Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday June 20, 2018.

Really Bad Q&A! 

Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don’t know the words.

Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink?
A: To a crow bar.

Q: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?
A: He was going to make a long-distance caw.😱

Q: What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest?
A: Look at the orange mama laid.

Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?
A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.

Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them, they’d break.

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.

Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here?
A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t  forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…

No matter how many goals you have achieved, you must set
your sights on a higher one. Jessica Savitch

The more I think about it, the more I realize there is
nothing more artistic than to love others. Vincent Van Gogh

Imagination is the eye of the soul. Joseph Joubert
The entire fruit is already present in the seed. Tertullian

If you can’t convince them, confuse them. Harry S. Truman
 

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A  musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He  talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance  simply didn’t improve.  Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just  can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they  take away  the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.” A  stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: “And if he can’t  handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”
 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

‘Ooo, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl.’

ANSWER: Breakfast Club! Bender says this to Claire after she had given him the bird.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

‘Looney, looney, looney.’

 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…….

Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common holiday. (The first holiday is only one

word long. The second and third are two words long.)

1. (Right of north ) (she)

2. (Hotel) D (ink stick) (boogie) (24 hours)

3. (Work) (24 hours)

 

Answer: 1. Easter (east + her)
2. Independence Day (inn + d + pen + dance + day)
3. Labor Day

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzer is…

I am a protector.
I sit on a bridge.
One person can see right through me, while others wonder what I hide.

What am I?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

 

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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Good-Morning-Images-Happy-Tuesday

WELCOME to Tuesday June 19, 2018.

10 words that should exist… 

AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub
tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running
over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up,
examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped
on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon’iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking  around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8.PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting your cell phone ring at least  twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t  forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…

A good, real, unrestrained, hearty laugh is a sort of glorified internal massage, performed rapidly and automatically. It manipulates and revitalizes corners and unexplored crannies  of the system that are unresponsive to most other exercise methods. ~Author unknown,
Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing. ~Ken Kesey

It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down to your hips. ~Author Unknown

It was not a laugh but merely a loud smile. ~Author Unknown

If you are too busy to laugh, you are too busy. ~Proverb

 

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:  “We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. “They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don’t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.

They play games and do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim.  At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can’t get past the man in the dollhouse to go out.
So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it potluck. My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.”😱😁😎

 

 

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

‘Oh sexy girlfriend.’

ANSWER: Sixteen Candles! This was said by Long Duck Dong.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

‘Ooo, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl.’

 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzer is…….

Mr. Black, Mr. Gray, and Mr. White are fighting in a truel. They each get a gun and take turns shooting at each other until only one person is left. Mr. Black, who hits his shot 1/3 of the time, gets to shoot first. Mr. Gray, who hits his shot 2/3 of the time, gets to shoot next, assuming he is still alive. Mr. White, who hits his shot all the time, shoots next, assuming he is also alive. The cycle repeats. All three competitors know one another’s shooting odds. If you are Mr. Black, where should you shoot first for the highest chance of survival?

 

Answer: He should shoot at the ground. If Mr. Black shoots the ground, it is Mr. Gray’s turn. Mr. Gray would rather shoot at Mr. White than Mr. Black, because he is better. If Mr. Gray kills Mr. White, it is just Mr. Black and Mr. Gray left, giving Mr. Black a fair chance of winning.

If Mr. Gray does not kill Mr. White, it is Mr. White’s turn. He would rather shoot at Mr. Gray and will definitely kill him. Even though it is now Mr. Black against Mr. White, Mr. Black has a better chance of winning than before.

 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…

Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common holiday. (The first holiday is only one

word long. The second and third are two words long.)

1. (Right of north ) (she)

2. (Hotel) D (ink stick) (boogie) (24 hours)

3. (Work) (24 hours)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday June 15, 2018.

Make Women Happy: FINALS 
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:

HER BIRTHDAY
* You take her out to dinner……………. 0
* You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar….+1
* Okay, it is a sports bar……….-2
* And it’s all-you-can-eat night….-3
* It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team……-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
* Go with a pal…………………….+5
* The pal is happily married…………+4
* Or frighteningly single……………-7
* And he drives a Ferrari……………-10
* With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)……..-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
* You take her to a movie……………+2
* You take her to a movie she likes…..+4
* You take her to a movie you hate……+6
* You take her to a movie you like……-2
* It’s called Death Cop 3……………-3
* Which features Cyborgs that eat humans….-9
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans…..-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
* You develop a noticeable pot belly………….-15
* You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it………………………….+10
* You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts…….-30
* You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”……-800😱

THE BIG QUESTION (a no win question)
* She asks, “Do I look fat?”😐
* You hesitate in responding…..-10
* You reply, “Where?”…………-35😁
* Any other response………….-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
* You listen, displaying a concerned expression…… 0
* You listen, for over 30 minutes………………..+5
* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV…………………….+100
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep….-200

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
– George Bernard Shaw

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
– George Bernard Shaw

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation
of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.
-James Thurber

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that

he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and

swing, then said “Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.”

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto

the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. “Now what?”, the fellow asked

the speechless pro. “Uh… you’re supposed to hit the ball into the cup” the pro

finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, “Oh great! NOW you tell me!”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

“You know, I do too. I hate it when you got somebody up in your face and you’re trying to give them a hint and they won’t leave.  And then there’s that big awkward silence. Ya’ know?”

ANSWER: Shrek! Donkey said this to Shrek when they first met, in reply to Shrek telling Donkey that he liked his privacy.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

 ‘Oh sexy girlfriend.’

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near
synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Eat – Fact
2. Fist – Spam
3. Ham – Smock
4. Tilde – Food
5. Sale – Cranking

 

Answer:

1. Feat – Act
2. Fit – Spasm
3. Sham – Mock
4. Tide – Flood
5. Scale – Ranking

 

Monday’s Quizzer is…

Mr. Black, Mr. Gray, and Mr. White are fighting in a truel. They each get a gun and take turns shooting at each other until
only one person is left. Mr. Black, who hits his shot 1/3 of the time, gets to shoot first. Mr. Gray, who hits his shot 2/3 of the
time, gets to shoot next, assuming he is still alive. Mr. White, who hits his shot all the time, shoots next, assuming he is
also alive. The cycle repeats. All three competitors know one another’s shooting odds. If you are Mr. Black,
where should you shoot first for the highest chance of survival?






LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Best-father-day-daughter-beautiful-quotes-2015

WELCOME to Friday June 15, 2018.

Thinking out loud……. 
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked and afraid?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Fathers Day weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“People have been selling fake parking spaces. They charge people to park in spots that they have no ownership of. Here’s a tip to avoid becoming a victim of this fraud. If you find a parking space during the festival, it’s a scam.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep.” -Seth Meyers

“In the United Kingdom, a baby’s first word was ‘Alexa.’ The baby’s next words were ‘Find me new parents.'” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there’s something wrong with her password. “The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars,” she says. “The  asterisks are to protect you,”  the Help Desk technician explains, “so  if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be able to read your  password.” “Yeah,” she says, “but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me.”😐😱😁

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

“Listen… you smell something?” 

ANSWER:  Ghostbusters!
Ray said this to Venkman and Egon when they were down in the library basement searching for a ghost that the librarian had seen.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“You know, I do too. I hate it when you got somebody up in your face and you’re trying to give them a hint and they won’t leave.

And then there’s that big awkward silence. Ya’ know?”

Thursday’s Quizzer is…….

You might, perhaps at breakfast,
See a sticky part of me,
But I model, too–mathematics,
And I’m true north, strong and free.

Mrs. Christie’s character
could help you, though not well,
For though she is quite close to me,
She simply cannot spell.
What am I? 

Answer:  Maple.
Maple syrup, which is made from boiling the sap of maple trees, is a sticky breakfast topping. Maple is also the name of mathematics modelling software.
The maple leaf is a symbol of Canada. The line “True north strong and free” is from “O Canada,” Canada’s national anthem.
The name of Agatha Christie’s well known character, Mrs. Marple, is very close to the word “maple”… with a small spelling error!

Friday’s Quizzer is…

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near
synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Eat – Fact
2. Fist – Spam
3. Ham – Smock
4. Tilde – Food
5. Sale – Cranking






LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday June 14, 2018.

25 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny

 

1. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

2. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

3. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “Graaaaaaaains!”

4. My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.

5. Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.

6. I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

7. I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.

So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

8. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? “Oh sheet!”

9. I like to spend every day as if it’s my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

10. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? ‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!

11. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.

12. What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.

13. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”

14. Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!

15. It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.

16. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? “Robin, get in the car.”

17. I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it’s only mild.

18. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless!

19. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

20. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!

21. I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.

22. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

23. What’s red and shaped like a bucket? A blue bucket painted red.

24. What don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.

25. What do you call a fish with no eye? Fssshh.

26. Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t  forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“There is a Japanese pop band whose members are all over 80 years old. The band is known for their No. 1 hit song, ‘Where Am I?'” -Conan O’Brien

“A plane in Holland was forced to make an emergency landing after a passenger’s body odor was so bad that it caused others to vomit and faint. You know it’s bad when people are going into the airplane bathroom for some fresh air.” -James Corden

“Facebook has announced a new page called ‘Memories’ that will show users photos from the past. It’s better than the original title for the page, ‘When You Were Thinner.'” -Seth Meyers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

One day, an employee received an unusually large paycheck. She decided not to say anything about it.

The following week, her check was short the overpayment she received the previous week. So she confronted her boss about it.

“How come,” her boss inquired, “you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?”

Unperturbed, the employee replied, “Well, I can overlook one mistake – but two in a row is getting unacceptable!”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

“What you mean blend in? I’m two feet taller then everybody in here.” 

 ANSWER: Rush Hour 2! Carter said this to Lee when they entered the Raven Club. Lee responded with “…just try and blend in.”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“Listen… you smell something?”

Wednesday’s Quizzer is…….

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each word differs by only one (1) letter, which
I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided.
The order of the letters does not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. specialist _ _ _ E _ _ / _ _ _ O _ _ ship

2. hull _ _ L _ _ / _ _ N _ _ indulgence

3. scorch S _ _ _ _ / T _ _ _ _ slight colouration

4. soft spread _ U _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ grievous

Answer: 1. expert / export

2. bilge / binge

3. singe / tinge

4. butter / bitter

Thursday’s Quizzer is…

You might, perhaps at breakfast,
See a sticky part of me,
But I model, too–mathematics,
And I’m true north, strong and free.

Mrs. Christie’s character
could help you, though not well,
For though she is quite close to me,
She simply cannot spell.

What am I?




LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday June 13, 2018.

Humor about the old…

OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved
OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground
OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out
OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just reach equilibrium
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just smell that way
OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket
OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose
OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory
OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust
OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged
OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it!    
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t  forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Last week, a 90-year-old letter to Santa Claus was found in a chimney. On the bright side, the 96-year-old who wrote the letter is still alive and finally got that tricycle.” -Conan O’Brien

“Italian chefs recently set a new world record after making a mile-long pizza that took five ovens and over 11 hours to bake. It got weird when the person who ordered the pizza was like, ‘Ooh, I said no pepperoni.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Here’s some strange fashion news. According to The New York Times, the monocle is back in style. Unless you’re a Batman villain or a giant salted peanut, you should not wear a monocle.” -Jimmy Kimmel

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family
in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him
“Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving
the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are twins-if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

 “T…t…t… today, Junior.”

ANSWER: Billy Madison!  Billy Madison said this to a kid who was a really slow reader in his class.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“What you mean blend in? I’m two feet taller then everybody in here.”

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…….

I am tied up at least once a day
And forced to carry ten nails.
I work diligently without any pay
And follow your many trails.

I do not smell very well
But at least I have many eyes.
I have two tongues but never yell
And I’ll bet you know my size.

What am I?

Answer:  Your shoes!

Wednesday’s Quizzer is…

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each word differs by only one (1) letter, which
I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided.
The order of the letters does not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. specialist _ _ _ E _ _ / _ _ _ O _ _ ship

2. hull _ _ L _ _ / _ _ N _ _ indulgence

3. scorch S _ _ _ _ / T _ _ _ _ slight colouration

4. soft spread _ U _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ grievous





LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

funny-happy-tuesday-memes-043

WELCOME to Tuesday June 12, 2018.

Things in Life I Learned from a Jigsaw Puzzle!

1. Don’t force a fit. If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.
2. When things aren’t going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.
3. Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.
4. Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.
5. When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see #4).
6. The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.
7. Variety is the spice of life. It’s the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.
8. Working together with friends and family makes any task fun.
9. Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.
10. Don’t be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.
11. Take time often to celebrate your successes (even little ones).
12. Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can’t be rushed.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

God has two dwellings; one in heaven, and the other in a meek and thankful heart.  IzaakWalton

Give me love and work – these two only.
William Morris

Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without innovation, it
is a corpse.   Winston Churchill

The groves were God’s first temples.
William C. Bryant

The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Two men were in the process of inventing a new brand of gum. They were arguing
over the fact that their new gum was too hard and brittle and didn’t have the
right consistency. One of the inventors kept arguing that they simply had to add
more liquid to their primary secret ingredient, code named “Yewin”.

The other man argued adamantly. “No, No, No! It’s not wetter Yewin that counts…
it’s how you ply the gum!” 😱😁😐

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

“Hey, remember that time I barfed from bad Mexican food. It was so gross.”

ANSWER: Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion! Michele said this to Romy while they were standing at the bar of a dance club waiting for their drinks.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

 “T…t…t… today, Junior.”

Monday’s Quizzer is…….

An elderly pool attendant is starting to get sick of having to open the swimming pool every Monday, so he decides that the pool will remain closed on Mondays from now on. Being of reasonably limited English, he makes up a sign which he hangs from the front gate. What’s special about his sign?

NOW NO SWIMS ON MON

Answer: If you spin the sign upside down it will still read the same thing as it did.

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…

I am tied up at least once a day
And forced to carry ten nails.
I work diligently without any pay
And follow your many trails.

I do not smell very well
But at least I have many eyes.
I have two tongues but never yell
And I’ll bet you know my size.

What am I?




LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org