Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday February 16, 2018.       
Thoughts… 
1. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a wonderful weekend people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...
‘The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.’  Anonymous
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.   Douglas Adams
‘I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.’  Charles Lamb.
‘When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues
generally present him with a watch.’  R C Sherriff.
‘Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.’  Will Rogers.
‘It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.’  Scott Elledge.
‘When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at
the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.’  Alexander Graham Bell.
‘Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not,
why then this parting was well made.’  William Shakespeare.
‘Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at
the appropriate time.’  Malcolm Muggeridge
‘A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age.’  Anon
‘There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit…retire!’  Groucho Marx
‘I’ve lit the blue touch paper and found there’s nowhere to retire to.’  Doctor Who
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 G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.  The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50.  The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You
know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”  The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?” “No,” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”😐😁😎
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Like a glove!’
ANSWER: Ace Ventura!
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
Elwood- ‘It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.’
Jake- ‘Hit it.’
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Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word.
For example, given “The prime minister ____ the meeting, even though the ____ was technically the ____ official,”
you would fill in RAN, KING, and RANKING.
I ___ so ___ to his antics that I am no longer ___ by them.
ANSWER:I AM so USED to his antics that I am no longer AMUSED by them.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decode these stupid quotes said by different people?
“Sniomkg klils. fi yru’oe kleild, yvuo’e solt a ryev iotpnarmt rapt fo uyro eifl.” – Brooke Shields
“Het ienrtnet si a teagr ayw ot etg no teh ent.” – Bob Dole
“I velo Cnrlifaoia, I pirtlcalcay wreg pu ni Pnohiex.” – Dan Quayle
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday February 15, 2018.   
Thoughts on Aging…..
You enjoy watching the washer and dryer in action.
You stop lying about your age and you start bragging about it.
Your friends compliment you on your alligator shoes, but you’re barefoot.
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
You’re cautioned to “slow down” – not by the police but by your doctor!
You are getting a little action today – but that means the fiber is working.
You think “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
You think an “all-nighter” is not having to get up to pee.
A sexy woman walks by and your pacemaker opens the garage door. 😁
You’re the life of the party, even if it lasts until 8 PM.
You’re smiling all the time because you can’t hear a thing anyone is saying.
You’re very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.
You’re aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as cute as yours.
You’re very good at opening childproof caps (with a hammer).
You’re not grouchy; you just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, and politicians.
You’re wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just your left leg.
You’re having trouble remembering simple words like…
You’re a walking storeroom of facts – you’ve just lost the key to the storeroom door.
Everything either dries up or leaks.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a wonderful Thursday people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
————————————————————————————————————————————–
DAILY QUOTES...
“A new survey reported that 40 percent of people think it’s a good idea to get engaged
on Valentine’s Day. The other 60 percent were men.” -Conan O’Brien
“On Valentine’s Day, Americans spend $367 million on their pets. That seems like a waste. You don’t need to wine and dine your dog. Either way, he’s going to hump your leg.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“The trend this year is couples saying they don’t need to get each other anything for Valentine’s Day, because they love each other EVERY day. I think that’s sweet, but to all the guys out there watching, I just want to say it’s a trap!” -Jimmy Fallon
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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, “I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had.”
The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.
Then she said, “I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity.”
The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his arm around her shoulders.
The elderly woman then stated,” I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine.”
This time the old man started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room his wife asked, “Was it something I said, where are you going?”
The old man looked at her and replied, “I’m going to the bathroom to get my teeth!”😁😎
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Spike- ‘There’s something wrong with this yogurt.’
William- ‘It’s not yogurt. It’s mayonnaise.’
Spike- ‘Oh, right, there we are then.’
 
ANSWER: Notting Hill!
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Like a glove!’

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What am I?
I will help you with your writing,
Probably through me you will see,
But if you want to ship me,
You’ll put me right inside of me.
I wear many different hats you know,
In construction plus I’m tracing,
I also do work for the board,
Lots of kids use me for a racing.
You can fold me, tear me,
Rip me without using all your might,
But be careful how you touch me,
I may give you my famous bite.
ANSWER: Paper.

I will help you with your writing- You draw on paper
Probably through me you will see- Usually you can see through paper
But if you want to ship me,
You’ll put me right inside of me- An envelope, you put a letter (paper) inside an envelope (paper)
I wear many different hats you know,
In construction plus I’m tracing,
I also do work for the board- Construction Paper,Tracing Paper,Cardboard Paper
Lots of kids use me for a racing- Paper Airplane Race
You can fold me, tear me,
Rip me without using all your might- It’s easy to rip paper
But be careful how you touch me,
I may give you my famous bite- Paper cut
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word.
For example, given “The prime minister ____ the meeting, even though the ____ was technically the ____ official,”
you would fill in RAN, KING, and RANKING.
I ___ so ___ to his antics that I am no longer ___ by them.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday February 14, 2018.     
Why?
Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know what time it is, but
they don’t point to their pants when they need to ask where the restroom is?
Why are there no pictures of “no flash photography” signs?
Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?
Why is is it called a roach clip? It should be called a pot holder.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why do doctors leave the room when you get undressed? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
Why does a pizza get to the house faster than an ambulance?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in”, but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s the extra penny?
Why is the original text in a document called “copy”?
Why do drug stores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescription, but smokers can get their cigarettes up front?
Why is the small size of a candy bar the “fun size”? It’s more fun to eat a big candy bar.
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why are there handicap parking places in front of the skating rink?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and then a diet coke?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Happy Valentines Day and have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. Brian Pickrell
If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison.
It went a lot faster with two people digging.  Joe Martin
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.  Clarence Darrow
In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back. Charlie Brown
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.  Reba McEntire
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. Mae West
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. Spike Milligan
He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot.  He that
dare not is a slave.  Andrew Carnegie
This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
———————————————————————————————————————————-
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Mahatma Gandhi, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set
of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him…
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.  😐😎
———————————————————————————————————————————–
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Ralphie- ‘I want an official Red Ryder Carbon Action…’
Mom- ‘No…You’ll shoot your eye out…’
 
ANSWER: A Christmas Story!
Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
Spike- ‘There’s something wrong with this yogurt.’
William- ‘It’s not yogurt. It’s mayonnaise.’
Spike- ‘Oh, right, there we are then.’
——————————————————————————————————————————–
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
This is another of my rhyming word ladders. Most people will have to work forwards and backwards to get all ten words…..
The old adage says to do this again.
Add one, make a city of fame way back when.
OY becomes IP and you’ll have a nice fall.
Change I to A and you’ll catch it all.
Insert an M: make an invention of Chaplin.
Change T to C and with pain you’ll be grapplin’.
Replace second with H: a winner for sure!
Lose second to last: you’ll want balm for a cure.
Drop the H to make something to go on your head.
Change one and an adage will leave this thing dead.
ANSWER:

TRY: From the adage “If, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
TROY: The Greek city which was the site of the Trojan War.
TRIP: and fall.
TRAP: to catch it all.
TRAMP: Charlie Chaplin’s famous character was the tramp.
CRAMP: can be very painful.
CHAMP: a winner!
CHAP: Chapped lips or hands can be cured with a balm
CAP: goes on your head.
CAT: is left dead in the adage “Curiosity killed the cat.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What am I?
I will help you with your writing,
Probably through me you will see,
But if you want to ship me,
You’ll put me right inside of me.
I wear many different hats you know,
In construction plus I’m tracing,
I also do work for the board,
Lots of kids use me for a racing.
You can fold me, tear me,
Rip me without using all your might,
But be careful how you touch me,
I may give you my famous bite.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

WELCOME to Tuesday February 13, 2018.

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WELCOME to Tuesday February 13, 2018.  
Laws………
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch.
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with
someone you don’t want to be seen with. (Or when you’re having a really bad hair day…)
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you
to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. (In my case, this is known as “The Parking Lot Law” – I park our new car as far away from the building entrance and other cars as I can. There are 35 vacant parking spaces between me and the nearest vehicle. When I return to my car, I can’t even open the driver’s door because of the banged-up old pickup parked snugly next to me – and there are still 33 unoccupied parking spots all around us.)
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...
“A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction
making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they
beat the crap out of you.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They’re not.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator’s vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, ‘We have a vegetable drawer?'” -Conan O’Brien
————————————————————————————————————————————-
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out.  I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He told me, ‘I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.’ I continued, ‘Well, then why are you crying?’ He added, ‘She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.’
I said, ‘Well, why are you crying?’ He said, ‘For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.’
I inquired, ‘Well then, why in the world would you be crying?’ He replied,
‘I can’t remember where I live.’…. 😐😏

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘If I could only eat one food for the rest of my life, that’s easy. PEZ. Cherry flavored PEZ. No question about it.’
ANSWER: Stand By Me!
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
Ralphie- ‘I want an official Red Ryder Carbon Action…’
Mom- ‘No…You’ll shoot your eye out…’

———————————————————————————————————————————

Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
The following is a true story. My friends and I were enjoying the atmosphere (and food) at an authentic English pub in town. We all ordered tea, and the barmaid brought us all our preferred variety. She passed by each of us and asked, “Would you like milk or lemon?” One of my friends simply said “Yes” and quickly poured a bit of milk and squeezed a lemon wedge into his cup. He passed the milk back to the young lady
who smiled and said “I’ll be right back with another cup for you, sir.”

My friend was confused at first, but upon her return he was happy to have a fresh cup. What had happened to necessitate a new cup of tea?

ANSWER: My friend was unaware that you NEVER add milk AND lemon to your tea as the citric acid in the lemon will cause the proteins in the milk to curdle, making for an unpleasant cup of tea indeed. The young lady had seen this happen before and moved quickly to remedy the problem. Afterwards, she only teased him a little about it.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
This is another of my rhyming word ladders. Most people will have to work forwards and backwards to get all ten words.
———–
The old adage says to do this again.
Add one, make a city of fame way back when.
OY becomes IP and you’ll have a nice fall.
Change I to A and you’ll catch it all.
Insert an M: make an invention of Chaplin.
Change T to C and with pain you’ll be grapplin’.
Replace second with H: a winner for sure!
Lose second to last: you’ll want balm for a cure.
Drop the H to make something to go on your head.
Change one and an adage will leave this thing dead.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday February 12, 2018.  

Pondering………
How can one TV station have the “exclusive” accurate weather? Did they “storm” in and scoop the others?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How could I have been doing 70 miles an hour when I’ve only been driving for 10 minutes?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
If a brown cow eats green grass why is it’s milk white?
If a giraffe had a sore throat, how many lozenges would it need to make it better?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?
If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?
If a person told you they were a pathological liar, should you believe them?
If a turtle does not have a shell on, is he homeless or naked?
If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If beef comes from a cow and ham from a pig, why do they put beef in hamburgers?
If breaks are meant to be slow… then why do they call it “breakfast”?
If corn oil comes from corn….where does baby oil come from?
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
If helium existed in a solid form, and you ate it would you get heavier or lighter?
If it is tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
If love is blind, is lingerie considered Braille?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
—————————————————————————————————————————————
DAILY QUOTES...
“Doritos is reportedly looking into launching a so-called lady-friendly chip that doesn’t crunch as loudly. Because there’s no more appropriate snack for the #MeToo era than a chip that tells women to be quiet.” -Seth Meyers
“A new study found that the amount of man-made heat that’s absorbed by the ocean has doubled since 1997. The main source of that heat? That kid who’s waist deep at the beach with that weird smile on his face.” -Jimmy Fallon
“I read today Best Buy and Target are planning to stop selling CDs in their stores. To which I say: Best Buy and Target are still selling CDs? For those too young to remember, CDs were these shiny discs that would get scratched almost immediately and would sit in a binder of the back seat of the car until you sold the car.” -Jimmy Kimmel
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five- year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator.
Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping.
As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console the mother by saying, “I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator.” To which the lady replies “Good Heavens, no! Don’t shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son’s picture on his back.”😐

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘You can’t handle the truth!’
ANSWER: A Few Good Men
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘If I could only eat one food for the rest of my life, that’s easy. PEZ. Cherry flavored PEZ. No question about it.’
—————————————————————————————————————————————-
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
We are many guards of a precious gate
Sometimes we lean backward and sometimes we stand straight
Some of us are short and some are tall
We never quit the fight but we might fall
We wear war paint and cover in black
We always defend but never will attack
ANSWER: Eye lashes

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
The following is a true story.

My friends and I were enjoying the atmosphere (and food) at an authentic English pub in town. We all ordered tea, and the barmaid brought us all our preferred variety. She passed by each of us and asked, “Would you like milk or lemon?” One of my friends simply said “Yes” and quickly poured a bit of milk and squeezed a lemon wedge into his cup. He passed the milk back to the young lady who smiled and said “I’ll be right back with another cup for you, sir.”

My friend was confused at first, but upon her return he was happy to have a fresh cup. What had happened to necessitate a new cup of tea?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

BBH96IV
WELCOME to Friday February 9, 2018.  
Bad Literature….
The confidence in his smile… that smile that pulled me in like
ice cream melting down a cone.
With the broken sob of a candy mugged infant, Brett rolled across
the bed into the recently vacated hollow – a depression created by
the recently departed Maria.
Gerald began – but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost
him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else
in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because
for them “permanently” meant the next ten minutes or so until buried
by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash – to pee.
Danny, the little Grizzly cub, frolicked in the tall grass on this sunny
Spring morning, his mother keeping a watchful eye as she chewed on
a piece of a hiker they had encountered the day before.
As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg
carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly
formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for
experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging
to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.
Racing through space at unimaginable speeds, Capt. Dimwell could only
imagine how fast his spaceship was going.
When Detective Riggs was called to investigate the theft of a trainload of
Native American fish broth concentrate bound for market, he solved the case
almost immediately, being that the trail of clues led straight to the trainmaster,
who had both the locomotive and the Hopi tuna tea.
India, which hangs like a wet washcloth from the towel rack of Asia, presented
itself to Tex as he landed in Delhi (or was it Bombay?), as if it mattered because
Tex finally had an idea to make his mark and fortune and that idea was a chain
of steak houses to serve the millions and he wondered, as he deplaned down
the steep, shiny, steel steps, why no one had thought of it before.
It was high noon in the jungles of South India when I began to recognize that if
we didn’t find water for our emus soon, it wouldn’t be long before we would be
traveling by foot; and with the guerilla warriors fast on our heals, I was starting
to regret my decision to use poultry for transportation.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...
A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on
hearts, not on marble.  Charles Spurgeon
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth
is putting on its shoes. Charles Spurgeon
A sinner can no more repent and believe without the Holy Spirit’s
aid than he can create a world. Charles Spurgeon
A vigorous temper is not altogether an evil. Men who are easy
as an old shoe are generally of little worth.  Charles Spurgeon
Beware of no man more than of yourself; we carry our worst
enemies within us. Charles Spurgeon
By perseverance the snail reached the ark. Charles Spurgeon
It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness. Charles Spurgeon
Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties.Charles Spurgeon
No one is so miserable as the poor person who maintains the
appearance of wealth. Charles Spurgeon
No one knows who is listening, say nothing you would not wish
put in the newspapers. Charles Spurgeon
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those
who have a high opinion of themselves. Charles Spurgeon
 ————————————————————————————————————————————-
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned
around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of
the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp. Reluctantly, the
genie said, “Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However
because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate
the most: your boss.” So the man agreed and made his first wish. “I want lots of money”,
he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man’s bank account and 44 million
appeared in his boss’ account. For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss’ house appeared two of each car. Finally the genie said, “This is your last wish, you should choose carefully”, and so the man replied… “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney…” 😎
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Vezzini- ‘He didn’t fall! Inconceivable!’
Inigo- ‘You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.’
ANSWER: The Princess Bride!
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘You can’t handle the truth!’
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Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
See if you can figure out the words in this “pyramid” using the hints given below.
Each new word contains the same letters as the previous word, plus a new letter.
1) First letter of the English alphabet
2) Present; attending
3) Loves picnics
4) A small biter
5) Pro ballplayers have one
6) An attracting object
7) An article of clothing
8) A heated debate
ANSWER:

1) A
2) At
3) Ant
4) Gnat
5) Agent
6) Magnet
7) Garment
8) Argument
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
We are many guards of a precious gate
Sometimes we lean backward and sometimes we stand straight
Some of us are short and some are tall
We never quit the fight but we might fall
We wear war paint and cover in black
We always defend but never will attack
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

what-do-you-mean-its-only-thursday-p-ingfip-com-14572284
WELCOME to Thursday February 8, 2018.    
We all fail sometimes. But there’s something about failing with style. Here are some of
the best test paper blunders from the most clueless – and inventive – of students.
* Classical Studies *  Question: Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin
* Biology * Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie
* Classical Studies *  Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar’s death?
Answer: Suspicious ones
* Biology * Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease
Answer: Early death
* Biology * Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television
* Religious Studies * Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony
* Physics * Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels.
Answer: Fire
* Geography * Question: What does the term “lava” mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar
* Geography * Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria
* Geography * Question: Name one famous Greek landmark
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse
* History * Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
—————————————————————————————————————————————-
DAILY QUOTES…
“Dozens of Eagles fans were seen stage-diving off the awning of the Philadelphia
Ritz-Carlton after last night’s Super Bowl win. But don’t worry, they died.” -Seth Meyers
“The New England Patriots were beaten by the Philadelphia Eagles 41-33. Eagles fans
started fires and punched police horses, then they sat down to watch the Super Bowl.” -Conan O’Brien
“As is always the case, there’s a lot of focus on the commercials at the Super Bowl.
I learned a lot from the commercials yesterday. For instance, I had no idea Dr. Martin
Luther King Jr. had a dream to sell light duty trucks.” -Jimmy Kimmel
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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered.
But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced
her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare. 😐😎
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
“You’ll never grow old and you’ll never die.
ANSWER: The Lost Boys! ‘The Lost Boys’ was released in 1987, directed by Joel Schumacher and starring Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Diane Wiest, Barnard Hughes, Edward Herrmann and Kiefer Sutherland. David said this to Michael after he and the other vampires took him out to show him exactly what they are.
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
Vezzini- ‘He didn’t fall! Inconceivable!’ Inigo- ‘You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.’

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Surrounded by hills,
I rest on an isle
Known for its castles
And “baggy” music style

I can hide a monster
At least some think
But for what it’s worth
I’m one of nature’s sinks

What am I?

ANSWER: Loch Ness in Scotland.

Surrounded by hills – The Loch is in a fjord surrounded by wetland hills.
I rest on an isle
Known for its castles
And “baggy” music style – Scotland, part of the British Isles, is known for
its numerous castles and bagpipe music.
I can hide a monster
At least some think that there is a monster lives in Loch Ness, but it isn’t verifiable.
But for what it’s worth
I’m one of nature’s sinks – The Loch is drained by six major rivers.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
See if you can figure out the words in this “pyramid” using the hints given below.
Each new word contains the same letters as the previous word, plus a new letter.
1) First letter of the English alphabet
2) Present; attending
3) Loves picnics
4) A small biter
5) Pro ballplayers have one
6) An attracting object
7) An article of clothing
8) A heated debate
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/