Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, to Friday, February 26th! Good morning folks, how about some bumper stickers about driving? You know stuff that you really want to say or put on your rear bumper stickers?
1. I’m just driving this way to get you mad.

2. Keep honking, I’m reloading.

3. Hang up and drive.

4. If you are psychic – think “HONK”

5. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

6. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….”

7. I Brake For No Apparent Reason.

8. No Radio – Already Stolen

9. I brake for… wait… AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!

10. My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend, people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     
  
Quotes of the Day  

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He’s shy a quarter of a million dollars. That’s why he’s retiring. 

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. 

Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first. 

The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly — because if they don’t speak fast nobody will listen to them. 

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.  

Joke of the Day*

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away.

Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.” 

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  ‘Who’s your daddy, Gary?’ ‘You are.’ 
Answer: Remember the Titans.  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘Hey, no smoking, dorm rules.”What are they gonna do, kick me out?’

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Thursday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs fromfrom 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “You stand in the line just to hit a new low You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go You tell me your life’s been way off line You’re falling to pieces everytime And I don’t need no carryin’ on…”? 

ANSWER: “Bad Day” – Daniel Powter. “Bad Day” became a smashing success on Daniel Powter’s self-titled album, “Daniel Powter.” After being played repeatedly on “American Idol”, “Bad Day” topped the charts for a while.  

Friday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Step one you say we need to talk, He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk, He smiles politely back at you, You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right, As he goes left and you stay right, Between the lines of fear and blame, And you begin to wonder why you came…”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

What phrase is illustrated below?

You’re having a good time = Time Airways is cleared for takeoff
You’re having a bad time = Time Airways is Delayed
 

ANSWER:Time flies when you’re having fun    

Friday’s Quizzler is…

In each sentence a word is concealed, such as the word no in sentence five. If you can find the buried words and read them in order from 1 to 6, they will form a well-known proverb.

1.The word buried here has only one letter.
2.Did you find a jelly roll in Gaskin’s Bakery?
3.It’s the best one I’ve ever seen.
4.The rug at her stairway was made in India.
5.He’s an old friend.
6.Amos sold his bicycle to a friend. 

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.    Are you open to evaluate an opportunity to make some extra money?  http://strayhorn.acnrep.com

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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, to Thursday, February 25th! Did they really say this? Yep.

“I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people” — Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

“They’re multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.” — Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

“The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.” — Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on LarryKing Live

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” — Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.” — Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

“When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.” — Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge

“It’s like deja vu all over again.” — Yogi Berra

“China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese” — Former French President Charles De Gaulle

“The loss of life will be irreplaceable.” — Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the San Francisco earthquake

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.” — A congressional
candidate in Texas

“It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody.” — Richard M. Nixon

“The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet.” — Mr. New Jersey
contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars.
  
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday, people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     
  
Quotes of the Day  

“Police in North Carolina are looking for a pregnant woman who attempted to rob a bank at gunpoint. FBI sketch artists
have just released a sonogram. Be careful everyone she is armed and lactating.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“There’s an asteroid heading toward the earth and we’re all going to die. There is! Scientists are saying there’s a 1
in 45,000 chance of an asteroid hitting the earth in 2036. Now an asteroid is a giant rock. It’s headed toward the
earth. We should send up a giant piece of paper. We couldn’t send scissors; that would be impractical.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“According to Newsweek, they’ve now come out with the carbon diet. An environmentally friendly diet that reduces green-house gases. Let me tell you something. If your diet is so bad that you are causing global warming… just stay out of Taco Bell.” -Jay Leno 

Joke of the Day*

Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the Insurance policy with the man at the Insurance Agency. 
During the discussion, she asked, “Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What
will I get?” The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, “Probably 20 to life.” 

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘There are no more good German songs, only Nazi songs!… And now you come in here, looking for someone to lift your morale? Well I won’t! I won’t.’   
Answer:Swing Kids. This is spoken by Arvid at a club one night! 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘Who’s your daddy, Gary?’ ‘You are.’

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Wednesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs fromfrom 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “So go ahead and get gone Call up that chick, and see if shes home Oops I bet you thought, that I didn’t know”  

ANSWER:Irreplaceable. “To the left, to the left”, Beyoncé’s “Irreplacable” of course. And another song that Ne-Yo has co-written.    

Thursday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “You stand in the line just to hit a new low You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go You tell me your life’s been way off line You’re falling to pieces everytime And I don’t need no carryin’ on…”?

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..

There are five people. One of them shot and killed one of the other five. Which man is the murderer?
1. Dan ran in the NY City marathon yesterday with one of the innocent men.
2. Mike considered being a farmer before he moved to the city.
3. Jeff is a topnotch computer consultant and wants to install Ben’s new computer next week.
4. The murderer had his leg amputated last month.
5. Ben met Jack for the first time six months ago.
6. Jack has been in seclusion since the crime.
7. Dan used to drink heavily.
8. Ben and Jeff built their last computers together.
9. The murderer is Jack’s brother. They grew up together in Seattle.

ANSWER: 1. Jack is not the murderer, because he is the brother of the murderer. 2. Dan can’t be the murderer since he ran a marathon, and the murderer recently had his leg amputated, and wouldn’t be running a marathon of any magnitude that quickly. 3. Ben is not the murderer if he just met Jack, since Jack and the murderer grew up together. 4. This leaves Jeff and Mike. Since Jeff is still alive (he wants to install a new computer next week, present tense) he must be the murderer. Mike also didn’t grow up with Jack. It has been determined that Jack, Dan and Jeff are all alive. Ben must also be alive since Jeff plans to install Ben’s computer next week. This means that Jeff killed Mike. 

Thursday’s Quizzler is…

What phrase is illustrated below?

You’re having a good time = Time Airways is cleared for takeoff
You’re having a bad time = Time Airways is Delayed 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! WONDERFUL SOLVING JOB JAZZZZZ!

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Answers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.    Are you open to evaluate an opportunity to make some extra money?  http://strayhorn.acnrep.com

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, to Wednesday, February 24th! Today we take a look at Real Signs In Shop Windows.
Signs In a clothing store: “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”

In the window of an Oregon general store: “Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?”

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: “Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.”

On a Tennessee highway: “Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”

From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket: “If you are sitting in an exit row and can
not read this card, please tell a crew member.”

On a Maine shop: “Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.”

On a delicatessen wall: “Our best is none too good.”  
 
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday, people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     
  
Quotes of the Day  

“A new study found that the Reebok Classic is the most popular shoe worn by burglars. The second most popular shoe
worn by burglars: yours.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“According to doctors, marijuana use among the elderly is at an all-time high. Apparently, senior citizens are moving very
slowly, making crazy statements, and going out to dinner very early.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“There’s a bit of a scandal in men’s figure skating at the Olympics. Three skaters have tested positive for ‘fabulous.'”
-David Letterman

“This weekend was the birthday of Copernicus. He was quite a ladies’ man, known as the Tiger Woods of his day.”
– Craig Ferguson

“One can acquire everything in solitude – except character.” – Marie Henri Beyle

“Every man is the builder of a temple called his body.” – Henry David Thoreau 
  

Joke of the Day*

After a recent move, I made up a list of companies, agencies, and services that needed to know my new address and phoned each one to ask for the change to be made. Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent flier accounts. After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do, the woman told me, “I’m sorry; we can’t do that over the phone. You will have to fill out our change-of-address form.” “How do I get one of those?” I asked. “We’d be happy to provide you with one,” she said pleasantly. “May I have your new address so that I can mail it to you?”  
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  ‘I’m a terrific penpal, hopelessly devoted to each and every one.’ 

Answer: Grease. Spoken in a conversation between Sandy and Marty. 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘There are no more good German songs, only Nazi songs!… And now you come in here, looking for someone to lift your morale? Well I won’t! I won’t.’

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Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs fromfrom 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Yo, I know pi to a thousand places Ain’t got no grills but I still wear braces I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise I’m a whiz at Minesweeper – I could play for days” 

ANSWER: white and nerdy. Sick of hip hop songs? Then you should hear this (listen to the lyrics, and don’t be surprised when you laugh out loud). There is an absolutely brilliant video to it as well. Chamillionare was actually impressed by “Weird Al” Yankovic’s rapping abilities (got to say that I was too, saw a whole new side of Yankovic). He even put the song on his own MySpace. Now that’s the reaction you want when you parody someone.    

Wednesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “So go ahead and get gone Call up that chick, and see if shes home Oops I bet you thought, that I didn’t know”

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..

It was Louis Ixolite’s bedtime and as usual he wanted a bedtime story.
He was a bright young man and had managed to communicate in Rebuses before he could speak.
Daddy asked Louis which story he would like to hear and Louis scribbled down the following Rebus in crayon.
Soybeans “blah blah blah”
Jack “blah blah blah”
Kidneybeans “blah blah blah”
What story did Louis want to hear?   

ANSWER: Jack and the Beanstalk. Get it? Jack and the beans talk! 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…

There are five people. One of them shot and killed one of the other five. Which man is the murderer?

1. Dan ran in the NY City marathon yesterday with one of the innocent men.
2. Mike considered being a farmer before he moved to the city.
3. Jeff is a topnotch computer consultant and wants to install Ben’s new computer next week.
4. The murderer had his leg amputated last month.
5. Ben met Jack for the first time six months ago.
6. Jack has been in seclusion since the crime.
7. Dan used to drink heavily.
8. Ben and Jeff built their last computers together.
9. The murderer is Jack’s brother. They grew up together in Seattle. 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5 AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WONDERFUL SOLVING JOB LADIES!

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Answers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.    Are you open to evaluate an opportunity to make some extra money?  http://strayhorn.acnrep.com

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, to Tuesday, February 23th!  How about a look at the Middle East Phase Book?
Kbar Khali-Kili Haftir Lotfan.
Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.  

Khrel, Jepaheh Maneh Va Jayeii Amrikahey
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.  

Tikeh Nuneh Ba Ob Khrelleh Bezorg Va Khube Boyast Ino Begeram
The water soaked breadcrumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.  

Ekr Gabul Cardan Davat Parh Gush Divar
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head with my legs apart.  

Maternier Ghermez Ahlieh Ghorban
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.  

Howmaeh Fekr Tamomeh Oeh Gorteh Bande
I agree with everything you have ever said and thought in your whole life.

Balli, Balli, Balli
Whatever you say.  

Auto Arraregh Davateman Mano Sephaheh- Hasti
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.  

Cashal-Eh Fashal-Eh Tupheman Na Degat Man Goftam Cheeshayeh Mohemarir Behmeshvarehma.
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages, I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

 
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday, people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     
  
Quotes of the Day  

A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. 
 
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day just exactly fits in the newspaper. 

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. 

Introducing ‘Lite’ – The new way to spell ‘Light’, but with twenty per cent fewer letters. 
 
I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
 

Joke of the Day* 

SOME GOOD ONES

1. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.

2. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds the demand.

3. Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

4. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

5. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.

6. It’s easier to fight for ones’ principles than to live up to them.

7. I don’t mind going anywhere as long as it’s an interesting path.

8. Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

9. It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

10. If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.

11. I don’t get even, I get older.

12. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

13. Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

14. I am a nutritional overachiever.

15. My inferiority complex is not as good as yours. 
 
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘Problem, guys?’
‘Just scoping out your civilian wardrobe.’ ‘Pretty cool, huh?’ ‘For a fashion victim.’
 
Answer: Lost Boys. This is when Sam (Corey Haim) meets the Frogg brothers (Edgar – Corey {Feldman;} Allan – Jamison Newlander) for the first time, at the comic book store.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  ‘I’m a terrific penpal, hopelessly devoted to each and every one.’

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Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs fromfrom 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “You’re a masterpiece I know that he Can’t appreciate your beauty Don’t let him cheapen you”  

ANSWER: Mario Vasquez. This “American Idol” drop-out managed to get somewhere without Simon Cowell.
“Gallery” is written and co-produced by Ne-Yo (the guy’s been active this year!) and reached number 35 on the Billboard Hot 100.  

Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Yo, I know pi to a thousand places Ain’t got no grills but I still wear braces I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise I’m a whiz at Minesweeper – I could play for days”

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Monday’s Quizzler is..

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) to wriggle
1b) a member of the British gentry
1c) a small forcible stream of liquid

2a) this color is a blend of red and yellow darkened by black
2b) the top of the head
2c) to cover with water

3a) more recent
3b) rubbish
3c) a written communication

4a) free from color
4b) a high-pitched plaintive cry
4c) although   

ANSWER: 1) squirm, squire, squirt
2) brown, crown, drown
3) latter, litter, letter
4) white, whine, while 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

It was Louis Ixolite’s bedtime and as usual he wanted a bedtime story.
He was a bright young man and had managed to communicate in Rebuses before he could speak.
Daddy asked Louis which story he would like to hear and Louis scribbled down the following Rebus in crayon.

Soybeans “blah blah blah”
Jack “blah blah blah”
Kidneybeans “blah blah blah”

What story did Louis want to hear? 

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.    Are you open to evaluate an opportunity to make some extra money?  http://strayhorn.acnrep.com

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, to Monday, February 22th!  How about a look at Actual Newspaper Headlines: Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995

Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us -Holland Sentinal, date unknown.

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -The New York Times, November 22

Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find -The Los Angeles Times, November 2

“Light” meals are lower in fat, calories -Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30

Alcohol ads promote drinking -The Hartford Courant, November 18

Malls try to attract shoppers -The Baltimore Sun, October 22

Official: Only rain will cure drought -The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts

Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men -The Sunday Oregonian, September 24

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty -Newsday, July 11

Man shoots neighbor with machete -The Miami Herald, July 3

Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes -The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30

Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows -The New York Times, March 10

Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies -The Los Angeles Times, March 2

Scientists see quakes in L.A. future -The Oregonian, January 28

Wachtler tells graduates that life in jail is demeaning -The Buffalo News, February 26

Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold -Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26

Prosecution paints O.J. as a wife-killer -Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, January 25

Economist uses theory to explain economy -Collinsville Herald-Journal, February 8

Bible church’s focus is the Bible -Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday, people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     
  
Quotes of the Day  
 
“The French have given us many things: Mardi Gras, the Statue
of Liberty, French horns, sarcasm.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“In curling, they get a 40 lb. granite stone and send it down the ice and then they sweep the debris from in front of it. It’s all the fun of shuffleboard, plus household
chores.” -David Letterman
 
“American snowboarder Shaun White is incredible. I know I usually complain about young people and their non-aching hips and their functioning memories, but I take it all back.”
-Craig Ferguson
 
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.  

Joke of the Day*

On my way to a picnic, I stopped at a fast-food place to order a quart of potato salad. “We don’t sell it by the quart,” the clerk snapped. “Okay, then give me two pints, please,” I replied. I’m proud to say I held my tongue when she asked, “Do you want it in one container?” 
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????’Bees! Bees everywhere! Oh my God, they’re here! They’re ripping my flesh off!… Run! Save yourselves! Your firearms are useless against them!’   
 
Answer:Tommyboy. Chris Farley and David Spade. Need I say more?

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘Problem, guys?’
‘Just scoping out your civilian wardrobe.’ ‘Pretty cool, huh?’ ‘For a fashion victim.’

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Friday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs fromfrom 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “”Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen  Oh, we’re still so young, desperate for attention I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives” 

ANSWER: The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage. Who else if not Panic! At the Disco? I love their song titles. My favorite title (the song is not bad either) is “Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off”. That one and another one of their songs, “But It’s Better If You Do”, are both quotes from the movie “Closer”.   

Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “You’re a masterpiece I know that he Can’t appreciate your beauty Don’t let him cheapen you”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..

I am periodically the number 79. Long ago some attempted to make me from 29, but learned it couldn’t be done. If you add me to 80 I appear to be 47 temporarily.
What am I?  

ANSWER: Gold.  Gold is represented by the number 79 on the Periodic table of elements. Long ago alchemists tried to make gold from copper.(number 29) If you add gold to mercury (number 80) it will appear to be silver for a time.  

Monday’s Quizzler is… 

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) to wriggle
1b) a member of the British gentry
1c) a small forcible stream of liquid

2a) this color is a blend of red and yellow darkened by black
2b) the top of the head
2c) to cover with water

3a) more recent
3b) rubbish
3c) a written communication

4a) free from color
4b) a high-pitched plaintive cry
4c) although 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS    GREAT JOB BANKS! 

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.    Are you open to evaluate an opportunity to make some extra money?  http://strayhorn.acnrep.com

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Welcome, to Friday, February 19th!  Signs You’re Really Broke……..
1. American Express calls & says: “Leave home without it!”

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant.

3. You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

4. You’ve rolled so many pennies, you’ve formed a psychic bond with Abe.

5. Long distance companies no longer call you to switch.

6. Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6.9% to 24.9%.

7. You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

8. You receive care packages.

9. Your bologna has no first name.

10 You rob Peter…and then rob Paul.

11. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

12. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

13. You give blood everyday – for the orange juice.

14. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

15. Consumer Credit Counseling services said, “No.”

16. The neighborhood dog stopped sniffing at your pockets.  

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! Have a great snow/sun filled weekend, people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     
  
Quotes of the Day  

“My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.” – Henny Youngman

“I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run.” – Babe Ruth

“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” – Albert Einstein 

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.   

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!  

Joke of the Day*

A flight instructor was sent out to help a trainee who had radioed that he was about to make a forced landing a few miles from the base. The instructor spotted the plane standing in a field small enough to present a real challenge to his professional reputation.  With determination, full flaps and engine just above the stall, he maneuvered into the field. Climbing out, he shouted angrily to the trainee, “Just how did you manage to get into such a small field?” “I landed in the big field over there,” the trainee pointed, “but in order to leave room for you, I had the farmer tow me here.”
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  ‘Geeze Louise, Yogurt. You’d think we were going to diffuse a bomb or something.’ Then, after a sigh from Yogurt: ‘That was a joke, Yogurt. Lighten up.’ 
 
Answer: Toy Soldiers. Billy (Sean Astin) says this to Derek, aka Yogurt, when they sneak into the headmaster’s office in an attempt to switch the receiving chip in the detonator with that of the remote control airplane.  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘Bees! Bees everywhere! Oh my God, they’re here! They’re ripping my flesh off!… Run! Save yourselves! Your firearms are useless against them!’

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Thursday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs fromfrom 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.”  Forgive, sounds good Forget, I’m not sure I could They say time heals everything But I’m still waiting” 

ANSWER: Not Ready To Make Nice. I can stand for that I don’t really like country. But this is not country (in spite of what people say)! The Dixie Chicks are just great. All the songs that were options to this question are amazing. But if you’re going to check out a video by them, you got to see the video for “Top Of The World”.  

Friday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “”Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen Oh, we’re still so young, desperate for attention I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

Complete the word square by inserting the 9 letters into the grid, to create the same words reading down & across.
D E E L L L O O O
E A C H
A _ _ _
C _ _ _
H _ _ _   

ANSWER: E A C H, A L O E, C O O L, H E L D, Each, Aloe, Cool, Held

Friday’s Quizzler is… 

I am periodically the number 79. Long ago some attempted to make me from 29, but learned it couldn’t be done. If you add me to 80 I appear to be 47 temporarily.
What am I? 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS    GREAT JOB BANKS! 

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.    Are you open to evaluate an opportunity to make some extra money?  http://strayhorn.acnrep.com

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

Welcome, to Thursday, February 18th! Here’s today’s story! An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, ‘You’re in charge of sweeping.’ To the Scotsman he says, ‘You’re in charge of shoveling.’ And to the Chinese guy, ‘You’re in charge of supplies.’ He then says, ‘Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.’ So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, ‘Why didn’t you sweep any of it?’ The Italian replies, ‘I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.’ Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, ‘And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.’ The Scotsman replies, ‘Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnayfin’ him either.’  The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy …Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells… ‘SUPPLIES!!’  

That’s my story, but I’m sticking to it! Have a great day, people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     
  
Quotes of the Day  

“The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show at Madison Square Garden is tonight. One of the big events is the ‘Going Nuts When the Doorbell Rings’ competition. Tomorrow night is
‘Barking at a Dog on TV.'” -David Letterman
 
“There’s a 73-year-old man in Florida who has been charged with robbing the same bank three times. In his defense, he actually only robbed the bank once, he just went back twice to use the bathroom.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“The Winter Olympics are under way in Canada. Skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating, these are not sports. They’re vacation activities. I feel like I’m watching someone’s
home movies.” -Jimmy Kimmel

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment’s anxiety, and was never a child.   
 

Joke of the Day*

At the supermarket, I noticed a woman with four boys and a baby. Her patience was wearing thin as the boys called out, “Mommy! Mommy!” while she tried to shop.  Finally, she blurted out, “I don’t want to hear the word mommy for at least ten minutes!”  The boys fell silent for a few seconds. Then one tugged on his mother’s dress and said softly, “Excuse me, miss.”  
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  ‘I think you’re underestimating the value of this deskset. I mean, who would want a football, or a car, when they could have a deskset as wonderful as this one? If I were going to buy a deskset twice, I would probably buy this one… both times!’
 
Answer: Dead Poets Society. This part is when Todd (Ethan Hawke) has just gotten a deskset from his parents for his birthday… the same one they gave him last year. Neil (Robert Sean Leonard) tries to cheer him up, and they end up throwing the deskset over a bridge. Then Neil says,’I wouldn’t worry about it too much… you’ll get another one next year.’  

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘Geeze Louise, Yogurt. You’d think we were going to diffuse a bomb or something.’ Then, after a sigh from Yogurt: ‘That was a joke, Yogurt. Lighten up.’

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Wednesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs fromfrom 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “I can see us in the country side sitting in the grass laying side by side You can be my baby Gonna make you my lady Girl you amaze me Ain’t gotta do nothin crazy. 

ANSWER: My Love. The former N’sync member, Justin Timberlake, has rocked the world with his new style.   

Thursday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Forgive, sounds good Forget, I’m not sure I could They say time heals everything But I’m still waiting”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..

What phrase is represented below?
What is 2 + 2?
Oak says “4”
Beech says “4”
Fir says “5”
o
o
W
f
o
o
W   

ANSWER: Barking up the wrong tree 

  
Thursday’s Quizzler is…

Complete the word square by inserting the 9 letters into the grid, to create the same words reading down & across.

D E E L L L O O O

E A C H
A _ _ _
C _ _ _
H _ _ _ 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND SWEETJAZZ5!  GREAT JOB SOLVING THE QUIZZLER LADIES! 

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Answers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.orgww.hopeBUILD.orgwww.Eucmaninc.com. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com. www.BTWASHZPROD.com.   www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.netwww.greengrassgroundsgroup.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.    Are you open to evaluate an opportunity to make some extra money?  http://strayhorn.acnrep.com