Monday, December 11, 2017

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WELCOME to Monday, December 11, 2017.                               
Funny File Extensions…

.api = Comedian
.asp = Snake-in-the-grass
.bin = Refuse collector
.doc = Fixer
.chk = Chess champion
.dic = Private eye
.exe = Hang man
.fav = Boot licker
.gem = Jeweler
.ico = Office pin-up
.inf = Filing Clerk
.ins = Insurance agent
.mad = Psychiatrist
.mam = Midwife
.mapi = Planning officer
.mov = Removal company
.mpg = Car salesman
.png = Table Tennis Champion
.ppt = Punch and Judy operator
.pub = Alcoholic
.qt = Strong silent type
.rat = Spy
.snd = Disk Jockey
.sys = Sisterfunny file names
.tiff = Marriage guidance counselor
.wav = Cheerleader
.wiz = Magician
.wri = Secretary
.zap = Company hatchet man
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
—————————————————————————————————————————————-
DAILY QUOTES… 

“An Italian winery is releasing five limited-edition bottles of Hello
Kitty-themed wine for the holiday season. It’s the perfect
gift for your alcoholic niece.” -Seth Meyers
“Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows
the cause of death, but they suspect boredom.” -Conan O’Brien
“A brewery in Oregon is coming out with a new Sriracha-flavored beer.
That’s right, beer that tastes like hot sauce. They said it’s the perfect beverage
for finding out if you’re an alcoholic: ‘There’s only one beer left and
it has hot sauce in it – just give it to me!'” -Jimmy Fallon
————————————————————————————————————————————-
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”
The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me! Mommy said we came from monkeys.”  His father replied, “No, your mother was talking about her side of the family.” 😎

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘I may go back to hating you. It was more fun.’
ANSWER: North by Northwest! Roger Thornhill (Cary Grant) says this to Eve
Kendall (Eva Marie Saint), frustrated by the compiling deceptions.
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘We all see what we want to see. Coffey looks and he sees Russians. He sees hate
and fear. You have to look with better eyes than that.’
——————————————————————————————————————————–
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
On me children can practice counting,
while learning about life’s ways.
Goodness will take you up,
but be naughty and you’re going down, down, down.
ANSWER: The game of Chutes and Ladders, a favorite game since 1943. With each
spin you move steadily along, climbing the ladder as a result of good deeds, or sliding
down the chute due to naughtiness. Hounds and Jackals, the ancient game of Egypt,
is also the earliest known example, and possibly the original form, of the ‘Snakes and Ladders’ game.

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Each of these pairs of words is a rhyme for a familiar phrase. (ex: car and ride = far and wide)
1. Toe and shell
2. Side and coup
3. Graze and greens
4. Frost and ground
5. Hutch and row
6. Fume and chord
7. Splash and harry
8. Dyed and pique
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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Friday, December 8, 2017

WELCOME to Friday, December 8, 2017.                              
Funny definitions – the real meanings of words. 

B pages… 

Baa: A sheep trill.
Baby: Mother’s little yelper.
Baby Bird: A stork.
Baby Lambs: Ewe kids.
Babylon: Chatter endlessly.
Babysitter: Someone who is paid to sit on babies.
Bachelor
(1) A man who never Mrs. anyone. 😁
(2) A rolling stone that gathers no boss.
(3) A bloke who never makes a mistake once.
Back Door: Where Johann Sebastian enters his home.
Back down: The tail feathers of a duck.
Backgammon: Game played by pigs
Bacteria: The rear of a cafeteria
Bacteriology: Study of rips in the rear side of clothing.
Bad comedian: A person who can’t even entertain a thought.
Bad guy: Someone who, on the sands of time, leaves only heel marks.
Bad Habit: Torn nun’s clothing.
Baked Alaska: The result of global warming
B-B gun: A very small or young rifle
B-Flat: The second apartment.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
————————————————————————————————————————–
DAILY QUOTES… 

“Germany has just rolled out a new law banning hate speech. The law
is tricky to implement because everything sounds like hate speech
when it’s spoken in German.” -Conan O’Brien
“Scientists have invented a way for you to change channels on your TV
with gestures. Yeah, it’s great for people who like watching sports completely
still. ‘Wow! What a catch – nobody move! Oh, now we’re watching Lifetime.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A new study has determined that people in relationships can detect infidelity
in their partner’s voice. Especially when their voice says, ‘You’re home early!'” -Seth Meyers

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at a little backwoods country store.
In the men’s room there was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty
which said, “Please Wiggel Handel”.
Below that some wit had written, “If I do, will it wiggel Bach?”😐😎
 —————————————————————————————————————————————

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

 ‘Multiply your anger by about a hundred, Kate, that’s how much he thinks he loves you.’
ANSWER: Kiss the Girls! Morgan Freeman’s character explains to Ashley Judd’s Kate the mindset of the killer they’re searching for. This movie might have been good if they hadn’t put Cary Elwes’ name third in the opening credits. What was essentially a bit role as a low-level cop obviously didn’t garner such billing, so it was more than obvious he was the killer and not the least bit surprising when the movie ultimately ‘surprised’ us with that information. 
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘I may go back to hating you. It was more fun.’
————————————————————————————————————————————–
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Decipher this phrase:
FAIRY
WOLF
DUCKLING
ANSWER: The good, the bad, and the ugly

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
On me children can practice counting,
while learning about life’s ways.
Goodness will take you up,
but be naughty and you’re going down, down, down.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS🙏🙏🙏🙇🙅

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday, December 7, 2017

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WELCOME to Thursday, December 7, 2017.                              
Funny definitions – the real meanings of words…. 

A pages

A Few Bucks: Some deer.
A Little Night Music: Soft snoring.
A Wren: Abrev. for Registered Nurse.
Aardvark
(1) A vark that thinks it’s tough !
(2) Aan aanimal thaat resembles the aanteater.
Abalone: A derisive comment.
Abash: A big party.
Abba: 2A + 2B.
Abdication: A reign drop.
Abdomen
(1) Men with beer bellies !
(2) Men from the planet Abdo.
Abhorrent: Hates paying the landlord.
Abigail: A windstorm at a nunnery.
A-Blast: A terrific party.
Aboard Ship: A boat made of wooden planks.
Aboard: Winged creatures, one of which in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Abominable Snowman: A beastly Eskimo.
Abominable: Capable of exploding
Aboutface: Concerning visage and features.
Aboveboard: Place for a surfer.
Abrade: A piece of woven hair.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
————————————————————————————————————————–
DAILY QUOTES… 

“An Ohio-based company made a cup holder for dip that attaches to a
dashboard so you can eat chips and dip while you drive. I don’t have a joke
about this, I just wanted to remind you we’re still the
greatest country in the world.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study has found that specially trained pigeons can have up to an 85
percent accuracy rate of detecting breast cancer in humans. Which means that
15 percent of the time it’s just a pigeon staring at your boobs.” -Seth Meyers
“Astronomers announced today that they have discovered an earth-sized planet
in our corner of the galaxy that is potentially habitable by humans. Yeah, they
think the planet may have breathable air and drinkable water, which is impressive
because we barely have those things here in Los Angeles. The planet in question
orbits a star called Ross 128. It’s part of a larger system that includes
Chandler, Joey and Monica 128.” -James Corden
——————————————————————————————————————————–
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school.
“Tell me,” inquired the interviewer, “where do you expect to be five years from now?”
“Well, let’s see,” replied the student. “It’s Wednesday afternoon. I guess I’ll be on the golf course by now.” 😐

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘I’m not even supposed to be here today!’
ANSWER: Clerks! Another one of the greats. 

 

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

Multiply your anger by about a hundred, Kate, that’s how much he thinks he loves you.’
—————————————————————————————————————————————
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Onamography is a new puzzle style based on an old idea. Each sentence clue (called an ‘onnicle’) conceals the name(s) of a well-known personality.
e.g. The hiker kept carob inside the hood of his coat.
Answer: Robin Hood – “… caROB IN … HOOD …”.
The onnicles below hide the names of two well-known rivals.
1. The detective, relaxed at the bar, acknowledged that he found outwitting the mob a major triumph.
2. “I kept Sneaky Caesar ahead of me, and his devious pal in my rear vision mirror,” he boasted.
ANSWER: 1. Barack Obama – “… BAR ACKnowledged … mOB A MAjor …”

2. Sarah Palin – “… CaeSAR AHead … devious PAL IN the …” 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Decipher this phrase:
FAIRY
WOLF
DUCKLING

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND MS. KIM HILLYARD! SUPER SOLVING LADIES 🙏🙏🙏🙇🙅

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

 

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

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WELCOME to Wednesday, December 6, 2017.                              
ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAMS: 
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
When you haven’t got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Wednesday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
——————————————————————————————————————————-
DAILY QUOTES… 

“Researchers have published a letter from a Harvard student in 1743 asking his
parents for money. On the bright side, just this year his student loans
were finally paid off.” -Conan O’Brien
“Indonesia’s anti-drug chief is proposing that the country put narcotics offenders
in a jail on an island surrounded by crocodiles. The plan is to send the inmates food
supplies every day but they will have to survive on their own. This already sounds
like a reality TV show I would totally watch.” -James Corden
“New research has found that contrary to popular belief, it could be beneficial for women to eat and drink while in labor. Though I don’t think the other people in the
restaurant would be too happy about it.” -Seth Meyers
————————————————————————————————————————————–
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
While waiting in line at a busy airport check-in counter, I noticed a set of rambunctious little boys in front of me. As the line inched along, their mother tried in vain to get them to calm down.
Finally she reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her, “Have any of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of your immediate control since your arrival at the airport?”
The young mother replied honestly, “The luggage, no; the children, yes.” 😁
 —————————————————————————————————————————————
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘This town needs an enema!’
ANSWER: Batman! Jack Nicholson at his best. 

 

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘I’m not even supposed to be here today!’
—————————————————————————————————————————————
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
My first is simply a vegetable, delicious, round and green.
My third and fourth are sound asleep, as plainly can be seen.
My fifth is fifty, clear enough for any riddle-setter.
Two of my second stacked on their sides will give my final letter.
Now that my second has my parts, fit them together well.
You see me now before your eyes; it’s plain for all to tell.
ANSWER: Puzzle.

My first is simply a vegetable, delicious, round and green. – Pea / P
My third and fourth are sound asleep, as plainly can be seen. – ZZ
My fifth is fifty, clear enough for any riddle-setter. – L (Roman Numeral)
Two of my second on their sides will give my final letter. – E (Take 2 U’s and stack them sideways.)
Now that my second has my parts, fit them together well. – Now that YOU (u) have my parts…
You see me now before your eyes; it’s plain for all to tell.

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Onamography is a new puzzle style based on an old idea. Each sentence clue (called an ‘onnicle’) conceals the name(s) of a well-known personality.
e.g. The hiker kept carob inside the hood of his coat.
Answer: Robin Hood – “… caROB IN … HOOD …”.
The onnicles below hide the names of two well-known rivals.
1. The detective, relaxed at the bar, acknowledged that he found outwitting the mob a major triumph.
2. “I kept Sneaky Caesar ahead of me, and his devious pal in my rear vision mirror,” he boasted.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙇🙅

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Tuesday, December 4, 2017

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WELCOME to Tuesday, December 5, 2017.                             
Computer Gender…… 
Le Computer or La Computer?
A language teacher called Thérèse was explaining to her class that
in French nouns are labelled as either masculine or feminine.
This was news to the class, as in English, nouns have little or no concept of gender.
Thérèse explained,
‘House, in French, is feminine — ‘la maison.’
‘Pencil, in French, is masculine — ‘le crayon.’
One puzzled student asked please miss, ‘Which gender is a computer?’ .
Thérèse did not know whether it was le computer or la computer, moreover the
word wasn’t in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups
appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether ‘computer’
should be a masculine or feminine noun.
Men’s Computer Gender Group – La computer
The men’s group decided that computers should definitely be female: la computer’ because:
No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque (check) on accessories for it.
 ¤
Women’s Computer Gender Group – Le computer
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be male: ‘le computer’ .  Here is the ladies reasoning:
In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you’ d waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.
Who do you think won the gender argument?
Should it be Le Computer or La Computer?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 —————————————————————————————————————————————-
DAILY QUOTES… 

“Pope Francis visited a Buddhist country and made some controversial remarks.
The worst was when the Pope saw a statue of Buddha and said,
‘At least, MY God has abs.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Uber signed a deal with NASA on Wednesday to develop ‘Uber Elevate,’ a
new type of Uber that will use flying cars. They’re developing a flying Uber.
And you thought you vomited in the backseat of Ubers before.” -James Corden
“After facing backlash from customers, Subway says it will remove a chemical in
its bread that is also found in yoga mats. Some people were like, ‘You mean I’ve
been eating a dangerous chemical?’ While most people were like, ‘You mean
I can eat my yoga mat?'” -Jimmy Fallon
————————————————————————————————————————————–
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Two friends are discussing the possibility of love.
“I thought I was in love three times,” one friend says.
“How so?” his friend asks.
“Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me.”
“And that wasn’t love?” his friend asks.
“No,” he replies. “That was obsession. Then two years ago I deeply cared for an
attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Was that love?”
“No,” he replies. “That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise
ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And
everywhere we met on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Was that love?” his friend asks.
“No,” he replies. “That was seasickness.”
 —————————————————————————————————————————————-
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Tell someone you’re the Metatron and they stare at you blankly,. Mention
something from a Charlton Heston movie and everyone’s a theologist.’
 ANSWER: Dogma!

 

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘This town needs an enema!’
 —————————————————————————————————————————————
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
The phrase “From the heart” has been known to bring thoughts of love and passion to many.
However, if you rearrange the 12 letters, you can come up with two 6 letter words that are opposite of each other, but also bring about thoughts of love and passion to many. What are those two words?
ANSWER:  FATHER & MOTHER

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
My first is simply a vegetable, delicious, round and green.
My third and fourth are sound asleep, as plainly can be seen.
My fifth is fifty, clear enough for any riddle-setter.
Two of my second stacked on their sides will give my final letter.
Now that my second has my parts, fit them together well.
You see me now before your eyes; it’s plain for all to tell.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Monday, December 4, 2017

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WELCOME to Monday, December 4, 2017.
Here’s the story…….
Judge Jeffries was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asks,
‘What exactly are the grounds for your divorce?’

Amy replied, ‘Approximately four acres and a nice little home in the middle
of the property with a stream running by.’

‘No,’ Judge Jeffries continued, ‘I mean what is the foundation of this case?’
‘It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,’ responded Amy promptly.

‘I mean,’ he sighed, ‘What are your relations like?’
‘Ah well, I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.’

Judge Jeffries asked, ‘Do you have a real grudge?’
‘No, we haven’t,’ Amy replied, ‘We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.’

‘Please,’ Judge Jeffries took a deep breath and tried again, ‘is there any infidelity in your marriage?’
‘Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music,
but the answer to your questions is yes,’ smiled Amy.

‘Ma’am,’ Judge Jeffries raised his voice, ‘does your husband ever beat you up?’
‘Oh yes,’ Amy responded, ‘about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.’

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, ‘Lady, why do you want a divorce?’
‘Oh, I don’t want a divorce,’ Amy replied. ‘I’ve never wanted a divorce.
My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.’😐

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
—————————————————————————————————————————————–

DAILY QUOTES…
“Another big story is that Prince Harry is engaged to Meghan Markle.
And it was announced that they will marry at Windsor Castle this May.
Right now, every bride is asking, ‘Wow – how’d they get a venue so quick?!'” -Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new study, women are more attracted to men who talk less.
Which is why you often overhear women say, ‘Check out that mime.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana
in his car trunk. Thankfully, when they pulled him over, he didn’t resort to violins.” -Seth Meyers😐

—————————————————————————————————————————————

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My wife has these days when she wants us to “talk about things.”

On one of these occasions we were discussing our future so I asked her, “What would you do if I die before you do?”

After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house-sharing situation with two or
three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.

Then she asked me, “What will you do if I die first?”

I replied, “Probably the same thing.”😎
————————————————————————————————————————————–

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Diplomatic immunity!’
ANSWER: Lethal Weapon 2! ‘It’s just been revoked.’

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Tell someone you’re the Metatron and they stare at you blankly,. Mention
something from a Charlton Heston movie and everyone’s a theologist.’

———————————————————————————————————————————–

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Boudreaux, a master dartsman, was bragging to his bar mates that he was
such a consummate player, he could hit the dartboard in any location at will.

“I’ll wager a hundred dollars that, no matter what position you name on the board, I’ll be able to hit it.”

Thibedeaux, tired of Boudreaux’s windbaggery, shouted out an answer.

Boudreaux stammered for a few moments and at first refused to pay. The other
bar patrons, however, made sure he held up his end of the wager. Boudreaux
slammed a hundred dollar bill on the counter and stormed out.

Where on the dartboard did Thibedeaux suggest?

ANSWER: The back of the board.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The phrase “From the heart” has been known to bring thoughts of love and passion to many. However, if you rearrange the 12 letters, you can come up with two 6 letter words that are opposite of each other, but also bring about thoughts of love and passion to many. What are those two words?

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

 

Friday, December 1, 2017

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WELCOME to Friday, December 1, 2017.                           
Knowledge from the book of Mom……
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound [3 stone] boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.  When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.  A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’ , it’s already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCRs do not eject ‘PB & J’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens
20. The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time.Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without permission.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES… 

“Amazon announced that teens can now shop on their parents’ accounts,
but the order will only go through if Mom and Dad approve it.
Or if they click the button that says, ‘Mom and Dad approve it.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats.
Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day.” -Seth Meyers
“According to a new report that just came out, the average college freshman
reads at a seventh grade level. Or if you’re an optimist every seventh
grader now reads at a college freshman level.” -Conan O’Brien

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down.
After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.
“Well,” said Eric, “I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I’m in deep trouble at home.”
“What kind of question?” asked Tom.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will'”.
“Yeah,” said Eric, “That’s what I did, except I said, ‘Of course I DO….'” 😐

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘I’m the dude, dude.’
ANSWER: The Big Lebowski! Another absolute pearler of a movie. 
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘Diplomatic immunity!’
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Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Six words have had their sharp things removed. The sharp things have been placed into Group A. The remaining letters of each word have been placed into Group B. Your task is to reconstitute the words by merging each sharp thing with the proper set of letters. Other than merging the two groups together, there is no rearranging of the letters. Example: sand + pne = spanned (SpANneD).
Group A: brad, nail, pin, piton, spike, stake
Group B: eeve, insrai, raha, rnlr, ufesbe, waebst
ANSWER: 

brad + eeve = bereaved (BeReAveD)
nail + ufesbe = unfeasible (uNfeAsIbLe)
pin + raha = piranha (PIraNha)
piton + insrai = inspiration (insPIraTiON)
spike + rnlr = sprinkler (SPrInKlEr)
stake + waebst – wastebasket (waSTebAsKEt)

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Boudreaux, a master dartsman, was bragging to his bar mates that he was such a consummate player, he could hit the dartboard in any location at will.
“I’ll wager a hundred dollars that, no matter what position you name on the board, I’ll be able to hit it.”
Thibedeaux, tired of Boudreaux’s windbaggery, shouted out an answer.
Boudreaux stammered for a few moments and at first refused to pay. The other bar patrons, however, made sure he held up his end of the wager. Boudreaux slammed a hundred dollar bill on the counter and stormed out.
Where on the dartboard did Thibedeaux suggest?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙇🙅🙅
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/