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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, April 25, 2017.   

Ponderings for the day……
Whatever happened to preparations A through G? (Do we really want to know?)
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
So what’s the speed of dark?
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to “cure” it?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
War doesn’t determine who’s right, just who’s left
It’s a dog eat dog world out there. And they’re short on napkins.
Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Married people don’t live longer than single people. It just seems longer.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“I read that after the success of their in-store cafes, Ikea might open its own restaurants. Which is great, until you have to assemble your own table.” -Jimmy Fallon
“An archaeologist is claiming he has discovered an amazing lost city in Kansas. Then he realized he just got drunk and watched ‘The Wizard of Oz.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A packet of McDonald’s discontinued Szechuan sauce from 1998 just sold on eBay for nearly $15,000. This has created such a buzz that McDonald’s is thinking of bringing the Szechuan sauce back. To which the guy who just spent 15 grand said, ‘Wait, you’re going to what now?'” -James Corden


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Also known as ‘women’s intuition,’ this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what’s going on in their man’s lives almost better than they do.
Why is this?
In the early 80’s researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain’s two hemispheres than men do. It’s these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnectable pieces…  That, and they go through your stuff while you’re in the shower. 😔

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘Come on! Come on! Where are you? You are in the clouds, and we are in a basement!’
ANSWER: The Goonies! Stef says this to Andy after they all go down into the basement to see Sloth, and Andy talks about how cute Brandon is. 
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘You asked that we should say things — that we should say what we’re thinking and not lie about things.
Well, I can tell you that…that I lost my gun today — and I am not a good cop.’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….  
I’m seven times seventy,
Plus a decade more.
This has all happened before.
Red and gold, I am no liar.
My nursery will be made
From my funeral pyre.
Who am I?
ANSWER: The phoenix! The phoenix, in mythology, is a fabulous bird that periodically regenerated itself, used in literature as a symbol of death and resurrection. According to legend, the phoenix lived in Arabia; when it reached the end of its life (500 years), it burned itself on a pyre of flames, and from the ashes a new phoenix arose. As a sacred symbol in Egyptian religion, the phoenix represented the sun, which dies each night and rises again each morning. According to Herodotus, the bird was red and golden and resembled an eagle.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  

The abbreviation used for Australian websites is “au” (instead of “.com”). The answers to the following clues all use this abbreviation. The clues do not refer to the words themselves, rather they refer to the word that must be added to the “au”.
1. What might happen to you if you stay out in the Australian sun too long.
2. A strong Australian breeze.
3. Australian seasoning.
4. The Australian god of thunder.
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, April 24, 2017.   

Short Medical Jokes…….
1) Long and Short of the Problem
Adam, an elderly man was seated in the doctor’s waiting room. When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room.
After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. ‘That must be a miracle doctor in there.’ he exclaimed. ‘What treatment did he give you? What’s his secret?’
Adam stared at Paul and said, ‘Well, the doctor looked me up and down, analysed the situation, and gave me a cane that was four inches longer than the one I had been using.’
2) Struck Down?
Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem. The Doc told him, ‘Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can’t drink tea.’
Ronan stuttered, ‘But I love tea.’ Funny Doctors’ Jokes
The doctor replied, ‘Okay, as long as you take the spoon out.’
3) Time Cures
‘Doctor Mayo,’ John says, ‘Whenever I get up after a sleep, I feel dizzy for half an hour, then I’m all right.’
‘Then wait for half an hour before getting up,’ replies Doctor Mayo conclusively.
4) Home – Or Away?
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. ‘Oh, it was very disappointing,’ he said. ‘I didn’t kill a thing. I’d have been better off staying here in the hospital.’
5) Father – Or Son?
Iain speaks frantically into the phone, ‘My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart.’
‘Is this her first child?’ the doctor queries.
‘No, you idiot.’ Iain shouts. ‘This is her husband.’

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…  
“Scientists are now claiming that every hour spent running increases your lifespan by seven hours. In other words, a majority of Americans died three years ago.” -Conan O’Brien
“A high school boy in Georgia got the local police to help him stage a drug bust in order to ask a girl to prom. The police say they loved helping the two with the prom-posal, and look forward to seeing them together on prom night when they arrest them for underage drinking.” -James Corden
“Tax Day normally falls on April 15, but they moved it this year because the 15th was a Saturday, and I think it’s illegal to make people do math on Saturdays. It’s weird that the government more or less just trusts us to tell them how much we owe them. A restaurant wouldn’t do that.” -Jimmy Kimmel


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
“Can I talk to a real person?” a caller asked.
“I am real,” I said.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” the caller said. “That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?”😱

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘I don’t know — maybe you could, like, buy a horse and some diamonds.’
ANSWER: Pretty Woman! Kit says this to Vivian when they meet by the pool at the hotel and Vivian tells her all about Edward. 
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘Come on! Come on! Where are you? You are in the clouds, and we are in a basement!’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
What does this mean?
ENTURY
ANSWER: Long time no see (Century – C = ENTURY)

Monday’s Quizzler is……….  

I’m seven times seventy,
Plus a decade more.
This has all happened before.
Red and gold, I am no liar.
My nursery will be made
From my funeral pyre.
Who am I?
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, April 21, 2017. 

Tech Support Jokes…

Seeing Stars
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars. 😱
Touch and Go
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.😔
Circular argument
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
Local difficulty
Customer: My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can’t get in.
Advisor: Has he forgotten it?
Customer: No he just won’t tell me it because I’ve grounded him.
Language difficulty
Customer: ‘How do you spell ‘Internet America’ ? Is there a space between ‘inter’ and ‘net’ ?’
Tech Support: ‘No space between ‘inter’ and ‘net’ . It’s spelled normally.’
Customer: ‘Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?’ Tech Support: ‘That’s A-M-E-R-I-C-A.’ Customer: ‘I-C-K???’
Tech Support: ‘A as in apple’ Customer: ‘There’s no ‘K’ in apple!’
No comment
Customer: I met a man on the internet, can you give me his phone number?
Customer: How do I change channel on my monitor?
Advisor: Your monitor won’t have channels like a TV.
Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel. 😔
Customer: My mouse mat isn’t wired up.
Advisor: I’m not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn’t have any wires.
Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?
Customer: ‘My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn’t fit!’
Advisor: ‘Press any key to continue.
Customer: I can’t find the ‘Any’ key.😱

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES… “There is joy without gratitude” ~ Brene Brown
“At times our own flame goes out, and is rekindled by a spark from another person… Each of us had cause to think, with great gratitude, of those who have lighted the flame within us.” ~ Albert Schweitzer
“Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” ~ Karl Barth
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation
is not to utter words but to live by them>” ~ John F. Kennedy
“When you love what you have, you have everything you need.” ~ Unknown😁
“Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more”  Oprah Winfrey
“Nothing os more honored than a grateful heart.” ~ Seneca
“Gratitude and Thanksgiving is more than an attitude, it’s a lifestyle.” ~ Jenni Mullnix
“If the only prayer you ever say is “Thank You”, that would be enough.” ~ Eckhart Tolle


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, ‘We’re going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.’
The Englishman responds, ‘I’d like to hear “God Save The Queen” just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.’
The Irishman replies, ‘I’d like to hear “Danny Boy” just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O’Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.’
The Welshman answers, ‘I’d like to hear “Men Of Harlech” just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.’
The Scotsman says quickly, ‘I’d like to be shot first.’😔

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘Joe, is it O.K. if I leave the couch? ‘Cause I’m gonna leave the couch now, O.K.? My a– is falling asleep, so I gotta go. I’m leaving.’

      

ANSWER: Empire Records! Said by Lucas after Joe banishes him to the couch for taking all the money from Empire Records and gambling
it away in Atlantic City. He takes a couch cushion with him as he gets up. 
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
‘I don’t know — maybe you could, like, buy a horse and some diamonds.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  
P is to L.
M is to OK.
Hence, D is to ___
ANSWER: RT, RTS, or RTED.

P is to L forms PISTOL.
M is to OK forms MISTOOK.
The only letters you can add to DISTO to form a word is RT, RTS, or RTED, forming DISTORT, DISTORTS, or DISTORTED.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
What does this mean?
ENTURY

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER QUIZZING BANKS!🙌🙌🙌

  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, April 20, 2017. 

Here’s the story……..

Several men are in the locker room of the golf club. A mobile phone on the bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function
and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house
I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $580,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $550,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra thirty thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

That’s my and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES… “A couple from Florida just set a record by taking their 200th Carnival Cruise. The couple said, ‘What can we say, we love diarrhea.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study finds that if you’re drunk around sober people, you’ll think you’re less drunk than if you’re
around other drunk people. And if you’re drunk around sober people, chances are you’ve got a problem.” -Jimmy Fallon
“On a bittersweet note, the world’s oldest person has died in Italy at the age of 117. It’s tragic; she died in
a knife fight with the world’s second-oldest person. I’m kidding! Do you know how she died? Bungee-jumping.” -James Corden


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man
came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the back and said,
“There’s some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce.” As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing
right behind him, so he added, “and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half…”
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager called on the boy and said, “You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you
got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?”
The boy replied, “Canada, Sir.”
“Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?” asked the manager.
The boy replied, “They’re all just up-tight, homely women and hockey players up there.”
“Really,” replied the manager, “My wife is from Canada!”
The boy replied, “No kidding! What team did she play for?”😁

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘I don’t want to be the materialistic weasel here, but do you think we’ll get hazard pay?’

      

ANSWER: Armageddon! Spoken by Rockhound (Steve Buscemi) to Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis). 
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘Joe, is it O.K. if I leave the couch? ‘Cause I’m gonna leave the couch now, O.K.? My a– is falling asleep, so I gotta go. I’m leaving.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  
Can you decipher this common phrase:
PICT RES
ANSWER: You ought to be in pictures.

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  

P is to L.
M is to OK.
Hence, D is to ___

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER QUIZZING BANKS!  🙏🙏🙏🙏🙇

  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, April 19, 2017.                             
The Message:

School Answering Machine - Joke or True?

‘Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.  In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

  • To lie about why your child is absent – Press 1
  • To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work – Press 2
  • To complain about what we do – Press 3
  • To swear at staff members – Press 4
  • To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your Newsletter and several letters posted to you – Press 5
  • If you want us to bring up your child – Press 6
  • If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone – Press 7
  • To complain about school lunches – Press 8
  • To complain about bus transport – Press 9

LASTLY:

If you realize this is the real world, and your child must be accountable and responsible for their own behavior, class work, homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort: Hang up and have a really wonderful day!  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…   “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” –Will Rogers
“To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.”
–Robert Louis Stevenson
“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”
–Johnny Carson


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Many years ago, a baker’s assistant called Richard the Pourer, whose job it was to pour the dough mixture in
the making of sausage rolls, noted that he was running low on one of the necessary spices. He sent his apprentice to the store to buy more.
Unfortunately, upon arriving at the shop, the young man realized that he had forgotten the name of the ingredient.
All he could do was to tell the shopkeeper that it was for Richard the Pourer, for batter for wurst.😌

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

 ‘Relax, would you? We have 70 dollars and a pair of girls’ underpants. We’re safe as kittens.’

      

ANSWER: Sixteen Candles! Spoken by Farmer Ted (Anthony Michael Hall) to Bryce (John Cusack) and Cliff (Darren Harris).
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘I don’t want to be the materialistic weasel here, but do you think we’ll get hazard pay?’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  
What is the longest common word that uses all five vowels only once, and in reverse alphabetical order?
ANSWER: Uncomplimentary

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  

Can you decipher this common phrase:
PICT RES
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, April 18, 2017.                             
Punography Stories…. 
1. Mahatma Gandhi, as you may or may not know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. With his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
2. A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the check, he pulls out a gun, fires it several times, then walks out the door. A stunned patron then asks the waiter, “What was that all about?” The waiter responded, “That’s just the way pandas are,” and walked away. Well, the patron didn’t know what a panda was, so at home that night he looks up “panda” in the dictionary and what he finds explains everything: “Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves.”
3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank. This proves once again you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He gained his stature from pi.
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
“But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
8. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she says to her husband, “I wish I had a picture of Ahmal as well.”
Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
9. A monastery was behind on their belfry payments. They decided to open a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.  He asked the good fathers to close down. They would not. He went back later and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they finally did. The moral of the story? Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“A Vatican cardinal said Jesus was the original tweeter. I don’t know how
popular he was. He only had 12 followers.” -Conan O’Brien
“A company in California has started selling a new cologne that smells like whiskey.
I think my dad’s been wearing that cologne for 40 years.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher
risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep.” -Seth Meyers


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn what they had learned.
Susie said, “He was born in a manger.”
Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”
Little Johnny said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn’t know how to drive it.”
Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that, Johnny?”
“From my Daddy,” said Johnny. “Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck
pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, ‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive?'” 😱

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

‘A hit record is like stew. All the ingredients have to come together just right. Otherwise, it’s just soup.’

      

ANSWER: That Thing You Do! Spoken by Phil Horace (Chris Ellis) to The Wonders (Tom Everett Scott, Jonathan Schaech, Ethan Embry, and Steve Zahn).  
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘Relax, would you? We have 70 dollars and a pair of girls’ underpants. We’re safe as kittens.’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….  
What does this mean?
search
and
ANSWER: Search high and low 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  

What is the longest common word that uses all five vowels only once, and in reverse alphabetical order?
  
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

man_file_1065969_12ChrisRock
WELCOME to Monday, April 17, 2017.                             
As I Mature… 
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just aren’t worth it.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting, long after you think you’re finished.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!
I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away.
I’ve learned that it is cheaper to keep her!😌
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“Today is the beginning of the Jewish holiday of Passover, where families gather for a meal and recall a story of ancient grievances. Or as that’s known in my family, ‘Thanksgiving.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results
of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door.” -Seth Meyers
“A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you’re one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right.” -Jimmy Fallon


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The pastor of a Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him.
He said, “Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we’re going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?”
One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, “Please tell us what the resurrection is.”
The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice, “When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!”😁

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘Pile up enough tomorrows and you’ll find you’ve collected nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.’
ANSWER: The Music Man! Spoken by Harold Hill (Robert Preston) to Marian Paroo Shirley Jones).  
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘A hit record is like stew. All the ingredients have to come together just right. Otherwise, it’s just soup.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
My rings tell such a story
Of years past with gracious glory
Where I live is where I stay
From that spot I cannot stray
From my home man taketh me
So they can erect another home, you see
Many others bore into my sides
These things that crawl and things that glide
I weep with beauty or stand with grace
Every year I shed myself to nourish my place
What am I?
ANSWER: I am a tree. My rings are produced every year, just one, and how large it is tells a story of how that
particular year was. Where I grow is where I stay, as I cannot pick up and move. Men cut me down to make their
own homes, and creatures such as birds and squirrels live in me. When I shed my leaves they put nutrients into the ground which keep it fertile.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….  

What does this mean?
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and
 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

                     

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/