One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift… The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” And that’s how the fight started…
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘do you want to have relations?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘yes.’ So I said, ‘then I’d like to phone a friend.’ And that’s when the fight started…
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. ‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please..’ He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’ ‘Nah, she can order for herself.’ And that’s when the fight started…
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’ And then the fight started…
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a scale. And then the fight started…
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, ‘Do you know him?’ ‘Yes,’ She sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend… I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’ ‘My God!’ I said, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’ And then the fight started…
I rear-ended a car this morning…. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’ So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’ And then the fight started….
FINALLY IN THE GRAND TRADITION OF SAVING THE BEST FOR LAST……THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER….
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.’ The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. Hey I’m just saying! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!
q u o t e s o f t h e . d a y
“Police in California arrested a couple for trying to sell their baby for $25 at a Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart called the incident horrifying, but also proof of its unbeatable everyday low prices.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Tom Cruise’s underpants dancing scene in ‘Risky Business’ was voted the single greatest scene in film history according to a recent survey of Ricky Martin.” – Craig Ferguson
“The World Cup lets us learn about countries that we may never have learned about. For instance, did you know Slovakians are made out of taffy?” – Jimmy Kimmel
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “My acorn is missing… Did you eat the acorn?…You owe me a new acorn”.
Answer: The Emperor’s New Groove! “The Emperor’s New Groove”(2000) is an animated Disney movie that tells the story of Emperor Kuzco who gets turned into a llama and must find his way back to the palace with the help of a villager. This quote was said by Kronk, at the very end of the movie when he was teaching “squirrel talk” to a group of scouts.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???? “No, we’re okay, now that we’re not murdered”.
Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “So many people gonna say that they want you, To try to get you thinking they really care, But there’s nothing like the warmth of the one who has put in the time and you know he’s gonna be there, Back your border when she knows someone crossed it, Don’t let nobody put you down, who you’re with Take the pain of protecting your name, from the crutch to the cane to the high wire”
ANSWER: “In Love with a Girl” – Gavin Degraw. “That Girl” came out in 2006 by Frankie J and Chamillionaire & Mannie Fresh. This song is rock so “I Love Your Girl” isn’t it because that song is R&B. “In Love with a Girl” came out in February 12, 2008.
Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2007 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Never mind what haters say, ignore them ’til they fade away. Amazing they ungrateful after all the game I gave away. Safe to say I paved the way, for you cats to get paid today. You still be wasting days away now had I never saved the day. Consider them my protégé, homage I think they should pay. Instead of being gracious, they violate in a major way. I never been a hater still I love them, in a crazy way.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is..
The following clues each form a unique word by themselves, add them together to get the name of a country. Example: blue and yellow mixed + solid ground = ? Answer:
green + land = Greenland
1. something that will make you sick + an indefinite number = ?
2. half of the width of an em + an organ for secreting = ?
3. a swindle + to move or travel = ?
4. an animal’s shelter + a visible sign = ?
Answer: 1. germ + any = Germany
2. en + gland = England
3. con + go = Congo
4. den + mark = Denmark
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…
Can you discover the missing number in this series?
37, 10, 82
29, 11, 47
96, 15, 87
42, ?, 15
Answers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ firstname.lastname@example.org. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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