Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases

 Welcome, to Wednesday, April 1st!  CAN YOU BELEIVE THIS? Has anyone else gotten these emails? I am Mrs. Zeng Q. Zhen, a staff of Lloyds TSB Group Plc. here in Hong Kong attached with Private Banking Services; I have a secured business proposal for you. Should you be interested please reach me on my private email address:(zengqzhen2002@advir.com) And after that I shallprovide you with more details of my proposal. Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated. Yours Sincerely, Zeng Zhen.  I get these all the time, in my junk mail and sometimes they slip through my regular email, but really COME ON! Does anybody really respond to these people like they are real? Can you imagine a group of people sitting around in Japan going hey why don’t we send email so stupid people in America will send us money!  Hey I’m just saying. Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!    
   
Quotes of the Day 

“Wikipedia was offline after an overheating problem at one of its data centers. It was pretty bad. For a while
there, people had nowhere to go for phony, inaccurate information.” – Jay Leno

“Happy birthday to Leonard Nimoy, who turned 79 today. He celebrated by punching anyone who told him to live long and prosper.” – Jimmy Fallon

“[Roger] Corman is the king of low budget filmmaking. He’s famous for cheap sets, second-hand costumes, bad
lighting… Does he produce this show by any chance?”- Craig Ferguson    

Joke of the day 

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO HAS HAD ENOUGH ! ! !
If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down.
If you won’t/don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys
fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we’re never going to think of it that way. 

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “I wish I knew how to quit you.” 

Answer: Brokeback Mountain. Jack Twist (played by Jake Gyllenhaal) says this to Ennis Del Mar (played by Heath Ledger) when their relationship has become too difficult to continue. Twist wants to stop their relationship but is having difficulty. Twist and Del Mar are two cowboys who fall in love while hired to tend sheep. The movie is based on the book by E. Annie Proulx.  

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.”

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Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Lately, I’ve been tryin’ to fight whatever’s pullin’ us under, it’s got a hold and really makin’ me wonder.”  

ANSWER:  “Ride for You” – Danity Kane That lyric is from “Ride for You” by Danity Kane. Danity Kane was discovered by MTV and their first hit was “Show Stopper.”     

Wednesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “I saw you with your new girl just yesterday, and I feel that I must confess.”

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..  
Yeah, they keep me locked up, but I guess I’m thankful, in short.
I hand out the beatings, while my neighbors import and export.
We make a good team, especially me as the muscle,
But with two dozen guards, I’m glad we never tussle.
But really, I got a lotta my own connections,
Imports, exports, with thousands collectin’.
But between us, there’s really no competition,
I call it harmonizin’ cause we’re on the same mission.
No one is unnecessary, or, you know, too small,
The guy upstairs is the boss of it all.
He’s also incarcerated, but for his good I bet it is,
Business is good, so long as we get the messages.
Question: Who’s doing the talking, and who are the other players in this riddle? (there are a total of 28, minus the narrator’s connections)   

ANSWER: The parentheses are used to number the parts mentioned. The HEART (1) is the one doing the talking. He is thankful to be “locked up” or guarded by the “two dozen guards,” the (24) ribs that normal humans have in 2 pairs. The ribs protect, and guard both the heart and the LUNGS. The LUNGS are the ‘neighbors’ (2) that have the job of “Importing” and “Exporting” Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide. The heart is- literally speaking- the muscle, and ‘hands out the beatings’ (heart beats). Of course, the heart itself has many “connections” or veins, arteries, and capillaries that “import” and “export” that valuable fluid we call blood. None of these members’ job is unnecessary, or small, and they never compete with each other because they have the one mission of keeping a person alive. And, last but not least, the “guy upstairs” who is “the boss of it all” is ‘incarcerated’ by-yes-the skull. He is none other than the BRAIN (1), which sends electrical messages to all the other members via nerves, which tell them what to do. Business is good so long as these messages are sent. If they aren’t, nothing is moving, and….well, then you’re DEAD. (28)  

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…

We’ve all seen a rebus like “midstuckdle” (stuck in the middle). The following clues are “revrebuseserse” (rebuses in reverse). That is, the clues below are answers to rebuses which all use the “in” construction. However, the original rebus from the clues below will actually form a word. For example, “Not old in actually existing” would be “renewal” (new in real). Can you solve the rest?

1. A short poem in scarlet
2. A room-dividing structure in a female pig.
3. A joining word in a close friend
4. A head of corn in grasping tightly
5. Nothing in what your eyes do
6. A wild beast’s shelter in stinking decay 

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Answers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 Welcome, to Tuesday, March 30th!  BECAUSE THE DOCTOR SAID…..

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc. 

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain…GOOD! 

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTEN!!! …. Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables bad for you? 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach. 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? HELLO … Cocoa bean! Vegetable!!! Cocoa bean best feel-good food around! 

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND…..For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:  

1. The Japanese eat very little fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION….. Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. Hey I’m just saying. Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!    
   
Quotes of the Day 

“A girl in New York whose parents were on ‘Wife Swap’ is suing the show for 100 million dollars for making her look
like a spoiled brat. Note to girl: guess what else makes you look like a spoiled brat? Being 15 and suing for a hundred million dollars.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“The price of a stamp is going up to 44 cents. It’s out of control. If only there was some other way to send written
messages…if anyone can think of anything just e-mail me.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“A seventh grade teacher in California was arrested for teaching while drunk. Which is why an entire Earth Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed when rum collides with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink souvenir cup from Senor Frog’s.” -Jimmy Fallon
 

Joke of the day 

Maury ran a small commercial real estate company. One day, back in the eighties, he sold his interest in one of his
projects for 3 million dollars.  The only problem was that the guy who bought him out was a big shot in his very small hometown in Pennsylvania, and he wanted Maury to use the local bank branch.  So Maury goes in to the bank and tells the teller he’d like to open a few accounts. The teller goes through the list of  gifts you can get for your initial deposit. $300 gets you a toaster, $600 for a television, etc. The teller then asks him how much he would like to deposit. Without saying a word, Maury hands her the cashier’s check.  The teller turns bright red, and runs to get her manager. The manager escorts him into her office, where they sit down. “Sir, welcome to our town. We’re thrilled to have you as a customer. What can I get you?” To which Maury replied, “I’ll take 10,000 toasters.” 

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I arrived in America’s airport with clothings, U.S dollars and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.”  

Answer: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. This quote is, of course, said by Borat. He narrates this as he arrives in New York’s JFK airport. This is one of his more comedic lines. During the film, Borat entertains a fear of gypsies, Jews, and interestingly, cockroaches. The movie is about a man who comes to the United States in the hopes of absorbing some of its cultures and traditions. The movie follows his antics as he adjusts to the extremely different culture of Americans.  

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “I wish I knew how to quit you.” 

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Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “I can see us on the countryside, sittin’ in the grass layin’ side by side”

ANSWER: True. That is true. Justin Timberlake came out with his new album and his first hit was “SexyBack.” Because of Prince’s remark that “sexy never left” Justin and he were at odds with each other.      

Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Lately, I’ve been tryin’ to fight whatever’s pullin’ us under, it’s got a hold and really makin’ me wonder.”

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Monday’s Quizzler is..  
Your task is to find the word that after taking its first letter away, means the same thing.
Example: Behead an animal and leave an animal (FOX, OX).

1. Behead a musical instrument and leave a musical instrument.
2. Behead a margin and leave a margin.
3. Behead to liquify and leave to liquify.
4. Behead to ascend and leave to ascend.
5. Behead a proper name and leave a proper name.  

ANSWER:  1. FLUTE-LUTE, 2. BRIM-RIM, 3. SMELT-MELT, 4. ARISE-RISE, 5. MABEL-ABEL   

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

Yeah, they keep me locked up, but I guess I’m thankful, in short.
I hand out the beatings, while my neighbors import and export.
We make a good team, especially me as the muscle,
But with two dozen guards, I’m glad we never tussle.
But really, I got a lotta my own connections,
Imports, exports, with thousands collectin’.
But between us, there’s really no competition,
I call it harmonizin’ cause we’re on the same mission.
No one is unnecessary, or, you know, too small,
The guy upstairs is the boss of it all.
He’s also incarcerated, but for his good I bet it is,
Business is good, so long as we get the messages.

Question:

Who’s doing the talking, and who are the other players in this riddle? (there are a total of 28, minus the narrator’s connections) 

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 Welcome, to Monday, March 29th! Top Ten Signs You’re Not Mensa Material. 10. You couldn’t figure out how to break the seal on your standardized intelligence test, so you had to give up.  9. You wonder how the deer know to cross at the deer crossing signs.  8. You are confused by the plot twists of a Bugs Bunny cartoon.  7. You once tried to solve a Rubik’s cube and had to be institutionalized for over a year.  6. You had trouble getting in even before they saw the decimal point in your IQ.  5. You are still struggling to finish “Shoe Laces For Dummies.”  4. Your family had a celebration when you scored a “perfect 10” points on your SAT.  3. You don’t watch PBS because there are no Budweiser or Taco Bell commercials.  2. Homer Simpson is your idol.  1. That “which comes first” thing about chicken and eggs just makes you hungry. Hey I’m just saying. Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!    
   
Quotes of the Day  

“According to researchers in London, babies are born to dance, and they greatly prefer music to speech. The music they like best is Lady Gaga.” -Jay Leno
 
“There’s a new technique that lets doctors perform kidney transplants in 45 minutes. Because when you’re getting a kidney transplant, your main concern is always, ‘How long is this gonna take? Can you do it in less than an hour?'” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“Republicans are not happy about the healthcare bill passing. Sen. John McCain called the process the ‘most unsavory Chicago sausage-making’ that he has seen in all his years. First of all, there is nothing unsavory about Chicago sausage.” -Jimmy Kimmel     
Joke of the day 
The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order.  When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn’t decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses — one for each year of her life.  The woman put aside her business judgment and advised,
“She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife.” The young man bought a dozen roses. 

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Frday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “You cannot let him near the chest, man, trust me on this. You can mistrust me less than you can mistrust him. Trust me.”  

Answer: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest This comedic line is said by Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) to Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) when Jack, Elizabeth and Will are trying to find Davy Jones’ heart which is locked in a chest. Jack is trying to convince Will of giving the chest to him rather than to Norrington, a man who wants the chest to get a pardon and reclaim his life. The heart is Jack’s key to defeating Davy Jones. Will needs the heart to free his father, who has been committed to serving Davy Jones for life. Elizabeth is engaged to Will. This is the second movie in an extremely entertaining trilogy which also stars Keira Knightly, and Geoffrey Rush. The third movie in the series is called “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”.   

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “I arrived in America’s airport with clothings, U.S dollars and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.”   

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Friday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Standing in the front yard, tellin’ me how I’m such a fool.” 

ANSWER: “Irreplaceable” – Beyonce. That line is from “Irreplaceable” by Beyonce. Beyonce was in the movie “Dream Girls” which had about 5 Golden Globe nominations.       

Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “I can see us on the countryside, sittin’ in the grass layin’ side by side”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..  
Each clue below is for two words that differ by only one letter: The letter has been either added to the beginning or the end of the word – all the rest are in the same order. In the “hint” you will see the lengths of the words, in the proper order. For example “Writing on the wall of Noah’s boat (3,4)” would result in “Ark Mark”. Can you get the rest?
1. Complaint about a golf club part.
2. Insect being angry and vocal.
3. Angry buccaneer.
4. The second of the two dishes you mentioned.
5. Scrawny unidentified object.   

ANSWER: 1. Grip Gripe, 2. Ant Rant, 3. Irate Pirate, 4. Latter Platter, 5. Thin Thing    

Monday’s Quizzler is…

Your task is to find the word that after taking its first letter away, means the same thing.

Example: Behead an animal and leave an animal (FOX, OX).

1. Behead a musical instrument and leave a musical instrument.

2. Behead a margin and leave a margin.

3. Behead to liquify and leave to liquify.

4. Behead to ascend and leave to ascend.

5. Behead a proper name and leave a proper name.  

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases

 Welcome, to Friday, March 26th! Today we finish taking a look at Men’s Age, as determined by a Trip to Home Depot .  You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint.  You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.  Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.  Depending on your age you might do the following: 

In your  50’s:
Stop what you are doing.  Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car.  Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.  The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Bubba’s Bait & Beer Bar and it says, ‘I Got Worms .’

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In your 60’s:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50’s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.  The girl running the register may be cute, but you don’t have your glasses on so you are not sure.
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In your 70’s:
Stop what you are doing..  Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too.  Don’t even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
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In your  80’s:
Stop what you are doing.  Start again.  Then stop again..  Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot.  Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
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In your 90’s & beyond:
What’s a home deep hoe?  Something for my garden?  Where am I?  Who am
I?  Why am I reading this?  Did I send it?  Did you?  Who farted?
 
Hey I’m just saying. Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!    
   
Quotes of the Day 

“Hawaii wants to be the location for President Obama’s presidential library, because that’s where he was born and raised. Because when you go to Hawaii, the first thought that comes to your mind is, ‘I gotta hit the library’.” – Jimmy Fallon
 
“The president had to change his motto from ‘Yes, we can,’ to ‘Yes, we finally did something.'” – Jay Leno
 
“Republicans are not happy about the healthcare bill passing. Sen. John McCain called the process the ‘most unsavory Chicago sausage-making’ that he has seen in all his years. First of all, there is nothing unsavory about Chicago sausage.” – Jimmy Kimmel    

What’s On the Web? 

Young Me/Now Me
Youngme/Nowme is a great site that features a unique collection of photographs of people re-staging childhood photographs. It’s quite a cool idea. You can even submit your own photos.

Visit: www.zefrank.com/youngmenowme 
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “I could more easily forgive his vanity had he not wounded mine.” 

Answer:  Pride and Prejudice. This is said by Elizabeth Bennett (Keira Knightly) of Mr. Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen), a man who has unknowlingly caught the eye of the audacious Elizabeth. Elizabeth says this when she knows she loves Darcy and he loves her but her pride comes in and she does not want to forgive him for lying to her. Elizabeth Bennett is one of Jane Austen’s most famous heroines. The novel revolves around five sisters, Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty and Lydia Bennett. She is a woman who believes in marrying only for love, not for money. Her mother, however, firmly believes marrying a rich man is the only way to maintain status in society and be happy. Mr. Darcy is an extremely weathly bachelor, one that Mrs. Bennett would adore to have as a son-in-law. Elizabeth, however, resists her mother’s forceful behaviour until she, herself, begins to fall for him.  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????   “You cannot let him near the chest, man, trust me on this. You can mistrust me less than you can mistrust him. Trust me.”

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Thursday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “…always knows exactly what I’m thinking, and she’s always on my mind…”

ANSWER: “Mandy” Jonas Brothers. The Jonas Brothers sing the theme song to the Disney Channel Original Series “American Dragon: Jake Long”.     

Friday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Standing in the front yard, tellin’ me how I’m such a fool.”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..  
Unscramble the words below and follow the directions in parentheses. Unscramble the new letters to get the name of a U.S. state, capital, or major city. IHKNETC (Take the 2nd and 7th letters)
MANSBETE (Take the 3rd and 7th letters)
OVLGOINRIM (Take the 1st and 3rd letters) (2 words)
YMOFRIMOAL (Take the 2nd and 6th letters) (2 words)
NRAYPT (Take the 1st and 2nd letters)
NDE (Take the 2nd and 3rd letters)
Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get?       

ANSWER: Pennsylvania.  Kitchen IN, Basement SN, Living Room LV, Family Room AY,
Pantry PA, Den EN, I, N, S, N, L, V, A, Y, P, A, E, N
Pennsylvania  

Friday’s Quizzler is…

Each clue below is for two words that differ by only one letter: The letter has been either added to the beginning or the end of the word – all the rest are in the same order. In the “hint” you will see the lengths of the words, in the proper order.  For example “Writing on the wall of Noah’s boat (3,4)” would result in “Ark Mark”. Can you get the rest?

1. Complaint about a golf club part.
2. Insect being angry and vocal.
3. Angry buccaneer.
4. The second of the two dishes you mentioned.
5. Scrawny unidentified object. 

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 Welcome, to Thursday, March 25th! Today and Friday we take a look at Men’s Age, as determined by a Trip to Home Depot .  You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint.  You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.  Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.  Depending on your age you might do the following: 

In your 20’s:
Stop what you are doing.  Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes.  Check yourself in the mirror and flex.  Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.  And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register..
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In your 30’s:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.  Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else.  Wash your hands and comb your hair.  Check yourself in the mirror.  Still got it.  Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
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In your 40’s:
Stop what you are doing.  Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.  Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.  Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don’t want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The hot young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.  Hey I’m just saying. Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!    
   
Quotes of the Day 

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,” – Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. 

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff,” – Mariah Carey 

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”  – Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign. 

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,” – Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. 

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees,” – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks. 

“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.” – Dan Quayle
      
Joke of the Day*  
Disorder In The Court

Things people actually said in court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year. 

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 

Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten? 

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral. 

Q: How old is your son-the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years. 

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, “where am I Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan. 

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. 

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “When an individual acquires great power, the use or misuse of that power is everything. Will it be used for the greater good or will it be used for personal or destructive ends? Now this is a question we must all ask ourselves.” 

Answer: X-Men: The Last Stand This quote is said by Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart) as he addresses students at his school for mutants. He is attempting to keep them from abusing the gifts they have received. He wants them to use their powers for the well-being of others instead of for self-gain. The movie costars Hugh Jackman, Sir Ian McKellan, and Halle Berry. It is the third installment of the “X-Men” movies. In this one, the X-Men must fight one of their former teammates, Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), who has trasferred to Magneto’s (Sir Ian McKellan) side. Magneto attempts to defy the company who has invented what they call a cure for the mutant gene. Wolverine (Jackman), Storm (Berry), Rogue (Anna Paquin) and Iceman (Shawn Ashmore) must fight Magneto before he ends the human race.    

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  “I could more easily forgive his vanity had he not wounded mine.”
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Wednesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “…let it rain, I clear it out..”
ANSWER: “Chicken Noodle Soup” Webstar Webstar sings this with Young B.      

Thursday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “…always knows exactly what I’m thinking, and she’s always on my mind…”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..  
I am a chemical symbol for an element.
This element was discovered in 1824.
I am a Spanish word without the accent.
Reverse me so I become a form of a common verb.
What symbol am I?  

ANSWER: Si. (silicon), Silicon was discovered in 1824. “Si” with an accent means “yes” in Spanish. Reverse it to become “is”, which is a form of the verb “be”.   

Thursday’s Quizzler is…
Unscramble the words below and follow the directions in parentheses. Unscramble the new letters to get the name of a U.S. state, capital, or major city.

IHKNETC (Take the 2nd and 7th letters)
MANSBETE (Take the 3rd and 7th letters)
OVLGOINRIM (Take the 1st and 3rd letters) (2 words)
YMOFRIMOAL (Take the 2nd and 6th letters) (2 words)
NRAYPT (Take the 1st and 2nd letters)
NDE (Take the 2nd and 3rd letters)

Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get?      

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Answers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, to Wednesday, March 24th! For all you single and newly married people, in case you didn’t know, here how to tell when foods go bad.

ICE CREAM – If you can’t tell the difference between your ice cubes and your ice cream, it’s time to throw BOTH out.

FROZEN FOODS – Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

EGGS – When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS – Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway – if you can dig down and still find something non-green, bon appetit!

MEAT – If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.

UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you’re tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food.

CANNED GOODS – Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of very carefully.

POTATOES – Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable “spots” that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. You may wish to discard it at this time, depending on your interest in pharmaceuticals.

CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date, or when it will no longer fall out of the box by itself.

FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles, or things fly out when you open it.

PRETZELS: Normally eternal, pretzels may be discarded if they can no longer be picked up without falling apart. Otherwise, there’s nothing to stop you from eating a pretzel that the Pharaoh put down only 4000 years ago.

RAISINS: Raisins should not usually be harder than your teeth.

SALT: It never spoils. However, if you can’t chip off reasonable amounts from the block, maybe another box is in order, as fresh salt usually pours.

SPICES: Most spices cannot die, they just fade away. They will be fine on your shelf, forever. Put them in your will.

VINEGAR: If your grandmother made it, it is probably still good.

THE GAG TEST – Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

EXPIRATION DATES: This is not a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you’ll spend more on groceries. Even dry foods older than you are may be ready to replace. Perhaps you’d benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen. Hey I’m just saying. Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!   
 
   
Quotes of the Day 

“The Democrats are working overtime to get 216 votes to pass healthcare on Sunday. Which means Rahm Emanuel is prowling the showers like the head of a prison gang.”
– Jimmy Fallon

“Bernard Madoff was assaulted back in November in a prison dispute over money. The authorities are investigating the attack and have narrowed the suspects down to ‘everybody'”. – Jay Leno

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.” – George Carlin
     
Joke of the Day*  

How To Deal with Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…” 

3. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 

4. Cry out in surprise,”Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from. 

5. Say “No”, over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “You have the most beautiful toes and I’m not even a foot guy.”   

Answer: You, Me and Dupree Carl Peterson (Matt Dillon) says this to his wife, Molly Peterson (Kate Hudson), one night in bed after getting married. Their newlywed life is crashed suddenly by the arrival of an unemployed, homeless friend Randy Dupree (Owen Wilson) who was the best man at their wedding. He was fired because he took time off work to attend their wedding. The arrival of Dupree creates problems between the newlyweds, as he takes their offer of a few days and extends it to a much, much longer period of time. Instead of looking for a job as he promised, he begins playing with the children of the street and hosting parties at the couple’s house. This mayhem is only increased further by the antics of Molly’s father, Mr. Thomson (Michael Douglas), also Carl’s boss, who constantly insists that Carl change his last name to Thomson rather than have Molly change hers to Peterson.  

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  “When an individual acquires great power, the use or misuse of that power is everything. Will it be used for the greater good or will it be used for personal or destructive ends? Now this is a question we must all ask ourselves.” _____________________________________________________________________________
 
Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “…Hydraulics make our heads go nod…” 
ANSWER: “Showstopper” Danity Kane Danity Kane is formed from the winners of “Making the Band 3”.      

Wednesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “…let it rain, I clear it out..”

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..  
See if you can figure out these words using the clues listed below. Each word ends with “BOARD”. Please note that numbers 4 and 5 are two separate words. Have fun!

1) Used with telephones
2) A place to advertise
3) Right-side of ship
4) Found around water
5) Old-time cars had two
6) Computers need them
7) College professor’s headgear
8) Used in the Old West  

ANSWER: 1) Switchboard, 2) Billboard, 3) Starboard, 4) Diving Board, 5) Running Board
6) Keyboard, 7) Mortarboard, 8) Buckboard   

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…
I am a chemical symbol for an element.
This element was discovered in 1824.
I am a Spanish word without the accent.
Reverse me so I become a form of a common verb.

What symbol am I? 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5!    

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

 Welcome, to Tuesday, March 23rd! Warm weather means travel time people, here are some defintions of Travel Agent Terms to help you plan your travel.

Old world charm ……… Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light.
Tropical …………………… Rainy.
Majestic setting ……. A long way from town, at end of dirt road.
Options galore …………. Nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway …….Directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms …..Sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own …..At your own expense.
Minutes From ???………..By Plane
Romantic …………………. No Phone in room
Knowledgeable trip hosts … They’ve flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees ………….. No extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise…… Your car’s paint will never be the same
Nominal fee …………….. Outrageous charge.
Standard ………………… Sub-standard.
Deluxe …………………… Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations… One complimentary chocolate, free shower cap.
All the amenities ……… Two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just Like Home…………. No Maid service.
Plush …………….. Both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes.
Gentle breezes ……….. In hurricane alley.
Light and airy ………….. No air conditioning.
Picturesque ……………. Theme park nearby.
24-hour bar …..Ice cubes at additional cost (when available).

Hey I’m just saying. Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!   
 
   
Quotes of the Day 

“Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.” –Frank Leahy 
 
“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.” –Oscar Levant 
 
“It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.” –Margaret Bonnano 

      
Joke of the Day*  

 On a spring break trip to Italy, my friends and I were standing just inside St. Peter’s Basilica, the second largest church in the world. The tour guide explained, “This church is so large that no man on earth could hit a baseball from one end to the other, not Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth, or even Mark McGuire.”  My group stared in silence at the beautiful marble sculptures, intricate paintings, and glorious mosaics all around the enormous building. Then one girl interrupted the silence with an astonished question: “You mean, they actually let them hit baseballs in here?”     

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!”  

Answer:  Wedding Crashers Jeremy Grey (played by Vince Vaughn) says this to John Beckwith (played by Owen Wilson). The two play best friends who crash weddings for free food and one-night stands with women. The movie also stars Rachel McAdams and Christopher Walkens. 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  “You have the most beautiful toes and I’m not even a foot guy.”   

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Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “…You can see she’s a beautiful girl, she’s a beautiful girl…”

ANSWER: “Suddenly I See” KT Tunstall KT’s first single was “Black Horse and The Cherry Tree”, which was a song performed by Katharine McPhee on “American Idol”.        

Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “…Hydraulics make our heads go nod…” 

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Monday’s Quizzler is..  
Can you identify what phrase is represented here?
nasmetofolopve   

ANSWER: na S me T of O lo P ve
Stop, in the name of love!  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…
See if you can figure out these words using the clues listed below. Each word ends with “BOARD”. Please note that numbers 4 and 5 are two separate words. Have fun!

1) Used with telephones
2) A place to advertise
3) Right-side of ship
4) Found around water
5) Old-time cars had two
6) Computers need them
7) College professor’s headgear
8) Used in the Old West 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. CARRIE PALOMBO!    

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.