t hear it. 

I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is. Every once in a while I’ll be listening to the radio and I say, “I think I might have written that.” 

He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, “Yes, but not right now.” 

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don’t accidentally walk through into another dimension.  

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

 A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?” The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.” The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”  Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? Major Strasser: “What is your nationality?” Rick Blaine: “I’m a drunkard.” Captain Louis Renault: “That makes Rick a citizen of the world.” 

Answer: Casablanca!  “Casablanca” is a classic film from 1942 starring Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman. The film is based upon the beginning years of WWII and Bogey’s character was running a swanky nightclub in Casablanca. One night, there was a fuss over someone singing a German patriotic song and another person singing a French anthem that a disturbance occurred. Major Strasser was the German officer who asked Bogey what nationality he was and Captain Renault was a police officer. There were many memorable lines from this movie and I found these lines to be amusing.  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”.  
 
TODAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA DIVIA AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! GREAT MOVIE TRIVIA JOB JAZZZZZ! 
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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Tell me why you’re looking so confused when I’m the one who didn’t know the truth, how could you ever be so cold?” 

ANSWER: “Leave (Get Out)” by JoJo! “Leave (Get Out)” is a great song in my opinion. It was JoJo’s first single ever, off her self-titled debut album.    
 
Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “You’ve got your dumb friends, I know what they say, they tell you I’m difficult, but so are they.”
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Thursday’s Quizzler is..  

Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the middle of each pair of words to create two new words, one front-ended and one back-ended.
Example: EVER – ______ – HORN
Answer: EVER – GREEN – HORN
SLIP ___________ LINED
BREAD __________ CASE
OTHER __________ CRACK  

Answer:  SLIP – STREAM – LINED, BREAD – BASKET – CASE, OTHER – WISE – CRACK    

Friday’s Quizzler is…   

Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.

Group A
1. Chore
2. Brace
3. Puree
4. Coast
5. Thing

Group B

A. Broad Necktie
B. Earth Pigment
C. Time of Darkness
D. Indian Money
E. Sour or Bitter    

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Thursday July 29th.  A Mother’s dictionary…….

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house. Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here! 
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

 A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. Josh Billings

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. Erma Bombeck

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. Groucho Marx

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. Bob Hope

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. H. L. Mencken

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. Steven Wright 
 
G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing.” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “Cindy, you know by tattling on your friends, you’re really just tattling on yourself. By tattling on your friends, you’re just telling them that you’re a tattletale. Now, is that the tale you want to tell?” 

Answer:  A Brady Bunch Movie! This 1995 movie was based on the television series of “The Brady Bunch” which ran from 1969-1974. The character Cindy was the youngest girl in the Brady family and the line came from when her father, Mike Brady, was having a heart to heart conversation with her about telling on someone. Watch the movie to find out who. Was it Alice? Was it Tiger? I’m not telling because then I would be a tattle tale. (Smile) 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? Major Strasser: “What is your nationality?” Rick Blaine: “I’m a drunkard.” Captain Louis Renault: “That makes Rick a citizen of the world.” 
 
TODAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA DIVIA AWARD GOES TO MS. CARRIE PALOMBO!  WAY2GO CARRIE!
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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Check my vital signs, to know I’m still alive, and I walk alone…”
 
ANSWER:  Boulevard Of Broken Dreams! “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams” debuted on the Billboard Hot 100 at number 71 on November 27th, 2004. The song took more than four months to reach its peak position of number two on March 5th where it held this position for five weeks. It spent 14 weeks in the top ten, 30 weeks in the top 40 and 36 weeks on the Hot 100. The song also did well on other Billboard charts. It topped the Mainstream Rock Tracks chart for 14 weeks and the Modern Rock Tracks chart for 16 weeks.
 
Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Tell me why you’re looking so confused when I’m the one who didn’t know the truth, how could you ever be so cold?” 
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..  

Guess this prefix…

I change something weighing two thousand pounds into a small, light container.
I turn a food that is decaying into one that isn’t.
I turn a whole country into a small flower.
I change something alive into something flat and not alive. 

Answer:  The prefix is “CAR-“.
I change something weighing two thousand pounds into a small, light container.
CARton
I turn a food that is decaying into one that isn’t.
CARrot
I turn a whole country into a small flower.
CARnation
I change something alive into something flat and not alive.
CARpet   

Thursday’s Quizzler is…  

Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the middle of each pair of words to create two new words, one front-ended and one back-ended.

Example: EVER – ______ – HORN
Answer: EVER – GREEN – HORN

SLIP ___________ LINED
BREAD __________ CASE
OTHER __________ CRACK

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS ANDREA L. BANKS! PURE GENIUS BANKS!   

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Answers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Wednesday July 28th.  You might be a caffeine addict if… 
 
1. You think sleep is for the weak.

2. The dishes in your house are all coffee cups.

3. You believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable.

4. You’ve ever carried your coffee cup into the shower with you in the morning.

5. It’s 6:09 AM and you’re on your 2nd 20oz. cup of coffee.

6. You regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign.

7. Your heart beats noticeably faster as a reaction to the smell of coffee.

8. Your heart rate is always in triple digits.

9. Mountain Dew is the stuff great decisions are made of.

10. You wake up to Mountain Dew, before switching to JOLT.

11. You can name the five flavors of JOLT.

12. You go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee.

13. You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.

14. Your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen.

15. You’ve given up sex, TV, or all forms of meat for Lent before, but can’t make it 40 days without caffeine.

16. You’ve ever used the airplane’s Call button just to get a coffee refill.

17. Your heart only beats twice an hour and your eyes won’t shut anymore.

18. Your slogan is “Save water, drink coffee.”

19. You have on more than one occasion snorted instant coffee.

20. You suck on a used coffee filter (full of coffee grounds) whenever the can runs out of coffee. Hey I’m just saying! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here! 
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

“In the movie ‘Salt,’ Angelina Jolie is accused of being a Russian spy. She might be a spy and she might not. She’s spy-curious.” – Craig Ferguson

“Budget problems are so bad in Newark, New Jersey, that the mayor has ordered the government to stop buying toilet paper for public restrooms. They’re calling this the worst thing to happen to the state since ‘Jersey Shore’.” – Jay Leno

“A new survey found that more parents are teaching their babies sign language before they learn how to talk. Babies’ favorite word in sign language? Whatever putting your whole hand in your mouth means.” – Jimmy Fallon 
 
G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 54-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed he had once thought something more than friendship might be a possibility. “So what changed your mind?” I asked him. “I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 30-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, ‘You’re interested in someone
who’s 84?'”   

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I’m sexy. I’m cute, I’m popular to boot. I’m pitchin’, great hair, the guys all love to stare. I’m wanted, I’m hot, I’m everything you’re not. I’m pretty, I’m cool, I dominate this school. Hate us ‘coz we’re beautiful, but we don’t like you either. We’re cheerleaders, we are cheerleaders!”  

Answer: Bring It On!  This is a 2000 movie about cheerleading. Kirsten Dunst plays the captain of her high school cheerleading team that is getting ready to go to national championships. She found out that the captain before her had been stealing their rivals cheer routines for many years. She realizes there may be some trouble from the other team and they soon face some stiff competition going up against each other. That one cheer was just an example of what the one team would do.   

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  “Cindy, you know by tattling on your friends, you’re really just tattling on yourself. By tattling on your friends, you’re just telling them that you’re a tattletale. Now, is that the tale you want to tell?” 

TODAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA DIVIA AWARD GOES TO MS. CARRIE PALOMBO!  WAY2GO CARRIE!

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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “18 years, 18 years and on her 18th birthday, he found out it wasn’t his…” 

ANSWER: Gold Digger! “Gold Digger” debuted at number 92 on July 30th, 2005. It quickly reached the top of the Billboard Hot 100 on September 17th and remained there for ten weeks. Its 19 weeks in the top ten and 39 weeks on the Hot 100 resulted in Billboard naming the song the sixth biggest hit of 2005. “Gold Digger” was a worldwide success, reaching number one in Australia and New Zealand and number two in the U.K.  

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Check my vital signs, to know I’m still alive, and I walk alone…”

TODAY’S CRAZY SONG DEFINTIONS MASTER AWARD GOES TO MS. CARRIE PALMOBO! GREAT SONG SOLVING SKILLS CARRIE!
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..  

The following clues each form a unique word by themselves, add them together to get the name of a country. Example: blue and yellow mixed + solid ground = ? Answer: green + land = Greenland

1. frozen water + solid ground of the earth = ?
2. used to refer to oneself + competed in a race = ?
3. anger or wrath + to lower an airplane from sky to ground = ?
4. a relaxing resort + not out = ?
bonus: never used + enthusiastic devotion + in addition to = ? ? 

Answer: 1. ice + land = Iceland, 2. I + ran = Iran, 3. ire + land = Ireland, 4. spa + in = Spain
bonus: new + zeal + and = New Zealand  

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…  

Guess this prefix…

I change something weighing two thousand pounds into a small, light container.
I turn a food that is decaying into one that isn’t.
I turn a whole country into a small flower.
I change something alive into something flat and not alive.  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS ANDREA L. BANKS! PURE GENIUS BANKS!   

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Answers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Tuesday July 27th.   Natural Laws………

“The Law of Volunteering”
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell”
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

“The Law of Reality”
Never get into fights with ugly people. They have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Self Sacrifice”
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

“Barnes’ Law”
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

“Law of Probable Dispersal”
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

“Law of Volunteer Labor”
People are always available for work in the past tense.

“Conway’s Law”
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

“Law of Cybernetic Entomology”
There is always one more bug.

“Heller’s Law”
The first myth of management is that it exists.

“Osborne’s Law”
Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

“Main’s Law”
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

“Berg’s Second Law”
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here! 
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

“I was in McDonald’s and I saw this kid take his Happy Meal toy and throw it on the ground. His mom said, ‘Hey, you play with that. There are children in China who are manufacturing those!'” –Laura Silverman 
 
“I have a Y chromosome that makes me ask, Why get married? But I wouldn’t want to put down marriage as a whole – which it is.” –Kevin Hench 
 
“They do a lot of animal testing in the cosmetics industry, maybe they should brag about it in their commercials. ‘Aquanet hair spray, if it can blind a spider monkey, it can make your hair look luscious!'” –Vernon Chapman 

“A new survey found that more parents are teaching their babies sign language before they learn how to talk. Babies’ favorite word in sign language? Whatever putting your whole hand in your mouth means.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“I had an accident on an alpine slide. If you’ve never been on an alpine slide, it’s like a waterslide without the water. Until my accident, then it became like a waterslide.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“A new poll shows that Congress’ approval rating is at a record low of 11 percent. The other 89 percent are going to withhold judgment until Congress actually does something.” -Jay Leno 

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s  

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.  “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”  The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. “Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.” 

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I…I realized what a terrific person she was, and…and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I…I, I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this…this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and…but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us…need the eggs.”    

Answer: Annie Hall! This line was said by Woody Allen in the movie “Annie Hall” (1977). He was speaking to the audience which he did off and on in the film, these lines being about Diane Keaton’s character in the movie. He was in love with her. They both had problems, their ups and downs. The movie was both funny and sad. The film also starred Carol Kane, Tony Roberts, Paul Simon, Shelley Duvall, Colleen Dewhurst and Christopher Walken. 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “I’m sexy. I’m cute, I’m popular to boot. I’m pitchin’, great hair, the guys all love to stare. I’m wanted, I’m hot, I’m everything you’re not. I’m pretty, I’m cool, I dominate this school. Hate us ‘coz we’re beautiful, but we don’t like you either. We’re cheerleaders, we are cheerleaders!”

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “It’s hard to say it, time to say it, goodbye, goodbye…”  

ANSWER: Photograph! On September 10th, 2005, “Photograph” debuted at number 75 on the Billboard Hot 100. It reached number two on October 22nd during its 17 week stay in the top ten, 27 weeks in the top forty and 33 weeks on the Hot 100. The song also topped the Mainstream Rock Tracks chart where it stayed at number one for seven weeks. In Australia, New Zealand and the Netherlands, “Photograph” made it into the top five.   

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “18 years, 18 years and on her 18th birthday, he found out it wasn’t his…”
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Monday’s Quizzler is..  

Fill in the middle word. This word should correspond with the first and last word.
1) Red ________________ Bulb
2) Green ______________ Leaf
3) Blue _______________ Ball
4) Silver ______________ Saver
5) Gold _______________ Shaft
6) White ______________ Smart
7) Black ______________ Brain
8) Orange _____________ Pouch
9) Peach ______________ Top
10) Brown _____________ Cookie

Answer:  1) Light, 2) Tea, 3) Cheese, 4) Screen, 5) Mine, 6) Out, 7) Bird, 8) Juice, 9) Tree, 10) Sugar,  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…  

The following clues each form a unique word by themselves, add them together to get the name of a country. Example: blue and yellow mixed + solid ground = ? Answer: green + land = Greenland

1. frozen water + solid ground of the earth = ?

2. used to refer to oneself + competed in a race = ?

3. anger or wrath + to lower an airplane from sky to ground = ?

4. a relaxing resort + not out = ?

bonus: never used + enthusiastic devotion + in addition to = ? ? 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS CARRIE PALOMBO! SUPER SOLVING JOB CARRIE! 

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Thursday July 22th. Office Lingo……..
Activate:
To make carbons and add more names to the memo. 

Advanced Design:
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency’s copywriters. 

All New:
Parts not interchangeable with existing models. 

Approved:
Needs revising 

Automatic:
That which you cannot repair yourself. 

Channels:
The trails left by interoffice memos. 

Clarify:
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
 
Conference:
A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor.
 
Confidential Memo:
No time to photocopy for the whole office. 

Consultant:
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch. 

Forwarded For Your Consideration:
You hold the bag for a while. 

FYI:
Found yesterday, interested? 

In Conference:
Nobody can find him/her. 

Let’s Get Together On This:
I’m assuming you’re as confused as I.
 
Note & Initial:
I’m not taking the fall for this myself. 

Policy:
We can hide behind this. 

Please See Me:
Come down to my office. I’m lonely. 

Top Priority:
It may be stupid but the boss wants it.
 
We Are Taking A Survey:
We need more time to think of an answer or we can’t find anyone willing to be responsible for this. 

Will Advise In Due Course: If we figure it out, we’ll let you know. Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Thurday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here! 
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

“Some public schools now will be serving sushi. Well, if you love cafeteria meatloaf, you’re going to really love
cafeteria sushi!” -Dave Letterman 
 
“Scientists in China say they have found a dolphin they previously thought was extinct. Scientists say the dolphin
is rare, beautiful, and delicious with hot mustard sauce.” –Conan O’Brien 
 
“Here is a very odd story. A woman in Tennessee is now suing a local pharmacy after buying what she thought were birth control patches. They turned out to be nicotine patches. The good news, her new baby is now down to a half a pack a day.” –Jay Leno

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disap-
pointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher. “Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.” Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher’s voice boom over the public-address system: “Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.”   

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.”     

Answer: City of Angels!  Great movie. It was inspired by the modern classic, “Wings of Desire”. This movie came out in 1998 and involved an angel played by Nicholas Cage who was spotted by a doctor, played by Meg Ryan, in an operating room. The angel, who was watching over Los Angeles, fell in love with Maggie, the heart surgeon. I don’t want to give the whole plot away so rent it. This show was so touching and you’ll need tissues for this one also.   

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis…” 

ANSWER: Mr. Brightside!  “Mr. Brightside” launched itself onto the Billboard Hot 100 at number 40 on February 12th, 2005. On June 11th, the song peaked at number ten and remained in the top 40 for 34 weeks and the Hot 100 for 38 weeks. It also made the rounds throughout the world including reaching the top forty in the U.K., New Zealand and Australia. Its success on alternative radio in the U.K. resulted in it being named “Song of the Decade” by both radio stations Absolute Radio and XFM.  

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk…”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..  

A name of a musical instrument is hidden in each of these phrases or sentences.

1. Which arm on Icarus held this instrument?
2. Man wearing kepi a novice player.
3. Orpheus carefully replaced ancient instrument.
4. Educator Gandhi played Bach.
5. No car in Asia has instrument aboard.
6. Instrument played in Olympic colorful parade.
7. Cancel long concert for stringed instrument.
8. Urban joke played on instrument.
9. Angelic playing with arpeggios.
10. Absolutely beautiful playing of stringed instrument.   

Answer: 1. harmonica, 2. piano, 3. lyre, 4. organ, 5. ocarina, 6. piccolo, 7. cello, 8. banjo, 9. harp, 10. lute.  

Thursday’s Quizzler is…   

All answers end in sting and the whole word is obtained in the clues below.

eg: A sting that cures fatigue
answer: reSTING

1. A sting that cures hunger
2. A sting that cleans your room
3. A sting that makes you laugh
4. A sting that cooks your meat
5. A sting that spoils your tools
6. A sting that holds your attention
7. A sting that some observe in Lent
8. A sting that cooks are always using
9. A sting that browns your bread 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO ANDREA L BANKS! GREAT JOB BANKS! 

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Answers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, ‏to Tuesday July 20th. Bizarre Town Names……..
 
Horneytown, North Carolina

Whynot, North Carolina

Hicksville, Ohio

Knockemstiff, Ohio

Slaughterville, Oklahoma

Idiotville, Oregon

Virginville, Pennsylvania

Sweet Lips, Tennessee

Ding Dong, Texas

Looneyville, Texas

Butts, Virginia

Imalone, Wisconsin

Toad Suck, Texas

Intercourse, Pennsylvania

Unalaska, Alaska

French Lick, Indiana

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here! 
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

“A new study found that women have better memories than men. Also, listen to this. A new study found that women have better memories than men.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Marvel Studios is looking for a new actor to play the Incredible Hulk. It’s hard because it has to be a normal person that can change to a scary monster with an anger problem. Mel Gibson is available.”- Craig Ferguson

“In Cincinnati, a woman gave birth to two 10-pound baby boys. The kids are named Stretch and Mark.” – Jay Leno

What’s On the Web?

PICK THE WORST
You’re given two options, neither of which are good.
However, you need to pick the worst. Hmmm, would I
rather eat 52 hard boiled eggs or 52 hot dogs?

Visit: http://www.picktheworst.com/ 

EVIL PLAN GENERATOR
Have you ever wanted to come up with a great evil plan,
but just never had the time or intelligence? Well with
the Evil Plan Generator, you can come up with any number
of plans!

Visit: http://mrpuzuzu.tripod.com/plan.html 

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory.”    

Answer: Apocalypse Now! Spoken by Robert Duvall’s character to some of his men after U.S. pilots had just dropped some napalm on a nearby village. The 1979 film by Francis Ford Coppola was inspired by Joseph Conrad’s 1902 novella “Heart of Darkness” about a journey upriver on a steamer into the Congo and African jungle. This film is about a US Army assassin sent to assassinate a demented warlord and former Colonel who ruled a band of native warriors in the jungle. This movie has become a cult classic.  

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.”   

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Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Feeling all out of my element, throwing things, crying, trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong…” 

ANSWER: We Belong Together!  “We Belong Together” made its Billboard Hot 100 debut at number 81 on April 16th, 2005. Six weeks later, the song topped the American charts and held that position for most of the summer. It spent 23 weeks in the top ten, 35 weeks in the top forty and 43 weeks on the Hot 100. “We Belong Together” was the second release from her album “The Emancipation of Mimi” after “It’s Like That” reached number 16. “Shake It Off” was Mariah Carey’s follow-up to “We Belong Together” and spent six weeks at number two. Lifehouse took “You And Me” to number five in 2005. “Cry Me A River” was a number three hit for Justin Timberlake in 2003.   

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis…”
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..  

What does this rebus represent?

ABDFGHJKLMNOPQRSUVXYZ   

Answer:”Twice removed”
The letters “T W I C E” have been removed from the alphabet; hence the phrase.   

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…  

A name of a musical instrument is hidden in each of these phrases or sentences.

1. Which arm on Icarus held this instrument?
2. Man wearing kepi a novice player.
3. Orpheus carefully replaced ancient instrument.
4. Educator Gandhi played Bach.
5. No car in Asia has instrument aboard.
6. Instrument played in Olympic colorful parade.
7. Cancel long concert for stringed instrument.
8. Urban joke played on instrument.
9. Angelic playing with arpeggios.
10. Absolutely beautiful playing of stringed instrument.  

=========================================================
Answers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 ‏to Tuesday July 20th. How To Deal with Telemarketers…….. 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…” 

3. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 

4. Cry out in surprise,”Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from. 

5. Say “No”, over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up. 

6. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends… would you be my friend?” 

7. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. 

8. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can’t sell to employees. 

9. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, “Oh No!!!” and then hang up. 

10. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The Telemarketer will agree and you say, “Me, either!” Hang up. Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here! 
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

“I just went shark-diving in the Bahamas. If you’ve never been to the Bahamas, imagine Fantasy Island but without the midget.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“Exciting news from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology. The Norwegians released a study today that says having a sense of humor can help people live longer. In other words, if you don’t laugh at this monologue tonight, you’re going to die.” -Jimmy Kimmel
 
“Here’s some good news – a woman in Milwaukee gave birth to a 13 pound 12 ounce baby girl last week. Thirteen pound 12 ounces. Doctors say the baby will be walking before the mother.” –Jay Leno 

“What’s the first thing a little girl wants when she gets a new bike? A basket–she’s prepared to shop. What’s the first thing a boy wants on his bike? A bell or horn–he’s prepared for traffic. “What’s the first toy a little girl wants? A doll–she’s prepared to shop with friends. What’s the first toy a little boy wants? A gun–he’s prepared for traffic.” –Jason Chase 
G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

When we finished a personality assessment at work, I asked my friend Dan if he would share the results with his wife.  “That would require me to go home and say, ‘Hi, honey. I just paid someone $400 to tell me what’s wrong with me,'” he said. “And based on that, considering we’ve been married 23 years, she’d hand me a bill for about $798,000.” 

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? Truvy: “I kind of like hiring somebody with a past.” Clairee: “She can’t be more than eighteen. She hasn’t had time to have a past.” Truvy: “Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.”

Answer: Steel Magnolias! This was an 1989 film directed by Robert Harling. These lines were spoken between actresses Dolly Parton and Olympia Dukakis in regards to Dolly’s character hiring Daryl Hannah’s character. This heart felt drama is about a beauty shop, in Louisana owned by Truvy, and the lives of all of her clients. An all star cast makes this movie so great. Have your tissues ready. It will make you laugh but also make you cry.  

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory.”   

TODAY’S MOVIE DIVIA AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! GREAT JOB KIM!  

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 Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Come, run, run, run, run, everybody move, run, let me see you move, run, rock it to the groove, done…”   

ANSWER: Pon De Replay! Rihanna first made her appearance on American pop charts on June 11th, 2005 when “Pon De Replay” debuted at number 97. The song peaked at number two on July 30th and remained there for three weeks. It spent eleven weeks in the top ten, 23 weeks in the top 40 and a total of 27 weeks on the Hot 100. A worldwide smash, it reached the top ten in over a dozen countries including reaching number one in New Zealand.   

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Feeling all out of my element, throwing things, crying, trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong…”

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Monday’s Quizzler is..  

Hidden in each sentence is a word. For example, in the sentence: When I grow up, I want to be a ranger. (Hidden animal) The hidden word is BEAR from “to BE A Ranger”. Now, try to identify the hidden colors in the sentences below:

I agree not to eat all the food.
Bob decided to jump in, knowing that this is his only choice.
The sunset makes Cairo seem magnificent.
Some states ship lumber and coal on canal barges.  

Answer:Green. i aGREE Not to eat all the food.
Pink.
bob decided to jumP IN, Knowing that this is his only choice.
Rose.
the sunset makes caiRO SEem magnificent.
Plum.
Some states shiP LUMber and coal on canal barges.  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…  

What does this rebus represent?
ABDFGHJKLMNOPQRSUVXYZ 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5 AND MS. KIM HILLYARD!   WAY2GO LADIES!

=====================================================================================Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.